A Red Sea of Red Tape

A Red Sea

Of

Red Tape

Larry Vandeventer

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© 2012 Larry Vandeventer. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 1/30/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4685-4183-0 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-4184-7 (sc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012900519

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Contents

Prologue

Dedication

Acknowledgements

A Red Sea of Red Tape

The First Landlord Eviction Notice

The Angels Sang

He Isn’t Even A Teenager Yet

Galilean Take-out For 5,000

Shepherd Boy 1, Giant 0

A Family Celebration

Where Is Caesar Chavez and The Farm Workers Of America Union When You Need Them?

Did The Tower Building Company of Pisa Build These Walls?

A Dead Lion, A Honeycomb And A Girl Cause Trouble For A Jewish Boy

Two Tablets and Ten Commandments Spell Trouble

WAUD Will Win

In The Red Corner The PMA, In The Blue Corner The Healers

He Picked A Kid! What Does A Kid Know About Being a King?

Brother? I Don’t Know Where He is.

Was I Supposed to Watch Him?

All Because Of A Multi-Colored Coat

The First Successful Micro-Brewery

Even Duct Tape Couldn’t Save That Ship

Happy Days Are Here Again

Boy Sees Girl; Girl Sees Boy;

Boy Gets Girl; Uh Oh!

Sabbath 1st Century vs. Sunday 21st Century

The Times Are A’Changin’

Lord, Is There A Plan B?

Epilog

Disclaimer

About The Author

Prologue

A Red Sea of Red Tape portrays how the outcome of selected Biblical events could have been different if the people then had been subjected to the bureaucracy of red tape, rules, laws, codes, restrictions, requirements and mindset of 21st Century America.

America is touted as a free country. There is some disagreement on what free means. Total freedom where everyone is allowed to do whatever he wants to do at any time is anarchy. At the other end of the spectrum is despotism. America is free. Free of despotic rulers. Free of the oppressive demands of an autocratic aristocracy that stifles creativity and economic enterprises. Free of unreasonable laws and restrictions - mostly.

It can be argued that in earlier times America was freer. Now detractors argue that America is one of the most regulated nations on the globe regarding nearly every sphere of activity. Every aspect of life is regulated by agencies, rules, codes and laws. Citizens must depend upon those who are experts to guide them through the morass of laws and rules.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to the many teachers of Bible classes I have sat in over the past many years beginning with the Concord General Baptist Church in Calvertville, Indiana.

A special dedication is for the Church of Christ in Worthington, Indiana, where I was baptized and influenced by those dedicated members in my youth. Most of them are gone now but their influence lives on through my life and those I have influenced.

I also want to dedicate the book to those people who have been students in the Bible classes I have taught since 1959. They have been a constant source of encouragement and they have taught me much more than I have taught them.

Acknowledgements

I want to acknowledge my wife Wanda. We have travelled the road of life together for over 50 years, Her faithful and diligent proofreading and advice are of inestimable value to me. As in my previous five books she is the frontline against manuscript errors. She also finds convoluted and unclear wording.

Thanks to good friend Chef Bryan Agan for his help in discussing food service.

Thanks to Cliff Shaul, JD, Esq., who used to hang a shingle outside his door that said Attorney at Law, for his erudite advice regarding the portrayal of legal matters in the manuscript.

This book would have been impossible without the advice and erudition of Dr. Noah Tall a long-time friend and confidant.

A Red Sea of Red Tape

Genesis 14

Moses stole a quick glance back toward Egypt. He and his people had just come from there. Dust clouds swirled around the marching legions of the huge Egyptian army led by the Pharaoh himself coming to capture his people and return them to slavery. Israel’s children are camped near the Red Sea and wondering what to do now. Fear is rampant and roars through the camp like a tornado through a trailer park. Moses is preparing to lead his people across the Red Sea to safety and is seeking a permit for assembly and travel.

Moses is chafing at the restrictions being given to him by the bureaucrats at the Red Sea Governmental Center.

Mr. Moses, Morey Bund here. You are planning to cross the Red Sea? How do you plan to do so?

We plan to walk across on dry land into the Sinai Peninsula.

Walk on dry land sir, explain to me how that will happen. How many people and animals do you have in this group? Do you realize how deep the water is and how many miles wide it is? And you plan to walk across? Really, sir. You must be kidding.

