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    The Principle Of: Love & Marriage: Or: How to Be Married "Happily Ever After"
    The Principle Of: Love & Marriage: Or: How to Be Married "Happily Ever After"
    The Principle Of: Love & Marriage: Or: How to Be Married "Happily Ever After"
    Ebook75 pages1 hour

    The Principle Of: Love & Marriage: Or: How to Be Married "Happily Ever After"

    By Jim Holtslag

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    About this ebook

    In this book the author proposes that there is a single easy to understand principle that all marriages should be based on. If you don't understand this principle, you run the risk of a rocky relationship or even divorce. If two people understand this principle and act accordingly, they are certain to have a fantastic marriage of happiness and personal growth for as long as they live.

    The book first describes the negative consequences that poor marriage has on, not only the people involved, but on society in general. Next it looks at how our society leads people into misunderstanding this critical principle from childhood on. Once the principle is properly understood, the author describes not only the tremendous benefits in happiness and personal growth that will result, but some of the challenges that it requires in honesty and respect that may not come easily at first, but are well worth the effort in all aspects of your life.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthorHouse
    Release dateSep 7, 2012
    ISBN9781477263822
    The Principle Of: Love & Marriage: Or: How to Be Married "Happily Ever After"

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      Book preview

      The Principle Of - Jim Holtslag

      AuthorHouse™

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.authorhouse.com

      Phone: 1-800-839-8640

      © 2012 by Jim Holtslag. All rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

      Published by AuthorHouse 08/29/2012

      ISBN: 978-1-4772-6384-6 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4772-6383-9 (hc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4772-6382-2 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2012915701

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      CONTENTS

      Introduction

      Chapter 1:   Marriage in Trouble

      Chapter 2:   Love Today

      Chapter 3:   So what is the problem?

      Chapter 4:   Love

      Chapter 5:   So Why Doesn’t Everyone?

      Chapter 6:   Growth

      Chapter 7:   Happiness

      Chapter 8:   The Spiral

      Chapter 9:   Honesty and Respect

      Chapter 10:   Other Connections

      Chapter 11:   Q & A

      Endnotes

      I dedicate this book to Gail;

      my high school sweetheart,

      my beloved wife, best friend,

      mother of my children,

      Nana to my grandchildren and

      Lifelong instructor to me

      In the art of love.

      Jim Holtslag

      INTRODUCTION

      For many years in the late 1980’s and all of the 1990’s, my wife and I were involved in or led the marriage preparation process in our local church. The process centered around sitting down with the engaged couple, one on one, in our home, and over the course of many hours (spread out over many weeks), would insure that the couple was effectively communicating with each other on all the subjects that should be explored before entering into marriage. It started with the easy subjects, such as family backgrounds and how that can effect expectations and worked up to more sensitive subjects such as expectations for child rearing, finances and sexuality. To facilitate open discussion, my wife and I would bring up anecdotal examples from our own experience, but would emphasize that what works for some people would not necessarily work for others as everyone has different backgrounds and experiences. The important thing was that there was good communication between them.

      As a result, we got to know a large number of couples that were planning to be married, on a much more intellectually intimate level than friends that we may have had for years and years. With only one exception in the scores and scores of couples, we found these couples to be very much in love, communicating well on most of the right things, and fully expecting to live happily ever after. I don’t know if any of these discussions ever actually helped any of these couples, but I know it helped our own marriage by forcing us to discuss and to understand experiences that we had gone through, in order to relate them to these engaged couples (without getting kicked under the table).

      The troublesome part about the whole experience was that, assuming these couples were representative of most young people getting married, why is the chance that these couples will end up in a divorce 40%¹? Why do almost half of the couples who get married end up getting divorced especially in the first three to five years? These are good people with good intentions seemingly very much in love! What is going wrong?

      Even more troublesome to me, is my observation that many people who have not gotten divorced, nor ever expect to, have a marriage that seems better characterized as having developed a mutual tolerance for each other, allowing the conveniences of living together to outweigh the inconveniences. It is fairly rare that you find marriages in which the people will tell you that their marriage is an incredible source of happiness and fulfillment and that it is at the very center of their lives. Why is this? Why does marriage work so well for a small minority, but fail for the majority?

      I’m an engineer in both training and disposition. Engineers (and scientists) have one characteristic that sets them apart from the rest of society, at least in its intensity; the need to understand why something happens the way it does. For example, people may observe that the full moon appears bigger at some times than others, or much more overhead than it was just weeks before, this is simply accepted by most. It’s not that they couldn’t figure it out if they wanted to, it’s just that they don’t feel a need to. It’s okay to leave the understanding to someone else. The engineer, on the other hand, needs to know why. This need for understanding is also not a problem for the engineer, since he/she was usually born with this need, hence paid attention in school when explanations were given in the text books and therefore, can easily explain most

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