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    My Life in Secret
    My Life in Secret
    My Life in Secret
    Ebook162 pages2 hours

    My Life in Secret

    By K.F. Mueller

    ()

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    About this ebook

    My Life in Secret is a memoir of an adult child of an alcoholic parent and how she finds her light; realizing it was always within her.

    Whom It May Concern:
    Its not easy being me.
    My heart has been broken.
    Im living in hell.
    No one loves me.
    No one cares.
    I fear. I fear. I fear.
    Whats with all the stares?

    To Whom It May Concern:
    Having no friends is no easy matter.
    For the sake of my well-being, please, please, please be kind.
    Yes, Im going to try.
    It seems Ive been frozen in time.
    I get queasy wishing it were all so easy.

    To Whom It May Concern:
    My soul has scars.
    People are cruel.
    I dont know what to do.
    Im all alone, often put in a corner for all to see.
    I cry and cry and cry and cry, even though I dont know why.
    If God is real, why cant I heal?

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBalboa Press
    Release dateOct 24, 2013
    ISBN9781452583419
    My Life in Secret
    Author

    K.F. Mueller

    My intention in writing My Life in Secret is to be a beacon of light for others, who are struggling in their darkness, letting them know they are not alone! My transformation began as I started taking classes at Delphi University, a school for spiritual growth and psychic development in McCaysville, Georgia. I became conscious I was living in a prison of my own making. There is a magnificent brilliance within me. As I step into the light, I am grateful for being alive today. K. F. Mueller received a certification as a metaphysician practitioner from Delphi University. She lives in North Carolina. For more information, go to www.KFMueller.com.

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      Book preview

      My Life in Secret - K.F. Mueller

      Copyright © 2013 K. F. Mueller.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      Balboa Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

      Balboa Press

      A Division of Hay House

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.balboapress.com

      1 (877) 407-4847

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      ISBN: 978-1-4525-8340-2 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4525-8342-6 (hc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4525-8341-9 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2013917639

      Balboa Press rev. date: 10/15/2013

      Contents

      My Intention

      Who I Am

      And So It Began

      Silence Is Worse Than Yelling

      A Garden of Love

      Just Breathe

      Living?

      A Spiritual Path

      Under Construction—Proceed with Caution

      Pain And Joy

      You Transform You

      It’s All Clear?

      Everything Happens For A Reason

      Today Is A Great Day!

      What Do You Mean Dead?

      It’s Me?

      Signs

      Rational Thoughts No Longer Intrigue Me

      Why?

      Like A Ninja!

      An Unnecessary Act of Kindness

      Whatever!

      What Did I Learn Today?

      Patience

      What Am I Doing?

      Being Fine

      Feeling Feelings?

      I Don’t Get It

      Let Me Be

      Layers of Love

      Wounds

      Inner Sanctuary

      My Beautiful, Exquisite, Magnificent Wings

      Moving Like a Freight Train!

      Crying

      Hidden Within?

      Love Myself Enough to Take Care of My Soul

      What I Know for Sure

      Healing

      Delighted and Thrilled to Be Here?

      Whatever It Is

      One Life Touches Many

      A Healer

      A Bridge of Compassion

      You Are Not Alone

      I Am Love?

      Reinventing Normal

      It’s Simple—Relax

      Worry, Worry, Worry

      Drama, Drama, Drama

      Warm and Fuzzy

      All My Little Ones

      I Am All That I Am

      What’s Going to Happen?

      It’s About Time!

      Been There, Done That

      Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

      I Am Officially Weird—Yeah for Me!

      From the Heart

      Running Around—Trying to Fit In

      Whatever Happens … Happens

      The Magic Within

      Standing in the Light

      Ask and Believe

      I Can Have It All

      Another Day

      Simple Things Aren’t Simple

      I Am All I Need to Be

      Spring Has Sprung

      I Laugh Because You Are All the Same

      You Can; You Will; You Are

      What a Concept!

      Tarot

      I Don’t Have All the Answers

      Bully

      Assume Not Everyone Is Going to Be Hurtful

      It Was Only a Smile

      Lies, Lies, and More Lies

      What’s Inside Always Comes Out

      Follow the Love Energy, Not the Fear

      No One Said You Had to Like Me

      It’s Never Too Late

      The Power of Spirit!

      Prisms of Joy!

      Sludge

      I Am Going to Be Somebody

      Acknowledgments

      Dedicated to Tom Gigliotti

      To Whom It May Concern:

      It’s not easy being me.

      My heart has been broken.

      I’m living in hell.

      No one loves me.

      No one cares.

      I fear. I fear. I fear.

      What’s with all the stares?

      To Whom It May Concern:

      Having no friends is no easy matter.

      For the sake of my well-being, please, please, please be kind.

      Yes, I’m going to try.

      It seems I’ve been frozen in time.

      I get queasy wishing it were all so easy.

      To Whom It May Concern:

      My soul has scars.

