Keeping My Secrets but Not from Him—He Is All-Knowing: In the Beginning and All the Days Since

KEEPING MY SECRETS

but Not from Him—

He Is All-Knowing

In the Beginning and All the Days Since

Marilynn Warner Arkerson

Copyright © 2011 Marilynn Warner Arkerson

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-2042-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-2060-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-2041-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011932929

Printed in the United States of America

WestBow Press rev. date: 7/14/2011

Contents

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter 1

Life Begins! Ages Birth to Four Years - Being protected by God and Parents

Chapter 2

Age Four to Six - The War

Chapter 3

Age 6 - 10 -

The greatest influences in my life

Chapter 4

Life Blossoms Like the Spring

Chapter 5

Love Flourishes in High School

Chapter 6

Out in the World to Learn by My Mistakes, Adulthood

Chapter 7

Starting our life together

Chapter 8

God’s Greatest Gift – A Child

Chapter 9

A Second Birth and Losing Dad

Chapter 10

Starting Life in a New Home

Chapter 11

Starting Over Again in a New Neighborhood

Chapter 12

Losing Mom and Losing the Love of my Life

Chapter 13

Trying to Make Life Fit

Chapter 14

Lesson Learned

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my deceased parents:

my mother, Sarah Marie Walsh Warner

and my father, Horace DeVere Warner,

who never waivered in their love for me

and their guidance of how they felt I

needed to learn about life.

Introduction

I must tell you that there may come a time when life altering events happen to us, events that we hadn’t planned for, one that stops us in our tracks and makes us realize just how precious life is. This event will show us just how good God is and how He brings us through that event. He gives us new strength and faith that we did not know we had and carries us to a renewal of spirit that transcends all of our understanding. One of those events just occurred in my life. I went to bed one night, and had a great night’s sleep. I awoke the next morning, became ill, fainted, and fell, hit my head and broke my neck. The hours and days that followed had me recovering in a hospital several miles from home and in the same city where my daughter lived. There is much that I do not remember of the hours that followed the fall, but I do know that when something bad happens to us, God will make something good out of it. This illness and accident have given me time to reflect on some of the goals in life I had set for myself, and on what I should do about the ones that still needed to be accomplished.

For many years now I have planned to write this book. I have worked on the outline for at least five of those years, carrying it with me in my purse everywhere I went. Because so many things in my daily life and conversations with people, would take me back to the earlier years, I did not want to miss or forget something that should be included. My mind has been spinning with memories from the past and with that came my efforts to run and find my notepad, to jot it down, so as not to miss an important lesson learned. Each time I talked to a family member or friend, attended a special event, or took a trip, I was reminded of something I needed to add to the outline and needed to share, things that I thought were very important, too important not to be in this book. I kept the notepads everywhere. As I said earlier, they were in my purse, beside the bed, on my computer desk, in the bathroom and at work.

In my efforts to begin my writing, it seemed like every time I sat down in front of my computer to write, I would say to myself, Who am I? and Why am I writing this book? I have never written a book before, starred in a movie, won a huge award, or found a cure for anything! Will anyone be interested in reading what I have to say? Will anyone care to read about what I have gone through or how I got through it? Will anyone benefit from all this? And then one day there came a time when God put these words in my head and in my heart. What you have to write about may bring joy, peace, healing and laughter to those dealing with the same things that you have experienced. Through your words they may realize that I am with them always, as I was and am with you now and that I will be there through the storm. You need to tell your story".

So, here I am, starting from the beginning as I remember it, experienced it, laughed and cried through it, and have come to this point in my life with a much stronger faith in God and Jesus Christ, than ever!

A few years ago I realized that I had been blessed with a very vivid memory, very vivid memories that most people would let ruin their lives, or want to gain revenge for. I have tried to erase or wish that I could have forgotten a few of those memories, things that have been very hurtful, carried in the back of my mind, but never shared with any of my friends or family, except one, my Aunt Kate. I am praying to God for the courage to share these memories with you in this book. After all, it was by the grace of God that I came to this point in my life, of being at peace and very content with the storms I have weathered. What I have learned over the years and know to be true to this day, is that we are responsible for our own lives. We can choose to let bad things control our thoughts, words and deeds or we can choose to learn by them, and not let them be the focus of who we are.

By reading Psalm 139 in our Holy Bible, I have learned that God made each one of us unique in our own body and spirit, with special gifts and talents. They are given to a degree, solely to us, and it is up to each one of us to live up to our potential, letting Him lead and thanking Him for every sunrise and sunset, until He calls us to be with Him again.

