Life – Stumbling Block or Stepping Stone

LIFE–

STUMBLING BLOCK OR STEPPING STONE

Brenda Hattingh Ph.D.

Published by Xlibris, London

Copyright © 2012 by Brenda Hattingh PhD.

Cover design: Zander Hattingh

Translation: Barbara Wood

Editing: Kay Benavides. Xlibris Publishing

Graphic design: Gerhard Snyman

Publisher: Xlibris, London

Library of Congress Control Number:       2011962853

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4691-3868-8

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4691-3867-1

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4691-3869-5

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, except for short excerpts or reviews, without prior permission in writing from the author.

Dr Brenda Hattingh’s rights as author of this book have been reserved according to the Law of Copyright, Design and Patents, 1998.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

See us on:

Website: www.brendahattingh.com

Website: www.powerintelligence.net

Website: www.newsuccessdna.com

Email: info@newsuccessdna.com

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

0-800-644-6988

www.XlibrisPublishing.co.uk

Orders@XlibrisPublishing.co.uk

302904

This book is dedicated to everyone, of all ages, who are committed to living a quality life.

Contents

Introduction

My Gratitude and Appreciation

This book has been written for . . .

Part 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Part 2

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Introduction

Ageing—pain or pleasure?

The family was very concerned about Granny Santi. She was withering away like a single stem rose in her room at the retirement home, following grandpa’s death. Her body shrivelled and shrunk, while her new walking stick had become her pillar of strength—symbolically replacing the pillar that had been taken from her. She was plagued by nightmares that robbed her of her sleep like hungry wolves. A dark cloud of depression and negativity cast a deep shadow over her previously happy, loving, and caring personality. Her children and grandchildren started to stay away in order to avoid the repetitive incidents of negativity and complaints.

At our first encounter, it was very apparent that Granny Santi was continuously complaining about the circumstances at her retirement village. Conflicts, problems, concerns, and gossip cliques were part of her daily agenda. She even mentioned ‘factions’ that seemed to be in ‘revolt’ against each other. Complaints were launched against everything under the sun and then there was the sabotage of projects, negativity, illness, anxiety, fears, and worries. This was all part of the environment where these senior citizens tried to master their daily lives.

I listened carefully to her story and thought to myself, ‘How can this be true? Can privileged people who can financially afford such beautiful, luxurious retirement homes and seemingly idyllic circumstances really live like this?’

During our following appointment, Granny Santi and I started to examine her life. She had been a good wife, homemaker, and mother. Grandpa loved her and the children and was a committed father and husband. He had taken care of them in every aspect while managing the finances, protecting her, and gently leading the family if and when they needed it. When he died, a hollow emptiness settled in her life. The loss of her beloved soulmate also left a mark on her health. Life became a true burden. Each day it became more difficult to get up in the morning, and days and weeks stretched out in one long line of hollow emptiness.

However, Granny Santi believed that there was still something that she had to do before she could follow Grandpa to ‘the other side’. With great determination, she sat down and together we started creating a new design for her life. She was reinventing herself—and this when she was eighty-six years old! She held on to this new plan of action with both hands while implementing it with intense commitment and inspiration. Her enthusiasm was infectious. Very soon, I received a call from the Sister who was responsible for three different retirement homes. She could not stop talking about how Granny Santi had changed. Even the other elderly residents had noticed that she was no longer the same person. The initiative and the projects that arose out of her new vision astounded everyone. Not only was Granny Santi willing to learn new things, she incorporated all the new information and made it her own. She even went way beyond her traditional view of life and ageing and started to organise and market workshops in these retirement villages. This also opened my own eyes to a new vision of ageing, quality living, and life.

A few weeks later, I received a call from the same family. Granny Lena, living in a different retirement home, had broken her leg and was bedridden. At the tender age of eighty-seven, her leg had not healed and was amputated above the knee. The family asked if I would visit her as she couldn’t be moved. I knew this would be a new experience for me and gladly set out to meet her in her hospital bed.

As I entered the retirement home, I noticed how the bright painted walls and sunny curtains made the narrow passages look very inviting. Silently I thought to myself, ‘It seems to be a lot of fun staying here. Everything is well taken care of, the staff is friendly, and everything looks so clean and bright. Is this a piece of heaven for your old age?’

I met Granny Lena in her bed in front of the window where she was basking in the sun. However, I was shocked to find what looked like human nightmares looming in the other beds in the same room. In one bed, there was an old lady who had suffered a stroke. She stared into nothingness with expressionless eyes, like a lamb going to slaughter and begging for mercy. I tried to talk to her, but there was no reaction. Just the shell. Her shrivelled-up body was barely alive—her soul had died long ago. In the next bed, an old lady lay moaning and groaning. Every now and then, a stream of obscene words and curses streamed from her wrinkled body as if a tap had been opened. Every now and then she caused such a commotion that we couldn’t hear each other speak.

