Out of Control

Prologue

Danielle’s mother, Elizabeth, was an angel. When Danielle was twelve she couldn’t remember a time when she saw her mother upset or showed signs of unhappiness. Elizabeth glided when she walked and her voice sounded like the ocean waves, soft and soothing. Her skin was soft as a rose petal and felt like the crushed chalk she used when she worked in her art studio.

Danielle’s last memory of her mother was one early morning when the sun seeping through the cracks of her frilly pink curtains awakened her. Her mother was leaning over her, smiling. Danielle swore she saw a halo above her mother’s head and smiled up at her, reaching her arms out to give her a hug.

The next thing she remembered was being startled by the sound of an ambulance approaching. Elizabeth disappeared and the door opened abruptly. Danielle sat up in her bed and her nanny, Nana, came rushing in.

Come on, Danielle, get dressed. We have to go to the hospital, Nana told her.

Danielle got out of bed, confused. Why do we have to go there? she asked.

Everything will be ok. Your mother just had an accident, Nana replied. Danielle’s heart jumped as she sucked in a breath of fear. But I just saw mother in my room before you came in, Nana.

Nana ignored her and picked up Danielle’s coat while she put on her shoes.

Where’s Daddy? Danielle asked, worried.

He’s already gone to the hospital with your mother.

They hurried down the long spiral stairs to the foyer. At the bottom of the steps Danielle saw a pool of blood.

What happened? Did that come from Mommy? Danielle screamed.

Come on, Danielle, Nana said with a pained expression. We must hurry. Don’t worry. Everything will be okay.

They hurried out the door and went to the hospital. On their arrival, they walked down a long corridor. Danielle hated the smell of hospitals, so stale and uninviting; it was a place of sadness. Her mother did not belong here.

As they approached the end of the hallway, Danielle saw her father standing there motionless. Tom’s appearance was one Danielle had never encountered before. His face, which was usually fiercely handsome, was distorted with deep lines. His strong, upright physique was now limp and slumped over. His big, vibrant kind eyes always made everyone feel at ease, but now they were dull and filled with tears.

Tom was the ultimate businessman. He would always say, Danielle, never let them see you sweat. It’s not what you feel inside but what you reveal on the surface.

This was one time he couldn’t live up to his own advice. Danielle saw the unspeakable pain of grief, his body shaking out of control. When she reached out to him, he picked her up. Her feet dangled beneath her, even though she was tall for her age of twelve. He held her so hard she almost couldn’t breathe.

I’m so sorry, he cried.

Danielle knew her Mom was dead, and this was the first and last time she saw her Dad so grief stricken.

After Elizabeth’s fatal fall that caused her untimely death, Danielle couldn’t tell anyone much about what happened after that. It was such a devastating time in their lives, and she thought that maybe she mentally blocked it out. Ever since, Tom and Danielle never talked about that day.

The only things they had to remind them of Elizabeth were their beautiful memories and the homeless shelter— the Elizabeth Daniels Shelter. It was renamed in memory of her mother, who had volunteered her time and made large contributions for over six years to keep the shelter in operation. Her goal was to help the unfortunate.

At the top of the spiral stairs, there was a huge life-size portrait of Elizabeth. It was a comfort for Danielle to see her Mom every day, looking down upon her and watching her grow.

CHAPTER ONE

Fatherly Love

At seventeen, Tom was Danielle’s closest friend and confidant. In Tom’s office he sat behind a huge oak desk with three computers he referred to for current events and the stock market. You could always find him holding a copy of the Wall Street Journal while leaning back in his burgundy leather chair, with an unlit cigar in his mouth.

Tom would look over his glasses and put on the most wonderful smile whenever Danielle walked in. She always sat in a chair next to his, reserved just for her. It faced the big picture window, which overlooked the ocean, and when Danielle sat in that chair Tom knew she wanted to talk. Many a time they would look out the window and watch the sunset together. Their house was in a prime location in San Diego called Coronado. It was connected by the Coronado Bridge that was built over the large ocean that lighted up at night and could be seen for miles.

Tom waited for Danielle to speak. She wanted his perspective for something that was on her mind.

Daddy, how does someone know they are in love? She asked, gazing out the window.

Tom looked out the window too, seemingly watching what she was watching. He removed his glasses, took the cigar from his mouth, and placed it in his monogrammed shirt pocket. Scratching his head, he smoothed out his slick dark hair and rubbed the base of his neck. Danielle knew this motion. He did it every time she asked him a question he wanted to answer carefully.

Danielle thought it must be hard bringing up a daughter, especially now that she was a young woman of seventeen.

