At Odds with Twenty-Two

Copyright © 2011 by Marion F. Francisco

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This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

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ISBN: 978-1-4620-7083-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4620-7085-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4620-7084-8 (e)

Printed in the United States of America

iUniverse rev. date: 11/28/2011

Contents

Prologue

Part A: The Falcons Gather

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Part B: Had We Met Before?

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Part C: Decisions

Part C

Epilogue

This is dedicated to the memory of

William Henry Francisco Jr.

At Odds With

Twenty-Two

Prologue

Their future had arrived before the promise was fulfilled and definitely before they were ready. And yet, perhaps, the promise had merely changed. Neither Janie nor Parker had had any particular complaints, misgivings or shortcomings. Possibly a general feeling of malaise now and again would grip them at odd moments, but nothing to overwhelmingly distract them from the purpose at hand. They longed for other landscapes though; something greener, flower scented and full of yellow burning sun; something.

Midway through her life at forty-four, Janie looked both ways; towards her future and to the past days and years of her life so far. Parker both relished and regretted his personal triumphs and disasters that were now only the follies of the garden gazebo. Where once a sunrise filled their hearts only office neutral filled their vision.

They had spent their time quietly without proximity with a vibrant world, twenty-two years had passed since everything had been turned over to them with a dare and a pledge. It’s all yours now, if you want it and if you can get it. Of course, they first had had to decide what seemed desirous enough to track down and grab. It had taken a while but now they possessed what they supposed was wanted. They had not known what they wanted then and only now realized that some things needed major adjusting. Life had not turned out right. Joy was missing from Parker’s life. They were missing some element of refraction. Whatever approached Janie merely stopped at her doorstep.

In twenty-two years dreams and realities intermingled, faded and grew bright, each ecliptic to the other. There had been the dream of fulfillment replaced by the acceptance of contentment. Not that the sharpness of mind and spirit had dulled, just burned steadily with other fuel for a while. Having made a false start, a start that took time, effort, determination and money; each had turned onto a different path. Robert Frost had been right in a way. Janie had been flipping through the channels looking for the next sparklingly light. Parker stood and stared into the gray of a long night waiting for someone to turn the light on.

As they stood now seemed outwardly to be where the last twenty-two years had left them. Inwardly they still truly reflected that time twenty-two years ago; except now they outwardly seemed to have dampened needs and wants. The shining glitter turned to reflection. Perhaps? One day? Hopefully soon, a gentle breeze would follow them from the past and rekindle the flame of that lost potential.

Contentment shone from Janie’s face. She had labored hard and long for the inner sense of mind where she should be happy. Outwardly she had succeeded; nice clothes, nice house, nice car; all devoid of the flame.

Parker had reached this time where the outer self and the inner being no longer were even close. He was like two people in one body. For decades he had submerged his essential consciousness beneath the needs of the outside world. There was not any gray anymore, no way to compromise his being; it was either the light shining strong and clear or a completely shrouded lamp.

Except time was running alongside of them and they had come to know that something needed to change, something must awaken them from this long numbing sleep or surely they would perish inwardly and forever. They needed to do something. And soon. There had to be something or someone they had overlooked or missed along the way.

Part A: The Falcons Gather

Chapter 1

Parker

After the overnight rain, everything in the city was still wet, sticky and covered with the haze of weighted pollution. Looking out from his executive office on the thirtieth floor while standing with his back to the door, Parker thought the haze had moved inside his mind where everything was clammy despite the clear reflection in the window. The watery reflection of the six-foot figure wavered slightly in the muted glare. Smiling with some self-conscious silliness, Parker looked closely at the salt and pepper in his hair, wondering a little how it had gotten there. My head used to be covered in deep ebony luxurious hair not this combination of black and little gray wires.

With only one appointment scheduled before departing at noon, Parker sat strumming his fingers on the edge of his desk as he mused about the passage of time. He had lost himself along the way.