Granny Lena told me she still wanted to be of use to people—although she would never be able to walk again. She explained to me how she had made peace with her life and also with her ever-encroaching death. The light in her eyes said that she had led a happy and fulfilled life without any remorse or regret. While sitting in the sun, drinking tea, we discussed death and how people die, what we can expect on the other side of the grave, and how the soul departs from this earthly world. We both agreed that death would be a very special experience—a rebirth into another life. It need not be something to fear—in essence, death is a celebration of life. She repeated again and again that she still wanted to do something meaningful before she had to leave. I asked her to pray for the world and its people, our country, and even for me. We need her—just here where she was lying—here in the bed basking in the sun. I told her how difficult it was out there in the wide world, working everyday while sowing the good seeds. We needed all the help we could get. The glimmer in her eyes showed that she understood.

Unfortunately, our inspiring conversation was interrupted by another bout of obscene shouting from the other bed. I decided to walk over and talk to the old lady, hoping that this will calm her down. Standing next to her bed, I discovered that she could actually have a conscious and intelligent conversation. She told me that she had no family except for a daughter who lived in London. They were estranged, and her daughter had not contacted her for more than five years. Suddenly, a light came into the grey-blue eyes as she told me how lonely, sick, and rejected she felt. Suddenly, out of the blue, another flood of obscenities flowed from her as she cursed everybody, particularly God. After she had calmed down, she explained that she believed it was God and other people who had done this to her and that she was just a powerless victim at everyone’s mercy.

The Sister later informed me that they had to get a psychiatrist to come and see her, and he prescribed the necessary medication. They would later move her to a single room so that her negative influence would not affect others around her. It was very obvious why this orphaned soul got a psychiatric label, was put on medication, and was further removed from others to protect them against her negativity. We can conclude that in isolation she would continue her bouts of shouting and cursing. While receiving more medication, she would calm down until the process was repeated once more when the medication had worn off. If a miracle doesn’t happen, she will eventually die this way.

While leaving the main building of the retirement home, I happened to take a wrong passage and landed in the frail care ward. A number of elderly people were lying forlorn in their beds. Bouts of rattling cots and hissed breathing filled the room, and I wondered . . . Is this what hell is like?

This took me back to Ma Selina.

Ma Selina

Her whole life, Selina ran a fresh produce stall on a busy sidewalk corner in Soshanguve. She and Samuel, her husband, started there as teenagers, and they could keep their family going with the money they earned here. Six months after their third child was born, Samuel died in a bus accident. Extremely difficult times followed. Not only did Selina’s skin colour count against her, but she was also illiterate. However, she decided to make the best of the situation. She decided that the most important thing was to provide for her children and to give them a good education. The three children shared their mother’s vision and passion for survival, growth, and development. They managed to survive on minimal income and worked hard at school. Whenever Selina could not look after the fresh produce stall, they took it upon themselves to take turns, and they would stay away from school to make sure that there would still be food on the table. They became used to the teasing of their classmates when it was their turn to sell tomatoes from the green woven plastic bags to passersby.

Years went by. Selina taught herself how to read and write. As these circumstances forced her to keep the fresh produce stall going, it also allowed her business skills to blossom. She was able to carefully manage their money, and this meant that she could always provide the basic essentials for herself and the children. She was determined to give her children a good upbringing and a quality education. Her oldest son is now a school principal, the second son has a B.Com. degree, and her daughter is furthering her studies in nursing.

There had been very hard times. They no longer had a father as breadwinner; there were times when they had to make do without running water, electricity, transport, a house, food, or clothing. There was no medical aid, pension fund, insurance, savings account, subsidised state school, study bursaries, retirement dates, retirement homes, or many other such luxuries. Selina had never been on a holiday and had never seen the sea or the flowers in Namaqualand. A few months ago, Selina died of a heart attack on that very same street corner at the age of eighty-three. Her community saw her as the ‘grandmother’ or Ma Selina. She led a full, meaningful, and productive life that demanded respect and love from her three successful children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. To Selina, life was a stepping stone to higher levels of attainment. She passed on while still on duty, doing what she loved most—serving everyone on the street corner. What a pleasure!

Grandparents and their legacy

In the meantime, Granny San felt that other elderly people had to be informed that there really is a different quality of life beyond the walls of old age and retirement homes. She organised workshops and different presentations at different retirement centers. The evening prior to the first session had me wondering what I was going to say to these elderly. Over the years, I had made many presentations and given many talks. Ideas, concerning quality living and life as a stumbling block or a stepping stone, flashed through my mind. Why was it that to some people life was a pain and to others it was a pleasure? My experience with the aged and life in retirement villages had not been very encouraging so far. All I could see was that, if you do not develop, grow, and change, then you stagnate and disintegrate. You grow old and die in the same way you have lived. If your whole life was negative and destructive, then you will age and die while being destructive. If you have led a constructive, fulfilling, positive life, then you will also be able to look forward to a fulfilled old age and will die in peace.

