Command My Flesh

Copyright © 2013 Antonia Aipperspach.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-1532-9 (e)

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/17/2013

Contents

Hear my Heart

Mamma

Sacrifice

Infectious

Child’s Play

About the Author

I’ve always dreamed of writing, seeing my name scrawled across the glossy cover of a book. Since I was a child, I’d entered competitions for young writers, and though I didn’t win first prizes until my senior year in high school, I never was less than third. Writing has been a passion in my family as long as I can remember. My mother was the one who inspired me to go for my first book, and I can’t say that I regret any of it. I’m currently a college student looking toward my AAS in hospitality management and certification as an event specialist. I have two little brothers who are very talented as well and have big dreams too. We all live in the small but ever-growing town of Gillette, Wyoming, and we’re some of the craziest and most compassionate people you’ll ever meet.

Hear my Heart

You shall have no other gods before me.

Exodus 20:3

Wiggling my toes in the cool sand of the shore I took one deliberate step after another, feeling the spray of the nearby ocean. A comforting gray blanket draped across the vast sky, only allowing the human eye to periodically peep at the hidden blue blush behind it. The horizon darkened and rumbled with the drum roll of thunder and the wind danced around in playful whistles, ruffling up my oversized, knit sweater and blowing away the silent, hot tears that careened down my cheeks in mad haste. My life had taken a strange and painful turn in a dark direction and all I could do was walk. Walk here, on this empty beach hearing the sea gulls cry and waves smash together with hypnotic gentleness.

I loved him… Still love him. Even now, as he carries on with life, probably never once acknowledging the impact I had so selflessly made in order that the man inside him be set free. I loved him. Loved him with all my heart, with all my soul and still it wasn’t enough. Not enough for him and never enough for the ones before. But such a love must be shattered when God is forgotten. And what is it to you? You are only a speck of dust blowing passed to glance at the pains in my life as a means of escape, rather than implode from the pressures of your own. Just a grain of sand, curiously still until something interesting happens. What is my agony to a stranger intruding and poking into my shattered heart’s window? Is it not a story to add to your collection of entertainment?

None the less I will tell you, that you may, with your mind’s eye, pull this old dusty book from the shelf you will soon retire it to, and remember my story of love and never forget your encounter with a broken heart, lest I drown in my own tears.

Love is eternal. Continually consuming itself over and over again, like a cannibalistic serpent with a lustful appetite for itself. From tail to mouth its body forms an endless circle as it tries in desperation to devour its own body. In much the same way, love will look to itself for fulfillment. Rather than wanting to give love, we look to receive it from another. Like love has no beginning, nor end, so my tale has none. But start, I will, from the moment I met Aaron.

I was young, ambitious and attempting to heal a broken heart from my very first long term relationship. His name, you ask? Daniel. That story, my strange friend, is for another date at another time, because I never loved Daniel the way that that I did Aaron; the way that I still do. Daniel was my first, but Aaron… Aaron was my truth. The real kind of love that only God in heaven can tear apart if He so chooses.

We met, or rather, our love met long before either of us knew the other existed. Forgive me; I must be confusing you with all this endless love business. Please, allow me to simply tell the story.

I knew that only God could ease any of the searing pain that my poor heart was already embracing. So I prayed; begging God for something real with someone, a prince to whisk me away from all the nightmares of my past. But none came, and so I stayed satisfied in my loneliness, knowing that God’s timing was always perfect. I waited so long for a love lost, until finally, I gave up and lived my life the way I knew I must. Little did I know, God was waiting for me to stop that He may work in the mysterious way that He always does.

Winter had settled in, freezing the air, summoning ice and snow that snuggled up close to every exposed building, while still managing to remain beautifully tranquil as the earth lay to rest for a season. Children laughed with joy as schools let out for the holiday break, flooding the streets with their organized chaos, just trying to find their way home, to friends, to family. That evening, as I sat at home wondering what to do with my holiday vacation, something peculiar happened. I received an email from a newly acquired acquaintance, inviting me along with a few friends to enjoy our first night of freedom. So, I went, reluctantly.

