Unbidden Desires

Chapter One

The morning sun was shining brilliantly at Camp Foxmore but Lori Hunter was in a funk. It was the last day of summer camp and she walked toward the parking lot carrying her duffle bag. It was quite a hike from the cabins but she carried the bag easily. At 5’8" tall she had a shapely, supple, athletic body with wide shoulders and slim hips. Her skin was deeply tanned after helping out at the waterfront for several weeks.

She heard her name being called and stopped. A camper from swim class was running up for one last hug. After the girl left, Lori found the waterfront director’s jeep and put the bag into the back. Walli had offered to take her to the bus stop.

Campers were showing their parents all around the camp and there were people everywhere. It seemed like she couldn’t find a space to just be alone. Keeping an eye out for Walli, she headed back down the dirt path toward the pretty lake and the shady oak trees surrounding it.

As she strolled along she was mentally only half there. Lori was sadder than she could remember, reliving her final goodbye to Julie Conners. Julie was a beautiful, ballerina-type, graceful young woman with shoulder length blonde hair and light blue eyes that Lori could stare at for minutes on end. Long dark eyelashes and equally dark eyebrows accented her pretty face. Naturally pink, rosebud shaped lips stayed in Lori’s mind. She thought that desperate goodbye hug might be the last one I’ll ever…

Once again she heard her name being called, interrupting her thoughts. Looking back she saw Rory trotting up to her. Of all the young women at camp, Rory was about as athletic as she was. They had been good buddies who competed against each other whenever the opportunity arose.

Bye, you wimpy little thing! said Rory, giving her a bear hug.

Are you coming back next year? asked Lori.

Wouldn’t miss it! she said, stepping back and smiling. Rory turned to go and looking over her shoulder, she said firmly, I intend to beat you in swimming, canoeing, and even gunneling!

Waving, Lori chuckled to herself and thought once more about walking down to the lake. Then she saw Walli motioning to her, so Lori headed back to the parking lot.

The large man sat quietly in his car, unnoticed because the parking lot was so alive with action. He had been there for about a half-hour, just watching for a certain young woman. Even though he hadn’t been close enough to see her well, he was sure it was Lori Hunter, who had come to the parking lot earlier. In spite of all the cars and people blocking his view, she fit the description he’d gotten from the polite counselor at the boys’ camp.

When a girl had shouted, Bye, Lori! and the dark-haired girl had waved back, that’s when he knew. His gaze had followed her as she moved calmly and had easily hefted her duffle bag into the jeep. He had watched her leave and head toward the lake. When a space became available, he moved his car closer to the jeep and waited patiently.

At last, she was returning and he watched her with piqued interest. Much closer now, he was surprised to see that she was not overly muscular and didn’t walk like a guy. As she settled into the passenger seat and smiled at the driver, he noticed that she not only looked very feminine, but she was extremely attractive.

For the life of him, Gordon Janowski couldn’t imagine this particular young woman being capable of wreaking such havoc on his son. Mickey was 6’2" tall and built wide like a tank, with powerful arms and legs. He had just graduated high school and was the county wrestling champion in the heavyweight division. What Mr. Janowski could picture though, was his son getting a little rough with a cute blonde named Julie at the camp dance.

The girls had invited the boys’ camp to a dance in the mess hall two nights ago. According to the police, Mickey had dragged Julie behind the building and was on top of her on the ground. She and Lori Hunter had accused him of attempted rape and that problem might not go away. Worse yet, Lori was much more than an eyewitness.

The aggravated father knew he would have to call his lawyer once more for Mickey’s shenanigans. He hoped his attorney could come up with an idea to keep the girls and their parents from pressing charges. With his anger building, he decided that if the lawyer couldn’t, then he’d have to think of something.

No matter how long he stared, he couldn’t picture the young woman he was watching, inflicting the injuries Mickey had. He was angry at her for putting his son in the hospital but she looked so serene, he was having serious doubts that she had done all the fighting herself. He tried to convince himself that Billy, that chubby kid, had done much more than the police report showed, to get Mickey off of Julie.

Completely frustrated, he raged inwardly and outwardly at his son for even getting himself into such a complicated mess. Damn, damn, damn! he cursed. Why couldn’t Mickey be smarter? My life would be so much easier!