No sir, we plan to walk. There are close to a million plus people and I don’t know how many animals there are.

Are you planning to build cofferdams along the route to hold back the water or do you plan to walk on water? he said stifling a smirk.

The Lord will provide a way. We are confident of that. He never fails us if we serve Him.

Have you had a survey made to build a roadway through the area you plan to cross?

Survey? No, I didn’t know about that.

Oh, yes, the first thing you must do is complete a survey with a state approved company to determine the route you plan to take. Then you must contact all owners on each side of the body of water and those who own the water rights and mineral rights along the proposed route and purchase the right of way to build the road. Some may refuse to sell so the law firm of Legal and Beagle would have to be engaged to exercise the right of eminent domain to complete the task. Before I can approve your request these stipulations must be met.

We won’t be there very long that is if we can expedite this process. As soon as your permission is granted we plan to move out quickly to escape Pharaoh’s army. These rules seem unnecessary to me.

Mr. Moses, Archie Ologist here. The SPROS [Society for the Preservation of Relics and Old Stuff] will have to lead an expedition and archaeological dig to insure that no relics or old stuff would be damaged or lost in the process. It is our responsibility to protect the historical integrity of the area and to insure that items from the past that significantly bear on the chronicles of our people be protected. Have you made provisions for such preservation activity?

No, but I will gladly cooperate to the fullest extent of my ability. What does that entail?

We must be in constant contact with you and your builders to provide oversight and protection to artifacts found in the process.

That seems like a useless operation. It is highly unlikely that there will be any artifacts found at the bottom of the sea unless some ship may have wrecked and left its cargo. I strongly feel that this will delay our passage and place us in danger. Can we skip this phase?

No sir. That is not an option.

But Pharaoh is coming. His army will be here shortly. I feel his breath on my neck. Please get on with it.

Mr. Moses, Lester Moran of the National Traffic Safety Board (NTSB) here. Before I can approve the construction of a road across the Red Sea, soil samples must be taken and sent to the approved laboratory so that they can determine if it would support such traffic and be stable enough for safe travel. Can you provide those samples?

No. Samples of what? Dirt. Come on now. It will just be people and animals walking quickly across. We have very few conveyances and they are small. I just thought we would hurry across before the Egyptians arrive.

It isn’t that simple, sir. We must comply with regulations and codes. There are several firms who specialize in such analysis of bore samples. They do reputable work and given the proper incentives they can expedite their duties. We can give you a list of those companies and recommend which one you may contact if you wish.

Moses looked back toward Egypt again and slumped. If we must we must. Please do.

I am James Fremont from the Department of Immigration and Citizenship. Mr. Moses, have you made arrangements for passports and travel permits for you and your people?

No. Travel permits? We have been travelling for years and no one has talked to us about such things. Travel permits? What does that mean?

Well sir, you will be traveling from Egypt to the Sinai Peninsula which means you are leaving one country and entering another. There are restrictions and requirements to be met before doing so. You can’t move animals from one jurisdiction to another without permits and health certificates to insure that no diseases will be transmitted to another country. Animals must be inspected for diseases. There is a requirement that animals be quarantined for at least 30 days and watched for evidence of diseases that may be carried from one region to another. People in Sinai do not want their animals exposed to diseases in Egypt. Animals are their livelihood and any unknown diseases would decimate their herds and endanger their very existence.

Is that all?

There is more. Humans must possess a passport with a picture of the holder, address, and the tribe membership so that immigration records and controls are in place. No one will be allowed to leave Egypt without a passport. No one will be permitted to enter the Sinai without a legal and current passport. And there are time limits and restrictions to be met. Travelers can only stay in Sinai for 90 days unless it can be proved that they are gainfully employed and contributing to the economy and have conducted themselves properly. Do you have such passports for your people sir?

No. I am not sure we have time to take the pictures, fill out the forms and get them stamped before the Pharaoh and his army arrives. And that thirty day quarantine for animals. That can’t happen. We are in a hurry. Can we expedite this? Could we have those passports issued on the other side of the sea?

No. Without the passports there will be no travel.

Good grief. Such bureaucracy and self-serving bureaucrats are unheard of in the countries where we have been and where we have travelled. Unbelievable! What next?

There is the matter of population shifts in the area. With such a large number of people moving from Egypt to Sinai the carbon footprint of both areas will be affected dramatically. Resources will be strained. Natural resources will likely be insufficient for human and animal survival. An environmental impact study must be completed before such a journey can continue.

