An Act of Love for All

Chapter 1

The morning breaks through the darkness. The sun rises majestically above the sky. All is illuminated but those whose hearts are lost in emptiness.

They say time heals all wounds. What they don’t say to a broken heart is that time stays suspended for what feels like an eternity. And the broken love that is true never heals, for true love is eternal.

Johnny slowly rises from the couch. The TV plays. The ashtray lies filled with cigarette butts. He can only sleep in his bed when he has someone there. Otherwise, the TV and cigarettes distract him from the loneliness always within him. His six-foot, muscular frame lumbers to the shower. The water splashes on his chest and slowly drips to his stomach, which stands as the only part of his body not fully firm.

Another day begins. He wears a freshly laundered white shirt, a yellow silk tie, blue slacks, and a blue suit. He starts his car and his mind wonders about what it always wonders about: Susan.

Come on, Bruce, save me, he whispers as he plays Bruce Springsteen’s Born to Run.

He sings along. In the day we sweat it out on the streets of a runaway American dream. He continues singing. When the part he waits for comes, he almost shouts. I want to know if love is wild, girl I want to know if love is real.

He does his sales calls. The day runs routine. Yet he has an anxious feeling that he can’t shake. His instincts work overtime, for Johnny’s life will never be the same after the events that will begin this night. His faith will be tested. He will have to face if he is the man he thinks he is. He will have to face if life’s tribulations will turn him away from the path of his beliefs, for that path is filled with anguish and self-sacrifice that few people can endure.

While Johnny wakes, on the other side of Chicago the towering skyscrapers reflect the sun’s first rays against the calm waters of Lake Michigan. It’s seven in the morning and the lakefront fills with joggers, cyclists, Rollerbladers, skateboarders, and walkers. In mid-May, Chicagoans take advantage of the warmth, for winter will come soon.

The area north of Foster Avenue exists as a collage of the upper, middle, and lower classes in close vicinity but millions of miles away in actuality. Here resides Susan Palace in a studio apartment in the not-so-wealthy part.

Susan’s shoulder-length, straight blonde hair sways as she pours herself a cup of coffee. Her skin is soft and tan. Her blue eyes resemble the color of the Caribbean Sea. Her facial features sit delicate with pouty lips. Her face exudes beauty beyond words. Her body stands slender with longs legs, well-rounded and perky breasts, and a small, shapely ass. In other words, she is physically perfect.

Susan slowly drinks her coffee with cream and sugar. She thinks of the things she has to do throughout the day. Susan has everything a woman wants: men who desire her, friends who admire her not only for her beauty but also for her intelligence, and a sense of humor. She has everything, but she has nothing. Susan lives in her own prison, for she will not risk opening her heart: she will never be hurt again. Men subsist as companions and lovers, but they do not get close—no one does. God barely exists in her world, for she was hurt so deeply in the past and her prayers fell silent in the air. When she feels the beginning of intimacy, she runs and never comes back. Tenderness and kindness persist to be deal breakers, not attributes, for her. She feels more comfortable with obsessive men to a danger, who have the emotions of desire with the possibility of violence—things she grew up with in her developing years. She learned it on the streets and also in her home life.

These things represent concrete love, not the love of poets or of a God that doesn’t answer the prayers of a girl who didn’t know that prayers aren’t always answered.

Mary Magalee still sleeps as most of Chicago wakes. Her dreams become nightmares. Darkness surrounds her with no escape. Life brings episodes of disappointments and regrets. She possesses so much love. She also harbors doubts, mistrust, anger, pain, and no self-esteem. Her life is a tragedy that keeps building. So many terrible things have occurred in her past. Yet she still stands. Mary has a strong personality and endures these challenges in her own way. Unfortunately she also doesn’t face the reality of the situation. All this has made her self-destructive. She has no accountability for her actions. Mary can’t. If she would face reality as it is, it would destroy her. This woman of contradictions is so strong yet so fragile that life has become a nightmare just beginning or ending. Mary has lived the lifetime of misery and pain, and she is not even twenty yet.

Chapter 2

It was over six years before when Johnny and Susan met. Johnny Butler drove his champagne-silver Riviera carefully along the icy, late-January streets of Chicago to get to the health club. Dirty, hard snow barriers flanked the streets. The sun had set already before five in the evening. Johnny didn’t care because it was Friday—the beginning of the partying for the weekend after the gym and a shower.

Johnny’s life at twenty-four did not differ from those of other people his age—work hard and party harder. The beginning of adult life for Johnny was just an extension of his adolescent life. Life hadn’t shown its hand and the consequences of our actions. Life came easy to him. He found new girls everywhere and had plenty of meaningless sex. Getting these party girls came effortlessly. He had handsome looks and, more importantly, he could turn on the charm.

