Dirty Deeds: Miss Fortune World: Wholly Moses!, #7
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When a dead man turns up in an industrial waste barrel just outside Sinful, it worries Ida Belle and Gertie. The shady Houston businessman had a reputation for underhanded and dirty deals. With his newly established hazardous wasted disposal company, and the many land purchases he'd made in the area, was he up to his usual dirty deeds? Was his body left as a warning or was it a hasty disposal?
Gertie contacts a reporter who's been hot on Dirty Dudley's tail for years. But things don't turn out as expected when the reporter shows up and gets arrested for murder. It's up to the Sinful women to catch the real killer, even if Mo has to sacrifice her dignity in the process.
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Dirty Deeds - Kamaryn Kelsey
Author's note:
This is Book 7 in the Wholly Moses series and is not intended to standalone.
This is a work of fiction. Other than Jana DeLeon's original story elements, the characters and names are creations of the author's imaginatio
CHAPTER 1
Gertie, if you ever do this to me again I'll shoot you,
Ida Belle yelled to her oldest friend.
Stop complaining, Ida Belle. It's for a worthy cause. Besides, the exercise is good for us,
Gertie replied. Her face was red and dripping with sweat, but she wouldn't admit to Ida Belle she was already tired.
I'd like to know who came up with the stupid idea of adopting highways,
Ida Belle continued to grumble. Adoption is for children and animals. They just use that tag as a way to sucker you into doing dirty work for free! This is the same thing criminals do, only they call it community service and get a reduced sentence.
Gertie agreed, but since she'd signed them up for the task of helping clean the highway near Sinful, she wasn't going to admit she might have made a mistake.
I don't know why they're complaining,
Mo muttered to Fortune. I thought this was a church competition, and I don't even go to church.
Fortune snorted. I think it works by osmosis.
She nudged Mo and pointed to Carter, Tony, and Kyle, who were working ahead of them and complaining as a group. I'm pretty sure Kyle's Catholic, so he's in for double duty. Just be glad we only have this side.
Fortune took a quick look around, then picked up a dead raccoon with her gloved hand and hurled it across the road.
At Mo's look of disgust she said, I thought I'd save something special for Celia. She's the one who arranged the whole 'battle of cleanliness,' isn't she?
She should start a little closer to home,
Mo said as she leaned on her poker. It sank into the ground and she went with it. Like the minds of the hypocrites who go to church then make lewd suggestions when I walk past them.
She looked up at Fortune from her seat on the ground.
I'd be happy to show you how to clear those dirty thoughts from their minds,
Fortune offered. I guarantee they will only think painful things when they see you.
It seemed like a good time for a break, so Gertie yelled ahead to Mo, Hey, Moses. I heard you went back to the Sinful Inn last weekend.
She nudged Ida Belle and continued shouting. I wondered why didn't you give me back the black wig. Now I know. Meeting someone on the sly?
She deliberately looked around Mo and Fortune to where Tony stood.
Mo snorted. There is no sly meeting anyone at the Sinful Inn, Gertie. You know that! If I wanted a secret rendezvous, it wouldn't be in the gossip capital of Louisiana. I'd take it out of town.
Sure. If that's the story you want to stick with,
Gertie replied, while Mo gave Fortune a puzzled look.
Before she could respond, a car roared down the highway toward them. It was plain the men would prefer to be in a squad car chasing the speeding bullet. Just before the vehicle reached Ida Belle and Gertie, the window went down and a beer can came flying out. It landed two feet past them, in the section not cleaned.
Ida Belle yelled after them, What the hell are you doing, you damn fools? Can't you see the good Christians of Sinful are working hard to clean this highway? Next time throw it in the area we've already finished so we don't have to pick it up.
The response was a rude gesture, followed by a paper bag of empty fast food containers. The sack hit the road and exploded. Fortune grabbed a shovel and pushed it to the other side of the highway with a sour look at the men.
If you were doing your job, we wouldn't have so much littering,
she told the three law enforcement officers who looked ready for a revolution. You left a volunteer firefighter to take calls at the sheriff's department and she's probably doing more work than you!
Ida Belle gave Gertie a cross look and snarled, What? She's right! Besides, if we go back for every gum wrapper that blows into the clean area, we'll never finish. Do you want Celia holding that over our heads? Next time don't pick the downwind side of the road. Never mind. There won't be a next time!
Amen, Sister Ida Belle,
Mo yelled from her seat on the ground.
Moses, get off your butt or I'll bag you and leave you next to the road,
Ida Belle threatened.
Gertie chided Ida Belle for being crabby. Remember, many hands make for light work,
she chirped.
Mo got to her feet with a frown. I don't see many hands or light work,
she mumbled to Fortune.
Fortune turned to Gertie and narrowed her eyes. Just how far do we have to clean?
she asked.
Gertie pasted a quick smile on her face to cover the look of dismay. We only have another two miles.
Why is she trying to make that sound like a good thing?
Mo asked Fortune. It feels like we've already done two miles.
We have,
Fortune snapped. Mo and Fortune joined Ida Belle in the 'let's give Gertie mean looks' game.
They were distracted by a shout from the men who were working ahead of them, moving the heavier items like used tires and mattresses. When Mo saw the mattresses, she recognized them from the Sinful Inn, but she kept her mouth shut. Mostly because she was out of breath. She was also out of shape. A full figured, busty woman like Mo learned early on her genes had more say about her size than her lifestyle. Diets and exercise worked for some people. Mo always ended up back where she started and accepted the fact she'd never been the skinny woman on the beach. So Mo didn't go to the beach. Swimsuits were on her only if there's no other options
list, along with items like push-up bras and thigh high pantyhose.
She came back to the present in a flash when the men came running at them, yelling. Get out of here. Clear the area!
Today Mo wasn't going to argue with good common sense. Another time? Sure, she was up for a battle of wills, but the opportunity to leave this hateful, thankless, disgusting chore? She put her inherited sprinting thighs (from her Grannie Annie) to good use and nearly beat Fortune to the vehicles parked down the road a few hundred feet. She chuckled when she saw Gertie giving it her all as well. From the look on Gertie's face, Ida Belle wouldn't need to worry they would get suckered into this task again.
Even the men were out of breath and sweating when they reached the vehicles.
What's up?
Gertie asked. Is there a skunk or something?
Ida Belle stepped forward to give Gertie a piece of her mind, but Fortune put her hand on Ida Belle's arm to restrain her. She nodded her head at the men who looked anything but amused.
Tony, you'd better call for backup. This road needs to be shut down and a HAZMAT unit needs to get here ASAP. Kyle, take your car to the next intersection and reroute any traffic that's traveling this way. Gertie, follow Kyle with your Cadillac and take Ida Belle with you,
Carter said.
Why?
Ida Belle demanded.
Because Gertie's car could stop a semi and no one will make it past you in your current foul mood. Kyle will just end up as a speed bump if you don't give him some support.
And what are we supporting?
Ida Belle asked.
Tony rubbed his brow. There's a couple of barrels ahead marked hazardous waste. At least one of them is open and leaking.
And you want me to drive past it?
Gertie asked, sounding offended.
Ida Belle huffed, Who are you trying to fool? I saw you pick up that dead rabbit with your bare hands and throw it to Celia's side of the highway. And when it didn't make it all the way? You kicked it until it did. Now get into that land barge you call a car and let's go piss some people off. I'm in the mood to make others as miserable as I am.