Environmental impact study? Come on. Whose hair brained idea is this? I have never heard of such a thing. Why can’t we just cross the sea and get on with our lives? That is all we want to do. We don’t want to be a bother. Just stand aside and let us pass.

Mr. Moses, I am Bill Carpenter and I represent the trade unions. Have you given any thought to the actual road itself and what would be required for safe travel of your people?

No, what is required?

The NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board) requires that before a migration of such magnitude would be allowed a roadway must be provided that is at least 40 feet wide with at least two lanes and a 20-foot berm on each side with the proper slope for adequate drainage and a substantial base at least three feet deep of rip rock, stone, gravel with either a concrete or asphalt surface. Curbing must be provided along with drainage pipes beneath the road surface that meets industry standards. Are those provisions in your plans, sir?

His face red with anger Moses said: No, I was not aware of those requirements. Time is of the essence. We must get started now to escape the wrath and fury of Pharaoh’s army. You are signing the death warrant of every person in this nation. Let’s get on with the matter.

Patience, Mr. Moses. We are only doing our jobs. Past practices put too many people at risk of injury and death. These requirements meet current standards. NTSB also requires that lane lines be clearly painted, a center line with embedded reflectors plus a white line along the outer edges on both sides. And signage is required to regulate the flow of traffic. Your people could only use the right hand lane because the left hand lane must remain open for oncoming traffic. If you impede traffic in the left lane you would be subject to severe penalties and fines. Exit ramps must be clearly marked and provided.

We don’t plan to exit anywhere but the Sinai Peninsula. Is all of that really necessary?

Yes. Speed limit signs must be established for the safety and protection of all travelers plus acceleration and deceleration lanes for potential vehicle break down, sprained ankles, poop out stations for animals [no pun intended] and disabled vehicles. Any and all vehicles expected to travel the road must be inspected including emission standards, especially animals, and the number of occupants in any said vehicles. Each day we are more and more aware of the need for controlling the air quality and impact on the environment of large groups of travelers. We are only following the law and its requirements.

What else? God created the universe in less time and with no red tape or bureaucracy to impede His progress.

Please allow me to continue, sir. Rest parks must be provided as required by code including water fountains and restrooms clearly delineated for him and her. Provisions must also be made for those who might be handicapped – travel challenged – to utilize toilet facilities. Provisions must also be made for the disposition of all deposits made in those facilities to meet environmental standards of health and safety.

Rest parks? We don’t need all of that. We have travelled thousands of miles without all those facilities. It is incredible that you are requiring them now. All we want to do is move along quickly. That sounds like a huge expense and a lot of trouble for people just to go from one place to another. Could we get a waiver? Do you see that dust cloud over there? That is Pharaoh and his army. They are coming to take us back to Egypt. We are getting desperate. Fear shrouds our camp like a storm cloud.

No sir. We must make provisions for the safety of all travelers. Surely you can understand that sir.

No I don’t. I cannot comprehend these senseless rules and laws. Let’s get on with it.

Mr. Moses, Mac Truck here, the Red Sea Teamsters Union has a contract with all suppliers and manufacturers requiring that all goods, people, animals and property be hauled by the Teamsters Union. Nothing moves on these roads unless a Teamster is at the wheel. We won that right through rigorous negotiations and we will not allow any violation of the agreement. Our members fought long and hard to gain this contract and nothing will be allowed to deprive us of our rightful livelihood. Remember, ‘If it goes, it goes by us.’ Please note that in your preparations.

What next? Can’t we just carry our own materials? We have done so for thousands of miles and many years. How did they get involved? Are you saying that unless we pay those people to move our animals and durable goods that we can’t use the road after we build it? How did they get such a hold on the hauling of goods? I am flummoxed. We can’t do it. We won’t do it!

Mr. Moses, Captain Salty here, of the Red Sea Coast Guard and Rescue Squadron.

Moses groaned and slumped in his chair. He glanced furtively toward the advancing army with a look of despair.

Have you made provisions for your people in the unlikely event of a water landing or sudden engulfment of water?

No, what does that mean?

"It means sir, that Coast Guard approved flotation devices must be available for every traveler and training sessions provided on their utilization before any travel will be permitted. And in this case it