When he arrived at the health club, he noticed the new beautiful blonde also there. He first had seen her two weeks before, and for some reason he thought about her quite a bit. Then again, he had never seen anyone as beautiful as she.

She rode on a stationary bike. Johnny took the one next to her.

Hi, my name is Johnny.

Hi, I’m Susan.

Are you new to the club? he asked.

I just joined. This place is huge.

Laughing, he replied, If you need a tour, I am your man, and I will only charge you ten dollars.

Giggling, she answered, I’ll keep that in mind.

Susan surprised herself that she liked this guy right away. Normally, she didn’t like the clean-cut guys, but he was so confident and easygoing. Besides, he had great legs. They flirted for a little while longer before proceeding to their respective workouts. She went to the treadmill facing the racquetball courts. Ten minutes later, Johnny had a court. He and his friend Brett began to warm up.

Brett, see that blonde in the second row?

Yeah, wow she’s pretty hot.

Laughingly, Johnny exclaimed, She is my future wife.

You mean your future ex-wife.

Susan normally grew bored when she ran and walked on the treadmill, but today she stayed entertained by these two really good racquetball players. The more she watched, the more attractive she found Johnny. He impressed her with his quickness for his muscular build.

After the first game, which Johnny won fifteen to thirteen, he and Brett came out to get water. Johnny gave Susan a big smile as he passed by.

She found it appealing. On the way back, Johnny stopped by Susan with his shirt soaking wet from sweat.

Very sexy?

Smiling, she replied, You take a shower?

You know that really hurts.

You are a big boy. You can take it.

Johnny knew he had to make a move. Hey, if you and your friends are not doing anything, there is a party at Club Zapor’s. It’s a ten-dollar cover and open bar from nine to twelve.

Maybe, I need to speak with my friend to see what’s up.

Cool, I’ll give you my number in case you come so I could add you and your friends to the party list.

Okay, I’ll look for you before I leave.

Well, I better go back before I flood your workout area.

Okay, I’ll see you a little later.

See you. Johnny headed back to the court with a smile as large as his heart.

Johnny combed his dark, soft, thick black hair with a part in the middle and applied mousse. He decided to wear the new black button-down shirt he had just bought. He opted for gray slacks over blue jeans and his freshly polished black dress shoes. He splashed on Monsieur Lanvin cologne more freely than normal. He wanted to appear at his very best in case Susan would come to the bar party. He thought, My God, I am nervous about a girl who might not show. Wow! I really hope she shows up. Man is she gorgeous, and also seems cool.

The doorbell rang minutes later. Johnny’s friends Ed and Pat came up. Ed was a handsome brown-haired and brown-eyed man of twenty-four at five foot ten with a slightly muscular frame. He and Johnny had a friendly competition on who could get more sexual conquest. They usually didn’t conflict, because even though they liked all types of women, Johnny preferred blondes and Ed liked the exotic dark-haired women.

Pat came in with a twelve-pack of Miller Lite. He stood about five foot ten with a slight build and reddish hair. He looked pleasant, but he didn’t know how to speak to women. The three friends sat at the table drinking their beers with the Bulls game on the TV. Pat had just turned twenty-one and was obsessed about sports—one of the reasons he sucked at speaking to girls. He was also too nice of a guy.

He said, I can’t believe they broke up the team. They suck.

Johnny laughingly replied, Easy, Pat, you are going to give yourself a heart attack.

Ed stated, Only heart attack I want is for fucking too long.

Is that all you think about?

Yes, Johnny, and you don’t?

They all laughed and drank. Johnny had the Bud Light, and his two friends, the Millers.

Life is fun when there are no real responsibilities. Life is also without meaning at this stage for most people. Though life gives us terrible blows, it also brings joy unsurpassed when meaning comes to our existence. But the boys enjoyed the trivial side of life as they should. Life would come; there was no need to hurry.

The three young men drove from the northwest side of Chicago, through a middle-class neighborhood built with bungalow houses bordered by suburbs. Living in that area gave the advantage of city and suburban life combined.

Johnny drove. He headed east on Irving Park. The night grew frigid—maybe five degrees but no snow. Johnny had the heat on but opened a window so he could smoke. The red Marlboro filled the car with its odor. Pat and Ed frowned.

Pat complained. You play basketball and racquetball all the time and you still smoke. I don’t get it.

I am just a contradiction.

You are a contradiction and a half.

