Dancing with the Universe: Our Journey Toward Wisdom

Copyright © 2012 by Jeanne Weikert, PhD

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ISBN: 978-1-4759-1871-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-1873-1 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-1872-4 (dj)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012907567

iUniverse rev. date: 6/19/2012

Cover Art: Following the Love, a monoprint by Jeanne Weikert

Photography by Meg Landers

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 The Invitation

Chapter 2 Wonder

Chapter 3 Books

Chapter 4 Art and Angels

Chapter 5 Music

Chapter 6 Choices

Chapter 7 Color Blind

Chapter 8 Religion

Chapter 9 Breaking Away

Chapter 10 Encountering Feminism

Chapter 11 The First Lesson

Chapter 12 Hospice

Chapter 13 The Hospital

Chapter 14 The Second Lesson

Chapter 15 Following the Thread

Chapter 16 The Third Lesson

Chapter 17 Further Unfolding

Chapter 18 Violence

Chapter 19 The Road to Therapy

Chapter 20 Repetitive Behavior

Chapter 21 Mother’s Death

Chapter 22 The Dark Night

Chapter 23 Expanding Community

Chapter 24 Transitioning

Chapter 25 Teaching

Chapter 26 Shaped by Three Lessons

Chapter 27 Background Music

Appendix The New Life Institute

Acknowledgments

About the Author

This book is dedicated to my children,

Jenny and Donald,

their partners,

and my grandchildren.

They remind me

that the dance continues …

Our life is an invitation to dance with the universe.

Wisdom comes in knowing this.

Spirit

There is no place,

No up, no down,

Nor in or out,

Around or under,

Where there is not Spirit.

No place too unchanging

Or crowded and confused

With the tangled threads of living,

No crack where history

Has seeped through unnoticed.

There is no time,

Not now, or then,

No misty drops of future

Or dark-doored memory

Where there is not Spirit.

There is no time or place

Too far or near,

Judged right or wrong

In you or me,

Where there is not Spirit.

Jeanne Weikert

Introduction

How do we measure life experience, blend it with hard-earned knowledge, and then weave it into a fabric that we could call wisdom? It’s no small task, and we all do it in different ways. I’ve become aware of pivot points in my own journey where I made decisions that had lasting effects. They changed the direction of my life. It is in these moments of choosing that I have learned to recognize an internal nudge toward growth and meaning. In retrospect, I realize that these nudges represent a relationship with a much larger reality that encourages me to become my best self.

One such pivot point occurred as I began a training program in a large Boston hospital. The elevator door opened that first day on the floor I was to report to, and I was frozen in place. How on earth had I ever allowed myself to get into a situation where I would be working with people who were dying of cancer? I had to be crazy to do this. I had always been afraid of death and a bit squeamish when it came to blood, pain, and suffering. Yet here I was, committed to spending a year working with some of the sickest people in Boston. What could I—a chaplain who was not even a particularly active churchgoer—possibly have to offer?

How had I gotten into this position? I knew the answer even as I asked the question. An inner source of guidance had invited me, and it brought me here to a large city hospital to work with very sick people, many of whom would be dying on my watch. The partnership with this source felt much like a dance. I was learning to follow, and my partner was leading me toward my unknown potential.

I had to decide whether to get off the elevator and move into the unknown or run back to the car, back to the safe, suburban life that I knew so well. My paralysis finally broke, and I stood there for a moment feeling naked to my very soul. I took a deep breath and stepped off the elevator into an unknown mystery, that of the person I might become.

Yes, I had been invited to step out onto the dance floor, and I was learning to trust that the universe would guide me. Over the years, the dance has taken me into places in life that I never would have chosen on my own. Yet I have never felt alone. There has always been a partner at my side encouraging my journey.

I never planned to write about my personal story, and I confess that in daily life I haven’t spent much time trying to understand the thread of meaning that weaves through it. Like most people, I simply blunder along, having plans but not really grasping the overall direction and meaning of my journey. Yet a theme has always been there when I chose to look for it. I have been in search of a relationship with a greater reality where I know that I belong and am loved. It has always come forward to meet me. This has happened over and over again. I now see that this dynamic is thoroughly woven into my life path. I am beginning to understand what I have been taught.

