Journey of Secrets

© 2011 Amy E. Coker. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 10/19/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4670-6079-0 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-6078-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-6077-6 (sc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011918529

Printed in the United States of America

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and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Special Thanks

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Reflection

Special Thanks

This book has been amazing to write. I felt so much love and support through the entire process. I wanted to first thank my husband, Daniel, for your love and encouragement. A special thanks to my mom, Mary Ann who is also my editor. You have been such a blessing!

Chapter 1

With a little more than an hour left before her appointment, Annabelle started to get nervous. They just finished their last round of IVF and nothing seemed to make the tiny plus sign appear on the test. Robert, Annabelle’s husband, reached for her hand as he backed their SUV out of their driveway. The couple was night and day from the moment they met, but with each year of marriage they seemed to grow closer together. Resting her head against the window, Annabelle closed her deep blue eyes as one of her vibrant red curls slid out from behind her ear and over her face.

Bay Oaks had been their home since deciding to move from the Medical Center a few years back. The thought of raising children near the Medical Center was not appealing to either of them no matter how close it was to Robert’s work. Even with a thriving Pediatric Internal Medicine practice and stacks of charts on his desk, Robert knew how important today was to Annabelle and wouldn’t have missed it for the world. He could give her just about anything she ever wanted, but the one thing she desired most of all in the world seemed out of his ability to provide. After five years of trying to conceive, Robert had just about lost all hope of having a child.

Here we are.

Annabelle lifted up her head as Robert drove into the closest parking spot he could find. With the intense heat, the end of summer could bring, he didn’t want to walk very far outside.

Ready?

Not really. What if they tell me that another round has failed?

Then we will….

Annabelle looked up at him with her deep blue eyes that now started to water up. Even with heals on, Robert was much taller than she was. Stopped in the middle of the foyer, Robert wrapped his arms around her, trying to give her the comfort that he didn’t even feel inside himself.

Mrs. Mitchell?

Annabelle looked up and standing before her was Dr. Scott’s nurse. A lady in her 60’s, Mrs. Clark was silver headed and had the same small pair of glasses gracing the tip of her nose each time she saw her.

Yes.

Right this way, please.

Robert and Annabelle followed Mrs. Clark down the long hallway and into Dr. Scott’s office. The light yellow walls were covered with pictures of parents who looked extremely happy as they held onto their newborns. Each picture reminds Annabelle that her loving arms are empty. Pain hit the pit of her stomach as she sat down and fought to hold back the tears.

Dr. Scott will be right with you.

Thank you, Mrs. Clark.

Mrs. Clark often reminded Robert of his mother. The same poise and grace wrapped up under a silver bun pinned loosely on her head. Sitting down next to his broken wife, Robert started to pray. Not a prayer that was asking God to bless them with a child, but one of thankfulness and praying for His perfect will to be done.

Why can’t I be as strong as you are?

Strong?

Yes, you seem to be able to hold in every emotion while I am a bag full of tears.

You are just looking on the outside. Trust me; the inside is screaming out in pain that we are going through this.

Why would this time be any different than the rest? Do you think we actually have a chance that he will come in here and say that we are pregnant?

Why not?

Just as Annabelle was about to respond, Dr. Scott walked in with her chart in one hand and his fifth cup of coffee of the day, in the other.

Hope the drive here wasn’t too bad.

Robert shook his head as both of them scooted to the edge of their seats. Each second that passed felt like an eternity to them. What was he going to say? Did the blood work come back that she would finally feel a baby growing inside of her?

You both know that this has been a long and at times, very painful journey.

Annabelle couldn’t contain the suspense a moment longer.

Please, what are the results?

Before she could even watch the tone of her voice, Annabelle had been very short with the very one that was trying everything in his power to help them.

I’m sorry Dr. Scott, please continue.

Dr. Scott opened her chart and pulled out the results. The tone of his voice gave away no clues, but his face said it all. This was the first time that he had smiled when reading the results to them. Finally, they were pregnant. Five years of heartache finally lifted off their shoulders and an enormous amount of joy filled the room.

Congratulations!

Thank you so much, Annabelle and I are deeply grateful for all that you have done for us.

While I know this is a time for celebration, you have to be very careful Annabelle. You are about three weeks along and since this is the first time your body has taken, we don’t know yet what to expect.

I will be, this is a dream come true for us.