Johnny hopped on the Kennedy Expressway heading east to downtown at nine thirty at night into light traffic. The Riviera pushed seventy miles per hour. Johnny always loved the view of the skyline. This was his city. It gave him energy. It gave him strength. More importantly, it gave him hope. The buildings rose to meet the sky. They lit up like an astro pathway. It was his city. It was home.

They arrived at the club at nine fifty to a short line at the entrance. They paid the cover. They went directly to the bar. The guys downed their drinks as they scoped women.

Johnny began his third drink at ten twenty when his wish got answered. Susan walked into the bar with a short, skinny, brown-haired girl wearing a tight red dress. Susan wore a short black dress. As she walked toward the bar, heads turned—she looked stunning. Johnny’s heart dropped.

Hey, you made it.

Hi, Johnny. This is Liz. Liz, this is Johnny.

Hi.

Susan, Liz, this is Ed and Pat.

Hi.

Johnny bought the girls two vodka-and-cranberry drinks. The night had begun smoothly.

The night uncovers the hearts hidden desires. The night unmasks our worst fears. The night blurs reality, and when you are alone the night reveals you.

Johnny and Susan stayed close to each other. She liked his self-assurance. He liked everything.

So how old are you? he asked.

Twenty-one.

I’m surprised I haven’t seen you before.

I usually club uptown. My ex-boyfriend knew a lot of people there.

Isn’t it a little rough?

"I was safe; my ex was in the in crowd."

Really?

I might not look it, but I am tough.

Good to know.

This revelation surprised Johnny, but it didn’t alter his opinion. It just surprised him. Susan could hardly believe she liked Johnny. He differed from the guys from her past. She thought they lived on the edge of danger with their street toughness. She believed they lived to the fullest in excitement and wildness like her. She did not realize these were substitutes to avoid real feelings.

Johnny had had many encounters with these types growing up. Though he always lived in good neighborhoods, the gangs lingered near. He perceived them completely the opposite. He knew them as those who didn’t respect life, even though that was their battle cry: I was disrespected.

Right and wrong were nonexistent. They hid behind the argument that life dealt them a shitty hand. And they would make their own rules. They thought themselves tough, not willing to submit. These were arguments Johnny found laughable. He viewed them cowards to face life, to live and endure the pain of facing the struggles that come with the accountability of your own actions, to be able to live with yourself without self-deception, to do right when you know it will bring hardship and pain. Sure, they weren’t afraid to die. That’s because they were afraid to live.

Chapter 3

The forces of good and evil battle for the souls of mankind. This war has raged since the beginning of humanity.

The battle has escalated as evil has made great gains. The temptations are too overwhelming for many. It is easier to give up than to endure, to take than to give.

The time of the Armageddon might be approaching. Mankind as a whole stands in a crossroad. The question is that of faith. We are all sinners. Some of us greater than others. We all could be forgiven except for the loss of our faith. For how can God forgive us if our souls are dead?

These lost souls whose numbers multiply. These souls who don’t believe in a God. They foster the feeding ground of the fallen angels. They succumb easily to manipulation and deception. They hurl us to the end of days.

Yet God has not abandoned us. The power of love is the greatest force there is, and it is an entity we all posses. A gift residing inside us. A force that needs only a spark to flourish. A man or woman to shine light into the darkness. A leader to show others the way. A beacon to guide the lost souls out of the abyss. A flicker of hope to give mankind a reprieve from eternal damnation. The faith to overcome even at our deepest despair. The love within us enhances the faith of our innocence. The faith to believe in God. The faith to love for the sake of love. The faith to know God dwells with us even as our world falls apart. An act of love is all we need.

Chapter 4

Johnny and Susan would see each other at the health club and then have coffee afterward. When they had free time, they would talk on the phone. Their first official date occurred two weeks after the bar party. Johnny couldn’t believe his luck: this incredible girl liked him. Sure, he believed he could pick up any girl, which wasn’t always the case, but this girl came out of a dream.

Johnny picked up Susan at her father’s home. He drove to the brown two-story colonial house across the street from a forest preserve. She ran out as soon as he pulled in the driveway.

Hi, Johnny.

Hey, Susan, you smell great.

It’s Chanel No. 5.

That’s my favorite perfume.

I’m glad.

I thought we could go to my favorite bar: the Hangge Uppe.

Sounds good.

Johnny handed Susan a red rose.

That’s so sweet, Johnny, thank you. She kissed him on the cheek.

What would I have gotten if I gave you a dozen roses?

Susan just coyly smiled at him.