Throughout the years I have been blessed by God’s grace. He has put before me, from a very young age, some wonderful individuals who have had a great influence on me and my life. They are people who I will never forget and who I will be ever thankful to. Right from my earliest memories I realized that they included my Dad, my aunt Catherine, Father Daniel O’Brien from St. Matthews RC Church, Nellie Murray, my teacher at Fly Road Elementary School, Helen Bork who was my first dance instructor and friend, Rev. Leonard Basford from James Street Methodist Church, who counseled my marriage and Dr. Robert Schuller, a world renowned Doctor of Theology and television minister, who I continue to listen to, each and every week.

I have learned great words of wisdom from all these people. Through their influence I have learned how to conduct my life, my thinking, and what the world had to offer me, if I believed in myself and trusted God to lead me in the right direction. Their words are still a very loud and clear memory in my mind, with spirit-filled guidance for daily survival.

I must confess to you that I did not always listen when I should have. I didn’t always follow God. Sometimes I took the path that I wanted to take, did the things I wanted to do and left God behind.

There were times when I thought I knew what was best for me, and nothing anyone said, mattered to me at all. I was in charge. What I wanted was all that was important! I am sure I disappointed many people in my quest to do it my way, including my parents, friends, husband, children, and the list could go on and on. After experiencing many heartaches and heartbreaks, I soon learned that that is not the way it should be and I found my way back to God, his path, and I let him lead.

Hopefully this book will give you an insight on how it all started, what I have come through, and where I am now.

Who I am now is a very happy, peaceful individual. I will be forever indebted to the people whom God has placed in my life, for all I have come through, for all I have learned, for what I have accomplished, and for what He has in store for me from this day hence. Each day when I open my eyes I ask God to please use me where he needs me, and I listen for that still small voice, the voice that will lead me to more joy and peace in my life, and hopefully peace and joy for someone else!

Psalm 139

O Lord, You have searched me

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise,

You perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down.

You are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

You know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in – behind and before,

You have laid Your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Where can I flee from Your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, You are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, You are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

Even there Your hand will guide me,

Your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say "Surely the darkness will hide me,

and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to You,

for darkness is as light to You.

For You created my inmost being;

You knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Your works are wonderful.

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in that secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

Your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are Your thoughts, O Lord!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with You.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of You with evil intent; Your adversaries misuse Your name. Do I hate those who hate You, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against You?

I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Life Application Bible – New International Version

We never know what the Lord has in store for us! We can plan and try to shape our lives to fit our needs, but God is always in charge. Even when we do not realize it, he is keeping watch and molding us and protecting us in ways we will probably never comprehend. I can remember when I was very young and talking with my sister Helen one day. I looked her straight in the eye and said, Helen, I will never ever live in this town! How can you stand living here? She replied that you never know what is going to happen in your life that may bring you to a place that you never thought you would be. Time, happenings and circumstances have a way of changing things. You must learn to accept what God has planned for you and what it is He leaves to your free will, and watch for the signs so you know the difference. My sister Helen and I had a very special relationship, that most of the family never truly understood, and I knew that she would never tell me anything that was not for my own good. She was kind, sweet, caring and truly one of God’s special people.

So here I am, living in the little village that I said I would never live in, and loving every minute of it. I wish the reason that brought me here had never occurred, but none the less, God had a different plan. I am here and I had my reason for moving here. After you have a traumatic experience in your life, you suddenly realize that God will put you where he wants you and perhaps, where you are needed. How and why I got here will be covered in the pages that follow. But first, I must tell you how it all began, the years in between, and all the important lessons I have learned from these experiences, as well as the skills and grace God bestows on us to live our lives to the fullest.

The greatest lesson of all that I have learned is how God’s love is always with us no matter how bad we are, no matter what we do, no matter how we act, no matter what we say and, no matter how much we ignore Him along the way. There are countless references in the Holy Bible of God’s promise and faithfulness to us. What a gift we have been given……..this life of ours!

Psalm 121

I will lift mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved; he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is thy keeper. The Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand. The Sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil. He shall preserve thy soul. The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

So many times I hear this psalm used at funerals, but I choose to use it as a reassurance that He is there from the beginning, keeps His hand on us in the middle, and at the end of our life, He will call us home to dwell in His house.

Life Application Bible – New International Version

Chapter 1

Life Begins! Ages Birth to Four Years - Being protected by God and Parents

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light, and there was light.

Genesis: 1: 1-3

Life Application Bible – New International Version

In the beginning God created me. I was without form and He formed me, in my mother’s womb and on Friday, July 26th In the year 1940, He gave me light and two wonderful parents, Sarah and Horace Warner! God used these two people to bring me to this earth. After we are born, especially at the first stages of our lives we are guided by our parents and siblings. We really do not have much control of our lives, as we follow in the steps of our parents, brothers and sisters. We learn by what we see and hear. The medical experts now tell us that by the time we are two years of age, we are molded by our environment as to how our brain and body will develop into adulthood.

I was born on my sister Helen’s fifteenth birthday. All I ever heard about all her days on this earth was how instead of a birthday cake, she