Being Invisible

Copyright © 2014 by E.M Louder.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Rev. date: 01/22/2014

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Contents

Dedication

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Epilogue

Author Biography

Dedication

To my husband Richard and son William for all your love and support,

and to my mother for all your advice and encouragement.

CHAPTER 1

I truly think I have become invisible. I used to be just the weird freaky girl that people would gossip about and make fun of; then I became the scary girl that you need to stay away from; but now I think it has advanced to the next and final stage, being completely invisible.

OK, so maybe people have tried to connect with me on some level in the past and I have shot them down. I can’t help it! Is it my fault that people annoy me? I don’t think so! The only exception is my one and only friend Ellie; a smart, beautiful, easy going girl, who is socially accepted, and the complete opposite to me.

Ellie is the wholesome, bring home to mummy, marriage, and babies type of girl. She is slightly taller than my 5ft 7 height, and has a nice womanly body shape; large breasts, small waist, child bearing hips, long legs, so in total a gorgeous body with all the right curves and proportions. She gets noticed by everyone, boys want into her panties, and girls are envious of her looks. Though nobody can actually hate Ellie for her appearance because her personality shines through it all; nice and polite, very caring and willing to lend anyone a hand, full of empathy and has an appreciation for life in general. People flock to her because she makes them feel better.

How I became close to her I’ll never really understand. I grew up with her from the beginning of high school when she attached herself to me, she was like a bad cold I just couldn’t shake. We are still close friends to this day and completing our final year of University together. I am always thankful for Ellie, she is the only constant I have in my life, and she doesn’t take any of my shit. She always lectures me about alienating myself from everyone and that I never give anyone the time of day. How will you ever meet new people, or God forbid fall in love if you don’t let people in, or even speak to them without insulting them? she’d say. It’s pretty simple actually; I don’t like people, they piss me off. The girls here at UNI are too chatty and hairy fairy, and the guys are sex crazed maniacs that would do anything for a piece of ass. No thank-you! And as for love, well, I don’t see that for me anytime in the near future, if someone can’t accept me for me, then they aren’t worth my time, and they can go and fuck off.

I’m not a very compassionate person and I never express any kind of emotional feelings; except of course pissed off, angry, hostile, offensive, insensitive, disinterested, and sometimes even aggressive. I suppose you could call them unpleasant feelings; but they are the only way I know how to express myself. I know I am me when I am giving someone shit, scaring them, or just making them feel uncomfortable. I’m probably a little screwed up in the head, but that’s who I am.

Ellie is another story though, she knows me for me, she has watched me grow and transform into the woman I am today, of course, I’m sure she would have chosen a different path for me if she could, but she has stuck by me. Anything I do, or say, never fazes her anymore, and for that I will always love her unconditionally. She is my family and I wouldn’t do anything that would hurt her, well, not on purpose anyway. She is always there for me, even if I don’t deserve it. Many of her other friends ask her why she bothers being my friend at all, I’ve never actually heard what her response is, but I’m sure it is something to do with the fact that she understands me better than anyone, sometimes I’m convinced she knows me better that I know myself.

My attitude towards people and life in general has got me to my current invisible state I now claim at University. Boys have tried to ask me out, or have tried to sleep with me; I’m not horrible looking or anything, I just have a horrible personality, so they could never get close. I have an athletic type figure, very toned, and muscular; however fairly small and petite. I work out a lot, mainly boxing, or running, so my body is fit. My body use to attract the eye of many hormonal boys, which was until they spoke to me. Girls too have tried to include me in ‘girly’ things, but I never show them any interest, and most times tend to insult them without often realising I’m doing it. To be honest, I don’t really care, if they can’t take my smart ass mouth, and crass sense of humour, than tough shit. So, now nobody even bothers with me anymore, they don’t even glance my way, or acknowledge my existence; this suits me fine, I enjoy being alone, I don’t need to pretend when I am by myself. Plus, having Ellie in my life is all I need.

As I sit here in the open space of the University courtyard and reminisce about how my life has evolved into this invisible form, I have a sudden urge to do something different; I think I should test my invisible theory. A social experiment sounds like fun; using myself as the gunnie pig. I will document my findings and write a summary about the extent of my invisibleness found through various experiments conducted. I may even be able to use this as my research project for my socio-economic class; I’ll talk to Professor ‘dick-balls’ Grady after my next class with him. First point of business is thinking of some experiment ideas.

