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    90 Days: Ninety Poems of Love, Loss and Change
    90 Days: Ninety Poems of Love, Loss and Change
    90 Days: Ninety Poems of Love, Loss and Change
    Ebook184 pages1 hour

    90 Days: Ninety Poems of Love, Loss and Change

    By Peter Scamardella

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    About this ebook

    Have you ever loved and then lost? 90 Days is a story of the love one man felt for another and the loss he went through when that relationship ended. It takes the form of ninety poems representing the daily thoughts and feelings of the author over a three month period. Some are simple and others more complex, but each was conceived within the twenty four hour period from one day to the next.

    In 90 Days you will find poems that will make you laugh and cry, blush and dream. From speaking with angels and sailing the ocean with pirates to dancing until he is ready to drop, Pete Scamardella takes us on his journey through ninety days of sadness, growth and change. Sometimes one mistake can alter your view of the world in amazing ways. Why not look and see if you can find some of the thoughts and wishes you always wanted to say to a lover in his tales.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthorHouse
    Release dateMar 8, 2013
    ISBN9781481723398
    90 Days: Ninety Poems of Love, Loss and Change
    Author

    Peter Scamardella

    Pete Scamardella has been writing poetry for over two decades. He finds inspiration for most of his poetry in his daily life but enjoys throwing in a bit of fantasy as well. He is a native New Yorker and is currently working on the screenplay for a horror story based in New York’s Greenwich Village. 90 Days is his first published work.

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      Book preview

      90 Days - Peter Scamardella

      © 2013 by Peter Scamardella. All rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

      Published by AuthorHouse 3/07/2013

      ISBN: 978-1-4817-2341-1 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4817-2340-4 (hc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4817-2339-8 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2013903788

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      All artworks are done by Jeffrey Lloyd Michels of LifeEnhancingArts.com

      Author photo by Jeffrey Lloyd Michels, shirt design, Old Boots by Shane Ruff of Shane Ruff Studio & Burlyshirts.com

      All Items Used With Permission Of The Artists

      Contents

      Face In The Crowd

      Just Shy Of A Day

      For A Moment

      Time

      Blowoff

      The Glue That Binds

      Masseur

      Micheladas On Ice

      Hero

      Tongue In Cheek, Tongue In Cheek

      Voice Of An Angel

      Connect With You

      Break With Fate

      Do You Feel Me Calling

      Freedom and Loss

      Pleading To Myself

      Two Months Prior

      The Wait

      Holiday

      Lullaby

      Loss Of My Muse

      Forgiveness

      Smile

      Blowoff 2

      Seven Little Indians

      Editor Of My Life

      Watch And Learn

      The Other Side Of The Coin

      Why

      The Silence

      Strength In Your Arms

      Ghost

      Hold Me

      A Walk Through The Seasons

      Do You Think

      Oblivion

      Where Am I

      Not My Life

      When Darkness Craves the Light

      What To Do After The Fall

      More Than A Kiss

      A Plea To Bacchino

      Fade Away

      Pride In The Details

      Two Hours In Heaven

      Harvest Moon

      Weary

      Moth To A Flame

      From The Depths To The Heights

      Wall Of Music

      Inspiration

      Just A Fly On The Wall

      The Chill

      A Toy Story

      Give In To The Night

      My Paradox

      Sleep

      The Last Centurion

      Yesterday’s Child

      A Little Help

      The Eidetic Life

      The Angel Of Mercy

      Persistence Of Vision

      Slaves To The Rhythm

      Lost Among The Words

      Shattered

      Tension In The Air

      To The Loneliest One

      A Moment Too Late

      A Change Over Time

      A Wrinkle In Time

      Someone To Hold

      In The Blink Of An Eye

      Responsibilities

      The Dark Storm

      Little Gods

      Sense Of Confusion

      The Simple Things

      Spoons In A Drawer

      Mental Block

      Stutter

      Old Age

      Sense Of Purpose

      Ice Magic

      Anticipation

      Blowoff 3

      A Whisper

      Karma’s Bitch

      The Assassin’s Path

      And The Winner Is… .

