On Robin Lane

Chapter 1

As the screen door slammed on a humid and muggy August evening in Madison, Tennessee, Loretta Ward rocked in a beat-up white wicker rocker. She glared at Frank Ward as he walked past her toward Robin Lane.

Where do you think you are going? shouted Loretta.

Frank had been married to Loretta for nearly two years. He had learned not to answer after a screaming and name-calling fight. He kept walking down Robin Lane, past neighbors who turned their heads to ignore his disgrace, to the intersection of West Main Street.

Loretta sat and frowned at Frank as he walked down the street. She hummed Rock of Ages while rocking in her grandmother’s rocker. It was the only object her daddy had allowed her to have from her grandmother. It held memories of being surrounded with love as she had sat, rocking peacefully, on her granny’s lap. Those had been warm and loving times during her childhood.

The last intense rays of sunshine leaving afternoon to evening struck Loretta’s coal-black hair and dark-brown eyes. She closed her eyes and stretched out her bare feet on the peeling painted porch. She had never been a beauty—as her daddy had emphasized her entire childhood. Her attractiveness was her healthy, vibrant, and physical presence. Loretta’s twinkling eyes let her hidden beauty shine through.

Loretta cared about Frank, but love—that was another thing. It didn’t matter to her that he was walking down Robin Lane with his head lowered and hands in his pockets, feeling dejected. His familiar form soon faded out of sight. It didn’t occur to her that Frank was the victim and she was the one inflicting the emotional pain.

Flicking a fly off her tanned shoulder, Loretta continued rocking and humming. Thinking of the next day spurred her to sit a little straighter. She started to hum Tomorrow from the musical Annie. There had to be better days ahead, she thought.

Loretta’s neighbor, Rose Nelson, was sitting on her front porch, knitting and observing Loretta. Since she and Frank had moved to Robin Lane, Rose had been drawn to something in Loretta that needed mothering. She had a feeling there was more to Loretta’s depression than just the recent birth of Chrissy.

Loretta’s eyes glanced across the street to Rose sitting serenely with her knitting. Why am I thinking today and tomorrow will be the same? She pondered. She knew that nothing much changed in Madison, Tennessee. It was a small southern city whose only uniqueness was that the Main Street divided Tennessee from Virginia.

Hearing the telephone, Loretta scooted out of the rocker and ran for it. As she picked up the phone, she knew who would be on the other end. She felt secure knowing that her best friend, Crystal, was always there for her.

They’d met on a summer day when both were five years old. Loretta had peeked out her window on Davis Road and seen a big truck unloading furniture next door. Out of a station wagon stepped a little girl dressed in crisp white shorts and a pink ruffled top. She was holding her doll. She looked up and down the street to see if any children were out playing on the Saturday morning. Looking next door, she spotted a little dark-headed girl with big eyes peering out the front window.

She put her hand up and waved at the little girl in the window, which sparked the shy Loretta to wave back. Loretta opened the front door and ran down the steps to meet a new friend. Every day after that, Loretta looked forward to playing with her new friend, Crystal Brown.

Crystal was like a lustrous piece of crystal. She was beautiful and sparkly, with finely chiseled features and a contagious bubbly personality. Her long, curly blonde hair bounced when she ran and played.

She was like no other friend that Loretta had met. The sun and moon dimmed in her glowing presence. Loretta needed a light in her life, and Crystal became that light. Without Crystal’s friendship, Loretta wouldn’t have known carefree childhood days and the confidence that a true friend loved her—unlike her daddy.

Answering the telephone, Loretta always felt the connection from her past to the future that she always felt when her best friend was on the other end.

Hey, Loretta—what took you so long to get to the phone? I was about to give up on you, said Crystal. I bet you were daydreaming again. You have the most vivid imagination of anyone I know. You should write a book, said Crystal, laughing.

Pulling out a chair in the kitchen, Loretta listened to Crystal ramble on.

Loretta, are you listening to me? Good grief! Lately, I never know if you are hearing me. You will be really sorry if you don’t listen to a piece of news that I heard over at Whitten Lumber Company. Sam came into the office during his coffee break and was talking about someone we know is getting married, explained Crystal.

