A Gps for Marriage and Family: How Authentic Love Guides Us to Fulfillment
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About this ebook
There is much afoot these days that can and does lead to a number of side roads and dead ends, constituting a barrier, deterring couples and families from reaching their desired destination. Currently, while not well marked or hidden, for many they have become main highways, leading to a dead end of frustration at best or disillusionment at worst.
Marriage and family life are all about relationships. The question is, will the relationship dynamics in the family guide them to their destination or to a dead end? Our universal human desire is to be fulfilled in our life experience. And what better way than in the interactive relationships that can be experienced in an uplifting family adventure?
There are certain effective ways beyond good communication skills for couples to interact with each other and their children. Since we are all human, the ideas expressed will bring challenges, yet the rewards are what we are all looking for in our livesjoy and that elusive state called fulfillment.
This book reveals the roads they took in order to reach that destination as a family with a peek at what many people hope will work but doesnt.
John P. Therrien MA
John and his wife have been married for fifty-six years. The interactive dynamics practiced in their family resulted in an experience he believes bodes well for other families seeking a life full of joy and dedication. They and their children are “best friends” and thoroughly enjoy each other on those occasions when they are either all together or one on one.
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A Gps for Marriage and Family - John P. Therrien MA
Copyright © 2015 John P. Therrien, MA.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
All Scripture quotations in this publications are from The Message. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
WestBow Press
A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan
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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
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ISBN: 978-1-4908-9761-5 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4908-9762-2 (e)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2015911247
WestBow Press rev. date: 12/29/2016
Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1 Love is Contagious -We Give it to Each Other
Chapter 2 Covenant Love Applied
Chapter 3 Raising Children Who can Handel Life and Live it to its Fullest
Chapter 4 FAITH Changing the metaphor
Epilogue
Afterword
Credits
Introduction
The number of marriages are down. More and more couples are cohabitating. The divorce rate keeps increasing. So what’s goin’ on?
Well lots! but instead spending too much print on the current situation let’s take a look at what could be goin’ on for those who really want to have a put together marriage and family life.
IT ISN’T EASY - BUT OH THE REWARDS!
Some caveats:
First: You don’t really know each other until you’ve been married for a while.
Second: When the baby(s) arrive things really change.
Third: Sleep deprivation becomes standard fare (at least for awhile).
Fourth: Oh yeah-there will be disagreements, but its not about who wins!
Fifth: What does it really take for success? Lots!
Sixth: Can it be done? Absolutely
Seventh: Is it worth it? Nothing could be better!
This book has been written for couples about to be married and newly weds with the expectations of a fulfilling marriage. It is my hope that this book will function as a GPS for them.
Finding direction in marriage is similar to a trip my wife Ann and I took several years ago from Latrobe, PA to Washington, D.C. We could have gotten lost as if in a hedgerow because finding our way required a GPS to avoid ending up who knows where? Weaving through and around cities and towns, passing through open and mountain country, entering and exiting state highways and the interstates could have been an exercise in total futility. While missing an occasional On
or Off
ramp the GPS would reprogram itself, and redirect us for a course correction.
Marriage partners, when first married can often feel like Linus, of Charlie Brown Cartoon fame, standing in left field with grass over his head exclaiming, I’ve caught the ball but I can’t see home plate
! They know what they want but may be hindered by the tall grass
of the culture and the adjustments marriage requires.
American Culture has morphed into an oasis of stagnant water, producing misdirected solutions for those seeking satisfaction. The reasons vary. The underlying influence is the development of conveniences; entertainment and technical advancement moving the culture from a less family orientated life style to one bound up in materialism. This reality has made life in general more complicated, distracting and busy. The purpose of employment too often is to facilitate the acquisition of more and/or meet the increased cost of living such values generate. For some, this life style and its demands are viewed as a measure of success. Driving onto this side road can happen with little warning because the influence and pressure to conform can easily become a way of life, especially if it is what every one is doing.
The problem? Such a life does not meet our deepest human needs. These needs and how to meet them in a married and family environment is the purpose of the book
Marriage is like traveling to any destination for the first time. It too has challenges and unknowns. A couple may think they know each other before they marry. However, only after they begin sharing their lives will they get to know their spouse in depth.
Marriage is no different than any other endeavor, be it an education, excelling in a sport or success in a career. All require direction and dedication to experience satisfactory results.
Human design reveals a dimension of our lives often overlooked.
When the organic heart leaks, murmurs, palpitates, fibrillates or fails the condition must be addressed in order to regain ones health and perhaps their life.
Not so widely recognized is the non-organic heart, which cannot be seen, monitored or physically repaired. If malfunctioning it leads to emotional breakdown, often ending in severe relationship misdirection. Left uncorrected, a marriage and family environment can be a disaster or one waiting to happen!
While not subject to research in a medical lab, the non-organic heart is the source of our interior life and the wellspring of our feelings, intentions, attitudes, actions and reactions. The health of both hearts is essential for human flourishing. Failure of either means malfunction, at the least, and total disaster at its worst. This non-organic heart (hereafter referred to as heart) is the center of our relational lives and the source of loving communion with others. It has always been the foundation upon which a fulfilling marriage depends.
It also provides sustaining power under trying circumstances. Our failure to understand, recognize and act on these two realties leads to relationship breakdown, compromising the quality of any marriage.
When both hearts are healthy, they portend a life that flourishes far beyond mere survival. Our nature has an innate need, desire and hope for a union of our own heart with that of another in a communion of love. This is our clarion cry for happiness.
It may be recalled that a prominent politician coined the phrase, It takes a village to raise a child
. That is so much baloney because there is no way a village can give a child what every child must have to grow into a well-adjusted adult. Achieving that result is examined in Chapter III.
Happy, lasting marriages that get better with age don’t just happen. They require heart felt dedication, recognition of and the accommodation of our basic psychological and emotional needs. Relational interactions and a life style that meets them are critical!
Great emphasis is placed on good communication skills. Though critically important, they must be driven by interaction that meets the needs of the heart.
The personal satisfaction of all family members can only be realized when all benefit from authentic love. Avoiding a dead end requires total commitment, mutual respect and the encouragement to be true to ones self.
Speaking of dead ends, an incident occurred while entering the freeway. As I was merging from the On Ramp
a young man, driving a high-end car yielded to me. As he returned to the right lane I observed his bumper sticker, I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
. I wondered if he was another person driving on the freeway of life without a GPS to guide him toward a life with purpose beyond his own emotional driven desires.
With so many looking for a satisfactory life that emphases current values requires a look at why this might be happening.
Missing from the current cultural message is the beauty of true conjugal love. This void deprives people of the real love or experience such fulfillment brings. However, those looking for answers and wishing to avoid the dead ends orchestrated by the culture need to know that we have the power, with help and guidance to find true happiness in marriage and family life. While not mistake or frustration free it will terminate at our desired destination; a fulfilling family experience so long as it is grounded on authentic love.
Reality dictates that personal satisfaction in a family environment can only be achieved when all members are unconditionally loved and encouraged to be themselves.
The book points out the roads to follow and some dead ends to avoid in order to reach the destination of the authentic love a successful marriage and family life can generate.
An upbeat and fulfilling family experience is available