The Fall of Essence

The Fall Of Essence

Claire King

AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: 1-800-839-8640

© 2011 by Claire King. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 08/09/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4567-8599-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4567-8600-7 (ebk)

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

CHAPTER 1

Awakening

CHAPTER 2

Dangling Hearts

CHAPTER 3

Empty Hopes

CHAPTER 4

Tainted Past

CHAPTER 5

Learning

CHAPTER 6

Back On Track

CHAPTER 7

Maya-Ember’s Warning

CHAPTER 8

PART 1

Drake

Pain For A Friend

PART 2

New Beginnings/Uncomfortable Endings

CHAPTER 9

Hope Is In The Details

CHAPTER 10

PART 1

Our Truce For Anna

PART 2

Only Because He Cares

CHAPTER 11

Freaky Revelation

CHAPTER 12

Shooting Star

CHAPTER 13

Golden Hour

CHAPTER 14

Anna’s Back

Something Worth Living For

CHAPTER 15

Growing Closer

CHAPTER 16

Start Of Something New

CHAPTER 17

Celebrating Skyler

CHAPTER 18

New Year, New Hopes

CHAPTER 19

Shattered

CHAPTER 20

These Tears Will Never Dry

CHAPTER 21

Drake – My Rock

CHAPTER 22

Hello New Life/Goodbye Past

CHAPTER 23

Lose Myself

CHAPTER 24

Always You

CHAPTER 25

Inevitable Reunion

CHAPTER 26

Ghosts From The Past

ABOUT THE AUTHOR.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

For my mum for always telling me how proud she is and having faith.

To Mike for never doubting my ability and throwing in crazy ideas that turned out to be good ones.

My sister Lou and friend Mel – your input was of great help and much appreciated – you gave me courage when it was lacked.

For my two boys Brandon and Justin for being so understanding and patient and for telling me you are proud – As I am of you –

Always.

To my family for believing this was worthwhile and actually wanting to read it.

And to anyone who played a part in the progression of my story –

Thank you for your support.

For my dad who made me believe I could do it when the idea of writing a book was just a mere dream.

Authorhouse – Without you this would never have been done, Richelle Causing, Will Gomez and all the designer and production team, thank you for making it a pleasant and easy journey, your constant support and advice is fundamental and is very appreciated.

This was written at a turmoil time in my life, and if I hadn’t have needed to escape reality at that time, then this book would never have been written – So I thank you – To you this is dedicated –

MY STAR – I miss you – Love Claire

PROLOGUE

Metamorphosis

There’s a chemical change that takes place each term

. . . . Spring… . Summer… . Autumn… . Winter

The leaves and the trees aren’t the only things that change with the changing of those seasons – people do also. And none can be more so than myself and Lyndon.

With each change it brings new hopes, new feelings and a deeper longing to understand ones existence and purpose in life.

As I get closer and closer to these realisations, I uncover a whole load of hidden truths that I wished could stay hidden forever!

CHAPTER 1

Awakening

Who is that boy . . . And why does he have such an affect on me? Was the question I kept asking myself lately, over and over and yet I had no answer. I had only the heat rising in my stomach right up to my face whenever our eyes met. He first joined the Hadley six-form College about a month ago.

The College was situated in the busiest part of our small rural town in Devon. I say busiest but the busiest it ever seemed to get was about as busy as an out of city town on a Sunday afternoon. I was surprised so many places had been taken up on the site; I wondered where all the students had came from. I gathered they must have had to travel miles to get there as the limited population was sparsely distributed leaving lots of amazing greenery and open spaces.

The beautiful backdrop of trees spread distant and wide across as far as my eyes were capable of seeing. It was breathtaking and one of the reasons I had such a passion for photography. Over the years I had gathered stacks of boxes of all kinds of nature photos, trees, lakes, birds, unusual flowers and extraordinary sky lines and images. Carl was proud to hang some of the best around the house.

Carl is my brother; I had lived with him since the age of fourteen, so that had been four years so far as I was now eighteen. When our parents split and both decided to move away, Carl stayed in the family home. He was in the middle of his business studies and managers college degree so I decided to stay with him to keep him company. I didn’t want to consider living with one or the other parent so it seemed like the easier option was to stay with Carl. I wasn’t the typical fourteen year old back then, getting into trouble was what people of that age were expected to do around certain areas – not me. I stayed clear of all that and Carl was happy that I wanted to stay with him.

Ever since my new class mates arrival, I hadn’t been the same. I had no idea where he had came from or what he was like because I hadn’t quite plucked up the courage to talk to him, which was pretty sad really considering he had received all the jibber jabber from the other girls in my class – giggling flirting and doing the usual girly thing at him, though weird enough he hadn’t seemed remotely interested; to a lot of the girls frustration.

