Just Call Me Dean: And Don’T Rain on My Parade

Contents

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

PREFACE

FLEETING MOMENT

AN INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1

0–6 YEARS OF AGE

CHAPTER 2

6–12 YEARS OF AGE

CHAPTER 3

12–15 YEARS OF AGE

CHAPTER 4

15–19 YEARS OF AGE

CHAPTER 5

19–21 YEARS OF AGE

CHAPTER 6

BACHELOR YEARS

CHAPTER 7

FOREVER AFTER YEARS

EPILOGUE A WORD FROM MY MOM

TODAY, AS ALWAYS

Dedicated to:

Dean and Kim

All who seek a full, happy, interdependent way of life

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Of course, without Dean A. A. Poyadue, this book would not exist. He has hounded me to write it since he was about twenty years old; he is now thirty-five. And if he did not have the strength, wisdom, fortitude, and courage to face life and take on its challenges, there would be no words to print—no uplifting story to tell, no very special everyday hero to capture our imagination and our hearts.

Dean wanted me to put his story onto paper, from his unique, understated, and sometimes somewhat-lopsided point of view. By forcing myself to commit to time at my computer, by calling on him for clarifications where my memory failed, and by reviewing drafts with him, I believe we have pulled it off.

I always have to acknowledge the huge contribution to any of my endeavors that is made by my soul mate, my spouse for over fifty years, Octave A. Poyadue (better known as Sweetie). And I extend this gratitude also to our other three children, Turhan Michael, Keith Matthew, and Jill Alexandria; as well as to our seven grandchildren, Jay Quinn, Antonia Symone, Aidan Gabriel, Tayelor Marie, Griffin Matthew, Mira Alexandria, and Asher Gabriel. They all make my life one that is not only fulfilled, but also filled full of priceless moments. Because of their precious time and attention to my endeavors, I am able to write, to work, and to perform acts of kindness in the community. They listen to and provide ideas, read drafts, remind me of our wonderful and complicated family history, provide the love and hugs that make life meaningful, and inspire me to get on with the work of writing, and much more.

I thank the many friends and families of children with special needs who read and added thoughts along the way. I will not start to name them individually, as I will surely forget someone and then get myself into a lot of trouble. You guys all know who you are and how much I love you and appreciate what you have done.

A very special thank you goes to Dean’s wife, Kim, who prodded me to Get on with it! And when Kim gives an order, people usually listen; I know I do. Thanks Kim, for the gentle word shove.

Dean would not have been able to have the life experience that he has had without a nonprofit organization called Parents Helping Parents (PHP). Its mission is to ensure that children with special needs reach their full potential and receive appropriate health care, education, and services by providing them: well-informed families, dedicated professionals, and responsive service systems. While I founded PHP, I also fully and often used PHP to acquire services and enhance Dean’s life. PHP is all about building bright futures for children with special needs. If you have a child with special needs, I hope there is a parent-directed family resource center in your community. If there is not a center in your area, why not start one? Hint – Just Google Parents Helping Parents – San Jose, CA.; and also get a copy of The Parent to Parent Handbook by Santelli, Poyadue, and Young (2001) Baltimore: Paul H. Brookes Publishing.

Without Dean’s rich life experiences, this book could not have been written. Thanks, Dean, for being a can do (or an at least, will try) kind of guy. You are a guy willing to take on the challenges of the world—with a smile.

To my iUniverse editors, coordinators, consultants, and other literary guides, I offer my sincere thanks for your support and forward movement of this very personal project. Your assistance, time, and expertise allowed me to fulfill a fervent commitment to someone very special in my life. You also allowed me to give a mighty shout out to a whole community of warm, wonderful, contributing young adults with special needs whom I admire and wish a lifetime of opportunities, love, and possibilities. As this book works its way across the nation, and into the hearts of America, those with any kind of difference will forever be singing your praise for bringing this quality product forth.

I must give a big shout out of thanks to my three computer assistance gurus—husband Octave, son Keith for being my performance coach, and especially grandson Jay Quinn for truly being my computer ‘guide at the side’.

A very big final thank you is sent out to all my extended family members (Dean’s aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, godparents) and the many friends and professionals throughout California and the nation who have positively contributed so much to Dean’s successful life. You will read about some of them in this book, but due to time and space limits, many are not mentioned in the book; their contributions are no less important to Dean and me. We both send a heartfelt thank you, thank you, many thanks to you all!

Yes, it does take a village. But then again, the village has gained as well.

PREFACE

One day when Dean and his dad were ‘reviewing his past,’ as they so often did; they had the following, very poignant conversation:

Dad, did you take me to Disneyland?

Yes, I did. Do you remember it, Dean?

No, Dad. Dad, did you take me to Yosemite?

Yes, Dean, I did. Do you remember that?

No, Dad. Dad, did you take me to NASA?

Oh, yes, Dean. Do you remember that?

No, Dad.

My gosh, Dean, I wasted my money.

"Oh, no, Dad, it’s all a part of me!"

So much of what happens to us, whether we remember it very well or not at all, makes its mark on us. Dean has so wisely figured out that it becomes a part of who we are and how we function in life—for better or for worse. That is a great truth to know. Dean knows that truth, thanks to his dad and the adventures he provided. Dean also knows that he is a more grateful person, a more self-assured guy, and a more courageous man because of those wonderful, positive life experiences his wonderful father provided.

