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    My Past Decisions Have Made Me Who I Am Today: A Memoir
    My Past Decisions Have Made Me Who I Am Today: A Memoir
    My Past Decisions Have Made Me Who I Am Today: A Memoir
    Ebook74 pages1 hour

    My Past Decisions Have Made Me Who I Am Today: A Memoir

    By Doe Running Deer

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    About this ebook

    For author Doe Running Deer, life has been a series of tragedy and healing. In My Past Decisions Have Made Me Who I Am Today, she narrates the stories of her trials and tribulations, sharing how faith helped her get through the difficult periods.

    Using personal anecdotes to illustrate how God has worked in her life, she explores the doubts, fears, and perplexities she experienced and describes how she found comfort and guidance in the Bible and through prayer. In this memoir, she recalls growing up as the oldest of four in a small Texas town against the backdrop of her parents alcoholism and marital issues; being molested by a cousin at an early age; being introduced to Jesus Christ in her teenage years; marrying an alcoholic; and enduring his subsequent suicide.

    With scriptural examples to highlight key points, My Past Decisions Have Made Me Who I am Today serves to communicate the message that there is healing and that God is listening and is rescuing his people from their hurts and pains.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisheriUniverse
    Release dateJun 21, 2013
    ISBN9781475995527
    My Past Decisions Have Made Me Who I Am Today: A Memoir
    Author

    Doe Running Deer

    Doe Running Deer is retired and lives in Texas, where she was born and raised, after having lived in a variety of places throughout the United States. Running Deer is currently married and has two daughters and two grandsons.

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      Book preview

      My Past Decisions Have Made Me Who I Am Today - Doe Running Deer

      Copyright © 2013 by Doe Running Deer.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      iUniverse books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

      iUniverse

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.iuniverse.com

      1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677)

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      ISBN: 978-1-4759-9551-0 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4759-9552-7 (ebk)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2013911044

      iUniverse rev. date: 06/20/2013

      CONTENTS

      Introduction

      Chapter 1

      Chapter 2

      Chapter 3

      Chapter 4

      Chapter 5

      Chapter 6

      Chapter 7

      Chapter 8

      Chapter 9

      Chapter 10

      Chapter 11

      Chapter 12

      Chapter 13

      Chapter 14

      Chapter 15

      Chapter 16

      Chapter 17

      Chapter 18

      Chapter 19

      Acknowledgments

      About the Author

      black.jpg

      THIS BOOK IS dedicated to my dad’s father and my two daughters. I am very thankful that God chose them to help shape my life. My grandfather introduced me to Jesus Christ when I was in my teenage years. God used my grandfather as an instrument to form my foundation. I willfully gave my life to Jesus Christ when I was a teen. Thank you, Grandfather, for obeying God. My daughters were my reason for putting one foot in front of the other. They made my life worth living. My oldest daughter gave me a Scripture about ten years ago that changed my life. This Scripture is from the Amplified Version of the Bible. It says, I do not consider, brethren, I have captured and made it my own yet; but one thing I do (it is my one aspiration): forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead (Phil. 3:13).

      To me, this Scripture says your past life is finished. From my past, I got what I needed to propel me into the future. My power and my strength originated from my past. I am not there yet, but I am not where I used to be. I am going to enjoy where I am, on the way to where I’m going.

      As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after Thee. You are my heart’s desire, and I long to worship Thee. You alone are my strength my shield. You alone may my spirit yield. I had and have an intense longing for God. I have come from longing and regret to perplexity, then to trust and assurance. Jesus you’re my friend and you are my brother, even though you are a King. I love you more than any other, so much more than anything.

      (Psalm 42) The King James Version.

      INTRODUCTION

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      WHEN I WAS growing up, I thought I was unhappy and unfulfilled, until I was married for the first time. What a rude awakening! My husband later committed suicide, and I almost lost my mind. A friend at the time could see that I needed some help, so she referred me to a person who could help me with inner healing. The hope was that this could help me deal with my grief and trauma. This all took place in the early 1980s. I was thirty years old when my husband died.

      This person told me that I needed to share with others—in book form—what I had shared with her about my life. After hearing this, I had to ponder it. At that time, I didn’t share too much of anything pertaining to my life with anyone.

      I prayed about it, because she thought I could be healed and also help other people at the same time. I love helping others; I felt like this was what I was supposed to do—write a memoir. Still, it was very hard to get started. The wounds that had occurred in my life were open and bleeding, and the pain was almost unbearable. I was depressed, afraid, to the point of a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t write what I wanted to express on paper; it hurt too much. So I tried recording it on tape, but that didn’t work either; I was crying too much. I really didn’t want to deal with the pain.

      Each year, from the early 1980s to 2012, I would write some things down on paper until my emotions got the best of me. At that point, I would stop writing. My emotions improved each year, because my mind and body were being healed by the act of writing the small section I was able to write.

      I have so much more to add to the book, more tragedy and healing over the course of thirty-two years that will be shared in these pages. I don’t reflect on those bad times in my mind anymore; it was, at one time, constant in my mind, and I had no peace. By finishing this book, I have my past in the open now, and it feels good. I feel free at last from my past, by the grace of God.

      CHAPTER 1

      black.jpg

      I AM WRITING this book for several reasons. The first is my need to heal from past hurts. Writing it on paper

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