I wished my heart didn’t skip a beat every time he looked at me – but it did; steer clear, keep quiet and hope he wouldn’t notice me. I was sure that if he did, it would only be because I had done something stupidly embarrassing and made a complete fool of myself – as always. I couldn’t stop looking at him, I felt strangely drawn. He was so unlike the other guys in the College, maybe that was what appealed to me. I got goose bumps just by looking at him – his tousled black hair, breathtaking as it gently fell across his face. He looked very clean shaven, smart and Slim, but yet, I got the impression image wasn’t what he was about. He obviously knew he was good-looking but he didn’t seem like the type to throw it in your face like most would. I wouldn’t give most a second glance because their arrogance was so off putting. But he was different and different definitely stood out around here.

His clothes even seemed to appeal to me, casual black jeans, and yellow t-shirt, covered by a navy blue and red baseball style jacket. I watched him take off his jacket and slide it over the back of his chair; I wondered what it would smell like. I was envious of the girl sitting behind him as she probably caught a whiff – I noticed the way she looked at him, her expression was so readable. He sat down in his chair not noticing the attention she was paying him, leaving her face to drop sulkily; It made me laugh.

What’s so appealing about all that? I asked myself as I looked around the pale and un-distinguished class room,

Nothing I whispered aloud inviting the girl sitting next to me to study me questioningly.

I am going mad! I said to myself – privately this time. I uncomfortably smiled at the girl and looked to the front of the class, hoping she would be distracted by something else.

Rosanna, are you day dreaming again?

Yeah that would be my history teacher, he didn’t mind showing the odd student up In front of the class every now and then, and yes I mean odd in every way possible. Oh I look pretty normal, brown shoulder length hair, hazel eyes, freckles skimming across my nose and forehead, average height of five/three; average for people I know at least, and normal healthy weight – meaning I wouldn’t stand out from a crowd. But just because I don’t mingle with all the popular crowd, act silly, giggle and chat about everyone, that’s considered odd.

No Mr. Baker I said quietly as my eyes flickered to the reason for my lack of concentration. I felt my face redden, and found it hard to swallow. I felt like pointing and screaming it’s him, he’s the reason I can’t focus on anything else, get him out of my head and I may actually get some work done!

I noticed he was looking deeply at me and had a slight grin on his face, I cleared my throat gently;

Can I be excused please? Was all I could manage, I desperately needed some fresh air.

The rest of the week went pretty much like that – as did the rest of the month. I seemed to be so much more aware of the days, hours and minutes now. A one hour lesson would feel more like four hours, and I’d considered visiting my GP as I’d thought I had began to develop asthma. At certain points through the day I seemed to lose the ability to breathe properly, Strange how it seemed to be only when he was around though, they seemed to be the direct moments the air would turn thick and it would become impossible for me to breathe it in. It took some practice but I eventually got the hang of it and it became manageable. But when he was close – unexpectedly it would happen again.

Thank god it’s Saturday maybe I’ll have a normal-ish day! I thought as I left my room and staggered to the bathroom. I washed my face and cleaned my teeth sighing at the messy reflection staring back at me from the mirror.

Morning Anna Carl greeted as I stepped off the last stair and walked straight to the dining table that was already laid with breakfast things. Although I had a choice, as usual I went for the rice krispies. I poured the milk generously over and scooped them up with my spoon spilling the milk down my Pj vest on first mouthful. Carl looked over and laughed shaking his head; I smiled lifting my hair away from my face.

You got anything planned today? He asked cheerfully. It amused me why he paid so much attention to me, most brothers probably wouldn’t care, they would probably just want there little sister out of their way so they could get on with living their life, but no – not Carl. He had always been way too over protective of me, but I found it kinda sweet so I let him get on with it. Being eight years older than me he kinda had that right, and it was something I grew used to.

I’m going cinema tonight with Rachel and Emma; do you want any help with anything beforehand? I asked warmly.

My brother Carl had been doing very well for himself – highly qualified, owns a very popular business that he basically got up and running by himself. He has great loyal reliable workers, people we had known most of our upbringing. The rule was he buys the nice things and it’s my job to keep them nice, that worked well for the both of us. Although he still hadn’t given up on trying to get me to agree to his job offer. Working in a supermarket just wasn’t in my plans for the near future so I was hopeful for the moment that maybe a little something more suitable would come my way. What that would be – I was unsure of at this particular time, but it was comforting to know if all else failed miserably then I would have Carl’s offer to fall back on.

No, it’s ok Anna, I’m just going to clear the garage out but I’ll get the lads to help with that, go out and enjoy yourself. He insisted with a smile.

Thanks Carl I accepted gratefully and picked up the empty milk carton and tossed it in the rubbish bin. I washed up the breakfast bowls, and poured some fresh orange juice for the both of us.

Anna, why are you smiling? He asked curious, making me aware of the fact I was actually smiling for what seemed to be no reason. I looked up in astonishment. I wasn’t smiling – was I?

Yeah you were he laughed come to think of it you have been acting a little strange lately, is there anything going on I should know about? He asked all fatherly and concerned, which was quite funny to see.

Err, no – nothing that I can think of, I’m just going to take a shower I hurried off un-allowing myself to get caught up in that line of fire.

Ok, maybe it’s going to be a full moon tonight – watch out. He replied and laughed loud enough for me to hear, for some reason I felt the heat rise up in my cheeks. I let out a big deep breathe not realising I was holding it in the first place, again I smiled to myself.

