Unheard Voices

Copyright © 2011 by Nicholas Rogers.

ISBN: Softcover    978-1-4568-5390-7

ISBN: Ebook          978-1-4568-5391-4

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CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION TO UNHEARD VOICES

UNHEARD VOICES

INTRODUCTION

TO

UNHEARD VOICES

It was the feast of Christ the King, the first Mass of Sunday, on Saturday 23rd.November 2008. The church was The Church of the Good Shepherd, New Addington. The priest who took the Mass was Father Stephen Boyle, the Parish Priest of the same. We had a half hour of Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. As is usual for a Saturday I went to Confession before the start of the Holy Mass. It proved to be memorable and very useful for my spiritual journey. After receiving the Blessed Sacrament, I returned to my seat in the pew and I knelt down next to my wife. It was then that the Holy Spirit whispered clearly to me;

"Awaken your heart and tell of the love of Christ, of life, and give to others the words that flow from Christ through me to you.

Tell of the joys and the pains.

Tell them about life, how it is, what people think, what they are thinking, how they feel. There is much that makes them sad.

I want you to show them life as it is, I want them to see life, to hear people’s secret thoughts.

I want you to show them how people think and what they think, to show and reveal people’s minds, thoughts and ideas, their feelings, their reactions, their secret thoughts.

Through me, and through you, I will uncover their secret thoughts, the unheard voices in their minds.

Because we cannot hear people’s thoughts and read perfectly their minds, I want people to gaze into minds and to see and hear what people are, how weak they are, how feeling they are.

I want to reveal the hiding places of their thoughts.

I want you to reveal their secret thoughts and hidden feelings, because human beings feel and think like no other.

So tell to all that which I have put within you."

And so when I reached home that night I sat down and I picked up my pen. I wrote the following;

I must wake my heart and sing of the love that He has given you and that you feel so profoundly. I must put into words the feelings that He has inspired within you. I must tell all that is within you and share it with others. Wake my mind and capture the thoughts and words flowing from Our Lord’s lovely Heart. Wake my hand and write these thoughts and words down as they flood into your mind and flow out of your hand onto the paper.

Wake up people of the world and read the words which dance before your eyes, like the flames and sparks shooting from a blazing fire. They will inspire you too and motivate you too, as they do me.

Often there are miracles and wonders, great spectacles and shows, red letter days and fantastic events, but most of life takes place in the secret place of our minds. We live there hidden and secretly; privately, alone, in our minds, in our heads, in our hearts. That is our secret, safe hiding place, our refuge, our secret cave, our haven of peace where thoughts flow uninhibited. No one can get there.

I have often wanted to be telepathic, to read minds. I cannot. I have often been called psychic by some people. But I am not. What I think, what I write, what I speak of is revealed to me by God. This is really His work. It is not from me. He gives me the words to write. He wanted me to write this, and so much else besides. And I wish to share it with you, to help you in some way, to provoke meditation and thought in you. It is not some vain venture, a selfish and self-seeking ego trip. I have merely placed myself at the Lord’s disposal. All the inspiration and vitality, all the energy and strength for this endeavour has come from The Holy Spirit. I am merely the instrument of The Holy Spirit. His particular instrument is called Nick. The work of Nick’s hand is really the work of The Holy Spirit. He it is who has dictated it to me and provided me with the words to write down on paper.

The words God gives us to say through the Holy Spirit are special. Somehow instinctively, intuitively we know that these words are from God. They are not words in themselves, mere words. They are moulded and fashioned in His loving mouth and presented to us as gifts. These words are ideas and are thoughts expressed by God with deep, tender feelings and emotions. We express these words with whatever emotions and feelings we might have at the time. Sometimes we replicate the love of God. Sometimes we distort as the enemy threatens us and toys with us.

Humans experience a range of conflicting, riotous, uncontrollable, strong feelings and imperfect, impure emotions. We are in a sense all of us disturbed internally, emotionally. We are human. We are not perfect. We do not always feel at peace. Our prayer life can be a struggle in itself and can reflect this. Our thoughts and thought processes can vary tremendously.

Some are more disturbed than others, and experience and show negative feelings, unhappiness and sadness. Some of us are stronger in more positive feelings and purer emotions, more happy and lively.

May these words that you are about to read, inspire you in some way to help all those in need; the poor, the sick, the victims, the desperate, the desolate, those in despair All those troubled by life, who find life difficult. All those wounded by the blackness of life and the nastiness of the devil need our help and I hope that you will devote some of your life to encouraging the needy and hopeless.

Help them!