The night was cold and the stars were vibrant against the light fog that had settled around the theater. We had planned to see a comedy, whether we knew what it was or not, I don’t recall. I met with my friends, squeezing passed other seats and feeling conscious of my plain sweatshirt and blue jeans I had so carelessly adorned while everyone else dressed to impress. We settled in and waited for the film to start; chatting up the emptiness above us, while Walter inconspicuously made sure the singles were properly introduced. And that’s where it all begins.

Camille, I’d like you to meet Aaron.

A young man near my own age of eighteen at the time stiffly seated himself to the right of me. He turned his head to look to the girl he was being introduced to and with an awkward smile, extended his hand. I completed the gesture and he turned away, shifting uncomfortably in the padded, plastic seat. I was stunned, to say the least, at how incredibly inelegant the introduction had been. He practically screamed suave and confident with a heavy dose of intimidating, but when it came down to it, he was as nervous as a teenage boy asking a girl’s hand in marriage.

The enormous screen before us flickered up a clear picture with booming sound, indicating it was time for the movie to play. We sat back in our seats and turned our attention to the motion picture. Among the group were three gentlemen, and two ladies; myself and a Miss Lana that I had met once before. The two of us could barely control our girlish giggles and ridiculous commentary as the film went rolling. I feared at one point I had unintentionally ended any further relations with the young man beside me because I could barely keep myself from bellowing wild laughter. I wondered if I was just as nervous as he was.

The comedy ended and we planned to part ways. I sat in my frozen vehicle just wondering what to do with the young man I had just met. I saw him walk away with Walter, readying themselves to end the night. I felt tense and curious, yet I knew I wasn’t ready for another love only to lose it later on. I shifted the car in reverse and started to pull out of the parking lot. I saw the young man Aaron once more through my passenger side window and suddenly my car had stopped. My heart was being mercilessly tickled by invisible hands, then squeezed, and tickled again. I said a silent prayer, hoping that this was God’s idea because I had no more room for heart ache. I slipped out of the car, marched straight up to the passenger side window of Walter’s automobile and politely pleaded for Aaron to roll down the window.

For half a second I almost panicked, for any words I had hoped to say had without reason, abandoned my tongue.

Uh… can I have your number? I managed to say after what seemed like hours in the time zone I was trapped in inside my head. Aaron perked up slightly, seemingly startled by my request while he fumbled around the darkness for a pen and paper. I glanced up to see Walter smilingly mischievously, as if he himself had planned this. The night frost nipped at my exposed ears and nose as I waited for Aaron’s shaky hand to insert the paper into my own trembling palm. I walked away from the window feeling a grin stretch out my cheeks.

Listen to that; the sound of the wind rushing about and the waves, impatient to embrace one another only to melt together in the endless sea. Is it not the melody of love in one’s heart? But as with any love story, the storm is rising and the beach is no place to tell a tale when it rains. Come, let me take you into my home and we will finish by firelight and freshly baked cookies.

It’s not often I invite a stranger into my home. With its tattered brown walls corroding away to reveal their true caramel crème color, and the shiny wood floors groaning under your feet, but still it is home and here I find peace.

Shall we continue the story? Now, where was I? Oh yes, I had asked the awkward boy for his phone number. I suspect you were expecting a more passionate meeting between my love and I, but so simple it was. As easy as it was to fall in love with him.

Aaron was shy with conversation. His words were few and he had what seemed to be a wall around him, guarding himself from whatever pain he feared from human relations. Oddly enough, he opened up to me long before I ever did him.

I remember like it was yesterday the moment he entered my house for the first time. He brought with him baked goods from his mother; a comforting gift from his world to mine. I introduced him to my family and we sat awkwardly close to one another to enjoy yet another movie together.

Aaron was a little below average height for a boy