Many of us start to think actively about the meaning of our lives when we have enough experience under our belt to look back and consider what the ride is all about, to wonder where we have come from and where we are going. Maybe this reflection starts as a vague unease about what we are getting from life or maybe as a major in-your-face event. Something will happen that jogs us to look at our journey. Whatever the event or experience may be, it is a doorway to a deeper level of self-discovery. I think of it as an invitation to dance.

We’ve been invited to dance with the universe. Isn’t that outrageous? The universe is supposed to be a serious place full of intentionality, first causes, spinning galaxies, and all that. It can’t be so bold as to invite us to dance, to get out there with our lives and use all of who we are in joyful self-discovery, in playful, loving community, in passionate exploration of our life purpose. The universe can’t really want us to dance with it, can it?

To even think of the exploration of life purpose as such an active partnership doesn’t fit most templates of personal growth that I encounter. Yet, over the course of life, I have grown to believe that indeed I have been invited to live my life this way. Most religious language uses the term God for this. I tend to use such terms as presence or the universe because that is what it feels like to me. There is presence within and without, and it permeates the very fiber of all existence. It interacts with me. It dances with me, and I am invited to treat my life as a dance of joy and passion within that partnership.

This may seem like an unusual statement considering that life brings pain, suffering, and injustice and ultimately ends in death. We are far more aware of the sorrow than we are of the joyous invitation. It is easy to lose track of the underlying relationship that partners us to become all that we can be and loves us forward toward the next step.

Yes, we all are invited to step out onto the floor, the entire human community. We are all part of a great tribal circle that sings and dances in response to the universal invitation. What else can we do in the face of such a loving relationship but dance and sing with the story of our lives? At some deep, profound level, that is all there is to do—sing and dance! In the end, all we need to do in response to the invitation is to take the first step onto the dance floor. The rest will follow!

Who am I to lead you on this journey?

I have spent much of my professional life working as a psychotherapist. In addition, I became involved with the hospice movement in the late 1970’s when it began here in the United States. Through this work, I have developed an enormous respect for the courage and resiliency of the human spirit. We want to live full, authentic lives—even under the most difficult of circumstances. One of our healthiest desires is to become the very best that we can be.

In the course of my professional life, I have discovered that many people want to take time for self-exploration that is creative more than reparative. Some years ago, I cofacilitated a group that met around a curriculum called Journey Ahead. The members of the group were all businesspeople who had chosen to be part of a journey of self-discovery. We were all in transition in one way or another. We were also seekers, although not all of us were aware of that fact. We met bimonthly for two-day workshops. None of us guessed the effect this journey was going to have on our lives. We not only became more aware of our own lives thus far, but we also were encouraged to make choices about how we would live into the future. We learned that the journey inside circles around to become the journey outside.

In designing this book, I moved between my own experience and basic, universal life themes. In the table of contents, you will note that each chapter has a dual heading. Usually the first part of the material reflects my own life experience and the second elaborates a universal theme that has been explored in a workshop. I have also included a number of stories from the journals of workshop participants.

As I began to focus more on this type of exploration, I discovered what a joyful experience this work can be. Slowly my thinking began to center around a single question: how can I help others to understand their potential?

Thus began my most recent turn on the dance floor: the New Life Institute. It came into being as an organization dedicated to exploring our life journeys and how we learn to develop our most authentic potential. Learning in a workshop format that is shared over time with a compatible group inspires group members to discover their potential. We surprise each other and ourselves. A group of my fellow travelers and I decided to create the New Life Institute so that we might bring the experience to a wider population. We are now all on the dance floor together.

The invitation to you

I want you to get excited about your life, for it is your most important asset. I want you to discover your own unique path so that you can fully live out your potential and leave your most positive legacy. I want you to develop a fresh new perspective about your life.

Each life path is a unique and special gift. It is our own personal source of wonder and opportunity. We are busy people—distracted by the demands of daily life and preoccupied with the things that we regard as important for our well-being. As a result, we tend to ignore the invitations to grow that the universe is constantly sending our way. By taking the time to value our own life process, it is possible to engage with our own hard-won wisdom and connect to the meaning that our life offers. This is what the dance is all about.