Love them!

They all need your help, your concern, your care, your time, your efforts, your love! As well as material help of course. Help them above all emotionally, however—especially with your deep, tender love. And Christ will give you such love and help to overflowing. You will overflow with love and you will feel a strong desire to do something lovely for them. You will receive rich blessings in return and immense satisfaction.

Don’t neglect them!

Christ is passing by, hand in hand with your neighbour in need!

Don’t pass them by on the other side!

Be courageous! Run to meet them and offer them your welcoming hand and your warm heart.

Christ can give you so much if you give of yourself. Those in need can be a source of rich, abundant blessings for you. They can be your lifeblood, the source of your inspiration, the source of your motivation. They can be your reason to live and give you a life full of the greatest joy, hope and contentment. It comes from the happiness of helping someone.

Don’t slip into apathy, into lethargy and complacency, into the security of material comfort. You will get nowhere there. It would lead to your death, the stagnation of your life.

You must be continually moving on, changing, renewing, converting, becoming more and more like Christ.

To do this you musn’t neglect your neighbour. Your neighbour is important to God, and should be to you too! Your neighbour has the face of God. They are both intimately united. Be like your God in all things concerning love. For with love all good is and can be possible. For with God all good is and can be possible. And God is important. All good originates from God. And all good ends in God. God is the source and summit of all and everything. We start in God. We move and live in God. God is both within us and around us. We end in God. We are ever-abiding in God. God is there where we live, move and work. He is there at our conception, our birth, throughout our entire life, at the moment of our death, and finally we are gathered up and carried in His loving arms into glorious eternity.

So make sure you are caring and loving. For that is why we were made. To love. And we can. We all can. That is the challenge we have ahead of us each day. To love, no matter what. That means we must love all around us. Everyone! Without exception! By doing so you will show God your love for Him too.

And neglect yourself! Those who care for you will care for you and see that you don’t come to harm. And remember God cares for you. God cares. God will look after you.

And so do I. That is why I am sharing this book with you. It is the secrets of the mind, the hidden unheard voices revealed.

Thank you for taking the trouble and time to read it.

God bless you and love you now and always.

"Awaken your consciences My people and as you read My words note your reactions, your feelings, fuelled by the Holy Fire from My Divine Heart.

See. Hear. Feel. Think. Do. Respond in some way.

Respond with love to these words of Mine.

Be like me. Be a King of Love to all those around you.

And remember always and never forget, I love you, My children.

More than you will ever know.

I love you all. Please love each other and love yourself!"

Nick Rogers

Introduction completed The Feast Day of St.Nicholas of Myra.

6th.December 2008.

The Study

646 Davidson Road

Croydon

UNHEARD

VOICES

Written by

Nicholas Rogers

I am dedicating this to my friend Paddy Radford, Italian student with me at University College, Cardiff. He taught me how to think for myself and how to be myself. He taught me how to be creative. In a sense he set me on the road which led to finding myself. I last saw him in 1984. I miss him. Perhaps he was the greatest male friend I ever had. I will never forget him or his face. God bless him and keep him safe, whoever is with him now, wherever he is and whatever he is doing!

We are together as one, as the darkness fades, and light comes again.

We are together as one. We are not alone.

She reaches out to me and touches my soul with her outstretched arms.

She embraces my soul and I quiver with delight.

We are perfectly together.

No one can break us.

We are mystically entwined,

For eternity.

Escape?

There’s no way out, my friend.

You’ll just have to grin and bear it, I’m afraid.

There’s no alternative. You have to work. How else are you going to get money?

Put up with it. Everyone else seems to. Be like them. Play the game.

Live the nine to five monotony like the rest of them.

"But I don’t think like them. I don’t want to live like them.

I escape into my mind, into my thoughts, into my dreams.

I rise above them in my mind, and in my heart.

I lose myself in me.

I have my own life."

I just can’t face the heartache. I’m only just getting over the last relationship.

(Her voice still echoes in my mind).

Please hold me. Please love me. Please come and rescue me, from the insanity of this world.

I cannot face it alone. I cannot handle too much loneliness.

Don’t try it on with me. I don’t like these games of yours. I can see the truth as clear as the day. So don’t veil me with your pretence. I can see you for myself. Everything about you is clear to me. I know what you are really like. Don’t hide yourself. Come out into the open!

Be true. Be real, for a change!

You have funny moods. You are strange. Your pain leads you to despair, to the point where you feel death in your heart. Then you have no feelings inside. So the truths that are in you lie hidden deep inside your sickness. You cannot see the light of truth. It is hidden from you. It is hidden from everyone but me. I can see clearly. You are blind as can be, you cannot see what I can see. I see you as you really are.