Well, are you going to tell me? asked Loretta.

Nope. I think I’ll drive over to see you, if you aren’t busy. You do remember that Sam and I are returning to fall classes at the university, don’t you? This will give us time to visit before we leave, said Crystal.

Hanging up without a good-bye is just like Crystal, thought Loretta. She’s busy with her summer job, going away to college and, of course, Sam Whitten. She doesn’t have as much time for old friendships. She knew that times changed, but it still hurt Loretta to be the one left behind.

As she hung up the phone and tiptoed down the hall to check on Chrissy, Loretta wished for what she didn’t have. Why did things happen the way they did? College had always loomed as a given for her future—but now things were different. It wasn’t meant to be in her immediate future. Maybe it would never be.

The same old feelings of depression threatened to overwhelm Loretta once more. The helplessness and vulnerability still raged for days, weeks, and even months after Chrissy’s birth. Without Crystal and Rose Nelson she would have never made it through. Even now those old feelings could creep in when she least expected.

Wondering where Frank had gone to for so long, Loretta opened the screen door and stepped out to the front porch to wait for Crystal to come zooming down Robin Lane. Usually Frank wasn’t gone this long after a disagreement. Maybe he had gone over to see his mother. She thought to herself, Oh well, it doesn’t really matter. He always comes back. Time flies. September will soon be upon us, and in a few weeks everything will change. Crystal will be heading back to college with Sam. I will be alone again with the secret that must never be revealed. Without Crystal, there’s no one who understands. Mama, Daddy, and Buddy know, but they are no help. Actually, they are more of a hindrance, especially Daddy and Buddy.

An ominous feeling of foreboding spread throughout Loretta’s body. Maybe seeing Crystal and hearing about a former classmate getting married would lighten her spirits. Yes, it would be like old times, chatting and talking about stuff—just stuff, not heavy, depressing secrets.

Where on earth is Crystal? It has to have been at least an hour since Frank pouted out the front door and down the street. Crystal called just a few minutes later. Bet she’s on the phone with Sam, she thought. They are so much in love, but so mature and sensible. They are waiting till after graduation to get married and start a family.

Like a stabbing knife in her heart, everything came flooding back, piercing her inner being. Life had always dealt her a bad hand, starting the day she came into the world. She would never let her little Chrissy grow up in a world where her daddy despised and made fun of her.

Waving at Rose across the street, Loretta noticed a pair of robins flitting and flying from the sugar maple with the red-tinged leaves to the huge evergreen tree in the neighbor’s front yard. She had always had an affinity with the robins. They always seemed to appear when she needed them the most.

Diverting her attention from the robins was the sight of Crystal’s blue Mustang coming down Robin Lane, heading toward the friend who needed her. Crystal pulled into the driveway waving, and she softly tooted the horn, as if Loretta hadn’t spotted her. A small trace of jealousy flickered across Loretta’s eyes when Crystal stepped out of the car. She looked tanned and gorgeous in a lavender-and-white sundress with matching sandals. Her shoulder-length hair lay in bouncy curls. Crystal’s smile would light up the darkness.

Hey, beautiful, yelled Loretta.

Loretta called back, Come sit with me and let’s enjoy this warm evening. The baby is asleep and Frank left pouting. Yes, we had a disagreement over money, as usual. Don’t ask, because I don’t want to talk about it, she stated.

Crystal sat down beside Loretta, and silence surrounded them as each was lost in her own thoughts. Close friends don’t always need words to feel comfortable. Sometimes the stirring of the air through the trees, the birds chirping, and memories are enough to satisfy until words become necessary. They sat and enjoyed the sunlight striking each blade of grass and the slight smell of early fall in the air

Crystal, I’m afraid that when you leave for college and Frank is on one of his truck runs, I’ll slip back into my loneliness and depression. I don’t think I could ever stand to be back in that bottomless hole again without hope of recovering, said Loretta.

Reaching over to pat Loretta, Crystal asked, Are you still taking the medication the doctor prescribed for you? She worried about her friend.

No, actually; I finished it several weeks ago and I haven’t had it refilled. The doctor said by fall I should be back to normal. I really believe that being so tired all the time is the reason I fell into depression. I don’t feel that way now, but I dread the thought that it could come back, said Loretta.