Suddenly stopping his restless fingers Parker realized he had been doing that a lot lately, ever since putting the reservation card in the mail. Twenty-two years seems like an unlikely time for a class reunion but then being a little late or maybe early never stopped that group, mused Parker as he now sat with fingertips posed together while strumming them off of each other.

Standing again into his full six feet and gliding over to the full wall of windows, Parker stared down into the dirt windy crater. In a way it drew him in as he leaned towards the glass seeking something beyond the shining reflections. At six-thirty in the morning there were few people in the quiet street below. Normally it was later in the morning when Parker arrived at his desk and he rarely saw this emptiness. Recent nagging restlessness had forced him out of his apartment earlier and earlier each morning. As Parker now half watched half listened, the rain increased in intensity as it hit the pavement again. Anyone down there without an umbrella would be soaked in seconds. The wind kicked up too and blew so that the windows became dotted with the wet also. I hope this rain stops by noon. I don’t relish the idea of driving for hours in a downpour, thought Parker. It was a lonely sour thought. With a decisive movement and an involuntary silent sigh he returned to his desk while still staring behind his eyeballs, not really taking in any of it.

Standing beside the desk with his fingers lightly tracing figure eights on the wooden surface, Parker fought the temptation to abandon the weekend reunion and just vanish off by himself for the next two days. After all there was not any compulsion or business reason to go. He had not gone to the last one, why should he go to this one? No one would miss him. Probably no one would remember him. Still perhaps as something different to do, even just the drive upstate might ease this annoying restlessness, which led to distraction.

The heavy thunderhead pushed out over Long Island Sound shortly after eleven, leaving Manhattan to steam itself through the lunch hour. Parker repacked his brief case preparing to leave for the long anticipated weekend. At precisely quarter to twelve he pushed the intercom for his assistant.

Miss Adams, here are the files to be completed today. After you finish these why don’t you also take the afternoon off? They both knew the files only needed to be re-filed but office games prevailed.

Thank you Mr. Thomas. I hope you have a pleasant weekend, she answered, turning and leaving Parker once again alone in his office. He needed to leave now before the courage failed.

An afternoon off for him was a rarity. Parker was always considerate about his staff but as he always worked as steadily as a faithful hunting dog, naturally they did also. For all of these years, until now, it had never occurred to him that this was somehow wrong.

It had never been a question of too much work or of being indispensable. It was just that since Melinda had been killed in that car accident ten years ago, Parker’s main interests revolved around his career. It gave him regularity and a purpose to his life, a life so suddenly become empty.

Parker rarely left the office early and spent precious little time in his convenient bachelor apartment. Life outside of the office revolved around his nieces and nephews whom he spoiled as only a bachelor uncle could do. The city also filled his time with its many cultural events. There were few evenings or weekends that Parker would allow his mind to wander or dwell on unpleasant memories.

Being unoccupied and being alone remained a constant reality to Parker; a reality he pushed aside or controlled by vigorous diligence. When nothing worked he still marveled that Melinda had married him, a dullard as he came to think of himself after her death; and that he had allowed himself to respond to her warmth and love.

Meeting Melinda that fall while both were sales clerks in men’s wear, Parker knew immediately that this pert blonde was going to end up as his wife. He’d been in love before but this was different. At twenty-seven Parker had dated many women, forming several long-lived relationships but not being impassioned by any. Except there was that one time in graduate school when he had come close to being consumed.

His marriage to Melinda followed in December and had lasted seven years during which time Parker had not been lonely or alone but completely at ease and happy. He rarely thought of Janie during that time. Only now, after all of this time did it cause a certain chaos in his mind.