As I open my note book and jot down some ideas, a group of girls approach my table. Obviously unaffected by my presence, and oblivious to the fact that I am sitting here and taking up half of the table space, they continue in my direction. I swear they don’t see me at all; then as if to confirm my suspicions, they start to place their trays of food down onto the table, and begin to sit down; all the while continuing with their overly giggly conversation. I have no idea how they can’t see me as I have my bag out on the table, along with my feet, and my lunch. What the fuck!

As one of the girls makes her way around my side of the table, still not taking any notice of what she is doing, she begins to sit, and her ass becomes too close for comfort. I use my right foot to kick her tray off the table, and my left foot to kick her in the ass. She lands on all fours and has the audacity to look as if she has been ill-treated. I glare at the girls, including the one wiping dirt off her trousers, and tell them loud and bluntly to fuck off, that this table is clearly taken.

Oh my Gosh! We didn’t see you there, we’re so sorry, one of the girls explains.

Each of the girls scramble to pick up their food, and bags, and hurry to get away from me. The one I kicked in the ass was rubbing her behind as she was hobbling away. I couldn’t help but laugh at their shocked faces. This little episode can definitely be put into my ‘social experiment’ findings. What a way to begin. This little experiment project could be really quite fun. I jot down a list of ideas I can do to test my theory of how invisible one person can actually be to the schooling population; I get a few different experiment ideas in my note book when my phone buzzes with a text message from Ellie.

‘Dinner tonight? I’ll bring the wine if you order the pizza. I have some news, not sure if it is good or bad yet.’

We usually have pizza and wine nights on Fridays at the end of the week, because we know that if we drink too much, we won’t have to worry about having a hangover the next morning, and struggling through a full day at school. Obviously this news must be eating at Ellie if she is wanting a booze night mid-week.

I text her back straight away.

‘Yeah sounds great, I’ll make sure I order a double cheesy one.’

‘Excellent, see you at 6?’

‘Yep OK, I’m heading home soon, I only have one more class left.’

The afternoon flies by and it doesn’t take me long to get home. I only live 15minutes away by foot from the University which is extremely convenient, especially when I have early morning classes and all I want to do is press the snooze button on my alarm clock. As I walk up the stairs to my apartment room I am stopped by my baldy, overweight, sleazy landlord.

Hello, pretty Misha, how are you today? His googly eyes give my body the once over and I gag on a little bit of vomit that forms in my mouth.

I was great Mr Moresky until I saw your fat, pink, bulldog looking face.

It took him a moment to digest my words, and as soon as they sunk in, his smiling sleazy face turns into a reddened frown.

Well, you owe me rent for this month, Missy. He holds out his tubby hands in expectation until I give him the cold shoulder and turn to walk away.

I owe you rent tomorrow, and tomorrow is when you will get it, and my name is not Missy. His face falls along with his hand, he goes to say something else but I have already manoeuvred my way around him and opened my door. Before I can actually hear what he has said, I slam my door in his face.

No doubt my rent will go up next month from that little outburst, I’ve been trying my hardest to hold my tongue with this guy since my first outburst with him when I first moved in over a year ago. He didn’t like it back then, and I’m sure as hell he didn’t like it now. I’ll pay for it financially like I did last time, but the fat fucker deserved it for looking at me the way he did. Gross! I’ll probably have to pick up some extra shifts at the University radio station to pay for this little slip up, I can pick and choose my hours though-out the week which is handy, plus, I get weekends free. I usually take shifts in between my classes, I would say it was a perfect job for me, but the truth is, I couldn’t get a job anywhere else on campus due to my bad attitude and lack of customer service skills.

I throw my things onto my single recliner couch and head for the fridge, it’s become a bit of a habit that has evolved; coming home, dumping my stuff, and heading for the fridge for my chocolate fix. Once my chocolate fix has satisfied me, I head to the bedroom, and strip off my clothes throwing them into a heap on the floor near my bedroom door, then I head straight to the bathroom for a shower. Finishing my lovely hot soapy shower, I pull my PJs from another heap of clothes laying on the floor near my bed; these ones clean. I have piles of clothes situated in different areas of my room, I call it my organised chaos, because even though my room looks like a tornado has hit, I know exactly what is in each bundle of clothes. At the end of the week my dirty clothes pile near my door gets washed, and is then placed in another pile somewhere in my room. I really should invest in a chest of drawers. My cupboard space in my bedroom is full of boxes from when I moved in a year ago, stuff I kept stored at my mothers. When she decided to pack up and leave our family home, she packed up, and shipped all my belongings to me. I can’t actually be sure what is in the boxes and I haven’t been able to bring myself to sift through them. Too many memories.

