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    A Grief Lived
    A Grief Lived
    A Grief Lived
    Ebook135 pages3 hours

    A Grief Lived

    By Marcy J. Haag

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    About this ebook

    In A Grief Lived, the reader is swept into the immediacy of the struggle to save the life of Matt, Marcys husband. The tearing apart of the physical reality as Matt dies unexpectedly takes Marcy to the brink, where God, meaning, and life itself are all in doubt. We become privy to the innermost experience of one who traverses the landscape of grief. Through Elizabeths writing, we see the story of sisters whose love grows ever deeper when they are bonded through death and the life after it. And we see how a family closes ranks during a painful crisis to both grieve and grow through this most human experience.

    What gives this book its unique character is that the story is told by two sisters. We see both the griever and caretaker in a simultaneous experience.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBalboa Press
    Release dateMar 4, 2014
    ISBN9781452553788
    A Grief Lived
    Author

    Marcy J. Haag

    Dr. Marcy J. Haag is associate dean at the College of Public Affairs and Community Service at the University of North Texas. She is a master trainer of Say It Straight, a communication skills program that prevents risky behaviors and promotes wellness. Just two years into her graduate school work, her husband, Matt, abruptly died. At thirty-six, along with Matt, she lost the meaning in her life. In this work, we gain an insiders perspective into the world of one widow living the experience of grief shaped by sudden death. Elizabeth M. Quoetone is a meteorologist with the National Weather Service (NWS) Warning Decision Training Branch, which trains NWS forecasters on the complexity of severe-weather warnings. The journey with her sister led to unexpected challenges and amazing discoveries. Elizabeth has since completed a five-year course of study in spiritual direction formation through the Benedictine Sisters at the Red Plains Monastery in Piedmont, Oklahoma. As a result, she is now providing spiritual direction to others on life's journey.

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      Book preview

      A Grief Lived - Marcy J. Haag

      Copyright © 2012 Marcy J. Haag and Elizabeth M. Quoetone

      Cover bench photo taken at Red Plains Monastery by Elizabeth M. Quoetone.

      Photo of two sisters taken by Eileen Hall.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      Balboa Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

      Balboa Press

      A Division of Hay House

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.balboapress.com

      1-(877) 407-4847

      ISBN: 978-1-4525-5377-1 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4525-5378-8 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2012910352

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      The authors of this book do not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the authors is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the authors and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

      Balboa Press rev. date: 2/25/2014

      Contents

      Prologue

      Chapter One

      Chapter Two

      Chapter Three

      Chapter Four

      Chapter Five

      Chapter Six

      Chapter Seven

      Epilogue

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      Comments about this work:

      What a beautiful piece of writing! How intelligent, how poignant. The writing is fluid and vivid. It’s a beautiful and re-assuring story you tell, one that intelligently explores the complexities and mysteries of what it is to be human.

      – Author Mark Spencer,

      Dean of the University of Arkansas, Monticello,

      College of Arts and Sciences.

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      January 31, 2013

      Prologue

      Life.

      When you imagine you are on solid ground,

      it can swiftly remind you of the currents

      that are ever present in its ebb and flow.

      Lizzie and I were in the final stages of this collective work; 17 years of life had passed from the time I had lost my dearly beloved and we were completing edits to share a story of having lived through grief. She and her husband Walter, celebrating 35 years of marriage, were returning from a little getaway. They had chosen to take the trip by train so they could fully enjoy each other’s company, allowing someone else to drive while they soaked up each other, the countryside, and read some good books! I had finished the final edits from the publisher’s galley and handed them off to Lizzie for her final read. She added her comments on the trip back home.

      Our other sister Kathe and her husband Ed were in the process of relocating from Virginia to New Jersey, had some time to travel, and had arrived in Texas to stay with me for a few weeks.

      We planned on sneaking in a great Sisters’ Weekend. It had been a rather long year, having lost Mom in September and Lizzie was diagnosed with breast cancer in March. It was now August and she was progressing through treatment. Some Sister’s time was definitely due!

      As we have been known to do from time to time, we cooked up a little surprise. I called Kathe on my way home from work and told her instead of driving I found out we could hop a train in Gainesville and go to Norman to see Liz and Walt. So, she had about 20 minutes to get her stuff in train travel mode if we were going to make the 6:45 train. She was game.

      I pulled up and we put our luggage in and headed up I-35 to Gainesville.

      What she, of course, didn’t know was that Lizzie and Walter were on that train on their return from San Antonio.

      After we boarded, we meandered (sort of) up the stairs of the car Lizzie had texted me they were in to find our seats. You should have heard it…Kathe shrieked! She just couldn’t believe they happened to be on the train. It took a little bit for it to soak in but ever so slowly it did. She had been had in the best of ways!

      We enjoyed the trip to Norman and Walter delighted in having three sisters share some sweet time! Kathe and I were coming to Norman that weekend to offer our time at Walter’s church (Rev. Walter Quoetone, that is) where they were having a back to school bonanza, giving kids in the church and neighborhood a bundle of school supplies, goodies and fun, even haircuts, to get them off on the right foot back to school!

      Kathe and I were the balloon slayers, putting in helium and tying on ribbon that could be attached to each child’s wrist. We also had a collection of stickers the kids could choose from and we would add their selection to their favorite color balloon. We had a blast!!! Lizzie was on lunch duty and Walter worked meeting and greeting outside and helping with the Moon Bounce which he managed to get donated to add to the fun of the day.

      That evening we went to the worst movie we collectively had ever seen. In spite of that, we were all still feeling so good…having donated our time and energy in a way that was appreciated so much by the kids and their parents.

      That night when Walter went to bed he complained of his knee hurting. He had been on rheumatoid arthritis medicine and was transitioning from one type to another, so the best guess was that his pain was due to either over straining and/or possibly feeling effects from the switch in meds.

      The next morning Lizzie took us to the train station as Walter was not feeling 100%. She was going to call the doctor when she returned home to see what she should do to get Walt some relief. That was on Sunday.

      By Thursday, Walter was admitted to the hospital with what they believed was pneumonia. Earlier in the week, he had spent time in the ER twice and in doc’s office, along with several phone conversations in between, as his condition was not improving. On Thursday, at the doctor’s office, Walter complained of shortness of breath. X-rays were ordered and the result ended with him in the hospital. As the next 24-48 hours unfolded, they found he had MRSA, the fierce infection once only found in hospitals and now out in the community. It was in his knee, his wrist, his lungs.

      So six days after their special vacation, Walter was now laid up. He had surgery on Saturday.

      By Sunday night, the tubes were out and he seemed to be on the road to healing.

      On Monday, he started having some trouble with his eyes. They called for a specialist.

      Tuesday was Lizzie’s scheduled surgery at OU Medical Center to remove the tumor. She had undergone four months of chemo and the tumor had shrunk substantially. At the initial diagnosis, they had planned to do a mastectomy, but, with her excellent response to chemo, they were able to do a lumpectomy. As she said goodnight to Walt on Monday, they were both sure she needed to proceed with her surgery at this time.

      Lizzie’s surgery was a resounding success. The margins were clear, no other lymph nodes were necessary to remove. We were all celebrating.

      After we got Lizzie back home to Norman from Oklahoma City, and settled her in, I headed to the hospital in Norman to check on Walter…get a face-to-face report that I could bring back to her. Kathe remained at home with

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