Won’t you come along on the uplifting voyage of his life? You will travel a bit back in time and then move rapidly forward through the unique experiences of a successful young man, a young man whose journey through life allows us to appreciate the wonders of accomplishing simple, everyday tasks, as he takes on and meets the challenges that assail and the opportunities that beckon him. His name is Dean Archibald Anthony Poyadue, and he was born with Down syndrome*.

Dean’s story will introduce you to the up side of Down. Yes, there can be another side, but you will have to read his mom’s story or other books written on the subject to experience that down side. You are encouraged not to rain on Dean’s parade, but instead, join him in his positive approach to moving forward in life. Try it; you might like to use it for your own life as well and find it beneficial for your growth, health, and happiness. It won’t cost you much more than a positive attitude and a smile.

Dean is not alone in his success. Many others with a variety of special needs or disabilities have traveled successful roads of life. We salute them all. We applaud their contributions to the success and pleasantness of our planet. Like the young man who lost his eyesight but became a great sculptor; he said that he would not have his vision back, if he had to give up all he had gained since he lost it.

Most parents of children with special needs will tell you that they spend an awesome amount of time with their children, getting to know and understand their needs, their desires, their disability, and especially their abilities. Sometimes, they feel as though they are joined to their child at the head or heart, if not the hip. In that context, this book is written by Dean’s mom but from the perspective of his thoughts, actions, words, and reactions (behavioral and emotional) to events in his life. Any liberties that are taken with words or expressions is done to simply get his side of the story out and to enhance the reader’s comprehension.

This book will cover the major aspects of Dean’s life: his birth, his family, neighborhood integration; a very special lifelong friendship with a ‘regular’ kid, and his education, which consisted of early infant stimulation, preschool, Head Start, elementary school, junior high, high school, and college. It also contains information about his health, friends, awards, sports, siblings, and fun activities like dating, dancing, bowling, and the excitement of being behind the wheel of a moving car. Of course, his life’s history would not be complete without a look at his transition to independent living, his bachelor days, religious activities, service agencies that support the many aspects of his life, his gainful employment, and of course his marriage to the beautiful Kimberly.

If you have someone in your family who has special needs, you will find this book uplifting. It may provide information or resources perhaps previously unknown or unfamiliar to you. If you do not have a person with special needs in your life, here is a significant opportunity to broaden your knowledge of the world you live in, to take a peek into the world of disability or special needs, and to grow as a caring and interested, as well as interesting, human being. This book has been written especially for you, to increase your comfort with millions of your fellow Americans who have a special need or disability.

If you are a professional who works with individuals with special needs, this short story can show you the other side of the coin. A professional who may have worked many years in the field, and suddenly finds him or herself the parent of a child with special needs, often gets a rather rude awakening to what the world of disability is all about. Their eyes are suddenly opened to what families are experiencing on the other side of the school table or hospital bed. This little book can help provide that awakening without your having to give birth to a child with special needs.

Dean has told his mom more than once, It’s my life, so let us get started on the life, times, and philosophies of Dean A. A. Poyadue.

*Down syndrome is a chromosome abnormality wherein the person so affected is born with three chromosomes on the twenty-first pair of chromosomes instead of the usual two. This extra chromosome can cause a number of physical and intellectual changes.

FLEETING MOMENT

Sometimes when I just glimpse my son,

I see,

The little ole boy

That was to be.

DAMN CHROMOSOME!

Three years have flown,

For you and me.

And now, with wiser eyes

I see.

You are the boy that was to be.

WELCOME HOME!!!!!

—Florene Stewart Poyadue

This poem is dedicated to all parents, especially those who just happen to have a child with special needs.

All children will benefit, and all children are valuable.

AN INTRODUCTION

A Reason For Call Me Dean…

Beyond hoping to make a living, or at least add to their income, most writers no doubt have at least two or three major reasons for spending numerous hours of valuable time creating that all important, unique item we call a book. Sometimes, as with a Huckelberry Finn or To Kill a Mocking Bird, the book takes on a significance and purpose far beyond the author’s original intensive purposes.

Both of the aforementioned books either surreptitiously, in spite of, or because of their simplicity of story and approach, helped define eras in a great country’s history. They heightened awareness of racial issues, and continue to be used as tools for teaching the power of truth, tolerance, love, friendship and commitment to right over might, wrong thinking, and/or injustice.

My dream is that this memoir Just Call Me Dean…an unassuming and overwhelmingly positive story of a child overcoming intellectual and speech deficits, while lacking-in-dialogue presentation, will effect in a positive way our thinking and behavior towards individuals with ‘a difference.’ That difference may be disability, race, gender, sexual orientation, skin color, land of origin, religion or any other attribute. Dean expects to cast a broad outreach net.

Who is included in this outreach? I’m glad that you asked the question. It includes:

• The general population of our country which is probably not aware that a recent Gallup survey finds that this country is not as accepting of people with intellectual disabilities as many European nations

• Parents of all children (particularly those who have children with special needs) who want the best possible outcomes for their offspring,

• And helping professionals (teachers, nurses, physicians, numerous therapists), and paraprofessionals, including those learning their chosen fields, who are involved in the lives of individuals who may need assistance

How many of us realize that there are millions of Americans with disabilities? Not just children born with birth defects but also those injured on sports fields, in accidents on our highways, our military heroes on battle fields of war, and those affected by numerous diagnoses such as multiple sclerosis, muscular dystrophy, Lou Gherigs disease, and arthritis that can strike the very young as well as the old, just to name a few. The rise in autism is often called ‘epidemic’; and schools have numerous students who have some type of learning disability (dyslexia, dysgraphia, ADD ADHD.) This is just a part of the list.

Positive changes expected from