      The Last Page

      Dedication

      This book is dedicated to my Dust Muffin. The man I love, who inspired me to change my life and made me happier than I ever thought would be possible. I am lucky to have had you in my life.

      Prologue

      This is where I tell you why you are taking the time to read 90 Days. Well, I suppose the best way to explain that is to start with a little bit of background. I’ve asked around and a number of people have a fantasy person that has been a part of their life for as long as they can remember. A face and personality made up from all the things that make them happy and help them feel safe and loved. That dream person is there when everything else sucks, and makes them feel good when nothing else will. What happened for me is I actually met and fell in love with my fantasy person. I had seen his face for decades in my mind and one day we actually met each other. Can you imagine my shock at seeing this handsome guy I fantasized about open his door and be standing there for real? It was like a scene from the 80’s movie Weird Science where two nerdy guys produce the perfect woman using a very old desktop computer and some hacking skills. His look and personality were everything I had ever imagined them to be. It was almost more than I could believe possible, but there he was.

      Now as a gay man I never thought I would find the literal person of my dreams. For the longest time it was hard to just admit I loved men, so expecting to find him was not what you would normally expect. Years went by where I kept seeing a similar look on somebody’s face or a body or personality that reminded me of my fantasy guy. So of course that was as close as I ever thought I would be to actually meeting this person. But somehow one day we met and I was given the opportunity to be with the person who fueled every adult thought of my life. I truly was the luckiest person alive.

      Of course if things were perfect I would not be where I am today and 90 Days would never have been written. I screwed up. I made a tremendous error in judgment and ended up losing him, which devastated me. I felt horrible and thought I would not be able to recover without doing something to relieve some of my pain over this loss. I also knew I needed to make the changes in my life I had discussed with him. In the short time we were together he influenced my life and guided me to grow and be more than I had ever thought possible. I couldn’t let all this simply fade away to dust. It was too incredible of a situation to simply let go by unnoticed and be forgotten. I decided to share my feelings and the amazing relationship that still makes me smile at the thought of it.

      So I started to write and publish online daily poems expressing the feelings and experiences of our time together. I decided on writing ninety poems over ninety days. I gave myself one day to write each piece so I would not be over thinking the moments and changing the poems to match some preconceived idea as to what they should become. Yes, of course some of them are the whiny why me type of poem due to my initial heartache, but as time went on I actually began to develop a style and to produce some pieces that were showing the natural progression of emotions as a person heals after a loss. Also, the feedback I received let me know that I was presenting ideas that many people felt and enjoyed reading in this form.

      That is where the final inspiration for 90 Days came from. If people from different walks of life liked how I expressed these feelings of love and loss then maybe this was something I should share with a larger audience. It would be great to be able to help some lonely person know that what they are going through others have too; because it never feels that anyone can understand what you feel when you are going through it. Also, maybe people who haven’t dealt personally with anyone gay before will see that the emotions are the same whether they are for a man to a man, woman to a woman or man to a woman. I don’t think that gender matters when it comes to what you feel about who you love. Though my experiences are unique to me, the emotions behind them transcend my life and can be understood by anyone who has felt love and caring for another.

      So that’s my tale and here is my labor of love and loss. I hope you enjoy my works. They express feelings that I hope will bring both a smile and tear to your day. I am very proud to have produced something that means so much to me to share with you in this way.

      Sincerely,

      Pete Scamardella

      Face In The Crowd

      At one time the love of your life would start out as a face in the crowd.

      Beautiful eyes, or lips that made you melt before you even kissed them.

      You might approach with a fiercely beating heart or wait for days before your courage built up to simply say hello.

      Today, that same love could be a thousand miles away.

      You fall for an image of those eyes, a close-up of those lips, accompanied by a quote or phrase that clicks in your mind.

      Your heart may still beat as fiercely, but the courage doesn’t need

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