Robert and Annabelle were on cloud nine and nothing at this point could bring them down. After floating out of the doctor’s office, the couple decided to go on a walk and just enjoy the moment. The two talked about how to decorate the nursery, possible baby names for a girl or boy, and what the baby might look like. With Annabelle’s arm wrapped under Robert’s walking about a step behind him due to her heals; they crossed the street and headed towards the parking garage.

I think it’s time for a night out to celebrate, don’t you agree?

Robert only had to ask once, and she was already listing off places that would be great to eat at. Soon the couple decided on Tookies in Seabrook, the place where they had their very first date. The tiny restaurant served the best hamburgers with in a hundred mile radius and was a favorite to most of the people they knew.

After a wonderful night out, Annabelle and Robert crawled into bed and fell asleep quickly in each other’s arms. This was the first night in five years that Annabelle didn’t struggle to go to sleep.

The next morning Robert woke with an uneasy feeling. He rolled over to check on Annabelle, but she was not in the bed.

Annabelle?

When no answer came, his heart sank. He walked from room to room but was not able to find her.

Annabelle!

Robert started to panic. He opened every door and searched every room. Fear set in like he had never experienced before.

Annabelle! Where are you?

Robert screamed and continued to search the house. Glancing into the back yard, Robert saw his bride passed out on the deck. She had gotten up early that morning and wanted to enjoy the sunrise for the first time in years. As he pulled her close to him to see if he could bring her around, he noticed in terror, the blood that soaked her nightgown. With no time to wait for a Medic, Robert scooped her up and ran to the SUV grabbing his cell and keys on the way.

Pick up! Pick up!

Robert was in such panic as he waited for the office to answer the phone.

Dr. Scott’s office, how may I help you?

This is Robert Mitchell, please put Dr. Scott on the phone. It is an emergency!

Yes sir, one minute.

Seconds later Dr. Scott came on the phone and sounded like he had a mouth full of his breakfast.

This is Dr. Scott.

It’s Robert, I found Annabelle passed out bleeding when I woke up this morning.

Are you on your way to the hospital?

Yes.

I will meet you there. It will take me about 15 minutes, in the morning traffic, but I am on my way.

Robert hung the phone up and held Annabelle’s hand. Still unconscious, he started praying hard for her. Knowing that God has a specific plan for their lives didn’t make the idea of losing a child remotely easy to grasp. How could it be that they find out that they are pregnant and lose the baby in less than 24 hours?

Dr. Scott flew into the parking lot and rushed into the ER where Robert had taken Annabelle. Grabbing her chart for review and consulting with the staff physician, he walked into the exam room.

Annabelle, how are you feeling?

Tired.

Robert sat next to Annabelle on the bed, holding her in his arms. The morning had been like something out of a movie, the reality of the situation had not even hit them both yet. Dr. Scott looked down at the floor, searching for the words to say.

I’m so sorry, Annabelle.

The rest of the conversation and the trip home was all a blur to Annabelle. Not one word was spoken, just tears. Annabelle didn’t even have the strength anymore to wipe them away. By the time Robert pulled into the driveway, Annabelle had been asleep for about 15 minutes. Carefully lifting her out of the SUV, Robert carried his bride up the stairs and placed her gently in the bed with ease not to wake her. Now that she was resting peacefully all wrapped up in her favorite Chanel blanket, Robert dropped to his knees next to the side of the bed and wept before God.

I don’t know why this road has to be so hard for us while so many others can have babies with no problem at all. What are we missing? Please Lord, give me the peace to go on and know that You are in control.

After about 10 minutes passed, Robert started to feel an unexplainable peace overtake him. Peace this strong came only from the God whom he had faithfully served since he was a teenager. Growing up in the Church of God had not always been the popular thing to do, but it was the only life he knew. What he once considered a burden in this youth, he now embraced with passion.

Light streamed from between the curtains and lit up Annabelle’s face. She had slept through the night and finally felt like herself again. A bundle of nerves yesterday gave way to peace and hope for the future, an outlook on life that she hadn’t felt in months. While she didn’t remember much of the events of the previous day or even how she got in bed, the emptiness she felt inside was a quick reminder of the lost dream.

Good morning sleepy head.

How long had I been sleeping?

Since the drive home yesterday. You hungry?

Very, have you already gone on your run?

Just got done.

Robert kicked off his running shoes and tossed them into the corner next to the door of his closet. Even with sweat from his run covering him, Robert still looked like the man she feel in love with while they were in high school. He ran every morning no matter the weather. Thankfully living in Clear Lake City, Texas gave him that option. Annabelle preferred her workout room over getting out in the heat; she never got use to the weather difference from North Carolina where she lived most of her childhood, before moving to Texas as a freshman.