Loretta, you are so much better, and that’s not going to happen to you again—because you are too smart to let it, stated Crystal.

Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard that before. But look at my life. It’s certainly not what I had planned. Let’s forget it, and let’s concentrate on who’s getting married.

After this conversation, I’m not sure I should’ve called with my news, stated Crystal.

Crystal sat and bit at her lower lip. She had a pensive look on her face as she turned her head to gaze across the street. She had a habit of doing this when she didn’t want to do or say something. Knowing Crystal as well as she did, Loretta knew something big was up.

Oh look, there’s Rose sitting on her front porch. I bet she’s knitting someone a beautiful baby blanket, like she did for my little namesake, Crystal Gayle. I’m so happy that you have someone close to give you help when you need it. She was a godsend when you needed her the most, said Crystal.

Waving energetically to Rose, Crystal started to ask Loretta about Crystal Gayle and who had decided to call her Chrissy instead of her full name. But Loretta had had enough of her stalling. Eyeing her best friend as she rocked a little faster, Loretta knew enough to wait and pounce when the time was right.

Seconds passed and then Loretta said, Okay, who’s getting married? I’ve been left in suspense for the last half an hour. Just spit it out.

Promise, if I tell you, that you won’t go into a tailspin? asked Crystal. Sometimes you get so fired up that Madison Volunteer Fire Department couldn’t hose you down enough to put out the fire. Just listen, take it in, don’t give it a lot of thought, and go on with your life, instead of trying to live in a world you will never have. Quick, promise me, and I’ll spill the beans, said Crystal.

Rolling her eyes and stretching her legs further on to the porch, Loretta wondered how the news of a classmate getting married would put her into a tailspin. Crystal was being overly melodramatic.

Okay, okay, I promise. Are you satisfied now?

Loretta stopped rocking and turned to Crystal with full attention, ready for the news that was so explosive she had had to make a silly promise.

Well, where do you want me to start? asked Crystal.

You silly, infuriating goose! Of course, begin with who told you this news, and then proceed, ordered Loretta.

Well, here goes. I was typing a report over at Whitten Lumber, and Sam took his break. He came running up the stairs two at a time. He just can’t wait to see me, and of course I love it. He told me that one of the guys that delivered some lumber over at the Woods’s house heard that the son was getting married this Saturday. They were building a platform for some wedding party Friday morning. That means that Tony and Lauren must be getting married. I’m surprised that they are going to marry so soon. They always said they wouldn’t marry before they graduated college. Tony will undoubtedly go to law school, and Lauren will get her master’s degree, said Crystal.

As Crystal began her news, Loretta sat listening; she was thinking that this must be a dream—no, a nightmare. Tony and Lauren were down in Atlanta, going to school. They were out of sight and not visible. Somehow, that made it easier to keep at bay those thoughts that crept up at the most inopportune times. It can’t be true! Loretta shuddered as if someone had walked across her grave. She had known that this news might be in the future, but not now. Oh, please God, not now!

Crystal saw how this news was affecting her friend. Loretta’s color had turned from a bright red to a deathly white, and her usually bright brown eyes were glazed and dull. She looked as if the breath had been knocked out of her.

Crystal jumped up suddenly and ran to Loretta’s side in concern. An aura around Loretta spoke of pure, irresolvable devastation. She didn’t move but seemed suspended in time. Slowly Loretta turned away from her friend to face the street ahead. Not even a whisper came from her.

Crystal sat watching her and decided to wait and give her space. Loretta would talk when she was ready and able to cope. They sat in silence, allowing time to fade into the dusk that was almost upon them.

Rocking back and forth in rhythm, Loretta realized the time that she had feared had come. There was nothing she could do about it. Dreams were fantasies that could never materialize. For everyone’s sake, secrets must be kept now, and after this news they would be kept forever.

Sighing and facing the conversation she knew was coming, Loretta turned to Crystal with a look of desperation. She nodded and asked Crystal to repeat what she had heard about Tony and Lauren. Hoping that she had not heard correctly, but knowing better, Loretta listened.