They arrived at the bar a little past ten and valeted the car. The main floor had a large bar area along the right wall. The fairly large dance floor stood on the left side. The DJ played hip-hop. They maneuvered toward the back. The upstairs had about twenty-five people. Five girls danced. The rest sat at the bar or at the tables around the dance floor. In the back, a staircase led to the basement. Johnny walked first. There stood a small bar to the right. To the left, another path led to another room that had a small bar area and a little dance floor. In the main room sat tables and chairs past the first bar. To the left stood the bathrooms with a camera booth between them. Past that was an open area with a DJ booth beyond that space. A little to the left stood another bar, and beyond that sat tables and chairs. Eleven people mingled along the main floor.

Johnny, there is no one here.

In about an hour you won’t be able to move.

A waitress came up to them. Johnny ordered two Long Island iced teas. They sat at the table closest to the DJ booth as The Beatles’ Help played.

Susan, you like working at the bank?

It’s all right. You like sales?

I like it a lot. I talk to people and I don’t have to be in the office.

I could never do sales.

It’s being sincere while be BS-ing.

Is there anything else you want to do?

I always wanted to write a novel, he said.

I didn’t know you write.

Well, I don’t, because I haven’t.

You think you will?

I don’t know.

You should do it.

What about you?

I always wanted to be a nurse.

So why don’t you go to nursing school?

I don’t know if I want to make that commitment.

It is a time of decisions that will affect their futures. The crossroads of tomorrow are always lingering. The young sometimes feel that they can delay these forks of life. What the young don’t know, and also some who are not so young, and also the old and the very old, is that we are not promised a tomorrow. And that today was yesterday’s tomorrow.

The night passed and the bar had wall to wall people as Johnny stated it would. Susan had never been to a place like this. The mixed crowd contained the young twenty-somethings to people well over fifty. The DJ played early rock to rock from the eighties. People made the whole bar one giant dance floor. Everyone stayed jovial, strangers dancing with strangers for the joy of the music and not just for a hook-up. The large amounts of alcohol consumed played a considerable role in the over abundance of friendliness. Johnny was in his element. Susan laughed when he got nine people, including themselves, in one large embrace singing Sweet Caroline at the top of their voices. Susan surprised herself at having such a great time. All this came new to her. And Johnny, being so outgoing, drew people to him. She liked best that, even when other pretty girls came around, Johnny still made her feel special. She also noticed him being a sweet drunk.

Susan liked him as much as she could, a lot more than her recent guys. She found him very attractive; she found him fun. All these things were not enough. She had lost the capacity to leave her heart wide open. Yet this guy, so opposite of what she liked, made her feel a semblance of feelings long forgotten.

They got back to Johnny’s place well past four in the morning. The attraction stood mutual. They started with a long passionate French kiss. Johnny then kissed Susan’s neck softly. His tongue caressed her right side. Their passion grew stronger as Johnny’s kisses began to drive her crazy. Johnny led her to his bedroom from the couch. He undressed her as his kisses continued. He quickly undressed himself. He gently kissed her mouth various times. His lips moved downward to her breasts. His soft kisses continued with his tongue now caressing her nipples. His mouth continued downward to her stomach. His tongue continued downward ’til he reached his destination. Susan began to sigh loudly. Johnny continued until she was in a frenzy.

When she climaxed, Johnny then went inside her. First he started softly. Then Johnny went faster as his desire grew. They continued for another hour. Johnny finally grew tired. He gave her a towel. He went to the bathroom to wash up his sweaty body. He came back to bed and kissed Susan on the mouth. She lay on his chest ’til she fell asleep exhausted. Johnny lay awake in the dark for a little while. He had just made love to a girl from a dream. Johnny made love. Susan had sex with a great guy who was her new boyfriend.

Love is hard. Johnny didn’t know this. When you love, you leave your heart naked to the beauty of a glimpse of heaven but also to the inclement weather of loss and despair that tortures your soul.

The two lovers began to spend a lot of time together. Johnny made Susan laugh. He enjoyed taking her to places new to her. She met his friends. They would go out in groups or by themselves. She found it amazing that he always knew someone where ever they went. She really liked this guy. Yet she worried. She liked the way things stood. They went to a lot of fun places. The sex was very good. Sometimes it was great. Yet she knew that Johnny would start to get serious.

How could she explain that she fell in love at fifteen and stayed with the guy until she was nineteen? She gave him her whole heart. She lived with his family. The first time she had a normal family life, because her father had been an alcoholic. Her parents divorced around Susan’s ninth birthday. It left an empty space until she met Jesse.

Jesse had turn twenty when they met. He was wild and dangerous—a gangbanger. She felt safe with him. A tough guy who