After getting ready for the day, Annabelle and Robert headed to the kitchen. To Annabelle’s surprise, breakfast was already prepared and on the table. Robert had created a vast array of items to fill her empty stomach. From the assortment of fruit, bagels, and juice, Annabelle had her plate filled quickly.

When did you have time to do all of this?

I never really went to sleep last night.

Why?

That’s something I wanted to talk with you about.

Annabelle looked a little worried. What in the world could be so important that it would keep Robert up all night? Annabelle sat back in her chair and pulled her knees up to her chest while she started working on her bagel.

Yesterday Dr. Scott said many interesting things that I really think we should consider.

Like what?

Annabelle realized at that moment, that she had missed a lot of what was discussed yesterday with Dr. Scott. Knowing that she had not been able to give birth to a baby in the five years that they had been trying, what was ‘NEW’ that they should consider. Her mind started to race into all the avenues that this conversation was about to take them through.

Dr. Scott lightly mentioned the possibility of using a Surrogate to have a baby. Would that be something you are open to doing?

Annabelle thought of a million different things that Robert might want to talk with her about, but never thought it would be this. All she could think about was that she has failed her husband at something that should come naturally to any woman. An internal struggle started to wage as she looked into his eyes with agony.

Is this what it has come down to? Someone else has to carry your baby because I am not able to do it for you?

That is not the case at all. He would have never suggested it and I would not even think about considering it to hurt you one bit. I love you very much and just want to be able to give you what your heart desires most.

Annabelle got up from the table and walked away. How could she even look at him after suggesting such a thing? Her baby living inside someone else and not her, never! Walking up to the empty room that they both hoped would one day become a nursery; Annabelle stood by the oversized windows and stared up at the vibrant morning sky. A few minutes passed before she felt the comforting touch of her husband and turned around.

I just want to make you happy, Annabelle.

Robert had such passion in his voice and peace on his face. She knew that by him staying up all night he had spent time in prayer about this and wouldn’t have come to her otherwise.

But it’s just not fair!

I know, but just think about it for a minute. If we do this, we could stop trying all these other ways and soon be able to enjoy our son or daughter. Isn’t that in the end what really matters?

It does, but…

Then let’s just look into it and see what happens. What could it hurt?

Trusting a stranger with our unborn child is going to be something God has to give me peace about Robert.

Robert took that as a green light to gather as much information about Surrogate Mothers as he could. Dr. Scott had given him the contact information of an agency that he highly recommended and actually already set them up an appointment for that following Monday.

The weekend passed by faster than normal and before they knew it, Annabelle and Robert were sitting in the waiting room, waiting for their appointment that Dr. Scott had scheduled the previous week. As she looked around at the neutral walls plastered with pictures of babies, she wondered if they had been born to mothers from this agency. The waiting room was partially full. A few couples had the same worried look on their faces, like Annabelle knew she did. The door opened a few times and several couples went back before their names were called and directed to an office on the other side of the short hallway.

Please, come in and have a seat.

A lady stood up from behind the desk and motioned towards the chairs directly across from her. Dr. Garner was a middle aged widow with stunning blonde hair and blue eyes. Very tall, even in flats, Dr. Garner was the type of lady that made a statement each time she walked into a room. Annabelle and Robert quietly walked hand in hand to the chairs in front of the desk and sat down.

Thank you for seeing us on such short notice. Dr. Scott speaks very highly of you.

As well he should, he’s my brother.

Both Robert and Annabelle were shocked. With as many years as they have known Dr. Scott, neither of them knew he had a sister. They favored now that she mentioned it, but otherwise, they would have never guessed.

All the pictures on the wall in the waiting room, are they from Surrogate Mothers?

Yes Annabelle, you would not believe the amount of babies that are born each year that way. There are many couples that can not conceive and carry a baby, many times for reasons we will never understand. Sometimes it just is not in the plan that God has for them. We work very hard to match each couple with the best possible Surrogate for them.

As Dr. Garner walked them through each step of the process, Robert noticed that the grip that Annabelle had on his hand was loosening. She was starting to feel more comfortable with the situation and started to really engage in the conversation. Shocked but pleased at her actions, Robert sat back and allowed the two women to talk through each possibility that ran across Annabelle’s mind.

"So if we are