Loretta had known that this wedding would loom in the future, but not this soon. It would stop her dreams of being with Tony, her first and only love. This marriage would forever end any visions of Tony coming into her life. It was time to leave those thoughts in the past, where they belonged. Lauren had always been Tony’s love, not Loretta. It was hard to dash dreams that had been evolving since she’d been five years old, but she must. Crystal would be there to help her, as she had always been.

Well, Little Miss Perfect Lauren finally got her wish, and she’s dragging my Tony to the altar, declared Loretta.

Now, don’t start that, Loretta. Tony has always been head over heels in love with Lauren, and that will never stop. Just get him out of your mind, and concentrate on your marriage and daughter, advised Crystal.

Isn’t it funny we weren’t invited to the wedding? After all, we’ve been friends since we were all in kindergarten together. Do you think it could possibly be that little sneak Lauren didn’t want me at her wedding? asked Loretta.

Shocked at Loretta’s attitude, Crystal couldn’t believe she still had it that bad for Tony. He had been away at school, and they hadn’t seen him since high school graduation. Time should have healed some of Loretta’s wounds, but evidently they were still as raw as ever.

No, it’s natural for us to not be invited to the wedding. We aren’t part of that elite group, and you know that. So just suck it up and face the inevitable! They are getting married, and that’s final, stated Crystal.

Ignoring Crystal’s statement, Loretta demanded, Where are they getting married?

Loretta, what is your devious little mind planning? asked Crystal.

What’s got your panties in a wad? I just asked a simple question, and you’re going to answer me, squealed Loretta.

I heard it’s going to be at six o’clock Saturday evening, at the Methodist church in downtown Madison. The reception probably will be at the country club near the lake. I didn’t hear where the reception was, but it doesn’t really matter, because we’re not invited, said Crystal.

Loretta slowly stopped rocking, leaned forward to face Crystal, and said with a smile, We’ll see about that.

If you are thinking of sneaking into their wedding, I’ll never speak to you again! You’ll be recognized and wind up getting hurt. Please, promise me you won’t do such a foolish thing! Just leave things as they are. Going to the wedding won’t change anything, except it’ll make you look desperate and vulnerable, stated Crystal.

Before Loretta could raise her voice in denial, both spotted Frank walking up Robin Lane toward them. He had his shoulders hunched, his hands in his pockets and a dejected look on his broad face. He was a different Frank from the one who had married Loretta.

Loretta’s husband, Frank, stepped off the porch that summer evening without looking back at where Loretta was sitting and rocking. He didn’t acknowledge her asking him, Where do you think you are going? He kept walking down Robin Lane to West Main Street. He needed to clear his head.

Frank exuded physical strength. His blond hair and deep-blue eyes were set on a square face that emitted gentleness in contrast to his overall stout exterior. He had a clear-cut sense of responsibility. When his daddy had died suddenly, Frank had quit high school in the tenth grade. He had worked to help his mama support his two younger siblings.

When it came to Loretta, Frank couldn’t say no. He had always loved her, even when she didn’t know he existed. From elementary school through being a sophomore in high school, he had always been aware of where she was and who she was with. She was extremely close to her best friend, Crystal Brown and, of course, she and all the girls ran after Tony Woods. He was everything Frank wasn’t. Tony was tall, dark, and incredibly handsome, as the girls repeated over and over. He was from the rich side of Madison, and his dad’s law practice provided his family with luxuries Frank couldn’t imagine.

Frank had always admired Tony. He was smart as well as being handsome and rich, and everyone loved him. No one ever had a bad word to say about Tony Woods. He was good through and through, but he was unassuming about all of his incredible attributes.

Many evenings Frank walked the neighborhood streets of Madison to rid himself of pent-up anger and frustration. A passerby on the noisy street would see a humble man walking, but he wouldn’t see the torment and frustration that Frank endured over a wife that belittled him. Loretta had never really loved Frank. She had simply used him.

The day he’d married Loretta was one of the happiest days of his life. It had happened so fast, and finding out that she’d gotten pregnant on their honeymoon had made his life complete. But the day his precious Chrissy was born had been his happiest day. Meeting his daughter had brought a connection of love such as he had never felt. Anyone with eyes could see the love between the two.