I spent all day pampering myself getting ready for this evening, I was really looking forward to it, and it had been way too long since I’d seen Rachel and Emma. They were very old friends I had known for more than 10 years, we were all so connected and it wouldn’t matter if we hadn’t seen each other for months, we would still pick right up from where we left off. It was a shame we had all enrolled into separate six form Colleges but that was just the way it turned out.

Anna, hi Rachel yelled holding her arms out for my embrace, you look great girl. She said in her high pitched enthusiastic voice as she looked me up and down.

Thanks raych you’re looking good yourself I replied with an embarrassed smile. She always knew she looked good, and she always knew I got embarrassed when she would bombard me with compliments – yet she still insisted on doing so.

We heard yelling down the road – that yelling turned out to be Emma and her boyfriend Chris.

No I told you, you couldn’t come, you said you were ok with dropping me off now you have to embarrass me She shouted angrily.

All I said was I didn’t feel like being alone tonight but fine, go ahead, go play with your friends, you’d better pray I’m still there when you get back he threatened.

I pray to God you aren’t. She screamed as she ran up to us Let’s go She ordered.

We all walked off quickly, all three of us excited at having the chance to catch up and delight in what life has brought to us or complain about – in Emma’s case, since our last meet up. It wasn’t a good choice to see the latest romance film, I sat there daydreaming. Rachel kept dozing off and Emma was blowing hot air out through the whole film still fuming over the spat her and Chris had; I could hear her mumbling to herself – she always was the dramatic one.

Our only chance to really catch up was the walk on the way home. I was glad I had brought my cardigan along as the air had turned chilly, I put it on quickly and Rachel followed suite with her zip up hoody. Emma was still too worked up over Chris to notice the change. She didn’t respond to it until we passed the long lake. It was the lake that separated us from the woods. It looked beautiful by day but by night it took on a much more unwelcoming face.The stories that had circulated around it since I was a child probably added to the baleful feeling it was giving me.

Everyone was afraid of what lie in the centre of the lakes black heart, they would try to convince whoever would stand by it – by making them watch closely at the dark undercurrents of evil hostility. The words never use to be evil hostility – it was Ethnic hostility. I didn’t understand what they meant by that but as I got older I realised it meant a certain group of people – people that lived different from the majority around them. I never understood why they changed it, but as evil was a much stronger and sinister word I guessed it was just to add to the horror of the urban legend. It was way up there with the lochness monster and Bigfoot and all three of us laughed about it as we passed it – quickly.

So other than boy trouble, how are you doing Emma? I asked lightly.

Oh I’ve been great Anna, I finally decided what I want to do in college I’ll be enrolling soon She nodded confidently.

Great, what’s that then? I asked, trying to take her mind off of Chris and their lovers` tiff.

Performing Arts, it’s going to be so exciting She beamed.

Well you have always been good at that sort of thing, I reckon you’d be great at it Rachel added – I agreed.

Thanks girls, what would I do without you? She laughed as she hugged us both together.

Sorry girls she added, do you mind if I take the short cut? I gotta get home to Chris, to make sure he’s ok

The expression on her face was priceless, sweet and sour with a hint of regret. Right at that moment I was glad I was single.

No that’s fine, you do what you have to we said

Just be careful, and text us when you get home ok I added.

Ok, will do, see you both again soon. She shouted as she ran off.

Just let him know who’s boss Rachel shouted as Emma was almost around the corner.

Always do! We faintly heard her reply, leaving us with a warm smile on our faces at the thought.

I couldn’t for the life of me understand why she was still with Chris; they’d had problems in their relationship ever since they had first got together. It had lasted three years so far though, and they still couldn’t seem to be without each other, crazy! But I guess love does crazy things to you.

Who’s the guy that’s put that sparkle in your eyes Anna? Rachel asked with a grin.

Why does it have to be anything to do with a guy? I replied sarcastically – red faced.

Well what else, have you won the lottery then or… ? She paused; her eyes wide and waiting.

No I hesitated, Ok I’ll tell you, although there’s not much to tell. I cleared my throat – thinking of the right words.

It’s this new student in my class, new I mean like a month or so new. I can’t stop thinking bout him and it’s driving me crazy, I find myself smiling ridiculously for no reason and I’m finding it hard to concentrate. I stopped and embarrassingly looked at her.

Look Anna, I know you haven’t had many boyfriends, you’ve always been so protective of yourself. You’re not exactly used to this sort of thing but you’re probably just crushing on him, enjoy it while it lasts hun She smiled with a sympathetic twinge.

Crushing on him? Well whatever it is it’s annoying the hell out of me. I laughed.

Why don’t you talk to him, get to know him? she advised.

I don’t think I can I shook my head in horror at the thought honestly I can’t stay in control of myself when he’s near, it’s strange, I wasn’t even on the look out, it’s just he fascinates me, I’m intrigued by him, I wanna know everything about him and yet I’m too scared to talk to him and my hands start to go numb and tingle. I started to laugh spurred on by the look on her face, yeah pathetic isn’t it! I agreed to her unspoken words.