Soon after their marriage, Parker’s career moved rapidly towards the corner Vice President’s office. Even after Melinda’s death on the Long Island Expressway, his career continued to advance all the more rapidly. After the accident Parker dedicated himself to his job, concentrating on anything but his loss. Outwardly Parker was successful and he could forget most of the time. Yet there were times when a longing for just her presence in the next room overwhelmed him so that he remained stunned; even after the passage of all these years. He was an active failure that everyone commended for having such control over his emotions. By tucking it all away inside he interrupted a continuously erupting stream of private anguish. For the past ten years he had thus controlled and regulated his life. When the cap would blow off the well was unknown but some passion was calling him ever stronger as time moved on.

Parker could not readily remove himself from the security of his office until the very last minute. If he could have permanently affixed his reflection to the window, he would have. Then, he could stay without regret or yearning. A strange inertia engulfed him - the complete opposite of his usual brisk energy and cool efficiency. Why do I sit here? he asked himself. If I don’t go now I’ll miss the dinner tonight. Besides hadn’t my dear brother Stan told me just the other day that I needed a change in myself? I’m in a rut? I can’t understand this reluctance though. We’ll all be in the same boat, groping around among virtual strangers, trying to remember precious bits of conversational information. I wonder who else will be there. I wonder if Janie will be there, my Janie. She is the only one I need to see again. She is the real reason I am going, I suppose. I loved her once. Can we love again?

IT’S NO USE

It is no use, the step is backwards.

Where once a heart drew the step forward

Now only an unseen future beckons

It is no use, the hand is withdrawn

Once it lay warmly enclosed in mine

But now it is gone from sight

It is no use, the thoughts are muted

No longer reaching out to possibilities

They dwell alone in darkness

It is no use, the touch is numb

Embraces linger in shadows

Where once only sunshine dwelt

It is no use, love has fled

Across the snowy fields that once

Were green with our growing rapture.

Knowing why but only on some subconscious level of desire, Parker left Manhattan driving north and west on the Thruway, passing Albany, and exiting hours later into the familiar Mohawk Valley. He arrived at the Inn next to the small prestigious University he had managed to matriculate and graduate from with two degrees. His mind had cleared.

Chapter 2

Janie

The gold lettering on the office door read Janice Worthington Farwell, Corporate Controller, and Vice President. She quietly closed that door when leaving her office on the Thursday night before the reunion. Everyone else had left the office hours ago; at the normal end of the workday. For just a moment Janie stared at the familiar lettering. Then, while running her well-cared for hand over the paint, she remembered how hard she had had to fight for the addition of Worthington to the door. Suddenly she laughed loudly, thinking how presumptuous it really was. Maybe when I get back I'll have the door redone with J. W. Farwell. The battle's over now. I've won. There are no more them versus me anymore, just a settlement after nineteen years. At least I sincerely hope so.

Naturally the road had not always been smooth. Janie had turned aside from easy progress in life and in a career early in life. During graduate school she had given in to the traditional view of weak woman as Parker ascended to a position in her life where her obsession with him had controlled her thoughts and actions. As she walked down the hall she mused He had become an obsession at the time. A deep love can do that. We were too young at that time, too young and lacking in any real experiences of life. Yet that did not matter. We loved each other beyond the light and darkness. We just could not control it. But, that had passed and new behavior learned.

There were other things Janie had learned; that moving from job to job deflected one's energies from the superfluous material things of life. She had moved three times during graduate school alone. Moving was boring and time consuming. After graduation she moved once more into the Midwest and while the choice had been hers, it had required time and effort to settle in, detracting her from other activities along the way. The moves during graduate school had been less pressured since she was pursuing her socially accepted career of teaching. Moving west into a new and unrestricted world caused a fine tension, which was something new to Janie. A tension which drained energy and hope away for a time. This drainage of energy was stopped and she eventually used this retained energy to her advantage.

Even though more and more women entered or maintained control in business, most men had considered them an annoyance; considered as something that was a burden on the old boys’ structure. In a two-sexed world the business world knew three sexes, he, she and women in business. While in her twenties, Janie had rejected all of that thinking. At forty-four Janie