      People are cruel.

      I don’t know what to do.

      I’m all alone, often put in a corner for all to see.

      I cry and cry and cry and cry, even though I don’t know why.

      If God is real, why can’t I heal?

      My Intention

      My intention for writing this book is to be a beacon of light for others who are struggling in their darkness, letting them know they are not alone. I can feel the hearts of people crying out. There is hope for those who live in the painful world of loneliness.

      Who I Am

      First and foremost, I’m an adult child of an alcoholic parent. You wouldn’t believe how many times I have said that out loud—the answer is only two or three times. You don’t know what you don’t know. No one spoke about the alcoholic in the family. It was what it was. Growing up you think your family is normal, just like everyone else’s family. That is, until you realize different.

      It was normal to see a parent fall asleep at the kitchen table in the middle of the afternoon. Everyone simply walks around the passed-out drunk.

      At a young age I learned how to shut off my feelings. Feelings simply created more disruptions in a chaotic environment, and by distancing myself from feelings I was able to keep myself safe.

      It became an extremely lonely existence. It was painful for me to be with people in general. I stayed invisible—completely invisible to the world around me. I learned not to talk unless spoken to, not to trust anyone—not even myself.

      When I came into contact with people, they had no idea who they were dealing with. In simple terms, I continued all the behaviors I learned in childhood. I did what I knew. For decades and decades I suffered in perpetual silence. Finally, the suffering ended when I realized my suffering was self-imposed.

      And So It Began

      Everything changed during my very first class at Delphi University, a school for psychic development and spiritual growth. Delphi University was founded by Patricia Hayes in 1974, and it is located in the Blue Ridge Mountains in McCaysville, Georgia. Delphi University offers classes in spiritual training, energy healing, intuitive development, transpersonal psychology, and self-enlightenment studies. The teachers and healers at Delphi University create an indescribable experience for the students. Classes at Delphi University are highly concentrated. So when taking a class at Delphi, you stay on the campus twenty-four hours a day. You never actually leave Delphi during classes. Each class usually lasts between five and seven consecutive days. With an abundance of spiritual energy running around at Delphi, it’s an extraordinary place to grow, heal, and transform.

      I was told about Delphi University when I asked a psychic reader about where to go to learn more about my abilities. The reader suggested a couple of places, and one of them was Delphi. I liked what I saw on the website, so I decided to jump in with both feet, and I signed up for in-depth channeling. Not knowing what to expect didn’t seem to bother me. I was open to whatever was going to come.

      In the beginning my only intention in going to Delphi was to learn psychic development. Growing, healing, and transforming were not even on my radar screen at the time. It was at Delphi University where I learned the unthinkable. I learned I am worthy of love. Honestly, I never ever knew that I could be loved—believe it or not!

      It was an absolute stranger who touched the deepest part of my soul. That’s when the miracle took place. An emotional breakthrough of gargantuan proportions touched the innermost core of my being, sparking a light within me to burn ever so bright! The kindness shown to me I will never, ever forget. During the in-depth channeling class, the students gave readings to each other, and the teacher paired up the students. Why was I paired up with this particular student? I don’t know. Obviously, the teacher definitely knew what she was doing because if that pairing didn’t happen, well, none of the rest would have ever occurred. That student showed me kindness, genuine kindness. It happened during the student readings. I was completely caught off guard when that classmate told me that I was beautiful, and a loving person. As the student continued stating more caring and thoughtful personality traits; I began to cry. What I was expecting? I don’t know, but I definitely wasn’t expecting to get what I got.

      It was a seamless flow of events that transformed my entire life without me even being conscious of what was happening at the time it was happening.

      Thank you, thank you, thank you God for putting this extraordinary, exceptional angel of a human being in my path.

      By the end of the class, I was overcome with sadness at the thought I would have to leave Delphi and go back to the real world. That one class completely changed me in every way possible. I was beginning to feel! My journey had begun. My world was shifting and so was I. I would remain positive, and not let all the idiots of the world stop me.

      I have always been told not to listen to what people say to me, about me. However, being thick-skinned is difficult for me. How exactly am I supposed to stop being overly sensitive?

      Breaking down the beliefs, limitations, and barriers from my childhood is what I need to concentrate on to become strong. I grew up not having many choices. Basically, I was told what to do and what not to do. When one of my siblings did something he or she wasn’t allowed to do, I would get yelled at. I would get in trouble for stuff I didn’t even do. It seemed as if my mother enjoyed yelling at me, because she did it so frequently. Looking back now, I don’t think she enjoyed much of her life. In less than three years she had three children and was married to an alcoholic husband, whose idea of support was bringing home a paycheck and little else. Most of the time, it was as if she was a single parent—except, of course, for that alcoholic component.

      My family life was chaotic all day every day. Growing up I seldom spent time with my father. He was very self-absorbed. His family always came second to him. When you asked him for help, he would say yes, then never show up. I learned not to bother asking for help because

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