Tom cleared his throat. Well, you know, love is an emotion. It’s something you feel. He paused. It is what it is.

Danielle turned to look at him and he continued, Being an emotion, it is something you can control. It’s not the most important thing in life, sweetheart.

Danielle’s eyes opened wide; she was surprised by this comment because she thought it was important for him to love mother, but she didn’t dare bring her up now. He saw Danielle’s confused reaction, reached out and gently held her hand.

What’s important is that you respect the person you love. Love gives us a great feeling but having respect and trusting someone is what makes that feeling last.

She frowned, not understanding what he meant.

What motivated this question about love, honey? he asked.

Danielle pulled her hand away from his and turned back to the window. Do you think you’re in love? he asked softly.

Still looking out the window, she said, Yes, Daddy, I think I am.

He sat back in his chair, took his cigar from his shirt pocket and lit it. Again he rubbed his hair down as if Danielle’s response made his hair stand straight up from his head. He leaned forward, Do you respect him?

What do you mean by that? she questioned.

Okay, for example, has he ever done anything to make you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed?

He leaned over and cracked opened the window and blew out a long trail of smoke. She thought for a moment and searched her memory of Gregory at school. Well, one time I caught him talking to a girl named Lori up against the locker, so close it looked like they were going to kiss.

Then she blurted out quickly, He wants to have sex. I said no but he keeps asking me, but I love him and—.

Tom interrupted. Honey, how can you respect someone who doesn’t respect what you want? He hasn’t earned your love. You’re infatuated with the idea of wanting to love him and he’s not ready to love you in return. It’s going to be a while before someone can live up to your expectations.

Why? she asked.

He chuckled, Because it’s going to take a man with experience and knowledge to know what a precious gem you are. You’re beautiful, smart and you’re my daughter!

Dad! Danielle laughed at the last comment.

His eyes grew serious for a moment. Danielle, try this for me. Tell this—-

His name is Gregory, Daddy.

Ok, tell this Gregory guy that you won’t have sex till you’re married and wait about a week and see what he does.

Dad! she cried out.

No, just do that and see what happens. Try it as an experiment.

That sounded kind of intriguing to her and she was excited. Ok, Dad, I will. I’ll do it!

Tom gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

Thank you, Daddy.

He smiled and tilted his head sideways in admiration.

You’re welcome, and remember my door is always open.

Danielle smiled happily and left the room as she always did, with a clear mind and mentally satisfied.

The next day, Danielle got dressed for school and she was very careful in her choice of attire. After all, when she tells Gregory she’s going to wait for sex, she wanted him to look at her and say he’d wait forever. She looked at her half-naked body in the mirror and noticed her slight curves and muscular, slim thighs. Her butt was round and firm. She even slapped it to make sure! Danielle didn’t know why, but she heard that a firm butt was supposed to be important.

Her friends said she looked a lot like the model Christy Turlington. That’s quite a compliment. She didn’t think that, of course, but there were a lot of girls at her school who disliked Danielle. Most of the kids at her school lived on the Naval Base near by. They called her a rich bitch, which she thought was funny because her Daddy was rich, not her, at least not yet. Her Daddy said if women call you a bitch, then you’re doing something right! So when they said that, she would just say, Thank you, and their mouths would drop open.

Gregory, of course, was the most attractive guy at school. He looked like a movie star! Danielle was guilty for falling for that. He was almost as cute as Anthony Ross, her favorite singer in the whole world.

Anthony Ross was the most handsome guy Danielle ever could imagine. His perfect chiseled face was on every cover of all the teen magazines. He was clean cut and had a wholesome look but his eyes depicted a hint of a bad boy underneath, they were mysterious, dark and captivating which made all the young girls fantasize being the mother of his kids. He was tall and muscular; his bare chest was accented with his toned six-pack abs. He wreaked sexiness and his voice made Danielle’s body react in a way she didn’t understand.

Danielle kissed Anthony Ross’s poster almost every day before she left for school. Gregory was not into sports—he was just, Gregory, the most handsome boy at school.

Danielle put on her long, slinky two-piece outfit that she got from Bisou Bisou that showed a little cleavage, with a Guess purse and Jimmy Choo mules that matched perfectly. She put her hair in a high ponytail that reached the middle of her back. Danielle did a full turn and felt great!

Nana dropped her off as usual and waved goodbye. Gregory was waiting for her on the steps in front of the school. He had come to meet her and gave her a smile.

Wow, you look great, Danielle! he said sweetly. He kissed her lightly on the lips. So did you think about what we talked about last night?