Starting his car, he followed the jeep. Janowski got an even closer look at Lori when they pulled over and stopped at the bus bench. Glaring out the window and growling aloud, he pulled fiercely out on the highway in the direction of the hospital.

Neither Lori nor Walli had noticed that they had been observed so closely. Walli got out and hugged Lori goodbye. I’ll look forward to seeing you next summer. You were a great help to lots of campers, she said.

Thanks, it was fun, said Lori, waving to her and sitting down to wait. Her first thoughts returned to Julie. The bus came to a dusty stop and interrupted her vivid memories.

Anticipating a lonely ride home and wanting time to think about things, Lori picked a seat in the back with no one else nearby. She hated that camp was over and she dreaded returning home to her old life. Not that her life was so bad, but after being as close as she had been with Julie at camp, life without her looked dismal.

Julie Conners, Julie Conners, Julie Conners…pounded in her mind. There was no doubt about it. She was smitten with Miss Julie Conners. Closing her eyes, she pictured the beautiful, graceful blonde creature she had fallen in love with. Julie had light blue eyes, and pouty, naturally pink lips that…that… Oh, God… she almost said aloud. How those lips could drive me wild! Her kisses were so soft and then so mischievous that Lori was momentarily transported back to their time together, alone in the little rowboat under the stars. She asked herself, how can I possibly live my life day to day as if she means nothing more to me than a regular friend? If I could just cut my heart out and put it somewhere in a different world, then maybe I could get through this year as happy as I used to be.

The bus stopped to pick up a passenger. Lori looked out the window as a man hugged his good looking-wife, saying, Goodbye you gorgeous woman. The lady took a seat near the front and the bus pulled out onto the highway.

He called her gorgeous. Hanging her head sadly, Lori thought, that’s what I should have whispered to Julie. The only time I flirted with Julie was mildly, at the end summer, when we were kidding around and ragging on each other a little.

A few minutes later, the bus stopped again. A tall, slim, nice looking, young woman with short blonde hair got on. Lori found herself thinking that she looked like an athlete.

The woman, who seemed to be in her twenties, spotted Lori and walked all the way to the back of the bus. Is this seat taken? she asked.

No, not really, said Lori halfheartedly.

As she got settled, she said, Hi. My name is Chris Logan.

Hi, I’m Lori. Lori Hunter.

The blonde cocked her head to the side a little and asked, Lori Hunter, from the girls’ camp?

Frowning, Lori said, Yes. How did you know?

Ah, your reputation precedes you, smiled the handsome woman.

I don’t understand, said the confused camper.

Well, you see, I’m up here because I was chosen to play in a softball tournament. One of your counselors came to watch the game last night and told me about some of your escapades.

Oh, said Lori, blushing suddenly and looking down, not knowing which tales might’ve been told. She and Julie could have been seen out on the lake.

Chris immediately liked the girl, especially her blush and her unexpected vulnerability. She found herself staring because Lori was hauntingly pretty to look at. Her thick black eyelashes were really long and she had eyes to die for. Deciding to tease her, Chris continued, Yeah, you have to be careful, you know. You never know what juicy gossip will be repeated or secrets revealed.

Blushing clear down to her waist now, Lori felt a lump form in her throat and tried to figure out what Chris had heard. Oh, Lord, she agonized, still looking down at the floor. My reputation being bantered around is one thing, but if I have ruined Julie’s, I’ll never forgive myself!

Chris could see that her teasing wasn’t getting the usual result, namely some fun and a little flirtatious conversation. Lori was worried about something and Chris could sense a real sadness in the good-looking girl.

Changing her voice to softer and slower, she asked, Sad about camp being over?

Mm… responded Lori, nodding and still looking down.

Taking a chance, Chris asked gently, Somebody special?

Surprised by her question, Lori glanced at her suspiciously, really wondering if she and Julie had been seen and talked about. After a long hesitation and not really wanting to discuss anything, Lori barely nodded, Yes, and turned her face away.

Chris leaned closer and said quietly, Look, I was going to kid you for miles because I think you’re cute. But obviously it’s not the time or the place.

