Jokes - Apart: Laughs from a Life Time of Pass Around Internet Jokes

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© 2012 Sheroy Kermani. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,

or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 11/7/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4772-6515-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-6514-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012916407

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

God & HARLEY DAVIDSON…

Indian cab driver

Picky marriage

Little Johnny’s BIG Story

International Women

3 men in a Bar

Subject: In heaven

Car Accident

I THINK YOU’RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS………

Everything has a gender

Short poems…

Bed Time Prayer…

Blond Jokes

Interesting survey

I HOPE WHEN I’M 85 AND ON A CRUISE SHIP…I HAVE THE SAME ATTITUDE!

One-Question IQ Test

Little Jonny

The travel writer

International wives!!

VOTED BEST SHORT JOKE

Men!

Men are like….

Sisters of St. Francis

HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER!

Field Trip

The frog wish

Award winning joke

Irish Math’s Test

How to get to heaven

Doctor’s joke

One liner’s

The chickens

Blonde test

ANSWERS :

Famous quotes

Money

Smart Hubby…

WHY INDIAN HELL IS MORE POPULAR ?

SANTA’S ANSWER PAPER TO THE MEDICAL EXAMINATION

What’s a surname?

The First Sensible Chain E-mail….. from Billy Connolly

Globalization

Santa becomes the priest!!!- A real good one

A good laugh

CATS

Pregnant Blonde

Indian boy on his first day at school in U.S.A.

At the GYM….

Catholic Mums

BEER, FISHING, GOLF & SEX:

Conversation

Management…..naughty but really funny!!!

The Old Pastor’s Last Request

Baptising a Drunk

More blonde jokes…

WISE QUOTES

Vicarious pleasure

LIFE `S GREAT QUESTIONS

Voted best short joke!!

Ass

HIPPPPPPPPPOCRACY

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Girls night out

A Really Bad Day

Advantages Of Being A Woman

Electric Train

A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

From A Mother With Love

Impossible to Please

Two zebras pondering

Poor guy

New prefix

Blonde paint job

Husband’s Great Gift

Male Bashing

Farting All The Time

Age Quotes

Labour Pains

Got a headache

Spaghetti

Church Bells

Granddaughter

The librarian

One Liners

Clever Teacher

Feed the Pigs..

Walking on water.

Outrageous flattering

Red faced Judge….

Painting job..

The Magic Penis

SLEEPING WITH MICK

Signs

IDIOT SIGHTINGS:

I love this one!:

Dog Watch

Number One Sport

101 Ways To Annoy People

Addicted to Internet Porn

Heaven And Hell

Signs That You are Too Drunk

Off to Vegas

Money Talks!

Encyclopaedia Britannica

Doctor & PATIENT…

SMART BLONDE JOKE

TRADE…

FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!

Blonds & UFO’s

Halloween Things That Sound Dirty But Aren’t

Halloween

Marriage

umb Men…

Things Not To Say During Childbirth….

Farmer & his wife…

Social Security

Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters

How to Annoy Your Waiter:

Fart Personalities…

Teaching students…

Ticket Prices

You Know You Are Old When

Adopted Language

Guess Who?

Think!

Sex in the Office

Prince Charles and the Hooker

Storm Training

Potentially VS. Reality

The Wedding Night

Blonde Breathalyzer Test

1 Wish Per Blonde

The Baptismal Service

Best Friend

The Auction

Do You Know Me?

The bank….

TRUE MEANING OF MALE STATEMENTS

The doctor…

SEX AFTER DEATH

Da Dude

Jack Schitt

You’ll love this one

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

GOD’S SENSE OF HUMOUR !

Laughter moments

THE PHARMACIST

Sardarji at it again

Chair

ONLINE CHATTING … ENJOY !

DESSEY COW

Silence of the Lambs

Never Trust a Lawyer !!!!!!

Woman gets even………..

Irish Prostitute

Happy Gobble Gobble

Living in 2006

Little Davie

The Way Children See Things!

INSTALLING HUSBAND

FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!

God & HARLEY DAVIDSON…

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. ‘Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.’

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ‘ I want to hang out with God.’

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, ‘Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? ‘

Arthur said, ‘Yeah, that’s me…’

God commented: ‘Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can’t run without a road?’

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, ‘Excuse me, but aren’t you the inventor of woman?’

God said, ‘Ah, yes.’

‘Well,’ said Arthur, ‘professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !

1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

‘Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,’ replied God, ‘hold on.’

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

‘Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,’ God said to Arthur, ‘but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours’.

>>> There is always a moral to learn from every story…. dont u think…

Indian cab driver

If you’ve ever had an Indian taxi driver, you’ll love this one…

A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi at Fortitude Valley in Brisbane, Qld Australia.

The Indian driver opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the Cab.

What’s wrong with you Luv, haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?

I’ll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from…

Well, if you’re not bloody staring at me Luvie, what are you doing then?

Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking and thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to pay me?!

Picky marriage

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : ‘Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?’

The husband laughs and says: ‘An Italian girl !!!’

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: ‘So, honey, how was the trip?’

‘Very good, thank you.’ ‘And, what happened to my present?’

‘Which present?’ She asked.

‘The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!’

‘Oh, that’ she said

‘Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for 9 months to see if it is a girl!!!’

Little Johnny’s BIG Story

Little Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Karen in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Karen…

At this point Mommy cut him off. "Johnny, this is such an interesting story. Why don’t you save the rest of it for supper time? I want to see the look on Daddy;s face when you tell it tonight.

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story: " I was at the playground and I saw Daddy/s car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Karen and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and uncle Jack used to do when Daddy was in the Army.

>>> Moral – you need to sometimes listen to the whole story before you Interrupt.

International Women

ITALIAN WOMEN:

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.

Se cond Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.

Third Date: You have sex. She wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.

5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.

6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

CHINESE WOMEN:

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.

Se cond date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.

Third date: You don’t even get to the third date and you’ve already realized nothing is ever going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN:

First date: Meet her parents.

Se cond date: Set the date of the wedding.

Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN:

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.

Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.

Third Date: You get to pay her rent.

Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN:

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.

Second Date: She’s pregnant.

Third Date: She moves in.

One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father’s girlfriend’s mother, her two cousins, her sister’s boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.

ARAB WOMEN:

First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.

Second Date: Guy is shot dead. No third date!!!

IRANIAN WOMEN:

First Date: You will have to spend all your money to impress her

Second Date: You will take a loan to keep the image

Third Date: Your are broke, she finds someone wealthier

3 men in a Bar

An Italian, a Frenchman and an Parsi were drinking at a bar, discussing