Chapter 1

The Invitation

Dreams and Discovery – History has been changed by the power of the dreams of ordinary people. Appreciating the importance of our own dreams can help us understand what we are truly drawn to. Our faith in our own dreams and our ability to make them real is an act of courage for each of us. We need to develop skills of discernment in order to understand what is possible. Faith in our dreams can allow them to happen.

I suspect that many of us don’t seriously believe in our potential or feel that our spirituality is an important door to accessing it. We tend to think that this is a special realm that belongs to others—usually the great mystics and gurus. We don’t dream enough for ourselves and trust that we can discover new directions for the future in our dreaming.

Spirituality is as natural to us as sight, hearing, and speech. It flows into and through our senses every day. It usually comes in small doses where we stop in our busy day, transfixed by a fleeting moment of beauty or grandeur. We stand for a moment in a state of awe. Then we move on and perhaps forget it altogether. Sometimes, it comes in a larger, more in-your-face manner. These we are less likely to forget. It really doesn’t matter how it comes. What does matter is that it is always available. However these moments happen to each of us, they remain in our memory bank, for we have encountered something greater than ourselves. Some people call this the divine. I call it the universe.

In midlife, my own spiritual life began to move into my consciousness in such a way that I became increasingly aware of it. However, it had no clear direction. I was much more focused on daily demands than on my inner life. At the same time, I had always been interested in the life of the spirit and wanted to know more about it. Since I rather loosely grew up within the Christian tradition, I began my search there and explored literature from every imaginable source.

I began reading some of the classic spiritual and religious literature. I tried to connect my own experience to the language and concepts that were used in the books I was reading, but I was aware that they didn’t speak to me the way they did to so many others. This was both surprising and somewhat annoying. I kept hunting and reading until I found stories and experiences that spoke to me.

Over time, I became interested in the version of spirituality held by the Quakers. The Quakers have always been open to their inner life and have had some marvelous authors as spokespersons. The silence in their service opens the door to some extraordinary inner experience.

I finally stumbled on a book called A Testament of Devotion, written by Thomas Kelly, which spoke to me because it is a relatively recent book written in language that I could identify with and understand. I found this book to be truly inspirational. I had been trying to articulate the elusive thread of my own inner experience and was having difficulty using language and symbolism that didn’t seem to fit what was stirring in me.

To be truthful, I was genuinely surprised to find myself in the midst of all this literature. There was nothing that looked particularly spiritual or mystical about my outer life. I was raising children, working, and going about my daily routine just like everyone else, but things that I simply could not ignore were moving and stirring inside me. I was becoming aware that there is a presence outside me, but it also is found within. Perhaps the most important element in all of this exploration was that I was trying to develop a comfort level with myself by reading about the experiences of others. I was preparing for what was to happen next.

It was here in the midst of all of life’s distractions that I was gifted with an experience that really changed the focus and direction of my life. It came to me shortly after I discovered the writings of Thomas Kelly. Looking back, I consider this experience to be the most unusual and consciousness-changing event of my life. It altered the lens through which I saw the world. Everything took on different color and meaning. I had come to a crossroads, and I chose a new life path. The moment did not announce its arrival but simply came like the tide comes in, and I was gifted with a period of time where I felt the presence of Spirit in a conscious and sustained manner. I had done nothing to deserve or earn it. It was purely a gift. While articulating this experience is almost impossible, I will try to put it into words as best I can.

I am loved, simply loved. Every fiber, every molecule, every thought, and every feeling in me is loved. Everything around me is loved: the trees, the earth, the clouds. Everything is alive with this love, and all existence, all creation, is loved beyond any possibility of understanding. All people are loved. Everyone everywhere is loved simply because we are and we are here.

We turn up in life, and we are loved. We exit life, and we are loved. There is nothing that is not touched by this love. As I go about the simple things of everyday life, everything is cast in a different light. I can feel something unfolding within me, as if I am being sung to and my spirit wants to burst with joy.

I am loved as a good mother loves her child. I am nurtured and tended like a garden. I am offered the experiences that will help me grow. I am invited to become all that I can be and sustained as I grow into my new shoes. The extent of this love feels like the best kept secret of all time, a secret that would change my life if I would acknowledge it and allow myself to be sustained and shaped by it.

There is nothing I could do in response to this love and acceptance but to sing my own song in return—the song of my life. It is all that I could do. I sang the song back to the Singer, and this dyad of song became my dance with the universe.

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