The time is ticking by and I remember I need to order our pizza for dinner. It takes over an hour for the pizza house to deliver around here, lazy ass bastards never really tend to care as much about home deliveries than they do about pick-up orders, and walk-ins. But I’m lazy myself, and in my PJ’s, so I’m not heading back out the door; I’ve learnt to order early. Ellie arrives punctually at 6 O’clock and makes her way inside like she owns the place. I love that she feels so comfortable here with me, so unlike others in my presence.

Hey, I’ve got the wine, and some ice-cream for dessert. Wow, something must be up if she brought ice-cream too.

Great, pizza should be here soon, why don’t you pour us both a glass of wine and we can relax in the lounge while we wait on those slow fuckers to show up with our dinner.

Misha! Ellie puts her hand to her heart with mock disgust at my language, then giggles, and heads to the lounge with two glasses of wine.

Righto, what’s up Blondie? Is that boyfriend of yours giving you problems? I’ve told him already that if he hurts you, I will break his balls. I watch Ellie’s shoulders relax and the tension she has been holding in since she arrived start to ease as she laughs at me.

No, no Clint is great. It’s about my brother.

Ellie doesn’t really talk about her family, just like me. I think this is why we get along so well, neither one of us try’s to pry, or pushes for any answers. If we want to share and talk about anything, the other person is always there to listen, and even curse, and bitch about the problem, if that’s what is needed, until it is all out of our systems. Tonight, looks to be one of those nights. Jake Nash, Ellie’s brother lives interstate with her father and she doesn’t see him very often. When her parents separated, Ellie and Jake were just about to begin high school, there was a nasty divorce and each parent got custody of one child. Ellie went with their mother and Jake with their father. Jake didn’t take the separation too well and spiralled into a drinking stupor; always resulting in fights and sex addicted habits that ripped Ellie’s heart out. She has mentioned that she was very close to him once upon a time, then about 6 months after the divorce his dad packed them up and he and Jake headed interstate. Ellie only saw them on special occasions or during the holiday season. There was a time when Jake was going through some crap and she never saw him even when she visited; her father was very tight lipped. I have never met her brother before, but from what Ellie has told me, I know he’s a bit of an ass, that their mother blames herself for everything that has happened to him, and that Ellie is majorly pissed at him. It’s kind of nice to see her claws come out when she is talking about him; she cares so much for him that his attitude and self-destructive actions hurt her even more, which in turn is now pissing her off.

So, what’s happened with Jake now?

Well, you’re not going to believe this, but it looks like he is moving to VIC. Ellie gulps down her glass of wine and heads to the kitchen to refill.

As in, where exactly?

As in, my mother’s home, VIC.

Oh, this just got good.

"So he is moving home? Why?"

Well, somehow he has received a scholarship to finish his University degree here in Victoria.

Where will he be studying, and since when has he been going to UNI?

You’ll never guess. She gives me a wide eyed look that tells me it is with us.

No shit! At our school? Seriously? OK, tell me everything.

With that the doorbell rings and I jump out of my skin. Oh right, the pizza. I quickly pass my empty glass to Ellie as I pass the kitchen bench so she can refill my glass too, I grab my purse, and pay for the pizza, then hurry back to the lounge where Ellie is nursing her full glass of wine. We each take a piece of pizza and she begins her rant.

"Well, apparently he has been studying sports therapy at UNI while also playing on the footy team. When was he even enrolled at UNI? I never heard any of this. Why didn’t my mother tell me? Anyway, he seems to be pretty good at the football thing, and was approached by someone from our UNI who offered him a scholarship to finish his degree here, along with playing in the footy team. I didn’t even know Jake played footy. I didn’t even know he was studying. I mean what the hell! Anyway, he has said YES . . ."

Ellie finishes her slice of pizza and guzzles some more wine down, hardly taking a breath. I continue to listen to her in silence until I know she has finished ranting and venting. She wasn’t finished yet.

. . . So, I get a call early this morning from my mum explaining everything. She wants me to take him, and I quote, under my wings," show him around campus and make sure he settles in okay. I seriously think she is smoking something because she really believes he has changed and has come here to better himself. Better himself my ass, what a load of horse poo; I’m sure he will still continue his drinking and womanising ways. He is a selfish, binge drinking, sex