No not at all Anna, it’s about time you felt this way about someone, I was beginning to think you were abnormal she teased.

Oh thanks I scoffed, I guess I’ll have to see how it goes, I’ll let you know if I build up the courage. I added with a smile.

Be strong Anna, it’s just a guy ok, I have to shoot this way She pointed to a dark side turning that was crowded with bushes and trees. I hadn’t realised we were that close to home.

I’ll speak to you in the week, it was good to see you Anna, take care. She said unexpectedly gripping her arms around my neck; I hugged her back as I held onto her to steady myself and laughed as she kissed my cheek.

Bye raych. I shouted as she cut through the trees that lead to her path that took her straight home. It was quite a walk though; I knew she’d text me once she reached home. I only had a short distance to walk by myself, but my pace quickened, I was too aware of being alone and the dark seemed to be closing in on me. I kept on feeling the need to look over my shoulder but felt silly for doing so.

I was relieved when I reached my door, I was going to rush straight in but instead I turned and took a deep breath. I looked up at the stars, breathing in the cold night’s fresh air, laughing to myself; I closed my eyes… I heard a noise that made me jump; I quickly opened them and looked around nervously as my breath quickened. There’s nothing there probably just a cat, I thought laughing at myself, what a fool! I whispered and closed my eyes again, breathing the fresh air in and out slowly – suddenly I felt someone there with me, I opened my eyes startled; At the same moment Carl shouted out the landing window Anna are you coming in?

Yes Carl I yelled back – annoyed at the fright.

I had one last look around and then entered the house slamming the door shut and locking it behind me.

Sunday was just as boring as it always was. I prepared lunch and Carl had some friends over. I took a stroll to clear my head, did some written work that was due in, I figured I should try harder, I didn’t want the last month getting repeated. I felt much more positive and relaxed, but I still didn’t fall asleep until 3 am.

As I walked to the College gates, I thought the same thing I had thought every morning this year, when will I be free? Well only you can do it girl I told myself, make some decisions, take some actions, but I couldn’t help feeling slightly envious of Emma for taking the next step, she was going In a different direction now and hopefully soon I’d follow. Performing Arts though was just not my thing – nope, that’s all hers! That takes courage, I’m lucky I even passed my driving test, I was so scared and nervous, I’m sure the examiner took pity on me or something. I guess I’m ok now after 8 months of practice but I still have my nervous moments on the road. Maybe one day I’d get the courage to drive far away from here, to a new life and new experiences.

It was one of those Monday mornings; I’d woken up all deflated. I walked straight to the cafeteria to grab a cereal bar because in my zombie-like state I didn’t have time to eat breakfast. I noticed a girl from my class waiting for me, and boy does she like to chat – and that, I like to avoid!

Morning Rosanna She said sounding too birdlike and chirpy for my head at that time of the morning.

Becky! Was all I could manage.

Wow you look really rough, are you ok? Should you really be in today, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to…

Becky I’m ok, just didn’t get much sleep that’s all, what’s up anyway I was clearly showing agitation on my face.

Just wanted to tell you I know someone who has an interest in you.

Oh yeah – who? I asked in a careless way.

Drake, my brother she replied with an excited giggle.

"Drake is interested in me? I don’t think so Becky" I mumbled, not wanting to encourage her.

He was over your place last night wasn’t he? She stood arms folded across her chest. I would have been amused if I hadn’t felt so rough.

Yeah that’s because he’s good friends with Carl, my brother I said correcting her imply.

So Rosanna what do you think of him? She badgered playfully.

He’s ok; he seems really nice, too old for me though!

What I really wanted to say was the thought of dating any of my brother’s friends made me feel sick and that’s putting it mildly.

What are you talking about? He’s only 24, that’s 6 years older than you.

Look Becky I really can’t talk about this right now, my head is splitting, I’ll see you in class. I turned away and walked straight into the arms of…

Oh sorry I mumbled.

Are you ok? He asked quietly.

For what felt like forever I couldn’t reply – I just froze.

Rosanna, are you ok? He asked again – more concern in his voice this time.

My name, how do you know my name? I finally said, I couldn’t believe he actually knew my name.

We are in the same class I am Lyndon… Lyndon Collingwood.

I nodded looking up at him, taking in his voice, smooth but manly, his smell tantalised my nostrils, like freshly washed clothes hung out to dry but with a musky sensual after smell; for a few seconds I was convinced I was in heaven.

Yeah, I’m fine, I replied awkwardly – struggling to get the words out – dazed. His arms were still tightly around me, steadying me.

I have to go I whispered and rushed quickly out of the canteen in annoyance at myself for what just happened – catching my breath.

What a thing to happen, today of all days! I thought, my body still tingling from the experience… Oh but he smelled so good, I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, his scent still filled my nostrils. His arms were warm and tender on mine, real concern on his face, his hypnotising voice, and his mesmerising eyes that were a beautiful light brown almost amber colour. Suddenly I felt light headed and needed to sit down, not wanting to succumb to the nauseous feeling I was getting.