Lori looked back at her, amazed at Chris’s statement and her intimate tone of voice. That was a sexy compliment, she thought. I wonder if Chris could be gay.

Since the stunning young girl was just staring at her and not saying a word, Chris finally said, Not talking, huh? Okay, I can understand that. But if you ever need a friendly ear, I’ve recently moved to Grove City and I’m in the book. Call me anytime.

Lori just blinked and continued to look at her. Here was a young woman offering to listen to her problems…and she was a complete stranger. Finally she managed, Uh…thanks. Where do you live in Grove City? I live on the west side near the big park.

No joke? I live on the south side near the university. I’m teaching and working on my master’s degree in Physical Education.

A smile almost started on Lori’s face as she said, That’s great.

An idea started to form in Chris’ mind. Lori, how old are you?

Eighteen in a few days, why?

And school?

Frowning once again, Lori said, I’m a senior at Grove High. Why?

I heard you’re a really good athlete and you look it. How would you like to try out for our women’s softball team?

Not answering right away, Lori asked warily, Really? Is that what you heard about me? She scrunched her eyebrows and frowned even more deeply, preparing for the rest of the story.

Yes, just that you’re a good leader, a very private person and a great athlete. Seeing the doubt in the girl’s eyes, Chris added, Nothing more, honest.

Which counselor? asked Lori, her eyes piercing the dark blue eyes of Chris.

The tall woman almost laughed out loud at the intensity of this special young athlete, thinking, it was funny. She was older, yet Lori could be quite intimidating. She forgot everything except the hypnotic slow blink of Lori’s long lashes. Chris found herself looking past the lashes into Lori’s eyes, trying to figure out exactly what color they were. Green, she decided, with tiny flecks of brown.

She found her thoughts and said, Um…Boots. It was Boots.

Boots, repeated Lori. She is…was my riding instructor.

Right, said Chris.

For a long minute they just looked at each other while Chris stared some more at her eyes and Lori searched her own brain. Boots might’ve seen how close together we were, riding double on Rocky that day. Lori didn’t think Boots was much of a gossip, but she couldn’t be sure. She hoped for the best, realizing that Chris wasn’t going to admit anything now, even if there was more. So changing the subject, Lori said, Tell me about your softball team. Is it the Panthers?

Chris smiled at the subtle way Lori had just naturally taken control of the conversation. Yes, it is. Do you know anybody on the team?

Yes, I know a park supervisor who plays for them. Linda Baker is my softball coach at Grove Park. She took me out to see the Panthers play a couple of games last summer.

Did you try out?

Yeah, I did. They would’ve accepted me as a second-string shortstop and pitcher. But I really love playing…so sitting the bench, just waiting to play, didn’t seem like it would’ve been much fun.

Well, a young woman left last week. She’s planning her wedding and moved to New York. You ought to come out again. I believe you’d play a lot.

Being in a sad mood, Lori couldn’t seem to get motivated, so she said, I don’t know. Since I don’t have a car, I probably won’t.

The miles slid by as they told each other stories of exciting softball games they had played in. As Lori got to know Chris a little better, she realized that she felt comfortable with her. She enjoyed hearing about the women’s games and some of the funny things that had happened.

When Chris mentioned again about her trying out, the idea was beginning to appeal to her and she said, Okay, I’ll think about it.

I’ll come pick you up for the first few games.

But I live across town from you, protested Lori.

It’s not so far. I won’t mind.

They exchanged phone numbers and talked more about softball and camp. Before Lori knew it, the trip was over.

Boy, that went fast. said Chris. It was fun talking to you.

Same here, said Lori, deciding that she’d found a new friend. However, she still wasn’t sure about the cute thing. Did that mean she was cute like a puppy or cute, like attractive to her?

Do you need a ride home?

No thanks. My dad’s here.

Okay, I’ll call you. Bye.

Lori said, Bye, Chris, and started waving ‘Hello’ to her dad.

Lori hurried down the steps and ran to hug him. She held on to him tightly for a long time.

Hi, Pixie, he said, with a catch in his throat. I’ve missed you.

Me, too, she managed, not wanting to turn loose just yet.