Danielle looked into his eyes, those beautiful Anthony Ross eyes and that movie star face. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Yes, I did, Gregory, she replied hesitantly.

And… he coaxed.

I decided that I want to wait till I’m married, she replied quickly.

He frowned and his mouth dropped open. But you said you loved me and you’d do anything for me, so why don’t you, why can’t we do it?

Gregory, I do love you but … but I just want to wait till I’m married!

Gregory stood back. That could be years away. Are you crazy?

Danielle was shocked by his reaction and looked at him in disappointment. No, I’m not crazy! she exclaimed hurtfully.

The school bell rang. Gregory turned to Danielle and said, Look, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m going to class.

I thought we were going to meet after school, she cried out after him.

He just put his hand up and waved good-bye. Danielle was crushed and went along the rest of the day in a daze. She wondered if she did the right thing. Here is the best looking guy in the school and he wanted her. She had him all to herself.

After lunch Gregory was nowhere in sight, but after school she saw him in the hallway leaning against the locker, whispering in that girl Lori’s ear again. Lori turned her head toward Danielle and smiled seductively. She was enjoying Gregory’s words.

That night Danielle lay on her bed, tossing all night with thoughts of Gregory and wondering if maybe she should change her mind. By morning she had missed him so much that she decided she would perhaps consider letting him fondle her like he had begged so many times before. Then maybe she would think about letting him be the one.

As Danielle arrived at school and Nana pulled away, she didn’t see Gregory waiting for her. She figured he was late today. She went to class anxiously, hoping to see him at lunchtime.

The lunch bell rang and Danielle hurried down the hall to Gregory’s locker. He wasn’t there, either. She ate lunch and decided to go to their private spot where he sometimes waited for her.

She came around the corner and saw Gregory and Lori deep-throat kissing, his hands up her short skirt. Lori was moaning and hungrily rotating her hips. She had her hands cupped around his face like she would never let go. Danielle was shocked. She dropped her books and ran back to the front of the school.

She used the pay phone to call Nana, asking her to pick her up from school. She waited out front, tears streaking down her face.

Suddenly, she heard someone approach from behind her and she turned to look. It was Gregory.

You can wait till you’re married, if you want, he said. Then he dropped the books by her side.

You’ll be needing those to keep you busy until then, he said in a cold tone. I’m getting mine right now.

He turned and walked away and never looked back.

Danielle broke down in a gush of tears.

Nana drove up and Danielle jumped in the back seat still sobbing.

Honey, are you ok? Should I call your Father? Nana asked with concern.

No, I’m fine, Danielle sniffed. I just have a terrible headache.

Once home she ran upstairs and cried on her bed for hours. Early evening she heard a knock on her door. It was Tom, and she was ashamed of herself, crying so hard. He came and sat on the side of her bed. Danielle buried her face in the pillow so he wouldn’t see her red eyes.

Tom rubbed her back and gently stroked her hair. This is about Gregory, isn’t it? he said.

Danielle was surprised that Tom remembered Gregory’s name and she started crying again. He pulled her to him and rocked her back and forth like a baby.

Daddy, he dropped me after I told him I wanted to wait to have sex. I saw him kissing and making out with Lori. She blurted out, feeling secure to share her troubles.

He said awful things to me, Daddy!

Now you listen to me, he scolded. I know you’re hurt, but you’re letting your emotions get the best of you. You have to think with your mind and not with your heart when it comes to love. You must remember that. His voice became more strained. He’s an immature fool with raging hormones. They all will be at that age. You’ve got to be the one who calls the shots.

Danielle looked at him and sat back, her arms folded across her chest. Tom pulled the strings of hair away from her face.

You can do it, you’re Daddy’s girl! Then he added convincingly, You got the stuff—it’s in you!

Danielle smiled with new confidence and looked at him curiously.

Daddy, what about you? Are you in love? she asked cautiously.

Tom was taken aback for a minute and then he responded. No, I’m not. I have women I care about, but if I did love someone, I would respect her. These women all have their purpose in my life. Not all relationships are about sex and love, Danielle. But, I assure you no one can match up to your mother, and if that ever happens, you’ll be the first to know.

He touched the tip of her nose and she giggled.

Now you come with me. We need to feed that broken heart and make it strong again, he said playfully.

Yeah, I am a little hungry, she answered.

Tom got up to leave, turned and said; I better never catch you boo-hooing over another guy again. Let them cry over you. You’re too beautiful for that. He pointed his finger at her. You hear me?

Danielle liked the sound of someone crying over her with a broken heart.

