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    Fighting the Urge
    Fighting the Urge
    Fighting the Urge
    Ebook160 pages1 hour

    Fighting the Urge

    By Caleb Ansley

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Taint and Alana are in love. But this is no normal love, no, Taint suffers from Depression. Alana deals with Bulimia.

    They do everything they can to help each other, meeting others on the way; a strange boy called Garth with an unhealthy obsession with fire and the very source of all three of their problems: Two Men.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherXlibris AU
    Release dateOct 17, 2012
    ISBN9781477112687
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      Book preview

      Fighting the Urge - Caleb Ansley

      Copyright © 2012 by Caleb Ansley.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

      This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

      To order additional copies of this book, contact:

      Xlibris Corporation

      1-800-618-969

      www.Xlibris.com.au

      Orders@Xlibris.com.au

      501795

      Contents

      PROLOGUE

      1. Taint

      2. Garth

      3. Taint

      4. Garth

      5. Taint

      6. Taint

      7. Alana

      8. Taint

      9. Garth

      10. Taint

      11. Alana

      12. Taint

      13. Alana

      14. Taint

      15. Alana

      16. Garth.

      17. Taint

      18. Alana

      19. Alana

      20. Taint

      21. Alana

      22. Taint

      23. Alana

      24. Taint

      25. Alana

      26. Taint

      27. Alana

      28. Taint

      29. Alana

      30. Garth

      EPILOGUE

      NOTE OF THE AUTHOR

      For Lotta, Bree, Jemma, Audrey, Steph, Selina and Stacey,

      Without all of you I wouldn’t have my Alana. All of you are strong, beautiful people who will or already have got through terrible times and that is the most admirable trait in a person. For Emily, my first fan. For Tia, for reading and editing the first draft and discussing the plot with me.

      501795-ANSL-layout.pdf

      It’s better to be good than evil, but one achieves goodness at a tremendous cost

      ~ Stephen King

      PROLOGUE

      501795-ANSL-layout.pdf

      Alana

      The man looked at me with eyes that showed no mercy as I walked home from school on a Thursday afternoon. He looked at me and asked, Need a ride home? his voice kind and sweet, almost completely opposite to his facial expression. I stayed quiet and continued walking down the thin concrete path way that looked like it had been shattered by a massive foot. I shook my head from side to side but he persisted, It’s a hot day. Come on in? It’s aircon’d in my car.

      No thank you. I said politely. His face twisted into an even more hateful expression.

      Get in! You need a ride! He said. I was scared. I started crying and screaming.

      Help! I screamed and started running, dropping everything I was holding. I was just a seven years old. My entire mind was screaming at me RUN RUN RUN! He got out of his car and slammed the door behind him and he sprinted after me. He was beside me within seconds and he knocked my legs out from beneath me with one swift movement. I fell to the ground and scraped my palms and knees. Ow! Help! I was completely balling my eyes out by that point. He watched me on the ground and laughed.

      Stupid kid. Thinks they can escape me. he muttered. He scooped me off the ground and walked me towards his car.

      You’re so fat, little child. You’ll never be good enough for anyone. You should be glad I’m about to do this to you. I’m probably the best you’ll ever get. He took his belt of and tightened it on my mouth to use it as a gag. He threw me in the boot of his car. I felt the car go down slightly as he sat in the driver’s seat and he put the key into the ignition and drove off to an unknown location.

      He was the reason I tried to kill myself multiple times.

      He was the reason I went bulimic.

      He is the reason for every one of my problems.

      Because of him I had to fight off urges that came all the time.

      He would pay.

      1

      501795-ANSL-layout.pdf

      Taint

      I looked at that first scar. Still there. It still held meaning; the day I started this mess. Starting Self-Harm was a terrible idea. But it got me through the day. I pulled down my shirt sleeve and entered the school gates. I was fifteen. I only had one friend. Her name was Alana. She had straight blonde hair down to her shoulders and the richest green eyes. She was just shorter than me.

      Hey. I said to her completely emotionlessly. That’s what we did. Hid our emotions. I used to pretend to be happy. I had more friends back then. Then when I started hiding my emotions, Alana was the only person who I could be myself around when we were alone. At school when I was with her I was emotionless. When it was just us I was full of emotions. But none of them were happiness or joy. I hadn’t felt either of those in years. Alana was the only one who knew about me. I was the only one who knew about her. She has been suffering from Depression and Bulimia since she was seven. She never told me what happened to her. She always said that she didn’t want to talk about it.

      Hey she replied. As far as I knew Alana had never self-harmed. But she had attempted suicide three times at that point. I always can see the sadness no one else notices in her eyes. I wish she would tell me what happened all those years ago. How are you? She asked. I checked my surrounding before I answered. No one was within hearing range. Terrible. I relapsed after not cutting for two days. I think that’s a record.

      Congratulations. She smiled.

      A smile. What a rare treat from her. I returned the smile. The smile was meaningless of course. I noticed that some of our surrounding people were staring at us so I made it look like we were having a good joke. People looked at us strangely because they had never seen either of us smile in ages. When they looked away a shiver went down my spine. I hate it when they look at me. I said.

      Me too.

      Do you want to go to the shops on the weekend? I asked. That was the code we used when we wanted to go out and buy blades from the hardware store. We weren’t of age but we certainly looked it so they never ask for ID.

      Yeah sure. She replied. She didn’t buy blades but she liked to look at other things in the hardware store like lengths of rope. The siren rang, indicating we had to get to class. Hundreds of people were clogging up the path ways. I didn’t see the raised piece concrete stick out of the ground at a diagonal from the rest of the path. I tripped, my sleeve got caught at the wrist on a nail sticking out of the fence and it was lifted all the way up to the top of my fore arm. They all looked at my wrist. The scars, the cuts, the scabs, all revealed. I quickly pulled up my sleeve but it was too late. They had already seen.

      Emo! one said.

      Go cry Emo kid! another yelled. Others joined in.

      Emo Fag!

      Cutting retard

      Go die!

      All of these words were such a trigger and caused huge urges to cut again. I got up but one of them pushed me down. And then one lifted me up by my arms and his friend pulled down my sleeves to show everyone.

      Look at this stupid Emo faggot!

      I could see Alana. She was looking at me from a distance. She was distressed. She couldn’t help me. The people lifting me were so big. I was helpless. Then he threw me to the ground and I hit my head and the last thing I heard was a smack as everything went black.

      2

      501795-ANSL-layout.pdf

      Garth

      My parents were out getting mum checked out at the hospital. She was eight and a half months pregnant. They had me babysitting my six year old sister, Georgie, until they got back. We were making a fort out of chairs and sheets. I loved my sister. Although, sometimes she was extremely annoying.

      Garth! You need to build quicker, she demanded, Otherwise the aliens will get you and eat you up with chicken soup! I made a mimic of a shocked face. I was such a funny, happy kid. Until about ten minutes after the fort building. We finished making the fort. Garth, can you make me fly again? she asked. I smiled in return and she knew that

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