After retrieving her duffle bag, her dad suggested, How about if we go have our soda date?

Lori smiled and said, You bet.

It took over an hour to tell him most of what had happened at camp…at least the parts she could tell him. She tried to talk a lot about Beth, her buddy for the first session, to make up for all the times she mentioned Julie.

As she went into detail about her conflicts with Lu and Mickey, her dad just slowly shook his head, saying, My God, Lori! Are you sure you’re okay?

I’m perfectly fine, she replied, thinking, physically, that is.

Later, as they arrived home, he recognized the change in Maude’s voice as she begrudgingly welcomed Lori at the door. Being a step-mother was hard for her, especially with someone as independent as Lori.

He reflected that being alone with Maude all summer had been very tolerable. He knew he wasn’t as much in love with her as he had been with Lori’s mom. Yet, Maude loved him in her own way and took good care of him willingly.

However, when Lori was around, Maude’s insecurities and jealousies raised their ugly heads. Silently he hoped this last year of school, before Lori went away to college, would be bearable. He knew better than to hope for pleasant.

Lori gave Maude a smile and a perfunctory hug. It was hard to call it a hug because Maude was already pulling away.

Was camp fun? asked Maude with an attempt at civility. But the accusing tone of voice was there.

Yes, Maude, it was, answered Lori, sadly knowing that her honest answer would only make Maude cringe. She didn’t wait to see a glare from her or hear something like, ‘Well, we were here working, while you were playing." Lori took her duffle bag from her dad and turned toward her room.

It was just like she’d left it, except for weeks of accumulated dust everywhere. Welcome home, she thought sadly and once again her mood swung low.

After a thorough cleaning, including her bed linens, she started to unpack her clothes. The first item on top caused her to pause. It was her pillow case…the one Julie had slept on with her the night of the dance. Zombie-like she reached for it and brought it close to her lips. It caused her to revert back to their private moments together and when she slowly breathed in, she could detect Julie’s special powdery, perfume-like aroma. Barely inhaling once again, she felt feelings of hopelessness at their situation.

They were going to have to stay away from each other. It went against every emotional feeling she had, but logically, she had to do it. Julie needed to have time and a chance to feel normal again. Will I ever feel normal again? Probably not, she answered aloud.

What? asked Maude who had been standing in the doorway, watching.

Oh, nothing, I was just thinking about camp.

Here, give me those things and I’ll put them in the washer, said Maude.

Lori couldn’t believe she was offering to help her, but then her dad eased past Maude, asking, May I come in?

Lori smiled and said, Sure, Dad, while realizing, Maude’s offer was just to impress him…as if she were a great housewife who did everything. Turning to Maude, she said, No thanks, Maude, you do enough around here. I’ll do it. However, she thought, I definitely don’t want to wash this pillowcase.

Her stepmother left without a word and Lori shared a few more happy minutes with her dad.

Later she called her completely un-athletic, but close friend, Hattie, and said, I have lots to tell you. But, she thought, and lots not…as she spent an hour on the phone just telling her about camp and the people there.

Hattie’s summer had been spent mostly working at the bakery on Main Street. While listening to her, Lori felt like her life seemed almost back to normal, similar to how it had been at the end of school. However, each time she went to share some event and opted to avoid mentioning Julie’s name, Lori felt a jolt of melancholia. Her face showed sadness and listlessness even though she was telling some funny stories.

Finally she said, Well, I guess I’ll see you in school, and slowly hung up the phone.

Chapter Two

Meanwhile, Julie’s long ride from camp to her uncle’s house and then towards home, was tense and disturbing for her. Normally she felt at ease with her parents. But even though they had heard most of the story from the head counselor, the police, and a few times from her, they wanted to go over every detail regarding the attack.

She was so embarrassed that she had let herself get into such a predicament at the camp dance that her guilt caused her to give short ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. Especially to her dad, who was asking a lot of questions about maybe she was leading Mickey on and giving him the impression that she was an easy mark.

Feeling a headache beginning to pound she asked, Dad, can we talk about something else for a while?

Uh, sure, honey. I just feel so helpless and wish I could’ve been there to grab that guy!