After I’d recovered I managed to get to English class. The tutor had already been told I wasn’t feeling well so all was to be expected when I walked in. No doubt it was Becky, but I was glad I didn’t have to explain.

Rosanna, are you feeling better now? Mr Johnson asked.

Yes sir, I’m okay. I replied quietly trying not to look in his – Lyndon’s – direction.

Good job, we’re discussing the works of John Keats, Danny do carry on now.

"As when a cloud the golden moon doth veil,

Its sides are ting’d with a resplendent glow,

Through the dark robe oft amber rays prevail

And like fair veins in sable marble flow,

Still warble, dying swan! Still tell the tale

The enchanting tale, the tale of pleasing woe."

All eyes were on Danny now and I felt relieved – all but one pair – Lyndon’s… His eyes were on mine, full of concern, he mouthed are you alright? I gave him the thumbs up and slightly smiled. A little anxious that now we seemed to be on talking terms, I was embarrassed enough about what had happened, without having to talk to him as well.

As usual I got on with my lesson, not without the notes that were getting passed to me by Becky – information about her brother. Did she really think I would date her brother? He seemed lovely going by how little I knew of him. I had never taken the time to get to know him, he was Carl’s friend and whenever his friends were round I left them to it. All this year 8 stuff wasn’t going to get Becky anywhere. I’m sure if Drake wanted to date someone he wouldn’t need his sister to arrange it for him. Becky and I had never really hit it off as friends. Maybe it was her cunning plan for us to become best pals… . If I’m with Drake, Maybe she has a thing for Carl. I get with Drake, she gets with Carl, we’ll all be one big happy family; Oh jeez I stopped the thought, I refused to pay it any more attention than what I already had. Laughing away to myself, I scrambled out of the classroom in the hope I’d get to the next one before she did.

Lessons ran smoothly so when lunch time came I darted for the canteen. The plan was to grab something quick and escape outta there before Becky could hook me again, and before I could get myself into more embarrassing moments like this morning. As I cut through the locker area I heard her laugh so I ducked around the corner, breathing heavy and feeling stupid – thinking I’m really too old for this, I got a glimpse of Lyndon round the back of where I was standing. He was mostly out of view but I could hear him clearly. I listened to him speak, his voice sent tingles up my spine, I realised he was speaking on the phone; I knew nothing about this person who had taken over my thoughts and put me in this state of infatuation – My curiosity won me over so I listened.

"I have come here to start over, make a new life for myself.

I have found my place; I have a purpose for the first time. It is safe and comforting here and I am staying."

After some silence he continued.

Did Maya-Ember not tell you what Rose-Marie had given me? Well I think I have found her. Now that life does not exist anymore, not for me! There was more silence.

Yes of course I will follow them, they have made me the person I am today but I am not going back, I am sorry you will just have to do it without me.

Then it went silent again, Lyndon slammed his locker door shut and stormed off.

I felt terrible for listening but that was overtaken by my inquisitiveness. For the rest of the day that was all I could think about. Every time I looked over at him he just seemed as calm and content as ever. I couldn’t remember everything he had said but one thing played over in my mind – that life does not exist anymore!

What life was he talking about? What didn’t he want to go back to?

Just by chance or pure coincidence when I got home Carl told me we were expecting company. A few of his friends were coming for dinner and one of those happened to be Drake. Damn – there goes my chance to mention to Carl what Becky had been saying; not that I believed any of it to be true but it made me feel a little uneasy anyway. Whatever happens, I suppose it would be a slight distraction from Lyndon and I didn’t want Carl to feel uncomfortable in any way.

So what’s for dinner then I asked unenthusiastically.

I thought about frying some chicken for fajitas with salad and rice. How does that sound? I have some of that substitute meat stuff you eat.

That sounds good Carl, I’ll just go and change my clothes and I’ll be down to help.

Ok thanks Anna.

I was halfway up the stairs and he called out to me. Anna are you ok?

I’m fine, why? I paused and lingered.

You seem a little glum, and you look a bit pale that’s all.

I had a headache in school, think it’s lack of sleep, I could have done with staying home in bed today. I shrugged my shoulders in place of the words Never mind. He placed the tea towel that he was drying his hands with on the worktop by the sink and walked slowly over to the stairs.

Anna if there’s anything you’re worrying about, or if you’ve got any problems please know I’m here if you want to talk. He held my hand softly.

Nodding my head slowly, a tear came to my eye, now I’m going to get embarrassed, I thought.

We didn’t often have moments like this but when we did it really meant something. I knew that he’d always felt the same way as me, ever since our parents divorced we’d only ever had each other and now we were both getting older, we were aware that things may start to change.

If and when I do have something to talk about, you will be the first person to hear it Carl, thank you. I smiled and then hurried up the stairs to wash and change hoping it would make me feel better.

As I descended the stairs, just in time for the doorbell to chime, I smelled the delicious aroma of food, I hadn’t realised how hungry I was until then.

Wow that was done quickly. I said as I noticed there was nothing left for me to do but open the door to the awaiting guest.

