Airdrie’S Boys: Fostering as a Family Form
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About this ebook
Adolescence can be a challenging period under normal circumstances, but for five troubled boys, 1963 is a particularly difficult year. As social worker Airdrie Thompson-Guppy and her family settle in Waterloo, Ontario, Airdries life is about to dramatically change when those five boys are placed in her home by the Childrens Aid Society.
One by one, the boys cautiously move into the home Airdrie shares with her husband and one-year-old daughter. Lefty is the unwitting victim of his fathers anger. Bob has endured constant abuse from his alcoholic parents. Johnny struggles academically, is fatherless and is clearly troubled. Val sports an impish grin and is quick to argue. Dan is a cheery lad who is easily led by others. As Airdrie shares how she cared for the boys despite their inner turmoil and troubled backgrounds, she provides an eye-opening glimpse into one family form that focuses on rescuing and protecting children from the atrocities of a dysfunctional life.
Airdries Boys is a poignant story for anyone who cares about children; for families who need to know that lives can change and mend; and for all those who dedicate their professional lives to helping children discover a better life.
Airdrie Thompson-Guppy
AIRDRIE THOMPSON GUPPY practiced as a social worker and a clinical marriage and family therapist for forty-five years. She was Director of Social Work from 1974 to 1985 at the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario, and then Director of Social Work at the Queensway Carleton Hospital from1985 to 1988. She then continued her work through private practice. She is the coauthor of Stepmothers: Exploring the Myth (1986). Now retired, Airdrie lives in Ottawa, Canada, where she continues to learn about life through her five children and fourteen grandchildren.
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Book preview
Airdrie’S Boys - Airdrie Thompson-Guppy
CONTENTS
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
A wonderful, compelling story of human compassion and connection …
—Mike Balla, MSW, RSW, Balla Consulting Group, Inc.
Airdrie Thompson-Guppy is a pioneer. … We learn about the early days of a system of foster care before it was a system; we learn a lot about expectations, both realistic and unrealistic; and, last but not least, we learn that lives can be enhanced (even if not entirely transformed) by the care of strangers.
—Robert Glossop, CM, PhD, Hon. DSc, Hon. LLD;
former Executive Director of Programs for the Vanier Institute of the Family
"Airdrie’s Boys is a candid and insightful personal reflection on life’s journeys. … Her story will be an echo for all of us who care about, and have cared for, special children. It will remind us of the foundational impact on our personal and professional lives made by the young people we encountered in our fledgling careers, who worried us, gave us hope, taught us and made us ask the kind of questions that Airdrie Thompson-Guppy still asks."
—Ron Ensom, MSW, RSW, author of
If Your Child Is Abused
The voices of the boys, their troubles, struggles, successes, in true-to-life stories, are both heartwrenching and heartwarming. The genuineness of the life paths described will speak to foster parents, foster children, anyone considering fostering and anyone who cares about children.
—Dr. Dennis Kimberley, Professor of Social Work, Memorial University, Newfoundland, Canada
Airdrie’s boys were very fortunate that their attachment to Airdie was not determined by the length of the CAS project. Her book will give a new light to the ideal role of foster parents, particularly where seriously traumatized, delinquent adolescents are concerned. Or is she a life long attachment fi gure they never had?
—Dr. Kati Morrison, Psychiatrist, co-author of Stepmothers: Exploring the Myth. A Survival Guide for Stepfamilies
Airdrie’s personal recollections are interesting, insightful, and informative but more importantly are instructive as they help us appreciate the fundamental importance of relationships. She highlights for us the reality that, when working with vulnerable young people, we sometimes just don’t know exactly what works, what doesn’t work and why.
—Dan Wiseman, BSW, MSW
Ottawa, Ontario
For Diane—
who inspired me in writing my stories, and whom the world suddenly and sadly lost on
November 24, 2000
One must wait until the evening
to see how splendid the day has been.
—Socrates
FOREWORD
In her book Airdrie’s Boys , Airdrie provides us a remarkable story of how she, as a nurturing foster parent, formed lasting lifetime connections with a group of boys in child welfare care even though the boys were in her care for a relatively short period of time. It is an example of the power of one person, who brings unconditional acceptance and nurturance to a child, to provide a pathway to encouragement and hope as a replacement for discouragement and despair. The attachment that was formed with these boys, and the sense of belonging and safety that it provided, offered hope, stability and a set positive of values and expectations that were a frame of reference that influenced the boys throughout adulthood.
Research into the world of newborns has shown that we are social by nature. The newest publications on brain research point to the brain being wired for social connections. Scientists refer to the social brain
and highlight the need for attachments to stimulate the brain for healthy adaptive responses to everyday life. The need for attachment and belonging continues throughout our lifetimes.
We require connections to a social group to develop a sense of well-being. Children require a safe and secure environment with strong emotional and physical attachments to one or more significant adults to develop successfully. A child’s need to belong is paramount to a healthy foundation on which to build all future relationships. Airdrie shows us the power of the foster parent to meet the developmental needs of children and their fundamental need to be important to someone, to know that someone cares deeply about them.
Having known Airdrie for more than 40 years as colleague and friend, I have seen her as a woman who makes a difference in any relationship she enters. She models acceptance, security and safety with clear expectations and boundaries for family living. This was reflected in her relationship with the boys. She was clear that these boys already had families and encouraged ongoing connections which respected their family history, past and present—relationships that are intended to last a lifetime.
As foster families, we become part of the village that raises children.
Airdrie was willing to risk trying new models of care, new mental health strategies and investment in the future of children and youth. She was a trailblazer and a role model in working with the unknown and learning from her foster youth.
This book is filled with examples of tenacity, resilience and trust that build as families face the challenges of life together. Airdrie represented a beacon in the life storms that these boys, now men, managed. She offered them guidance, respect and a common bond with each other having lived in the same foster family.
As is so evident in this story, we often do not appreciate the long-term impact of investing in a child’s life until much later when we come to witness the growth that has occurred from the seeds that were planted years earlier.
This book is a testimony to foster care in all its forms and clearly demonstrates the adage, It takes a village to raise a child.
Foster parents are heroes in our communities and deserve to have their stories recorded as they create families for children who require alternate care and they substantially increase a child’s life chances.
Through her book, Airdrie honours her boys and applauds the importance of safe and loving havens that foster families provide for children and youth who deserve to grow up in healthy and supportive environments.
Marion Balla
President
Adlerian Counselling and Consulting Group
PREFACE
A family provides a child with the basic parameters for