Julie saw the muscles of his jaw clenching as he said, I damn sure want to press charges!

Not now, Jim, interrupted his wife quietly. We can talk about it all another time, sweetheart, okay? Jim Conners continued his own thoughts, shaking his head occasionally when he was frustrated.

Julie leaned back and closed her eyes. She wanted to tell them everything about it, especially how she felt. But, it was hard to explain to her dad. She had always been the apple of his eye and it was hard for her to have him think less of her, which he seemed a bit ready to do.

Was it my fault? She asked herself. Yes. I shouldn’t have gone outside with him. But other girls had stepped out for a quick kiss. Finally she decided she had made a mistake but she definitely did not ever give Mickey the idea she would have sex with him. He was just a brute! I wonder what I saw in him anyway. Grimacing and frowning deeply she thought I was dumb, dumb, and dumber, that’s all! And it would’ve ended worse for me if Lori and Billy hadn’t come along, that’s for sure!

Fear had not ever been a part of her life, but it definitely was now. She tried to block out any thoughts of Mickey or the possibility of facing him in court. Julie felt her stomach churn and she felt sick. Her lunch was not sitting well. She closed her eyes again and tried to think of something pleasant. Lori’s face popped into her mind and she felt happy and sad in the same three seconds.

As soon as they arrived home, Julie wanted to do anything to avoid talking to her parents. She called her friend Sarah, a fellow cheerleader, and invited her over.

When Sarah arrived, she was full of questions about camp. After an hour of listening to Julie tell her dangerously exciting parts, like the flood, and then all the fun things, Sarah looked at her in a strange way. You could’ve been swept away in that flood.

Yes, I could have, agreed Julie.

Then, shaking her head, Sarah said, You didn’t do very much with the rest of the girls in your cabin, right?

What do you mean? asked Julie.

Well, it seems like you spent your entire time with Joann or Lori. Didn’t you do many things with the other girls?

Oh, sure, said Julie, with a panicky thought. Even though I love telling stuff about Lori, I guess I’d better be careful, especially around my parents. She explained, Well, Joann was my first session buddy and Lori was my second session buddy. Camp rules say you do everything with your partner. You watch out for each other. Then, deciding to leave Sarah with some other people to think about, Julie said, Let me tell you about Vivian and Ceil, when we had to climb over our partner in a canoe. I wish you could have been there. It was a special day and…

That night Joan Conners was up late reading a good romance novel. A strange noise came from up in the hall. Curious, she quietly put down her book and slowly climbed upstairs to the bedrooms.

There it was again, a soft moan coming from Julie’s room. She hurried closer, turning on the hall light and then hesitating in the doorway, listening intently just to be sure. Julie’s form was discernable in the dim light as she lay on her back. She was moaning softly, No… No! and thrashing from side to side, moving her head back and forth as if something was too horrible to face. Joan entered quickly and sat down on the bed beside her, saying, It’s okay, Julie. I’m here.

Lori? gasped Julie, with her eyes still shut.

No, it’s Mom. I’m right here, and it’s okay. You’ve been dreaming, she said, as she smoothed her hand across Julie’s forehead.

Mom? Julie opened her eyes and sat up, reaching out and clutching at her mom’s waiting embrace. Then her tears flowed freely. They hugged tightly for a long time while Julie just sobbed pitifully. Joan soothingly rocked her back and forth gently, as she had done when Julie was a little girl.

With her voice muffled deep in her mom’s shoulder, Julie said, It was so awful that night, with him on top of me trying to kiss my lips. His face was pushing my head down and I couldn’t get away because… because he was so heavy and so powerful.

Joan just held her tighter and said, It was a nightmare, Julie.

He was so strong, and I…and I could feel his…his…his penis.

Her mom held her even closer, and stayed silent.

It was so hard, pushing against me through our clothes. I was terrified of what it would feel like if he got my clothes off!

I can imagine, said her mom, softly, with tears starting to run down her cheeks, too. She wondered exactly when Lori and Billy had intervened, and feared that Mickey had done something more than had come to light so far.

And then, he started groping me.

Joan held her breath, hoping not to hear something horrible; something that Julie had left out in all of their other previous conversations.