Hey Anna Jeff said with a big happy smile on his face.

Hello Jeff, how are you? I returned the pleasantry.

Good good, as always. He said as he stepped in energetically – it made me smile. Jeff was the only one of Carl’s friends I really new well. Very pleasant, giving, he knew how to have a laugh and I was very glad he was going to be here this evening. He always seemed to do a good job of lightening the mood if needed; I relaxed enough to think I may even enjoy it.

By the time Drake and Jonathan had turned up the dinner was all prepared and laid out on the table. I was just putting the bowl of cheese on the table when they arrived.

Hello fella’s, glad you could make it. Carl said sarcastically; Drake and Jonathan laughed.

Wow I’m impressed this looks really tasty. Jonathan exaggerated.

Well I thought I’d make an effort, hope you all enjoy it, get stuck in. Carl said pointing to the seats around the table. We all sat down and got comfortable, I ended up sitting next to Jonathan, Drake was opposite me, Carl was on the end in between myself and Drake and Jeff was next to Drake opposite Jonathan. Seeing them all tuck into the food like vultures made me laugh. My food, I don’t think was as tasty as theirs being the substitute meat but it was ok, It did the job anyway.

As they started talking about men’s stuff – work, football, women, completely forgetting I was there, my mind wondered to College – Lyndon! I closed my eyes and tried to remember his smell – no, it was gone; I sighed still wanting to know what his story was. That embrace – no it wasn’t an embrace – but a girl can fantasise right! I closed my eyes and imagined his arms around me, his shining amber eyes staring into mine, how deep and intense, then I felt a nudge.

Anna, Jonathan said, you were miles away.

Hope it was somewhere nice Jeff added.

I smiled feeling hot around my neck where my hair fell; I lifted it up to cool myself down.

Drake was talking to you. Carl said sounding embarrassed.

Sorry Drake. I looked at him with a shameful grin.

It’s ok Rosanna, I was only saying you’re in some of my sisters classes aren’t you He stated.

Yes I am but I don’t know her very well though.

She speaks highly of you Rosanna, I thought things were looking up for her, she seems to have trouble hanging on to good friends.

I wonder why. I thought sarcastically.

You should invite her round Anna, it’s not like you don’t need the company. Carl said, meaning well but not actually understanding what he was asking of me.

Yeah, I will have to do that – soon was all I could reply hoping that would be the end of that conversation. I thought for a moment and decided to test Drake a little.

She has been speaking to me more – recently, so maybe I will. I quickly added and looked at Drake to see if there could be any truth in what she had been saying in College. Up until this moment I hadn’t gotten that impression. He looked at me interested and slightly nervous, I quickly looked away.

Right, what’s for afters? Jeff asked cheekily.

Anna could you help with the ice cream? Carl looked at me as he started getting up.

Of course Carl I jumped up and started clearing the table to make room for desert. As I met Carl in the kitchen he asked what the deal was with Drake’s sister.

Oh you caught that did you? It’s a long story, I’ll tell you later, don’t worry it’s girl stuff you wouldn’t understand anyway. I said laughing and patting him on the shoulder, he shook his head.

Drake brought the rest of the plates out, he stood next to Carl and they were amidst conversation. Every now and then Drake glanced over at me, smiling—trying to include me. I stepped back and leaned against the refrigerator just watching them; watching Drake, seeing what I had never taken the time to see before.

It was nice to see my brother like that, I realised what a good friend Drake was to Carl, how close they were, like brothers almost.

When we were sitting round the table again, the usual chatter started but then we got onto the topic of me. What are my plans for the future? When am I gonna get my own place, Do I have a boyfriend and why not? I noticed Carl became quite uncomfortable with the topic and he wasn’t the only one; I never felt comfortable talking about myself. Drake seemed most interested in the answers but it was Jeff and Jonathan doing all the asking. There was one question Drake did ask though.

Becky sais all the guys in the College are no-hopers, not worth a second look, but I guess a guy would have to be quite amazing to catch her eye. They all laughed at the look he gave really implying he would have to be quite amazing to put up with her.

Oh apparently there is this one guy that does it, he’s new, she has her eye on him but most of the girls do as well apparently. He said rolling his eyes.

You know who she’s talking about? Carl asked nodding at me. I was praying no-one would focus on me, I was afraid they would see my burning cheeks and notice my breath shortening when I spoke, I coughed and tried to clear my throat.

Err yeah, there was a new student that started a few weeks ago, don’t know much about him though, he keeps himself to himself. My heart was pounding – I tried hard to control it.

Yeah that’s what Becky said, I’m sure that’ll soon change he’s probably just shy. Drake looked at me; I smiled and nodded carefully in agreement. He smiled back, and I looked away nervously feeling more confused.

I thanked Carl for the dinner and went to my room. I played some music to try and chill myself out, and drown out the yelling that was going on downstairs. They were either watching football or boxing, couldn’t quite make it out. I was awoken by a gentle tapping on my door, feeling dazed I arose and answered it to Carl.

Are you ok? Concern in his voice, he looked worried.