The questions that arose in me were whether a person who has led a negative, destructive, unfulfilled life can still turn their life around in their old age. Can they still reinvent themselves with the little time that is left? Can they change from life that is a burden and stumbling block to a life that is a stepping stone to happiness, pleasure, and fulfillment? Is it true what people say that ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks’? Is it worth spending time and investing effort in people who are just waiting to die? Will these talks that have been arranged not just become another manner of passing the time, filling the empty hours, or entertaining these elderly people? How many of them have already retired in their hearts and souls and are practically dead beings? Should I not rather invest my energy in those who really want to master the challenges of life and move forward?

During the night and half asleep, I scribbled some notes in a book next to my bed. For more than twenty years, I have been writing messages, thoughts, and answers in a big black book as they spontaneously come to me during the night. As usual, in the morning, I surprisingly found my whole presentation already jotted down point by point in my big black book. Here, in black and white, I found five things that make life a burden, cause pain, and are stumbling blocks in life. I also found five things that make life a pleasure and form stepping stones to higher levels of attainment, happiness, and freedom.

You, the reader, can decide if, how, and when you want to implement these guidelines. Age has nothing to do with it. Your quality of life, just as your quality of death, is a choice—pain or pleasure—stumbling block or stepping stone.

Oooo0oooO

My Gratitude and Appreciation

This book was never planned on purpose. It was one of those things that just happen. You become conscious of certain things, and you cannot remain silent. My sincerest gratitude goes to everybody who has contributed to this work through conscious contribution or without even being aware of it.

I started viewing people, life in general, and things that happen, through a different perspective. I discovered life through a new lens and with a new vision. People like the grannies, old Uncle Thys and Aunt Liena, Uncle Sarel and Aunt Marie, Samuel, my grandchildren Divan and Dané and also René, who you will read about in the last chapters, have all inspired the writing of this book in a very special manner. Each of their particular contributions has also contributed to my personal growth and quality of life.

My sincerest gratitude and appreciation goes to Elizabeth du Toit for her careful editing of the original book in Afrikaans, Barbara Wood for her translation into English, and to Gerhard Snyman for the graphic design. To all my friends and family, I send my sincerest thanks and appreciation for their continuous encouragement and motivation. I particularly thank my spiritual leaders, masters, and mentors. Without their guidance and support, this book would never have seen the light of day. To all who have made a contribution, my deepest thanks and appreciation.

Oooo0oooO

This book has been written for . . .

This book has been written for old and young. For young people, I hope that it will help you realise that you must live a full life—now. Beware of wasting time on meaningless experimentation of things that are destructive and an illusion. Live a meaningful life because you now have a chance to do this the right way. Don’t waste time—time is precious as it will run out. The older you get, the more difficult it becomes. A quality life is something that you must choose and plan at a young age. For those who are already more mature in age, I hope that the contents of this book will bring a new perspective and that you will realise that it is never too late to change and to get the most out of life. You can teach an old dog new tricks—you can reinvent yourself!

This book has two parts. The first part describes the five steps that make life a burden, cause pain, and are stumbling blocks in our way of progress. The second part of this book illustrates what makes life a pleasure, brings joy, love, and freedom, and creates stepping stones to next levels of love and abundance. I have headed each chapter just as I received it during the night and found scribbled in my black book. Names, places, and incidents have been changed to protect the privacy of some people. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events or locales is entirely coincidental. The messages are, however, real and stem from everyday life. I do believe that these topics are inspired as some were previously beyond my comprehension. As I share it with you, I share it also with myself.

You do not need to first suffer, experience difficult circumstances, find yourself on a sickbed or in a home for the aged before you make a choice for quality living. Old and young can already decide now to turn their lives around and to create a fulfilling life that everybody deserves and should lead. Read on and decide for yourself. Irrespective of your circumstances, age, gender, language or culture, you can create a life that is fulfilling and full of happiness, love, success, and freedom. You can choose to change the pain and burden to pleasure—change the stumbling blocks into stepping stones. Not tomorrow—but now!

This book is part of the legacy of grandparents like Granny San, Granny Lena, and Ma Selina. I have learnt that leaving a legacy is not about the size of the inheritance or the value of the assets but what you leave behind as a valuable message that comes from your heart, soul, and spirit. That is what feeds the soul of your fellow human beings and is worth more than any earthly possessions. I am grateful for the way it has enriched my life.

This book is dedicated to those three remarkable women and everyone who is dedicated to living a quality life.

To the readers of this book, you have a choice and can decide how this information can enhance your life. Start now by avoiding negativity and stagnation. Your negativity could unfortunately mean that, one day, you too could be placed to one side, feeling lonely, rejected, and separated from others so that your negativity doesn’t spill over to others. Do not let your soul and spirit die while your body is still alive and healthy. Choose to live a meaningful life to its fullest. Only then can you,