Frank walked past the doughnut shop where Loretta had worked before they married and headed for the service station. He didn’t notice the roaring traffic, tooting horns, or smells of greasy food from Hamburger Lane, as locals had nicknamed it. He crossed the busy intersection, walking toward the Supermart, and out of nowhere a young boy riding a bicycle zoomed around him. Frank stumbled over a crumbling piece of concrete in the sidewalk. Most people would be angry and think, "Why doesn’t Madison fix these sidewalks?" But Frank wouldn’t think of doing something for his own comfort. Frank had always been a giver and never thought of taking from others.

There had been wonderful days with Loretta, especially their first Christmas together. Surprising her with a tree, lights, and ornaments had led to one of their most precious times together. She’d run around the tree, singing Joy to the World with the excitement of a child anticipating Christmas. If only they could recapture that night and hold on to it forever.

Knowing that Loretta had suffered from verbal and sometimes physical abuse from her daddy made him realize why she did and said the things she did. It didn’t make it any easier, but he tried to understand.

He just couldn’t give her everything she wanted. Driving a truck earned him a living but certainly no extras. When she threw it up to him that he wasn’t even a high school graduate, it grated on his nerves. Maybe he could look for another job that would pay more, but in Madison choices were limited. It probably wouldn’t matter. Would he ever make enough to satisfy Loretta? The answer was clear to him as he crossed the street to walk toward home.

It was getting close to dusk as he turned into Robin Lane. He could see through the shimmery darkness on this hot summer night the outline of Crystal’s blue Mustang parked in the dirt driveway. Getting closer, he could smell the climbing yellow rose bush at the corner of the house. Barely seeing Crystal and Loretta sitting there, he strolled up the driveway to the porch.

Crystal had always liked and admired Frank. He had always been there for her best friend, and she felt Loretta should count her blessings to have him. She greeted him warmly, with Loretta ignoring the exchange.

How’s it going, Frank? It sure has been a hot day, and it’s still a scorcher. Loretta and I have been yakking away, but it’s time for me to skedaddle, said Crystal.

Standing up and faking a yawn, Crystal picked up her keys and headed for the Mustang without looking back at Loretta or even saying good-bye. It was typical of her good-byes when she didn’t want to stir anything up between their friendships. Crystal had always made it clear that Loretta should appreciate what she had in Frank. He was her shining knight who had saved her from … well, that was old news, and the future would be better for her. Frank was the stabilizing force in her life, and the sooner she accepted it, the sooner she would be able to lead a more fulfilled life.

Loretta and Frank watched Crystal walk to the car, start the motor, and drive away down Robin Lane. Loretta turned to Frank as he opened the screen door, but he slipped quietly into the dark living room without giving her a glance. Sitting alone and peering into the night made her think of the darkness that had seemed to surround her dreams since childhood.

Humph! Tony and Lauren getting married Saturday was not the news she’d expected, but she’d known it was inevitable. It enraged her that she hadn’t been invited. She remembered the look that had passed between her and Lauren a year ago at the Fourth of July parade. Lauren had sensed that Tony still had a connection with her. If she only knew—well, she will never find out!

Hearing Chrissy crying rocked Loretta out of her daydreaming mood. Jumping up, she scooted into the living room and down the tiny hall to the baby’s room. Frank stood with the baby in his arms, looking adoringly at his little girl. Loretta was almost jealous of the unconditional love that Frank lavished on Chrissy. Times like this made her love Frank for being such a wonderful daddy. Mama had been right when she’d picked Frank Ward out for her. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Loretta put her arm around Frank’s shoulder and kissed the baby. Frank watched her with love, but he didn’t speak. Leaving Frank to put the baby down, Loretta turned and went to the bathroom. She knew that Frank would take care of the baby and lock up for the night. Frank was the most dependable person she had ever met.

Chapter 2

It was a sticky, sweltering night. Loretta woke drenched before daylight. She felt a squeezing sensation of being trapped because of her own doing. Frank lay beside her, still snoring and sleeping. Looking at him brought feelings of resentment. Her fantasy and desire to be with Tony was not going to come true. Her life had been laid out like a dead corpse in a funeral home. She had no earthly control over the situation.