Yeah I must have dozed off, what’s wrong?

I was calling you, Rachel phoned.

Oh I’ll phone her now. I said nodding, holding my hand over my forehead.

No she said she’ll call you tomorrow, she had to go out, are you coming downstairs?

Have they gone? I asked.

Yeah but Drake’s still here he answered.

Oh ok, I’ll be down in a few minutes. I said still yawning. As I got downstairs the phone rang again.

Yes Mrs. Parker, ok, that’s no problem, don’t worry, I’ll be there right away, no really it’s no problem at all. Carl hung up and gasped for breath.

I have to pop out, Mrs. Parker’s dog has got out again, I won’t be long – I hope.

You want me to come and help? Drake asked.

No it won’t take long; it happens once a week same old drill. I’ll be back in no time. He grabbed his coat and rushed out the door.

Noticing myself and Drake alone, I felt the tension, maybe it was only on my part but it was there.

Tea or coffee? I asked with a friendly but nervous smile.

Tea please, I’ll make it, you sit down! He suggested.

That’s really kind of you, but you’re the guest – it’s ok I’ll make it. Genuinely I was surprised at how thoughtful that was but it was my way of escaping the tension. He came and stood by the refrigerator, my back tightened.

It’s strange that I’ve known your brother for so long but I can’t say I know very much about you! I looked at him and nodded – he carried on;

Your brother thinks the world of you, you should hear what he Sais! He stated with a laugh.

I bet you’re the same with Becky, that’s just a natural way for a brother to be isn’t it? I stated obviously.

Yeah I guess so. He said still lingering close by.

If anyone hurts you, he’ll more than likely kill them. He added sending chills over me.

Yeah he’s very protective of me, he probably feels responsible for me because I live here, he doesn’t need to be, I can look after myself. I said confidently.

Well he may relax a little when you find someone that’ll take good care of you. He replied reassuringly, and part suggestively – but I ignored that, I don’t even know if he even realised it or maybe it was my imagination.

It doesn’t bother me, I mean it’s not like I’ve gotta worry bout stuff like that so he doesn’t have to worry.

I really didn’t like where the conversation was going; leaving him open to talk about stuff I didn’t want to be talking about, especially not with him, it made me feel vulnerable. I thought about being honest with him and telling him what Becky had said, but I chickened out, I just couldn’t do it.

What if he out right asked me out, what would I say? And it was the letting him down gently thing I couldn’t handle right now. He was really nice, not bad looking either, but it wouldn’t be fair, I was way too hung up on Lyndon for some reason and intended to figure out why, whatever the outcome.

We sat down at the table to drink our tea, myself not wanting there to be an uncomfortable silence, I asked how he and Carl had become friends.

He was a friend of my cousin; they were school friends – Mark. You remember him? I nodded they used to hang out so I tagged along. They were two years older than me so I thought it was cool. He laughed pathetically and I gave an understanding smile.

But when Mark moved away we started hanging out and…

And true love blossomed. I joked

No I wouldn’t go that far, but we are good friends. He laughed.

Yeah I gathered. I said teasingly. After a short pause he continued the conversation;

Where do you see yourself in 5 years time? curiously he waited for my answer.

Um I’m not sure… Hopefully settled in a career that I enjoy – happy and enjoying life. I replied slightly taken aback at his interest.

So not married with children, settled then?

No I shook my head profusely. If you think that’s the way to go why aren’t you settled with children? I asked sarcastically in my artful cute manner. He laughed.

I don’t know, I guess I haven’t found the right woman he smiled well at least I think I haven’t.

I looked away from the door – just realising that almost through the whole conversation my eyes had been on the street door, eager for Carl to come walking in… our eyes met.

There’s a young lady I’m kind of getting to know, and have been really enjoying her company. He looked intently to see my reaction, I’m sure of it.

Well that’s how it starts. I nervously laughed feeling really stupid, then the door was flung open, it was Carl; immediately I felt relieved.

How come you took so long? I asked, Did you find the dog?

Yeah I found him alright. He said sadly.

What’s wrong? I asked as I looked at Drake, he looked back at me.

He had been run over, Mrs. Parker is very upset. I had to wait for relatives to come and get her; it’s not a good idea for her to be alone. He seemed really concerned.

Carl are you ok? I knew he’d be worried about Mrs. Parker—a lovely woman who had always made sure we were ok and shown us great affection, something she’d promised mum before she left. But ever since her husband had died about a year ago she’d been getting more fragile so it had become our job to look out for her.

"Yeah I’m fine, it was horrible seeing Emery so upset like that but I’m sure she’ll be alright, such a shame – she loved that dog.

Right now I’m going to make a drink, Rosanna, don’t try and stop me. Drake said all dramatic, jokingly trying to lift the mood.

I wouldn’t dare to try and stop you. I held my hands up shaking my head in laughter. But I will help, if that’s ok? I asked.

Yes of course, get over here. he motioned with his hand, and I obeyed.