Tom shut the door and she got up and fixed herself in the mirror. What the hell was she crying for? Gregory was a jerk, a good-looking jerk, but she was going to forget about him.

She left her room walking with confidence and decided she was never going to let herself get hurt again.

Okay, that sounded good and everything, but it was harder than she expected. Gregory was her fantasy and was going to be her husband, the father of her babies. They were going to live in a huge beautiful house and he was going to take care of her and love only her. He was going to buy her expensive jewelry and furs and take her on long romantic vacations. That’s a pretty big letdown for a girl of seventeen!

From then on, Danielle would come home from school, go straight to her room, turn the lights off, and put on slow heartbreaking music. Her homework suffered and her grades slipped a little because she couldn’t concentrate.

Every day like clockwork she went to her room and sulked. Gregory, Gregory, he was so fine! She would fantasize that Gregory would drop Lori and come back to her. She was doing fine in her own private misery until Daddy found out! Nana must have told him about Danielle’s daily retreats and she guessed Nana got tired of hearing her songs day after day being playing loudly from her room.

Danielle laid on her stomach amongst her big fluffy pillows holding them tightly, eyes closed, seeing her and Gregory kissing. It was great being in her pretend world, feeling his lips and looking into Gregory’s beautiful eyes.

Then all of a sudden the music stopped! There was complete silence. Danielle rolled over and looked up to see her father with his hands on his hip staring down on her.

What the hell are you doing? he asked.

Tom was always respectful of her space and always knocked. He must have knocked and she didn’t hear him come in.

Feeling embarrassed for getting busted, she sat up still clutching her pillow. She reached over to turn on the lamp of her nightstand and squinted because of the brightness of the light.

Daddy’s face was stern. Get up!

His tone startled her. He hardly ever raised his voice to her. She stood up slowly.

Come here! he said as he pointed in front of him.

She hesitantly walked over to him not knowing what was

in store. She reached him with her head down, mainly because she was embarrassed.

Look at me! he said in that same raised voice.

Danielle looked up and locked in on his face. He dragged her to the mirror and she staggered behind him, wondering where this was going.

He pointed to himself and asked, What am I?

A man, Daddy, Danielle responded.

Who are you? he said pointing towards the mirror.

A girl, Danielle replied meekly.

Tom shook his head and said, No, you are a woman, an intelligent, beautiful woman. He was still facing the mirror. Do you not have arms, legs and a brain like me?

Yes, she responded.

We are the same except for the fact that you have the gift to bring a life into this world and a man can only participate, so in actuality you can do more than me.

Her eyes brightened. She never thought about that before.

Just because you’re soft to touch and beautiful to look at doesn’t mean you’re weaker, he told her with much conviction. Your mind can be stronger than your heart. It’s a powerful tool that you will learn how to utilize in the years to come. I will not have my daughter thinking she is not good enough for any man on this universe.

Of course she thought about Gregory, wondering why she couldn’t have him.

As if Tom heard her thoughts, he continued, This foolish boy, and don’t even utter his name, he’s decided he can’t wait to have what he really wants, so he goes for second best.

The realization of that blew her away. Her daddy was right, and he continued, He settled for second best. He sold out. You will not. You will find someone who is everything that you liked about Gregory but even better. He shook his head. It may not happen right away, but I promise you, you will. He will be physically and mentally what you need, and need is the important word here. What people want is not always what they need. Do you understand?

Danielle understood what he meant and she was inspired about the possibilities that lay ahead. Yes, Daddy, I understand.

Tom walked her over to the bed and they sat together.

Danielle, why worry about being loved by one when you can be loved by many?

She didn’t believe what he was saying, so she asked, What do you mean, have a lot of boyfriends?

Tom smiled. Male friends, as in men that are friends, not lovers.

Danielle blushed.

Right now you are around a lot of boys who can’t do anything for you that you can’t do for yourself, so just have fun with them.

Really Daddy? he said.

Sure, have fun, but your priority is putting yourself in a position to be successful and in time finding someone who can help you obtain it or maintain it.

Danielle shook her head. So can I go to parties and the games?

Tom laughed. Of course, this is the time to do it, as long as your grades are kept up. Get that all out of your system now because later you are going to find out that true happiness is getting the things in life that are of substance.

Like how Mother used to help at the shelter? she questioned.

She forgot to be careful talking about Mother, but it just came out.

Tom looked sad for a moment. Exactly. Your mother was the reason that the shelter still exists. She helped when no one else even cared, he explained proudly. "Without it there would have been hundreds of people