Julie continued, with her voice in a harsh, low whisper. When he grabbed my breast, it hurt so bad…and then… he…

Still holding her breath, Joan waited, dreading the possible information…something the nurse at the camp had missed.

he…held my wrists up over my head, with his other hand…and he put his mouth over mine…wide open. I tried to scream, Mom, but it only came out as a muffled sob…right into his slobbery mouth.

Finally, Joan let out her breath and breathed in another one. She said Oh God! to herself and then asked in a whisper, What did he do next?

Then he rammed his tongue deep in my mouth and I screamed again, but only right into his throat. Julie got quiet, just holding on tight and thinking.

Joan winced, tensing up. She managed to keep her voice calm, and said, with her stored up breath, And, then?

He grunted really loud, right down my throat. Then he let go of my wrists and twisted to the side.

Joan was trying to picture if the boy had reached a climax or what, but she didn’t say that to Julie. She just said, And?

And then she kicked him again.

What? Oh, good! said Joan, louder now, feeling the tears of relief and joy streaming down her own cheeks. She said a silent prayer of thanks and asked, Again? Where did she kick him the first time?

In the ribs. That’s why he grunted into my mouth, remember? Mom, I was trying so hard to get away but he wouldn’t let go of me, or my blouse.

And then? Joan asked, thoroughly confused, yet trying to piece together the story. Only one kick on Lori’s part was in the police report.

He started to get up, cursing Lori and dragging me with him. He got as far as his knees, reaching for her with one hand and she kicked him hard, this time in the throat. He finally let go of me and grabbed at his throat. Mom, I crawled away as fast as I could. He cursed more at her, but I couldn’t tell what he said, because it sounded all garbled. Suddenly crying harder, Julie said between sobs, He got up to his feet and started after her…and he was so mad! I thought he was going to kill her!

Did you run?

No…I should have, but I couldn’t. I just stood frozen and watched. Mom, I was so-o afraid…I couldn’t even scream!

In Joan’s mind, she was right there, reliving it with Julie, and she would have run away as fast as she could. But, then she realized that Julie could have still been in danger if she was too afraid to run. Uh, did Lori run?

No, she took a couple of steps back like she wanted to run. But, when she looked at me…and saw me standing there, like the scared little wimp I was…she turned back to face him. Mom, do you know how guys in football do when they’re going to punt the ball as far and as high as they can?

Joan didn’t watch much football, but she knew what a punter looked like. Yes, she said, I can picture it.

Well, continued Julie, Mickey growled like an old bear, clenched his fists and started for her. She took a big step right at him…and just before he could punch her face…she kicked him up between the legs, with all her might. Julie felt her mom cringe, and heard her murmuring, Dear God, under her breath.

Then Joan said absently, She punted his balls.

Julie started chuckling a little, in spite of herself, at the awe in her mom’s voice.

Good for her! said Mrs. Conners. Good for her. She hugged Julie tighter and found herself chuckling, too. She was so happy that Julie could at least laugh a little bit about the traumatic event. I know you told us in the car that Lori had kicked him, but I never realized that it was more than once. Wow! was all Joan could think to say. After a long silence, she said, "Lori really did save you."

Julie sighed, thinking, more than you know. Aloud, she said, Yes, Mom, she did. But I hope I don’t have anymore nightmares, because this bad dream brought back every, every horrible detail.

I hope so, too. Her mom was pondering all that Lori had done, in a short amount of time, and she couldn’t think of any female she’d ever known, trying to do that to a guy, much less an extremely muscular and powerful one. She tried to picture the beginning of the attack, and wondered why Lori didn’t just go for help. Why do you think Lori took him on, Julie? Why didn’t she just go for a counselor? And why did she fight so hard?

I don’t know. Maybe she knew there wasn’t enough time, before he would’ve raped me. And maybe, once she started, she couldn’t stop or he would’ve beaten her to a pulp. Julie shivered at the thought, and her mom pulled her even closer.

And Billy, what did he do?

At the end, he tackled Mickey, sat on his chest, punched him on the side of his face, and then in the jaw.

It was a lot to digest and Joan Conners just sat there thinking. Finally she asked, "Would you like to invite her over? Why