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My Tears in His Bottle: Prayers from the Heart of a  Special Needs’ Mom
My Tears in His Bottle: Prayers from the Heart of a  Special Needs’ Mom
My Tears in His Bottle: Prayers from the Heart of a  Special Needs’ Mom
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My Tears in His Bottle: Prayers from the Heart of a Special Needs’ Mom

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What do you do when your child is diagnosed with autism? Do you turn toward or away from God? Do you decide to give up or do you get on your knees in prayer?
My Tears in His Bottle is the deeply personal faith journey of one special needs mom. She shares how her faith taught her to see her children through the eyes of God as His perfect creation.
If you believe youre alone in coping with the struggles of being a special needs parent, then read this book. It is life-rope of hope, comfort, and encouragement that only another special needs parent can provide.
LanguageEnglish
PublisherXlibris US
Release dateMay 24, 2017
ISBN9781543424294
My Tears in His Bottle: Prayers from the Heart of a  Special Needs’ Mom

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    My Tears in His Bottle - Pat Hays

    Father,

    Please forgive me. At times, I have been so angry with You because my children have special needs. Sometimes I have felt cheated because I couldn’t have biological children, so I adopted my sons. I had such high expectations about motherhood and what my life would be like. Instead, motherhood has been totally different than I could have ever imagined. I have often felt sorry for myself and wondered why things turned out as they did.

    God, please forgive me because now I can see that You did not punish me or desert me. Instead, You chose me. You chose me to love these two boys more than I ever could have expected to love children. You chose me because they needed a special mom, an advocate, a mother with unconditional love. You chose me so that I could lend a voice, a hug, and encouragement to other parents of special needs’ children. Thank you, Lord, for choosing me.

    Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan. Ephesians 11:1 NLT

    You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. John 15:16 NLT

    Father,

    On my first Mother’s Day as a mother, our pastor said that being a mother was God’s highest calling. I remember how sweet that Mother’s Day was because in previous years I had longed for a baby, but I couldn’t have one. Mother’s Day had always been the saddest day of the year for me and I always left church in tears.

    Lord, when I think of my role as Your highest calling, it frightens me a bit. I know that being a mother is an awesome responsibility and while I felt prepared for it before I became a mother, I no longer do. My dreams and expectations about motherhood are so different from my reality. I didn’t expect it to be this hard. I wasn’t prepared for children with special needs. That had never been a part of my life, so I am constantly in catch-up mode, researching what to do to help them.

    Lord, I don’t know why You placed this particular calling of motherhood on my life in the way that You did, but I do know that everything You do is intentional. Lord, I know you are not going to leave me out here on my own to try to muddle through how I am supposed to be the right mom that You chose for these two boys.

    God, please do all that You desire to do through my circumstances and trials because I know You mean them for good. Thank You, God, for putting these children and these challenges into my life as part of what You are doing in this world. Please, Lord, let me be worthy to fulfill Your plan.

    Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Proverbs 31:25-28 ESV

    Dear God,

    I confess my feelings of resentment, jealousy, and self-pity. I know these feelings are wrong and so I give them to You so You can help me to deal with them. God, I am often jealous of parents who have normal children. They do not understand how lucky they are. When they send their children to kindergarten, they expect them to sit quietly in their desks, read as directed, and write down their answers in a timely manner. Those parents don’t have to worry about whether their children will be disruptive, kick their teachers, be mean to other children, learn to tie their shoes, write the alphabet legibly, learn to read, and make friends.

    Some of these parents look upon me and my children with contempt. They have no clue what it is like to live in our world. Please free me from these feelings and help me to be thankful for my children who are a special blessing from You. Teach me, Lord, that I am adequate to parent these children that You have given to me and help me to remember that You are always with me and that what others think doesn’t matter to You and it shouldn’t matter to me.

    Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. Psalm 139:23-24 NASB

    Dear God,

    Today, You sent a big snowstorm which is something that we don’t get very often. This was the first snow that my oldest son had ever seen. To say that he was thrilled, excited, and joyful at the chance to play in the snow would be wildly understating his happiness. He lay down in the snow, rolled around in it, and took big handfuls of the snow and pressed them to his face. He stuck out his tongue, savoring the taste of new snow on his tongue. He laughed and giggled and spun around. His delight in the snow could not have been more obvious. After rolling around in it to his heart’s content, he got up and ran through the snow and twirled in it like he was dancing. I simply watched, fully enjoying the chance to see him just have fun for once, like any other child. We have a large yard and he ran and twirled and tumbled through the snow until I thought he would surely just drop from utter exhaustion.

    God, I am thankful for one of the best afternoons I have ever spent with my son. Your beautiful creation and his enjoyment of it, allowed me to share in and savor his joy, and for one afternoon made me forget about the problems swirling in our lives. Thank You for giving us a wonderful day and marvelous memories to treasure.

    Thank God for this gift too wonderful for words! 2 Corinthians 9:15 NLT

    This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 NLT

    Dear God,

    I am so distraught. My son cannot behave at school and he is constantly being suspended. Some days I drop him off at school and he is already in trouble by the time I get to my office. I cannot keep my mind on work. I’m constantly praying for a good day for him, just something that will give me a glimmer of hope that everything will get better. It seems that my prayers are never answered. Instead, each day is worse than the day before it.

    God, I know that You are answering my prayers, just not the way that I want You to answer them. Please teach me patience. Please, Lord, reveal Your plans to me and help me to keep believing that You are in control. Lord, I know that You can make something beautiful out of everything. Although this situation seems very ugly to me, I know that You see beauty in it. Lord, please let me see the beauty also.

    We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer. Proverbs 16:1 NLT

    I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray. Psalm 17:6 NLT

    Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God. Psalm 43:5 NLT

    And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purposes for them. Romans 8:28 NLT

    Dear God,

    Today, we went to behavior therapy with our son. I cried as we sat in the waiting room before the behavioral therapy session began. When is this nightmare going to end? I just wanted my child to be normal, but he wasn’t and never would be. As I sat there, a lady who was also waiting with what appeared to be her grandson, came over and sat down next to me and put her arms around me. She spoke softly, reassuring me that everything was going to be all right. She encouraged me to pray for strength and then she just sat there, holding my hand, feeling my pain. No words were necessary. For that moment, we were just two mothers, bound by a similar experience, grieving the same type of situation, only she was obviously a lot more at peace and much further along in the process than me.

    God, I am so thankful that You place godly people in my path when I need them the most. They remind me to rely on You and not on my own strength.

    Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT

    The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Proverbs 27:9 NLT

    Dear God,

    I love this Christian school where we placed our son in kindergarten. He has been in so much trouble here and I know that before long, we will have to remove him from the school. Lord, I am so thankful for the principal. She told me that every morning, she goes into his classroom and sits in his little chair and prays for him to have a good day. Lord, I am so touched by her love for him.

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