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    A Promise Made Is a Promise Kept
    A Promise Made Is a Promise Kept
    A Promise Made Is a Promise Kept
    Ebook86 pages1 hour

    A Promise Made Is a Promise Kept

    By Matthew D. Jones Jr. LMSW ACSW

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    About this ebook

    A must-read, it is clear and complete for those contemplating marriage for the first time. It is very informative and discusses the important factors of having a blessed and meaningful marriage. It challenges ones thinking in a blunt way.

    Tracy Taylor

    I have been married since April, 1973, and wish I had read an insightful book like this. Its a comprehensive yet concise focus of an important and complicated subject. A book of candor, practicality, and precision. Ill be recommending it to both of my children and anyone I know who is planning to get married.

    Myra Tucker

    The book is powerful, profound, and comprehensive. It connects the history of marriage with the current institution we have inherited. It is well documented that half of all marriages may end in divorce, but love still prevails. This book, if read with an open and honest mind, could no doubt have a positive impact on improving the survival of marriages as we know it today. I highly recommend the book.

    Wes Johnson

    The book is done in a thoughtful and sensitive manner on such an important issue. Marriage is the most important decision two people will make in life. Why? Because you are partners for life. Matt 19:5:6 says, and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore, they are no more twain, but one flesh. Prayer and good communication is very important for a marriage to last.

    Pastor Ken Anderson
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisheriUniverse
    Release dateJun 9, 2011
    ISBN9781462028085
    A Promise Made Is a Promise Kept
    Author

    Matthew D. Jones Jr. LMSW ACSW

    Matthew D. Jones Jr. is an educator, mentor, motivator, and relationship coach. He is in private practice specializing in working with couples. He is an adjunct professor of clinical social work at Marygove College and Wayne State University, and the author of two other books. An ardent sports fan and volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters, he currently lives in Detroit, Michigan.

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      Book preview

      A Promise Made Is a Promise Kept - Matthew D. Jones Jr. LMSW ACSW

      Contents

      Chapter 1. The Purpose of Marriage

      Chapter 2. Effects of Friends and Family

      Chapter 3. Intimacy (Sexuality and Emotions)

      Chapter 4. The Role of Money

      Chapter 5. Children

      Chapter 6. Handling Problems

      Chapter 7. Trust and Forgiveness

      Chapter 8. Boredom

      Chapter 9. Laughter

      Chapter 10. Personal Growth

      Chapter 11. Things to Do for Marital Growth

      Chapter 12. A Happy and Lasting Marriage

      Chapter 13. Communication

      Acknowledgments

      I wish to thank Elita St. Clair and Hattie Vanner

      for their editorial assistance.

      This book is Dedicated with Love and Affection

      to my grandchildren

      Elizabeth,

      Phillip, and

      Sarah.

      Introduction

      Deciding to marry is the most important decision a person will ever make in his or her life. It will have the greatest effect on one’s personal growth. Why? Because marriage is the only element in our life that can give us the complete emotional, spiritual, and psychological fulfillment of joy and peace. Decisions about education, careers, homes, cars, vocations, and amassing material goods are all about relatively short-term gratifications. Even when a person has worked for the same company for thirty years or more, the lifelong joy is not there after the job ends. One of the ultimate goals most people have in life is to have a loving and committed relationship that results in an enduring marriage. However, strong marriages don’t just happen. It takes many years of hard work to have a lasting marriage. It can happen for anyone who is willing to build a solid foundation with another individual. Some couples make their relationship look easy, but the best marriages require hard work. Love is not something that should ever be taken for granted. It has to be constantly nurtured and expressed. Although most relationships are a fifty-fifty arrangement with lots of give and take, marriage demands that each partner be prepared to give much more than he or she expects to receive in return. It is in the process of giving love and placing the needs of one’s partner—rather than one’s own needs—in the forefront that a person receives the gift of a loving marriage in return. Marriage is a sacred trust held by two people as they navigate together their individual lives and mold them into a shared life shaped by the celebrations and pleasures, as well as bumps and bruises, that are a part of every marriage. Most everyone who marries has high hopes and expectations for a meaningful marriage. While dating, we try to eliminate potential partners who just don’t seem to have all that we want and need in a spouse. You meet someone who starts the adrenaline pumping, the eyes sparkling, and the dreams developing. High hopes and low maintenance keep the relationship humming along toward holy matrimony. You find yourself so in love that just hearing the other person’s voice makes you melt, and it is obvious you are in the presence of a soul mate. Hours and hours of talking prove that this is the real thing, and poetic and profound words flow from your mouths. Love is wonderful.

      But the journey to finding love and happiness begins during your childhood. The environment in which we are raised has the greatest effect on our future chances of finding love and happiness. As children we are exposed to a plethora of both positive and negative messages that adults create, either directly or indirectly. The messages come in the form of comments and behavior. The negative comments may include words such as loser, weak, foolish, failure, hard headed, incompetent, crazy, or immature. The positive comments may be phrases such as you’re smart, you’re creative, you look good, you’re dependable and mature. Words of encouragement may include I love you, great job, keep up the good work, and stay focused. The positive behavior may take the form of hugs, kisses, playfulness, laughter, high-quality time together, and quiet moments together. Some examples of negative behavior are not giving hugs, yelling, shunning, very little emotional support, verbal put-downs, few kisses, and rejection. The point is that what happens during childhood either sticks to you or doesn’t stick to you. Either way we grow up and carry those memories and experiences into our adult relationships. Many, if not all of those issues, will surface in our relationships. We often need professional help to decipher all the baggage if we had no one to talk with while growing up. The strain and the heavy baggage go into our adult relationships. Most people don’t want to think about their baggage. They just want to think about how their mate makes them feel. Trying to understand ourselves as adults is challenging, but it’s necessary if we want to have lasting and loving marriages. Understanding yourself starts with learning who you are as a person, particularly your self-concept—that is, how you view yourself—because it will determine how you experience life. If your experiences are positive and healthy, you will probably develop a positive and healthy life experience. If your experiences are shaky and fragile, you will find life’s challenges overwhelming and sometimes insurmountable. Finding a good balance becomes our goal.

      Looking at yourself from the standpoint of assessing your strengths, weaknesses, talents, and potential will assist you in learning to love and accept love on your terms in a healthy manner. You will be able to accept yourself as you are today despite your past experiences in some bad relationships. And you will know that you can improve any aspect of yourself that allows the sun to shine internally and externally in your relationships. Knowing yourself will create the ability to be honest with yourself and stay true to what you value, and to take full responsibility for your choices and actions.

      Understanding yourself means that when you are in conflict with your partner, you can tune in to your disapproval of your partner’s behavior or your lack of feelings, and sense whatever pain (fear, hurt, anxiety, or disappointment) is being covered up. In a conflict, you must first try to understand what you reacted to, and then explore why you reacted as you did. Getting to the bottom of your feelings and understanding them takes time, so please be patient with yourself. You will become more aware of what is

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