Lying in bed I was finding it hard to get to sleep, partly because I had the nap earlier and partly because everything that had happened today was going through my head. Everything that happened in college seemed like so long ago, it was hard to believe it was the same day. I was more surprised at how well Drake and I got on, after dreading it and thinking it was going to be a disaster, I really thought he was lovely, I was surprised how comfortable I began to feel with him, and I found it quite hard to believe that someone as nice as that could have a sister like Becky. As far as I could see, they were nothing alike, they didn’t even look alike. Becky had deep strawberry blonde hair with a pale complexion on her rounded face. Her brown eyes stood out dramatically, where’s Drake had medium to light brown hair – sometimes made darker by the styling products he used – I guessed. He had a nice healthy colour to his face although some of it was hidden by some rough stubble he acquired from his sideburns down to his chin. He had bluish–green eyes protected by dark eye lashes, they were so stunning I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d done a spot of modeling in previous years. Every feature was perfectly matched to compliment each other.

I was surprised I’d absorbed Drake in as much detail and quickly brushed those thoughts away, my concentration turned to Lyndon. Maybe I am being stupid, maybe there wasn’t a chance. I didn’t know I wanted a chance until this very moment. I needed to know him; I felt it inside, intense, longing. The only one I would want to get to know and he has a following of tons of the most annoying girls on the planet, unintentionally, of course. So it wasn’t really his fault.

I catch him looking at me in class, I know that’s real. I get nervous and look away in a panic – annoyingly. Lyndon doesn’t; he continues to look; I know that by the amount of times I’ve looked back at him to see him still watching me – how embarrassing!

He must enjoy seeing me blush, he must like that reaction, maybe he even gets a kick out of seeing girls like that – maybe it’s his thing. Even so, I was still excited at the thought of him – everything about him. Chance or no chance – I couldn’t switch the feeling off.

With everything running through my head last night, I seemed to have had a heavy sleep. Carl had already prepared breakfast, and that made me feel bad because I had gotten a tad neglectful with all things within the past few weeks – which was unlike me.

Morning Carl.

Good morning He replied loudly.

This looks nice, I’m starving.

Eat up before it all goes cold, you get a good nights sleep? He inquired.

Really good actually. I said as I shoved a piece of egg and toast in my mouth, he laughed.

It’s good to see you eating properly, you’ve been looking a bit thin lately. He complained.

Just been busy that’s all, it’s hard to keep an appetite when you’re so tired.

You need to fix that sleeping problem Anna. He nagged worriedly.

Hopefully I have. I smiled feeling glad that I had a nightmare free sleep.

Drake seems to have taken a shine to you. He stated coyly. I looked up surprised by that unexpected comment, I began to spread a thin layer of butter on another slice of toast, deliberating on what I should reply.

Oh you noticed that. I said uneasy.

Yeah, Anna it was hard not to. Did he say anything to you? He tried not to sound too eager at getting the answer but I could tell he was probing me.

Like what?

Oh nothing, just forget it, so what are you doing today in college? He changed the subject, so obviously I laughed.

Nothing exciting, same as usual… Oh Damn! I yelled.

What is it? He looked up startled.

I have an English Essay that’s supposed to be handed in today

What’s the problem?

Well I sort of got a bit behind with it, it kinda slipped my mind. I confessed gingerly.

You need to keep up Anna, the further behind you fall the harder it’ll be to catch up!

Yeah I know, don’t worry I’ll sort it. I promised.

I left Carl to finish his breakfast in peace and went to my room to get ready. As a confidence booster I put on my nice flattering jeans and black fitted t-shirt. Usually I throw on the first thing I find, but today I felt like making an effort. Confidence also means being able to deal with Mr. Johnson my English teacher easier.

When I got to school, Becky was waiting at the gates for me, I thought about what Drake had said yesterday and felt bad, so I walked straight up to her.

Morning Becky I said with a smile.

Good morning to you Rosanna, and how did your evening go?

What, oh, it was ok I realised what she was talking about – my evening with her brother, well that was how she saw it anyway.

Jeez, my brother’s raving about you and all you say is ok. She laughed in astonishment.

Well I’m not supposed to know he’s raving about me, we all had a laugh, but that’s it. I tried ending the conversation and made a point of emphasizing on the "we all" part.

Ok, well it’s a start, I’ll let you off. She laughed as we headed to first class.

Drake tells me you’re gonna invite me round real soon but it’s best not on a weekend coz I’m always real busy, and there’s TV programs I watch on a Monday, and Thursday, so it will have to be Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday, probably best on a Friday, because that’s when I’m in a better mood because it’s weekend time, but it’s up to you just let me or Drake know ok—I was starting to regret saying it already.

The minute I walked in class and saw Lyndon I was aware of my every move, every facial expression and unaware of what was going on around me. I rushed to an empty table, trying to avoid looking at him, but as soon as I sat down, I glanced over in his direction. He wasn’t looking this time, so it gave me a chance to study him longer. I’d already noticed he had an oval shaped face, it could have been considered long; made to look so by his dark hair that passed his chin down to his shoulders. He had distinctive cheek definition, which complimented his face shape perfectly – giving him a chiseled-manly look. His jaw squared off slightly with