Shoving the hot sheet off her body and turning away from Frank, Loretta felt a cool breeze blow across her neck and touch her face. She smiled to herself; it reminded her of spring morning breezes when she and Crystal had waited for the school bus to take them to Madison High. The bus would leave Davis Road and head for the exclusive section of town. Tony Woods lived in the well-to-do part of Madison, with his parents, in a two-story colonial brick home with a curved driveway to the front portico. The grounds had been lush with spring flowers tucked into precise urns. Tony would run for the bus dressed in khaki pants and a button-down oxford shirt. His hair was light brown and wavy. He didn’t even try to look handsome or preppy. He just exuded that aura. All the girls on the bus were gaga over Tony and couldn’t wait to see him each morning.

Tony would run for the bus, taking two steps at a time. He would swing into the seat behind Loretta and Crystal. It was his usual seat, and he would delight in teasing and razzing both girls. But everyone knew that after arriving at school Tony would head straight to Lauren Beck’s locker. They were definitely an item. Seeing Tony look at Lauren, there was no doubt he was in love.

Shaking off these memories, Loretta moved out of bed and down the hall to check on Chrissy. Standing over the baby bed and remembering the night she’d been born sent shivers over Loretta. Losing Chrissy would have been more than she could ever bear. If it hadn’t been for their neighbor, Rose Nelson, calling the police when she saw Loretta lying crumpled in the snow off their front porch, she could have died out in the frigid snowstorm.

Turning around to face the door, Loretta saw Frank watching her with a big smile. When he watched her and the baby he always had a hopeful look. It spoke of tenderness and devotion to his family and the hope that their life would be better. If ever there was an optimist who always saw the good in a situation that would be Frank Ward.

Glancing back to the baby’s bed, Loretta felt ashamed of the argument they had had last night and the way she had lashed out at Frank. Life had certain triggers that blasted reason right out of her head when she should have been positive and forgiving—when she couldn’t have what she really wanted. Knowing, but not really knowing, what she wanted tormented her every day.

Smiling at Frank, Loretta walked past him, asking whether eggs and bacon would be okay for breakfast. As she headed for the kitchen, she heard the telephone ring. It was too early for Crystal to make her daily call.

Hello, answered Loretta. Then, Frank, it’s Madison Trucking Company office calling, she called.

Hearing that Frank was being asked to take a run to Florida this Friday was music to her ears. Loretta’s eyes lit up with pleasure. It wasn’t the extra money but Frank’s being out of town Saturday that caused her to smile inside. Remembering that Tony and Lauren’s wedding was coming up Saturday, she thought that this would give her a chance to attend. Today was looking up!

Loretta was going to call Crystal after Frank had left to drive a short run to Nashville, but Crystal beat her to the draw.

Guess what? asked Loretta.

Don’t start that guessing-game stuff with me. If I know the real facts, I can always figure out what you are thinking. Now, give, demanded Crystal.

Leaning back in the white kitchen chair and smiling like a Cheshire cat with a secret, Loretta asked, Guess who is going on a truck run to Florida this Friday and won’t be back for a week?

Silly goose—that’s easy. Who else in your family drives a truck for a living and makes runs all over the country? asked Crystal. Why are you so excited about Frank being out of town for a week? He’s done it many times before, and you’ve never been that thrilled. Okay, out with it. What’s going on? asked Crystal.

Promise me you won’t blow up and try to stop me? asked Loretta.

It depends on what you are going to tell me, stated Crystal.

With Crystal’s silence, Loretta sensed that she had already figured it out. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to tell her best friend about her plans. Well, they weren’t really full-blown plans, only thoughts of What if I slipped into the church to see Lauren and Tony marry? The Woods family was one of the most prominent families in Madison. There would be hundreds of people attending, and no one would notice little old her.

I just thought it would give us more time together before you and Sam goes back to college next week. I will miss your telephone calls every morning while you’ve been working at Whitten Lumber Company. It won’t be the same writing letters, said Loretta.

Silence on the other end made Loretta wonder whether the phone connection had dropped. Are you still there? asked Loretta.

"Yes, I am—but I’m not talking until you tell me that you aren’t planning what I think you are. We haven’t known each other since kindergarten for nothing.