I could be locked inside their cage.

I could be frozen inside their snowball.

I could be upset, worn out and ready to die.

I could be lost and forgotten.

But I am not.

They aren’t happy because I whistle, laugh, dance and sing.

I am at peace. I have joy in my heart.

They could be rich, and have everything they need.

They could have aftershave for every bit of their body and for their clothes too.

But they would still not be as happy as me.

I am happy,

I am at peace,

because I wouldn’t sell my soul to the world and the flesh.

I have found my wealth elsewhere.

I try to tell them but they refuse to listen.

I cannot do anything about that.

I smile through the pain. They are asking questions and I find that they are slowly killing the little bit of happiness that I did have within me. The water is rising to my face, to my nose. I cannot breathe properly. Fire is falling on me, on my sensitive head and face. My mind is negative and sad. I am trapped in this situation. I am tired.

I face a nightmare without You.

I have to face my trials alone.

You are not there.

Where are You? You promised me that You would always be with me.

But You seem to have disappeared. I can no longer see You.

26/01/1995

I have life threatening thoughts, which move me towards destruction. I see through the propaganda from our churches and mosques. They have no love in their hearts, just sterile, futile beliefs; the further west you go from the East the colder it gets. They just talk about ideas and events, and opinions. The impossibility of believing in anything wrecks my body and mind. I see no love in religion. I only see gestures. Maybe I have a surpressed spirit and a dying will and motivation. My soul is dead. I dreamt I saw a dying reclining Buddha beside me and a falling cross.

I am happy, not to have something to believe in. I only believe in me.

MY SOUL 13/05/1996

There used to be a time when I would get upset and moody easily. There used to be a time when life was hard and when I thought there was no love. There used to be a time when loneliness started to become an everyday, every week experience. I got used to being alone. I nearly went mad. You can have enough of yourself, can’t you?

12/06/1995

She was young and pretty,

virgin white and untouched by men.

She loved life—

She chased butterflies after dark

She chased dreams in school-time at her desk.

She loved her life.

She enjoyed her life.

But something was missing.

12/06/1995

Maybe in a while, I say.

Soon, he shouts.

(My unhurried universe clashes with your tempestuous manner).

He chases goals he will never reach.

I say it’s absurdity at its limit.

They accuse me of negativity

They accuse me of having attitude,

They accuse me of a lot of things.

I laugh at them,

at their mediocrity and at their selfish ways.

I’m accused by many but they can’t see the truth

(because they don’t look inside their own hearts).

03/08/1996

A sardonic smile behind her veil,

But there’s some rich reward on your face.

She wants to play with me.

Flirt. She hates, deceives and disturbs my mind.

She’s so serious, so stupid.

She tries all she can with her black magic.

She worships perverted spirits, demons and gods.

She hates and wants to destroy me.

She plans, thinks and moves into action.

She’s trying to destroy with black magic all that she is jealous of.

People think that she is so great, so loving, so nice.

People don’t know what she is really like behind the mask that she holds to her face.

But I see her true face. I know what she is. I see all clearly and distinctly. I am not fooled.

12/09/1996

An evil takes control when you are at your weakest,

when you feel no goodness, no beauty, no joy, no love.

An evil takes over and leads you to your destruction.

It makes you do what you cannot avoid doing.

You cannot help yourself.

Evil has taken you over.

It has you under control.

How are you going to wriggle out of it?

24/10/1996

" . . . . and a deep sadness came over me.

I felt empty inside.

I tried to hide,

But found no security anywhere—

I could find no rest, no comfort.

I only felt anxiety and only pain,

suffering.

I have no hope.

I think I have no future.

All I possess is emptiness inside and outside.

How long can I live an empty, unhappy life like this?"

09/11/1996

All of my life has been just a show. You never really knew me.

I was always somebody I wasn’t. For all my life through.

12/09/1996

"I have a pain that twists deep within—

a sadness that burns and becomes bright.

I live in a system that hurts in my heart—

I read of policies that I just can’t accept.

Is there something you don’t agree with or feel strongly about?

If there is, what do you do about it?"

09/11/1996

"You look like a friend,

But behind the disguise.

I find an enemy."

I discover always when it’s too late; when I have trusted, when I have confided and shared my secret thoughts.

15/11/1995

"You were born into hatred and brought up by mad people.

You belong to no one now, because you cannot trust anyone.

And you never will be able to.

Now you love to destroy too,

And aim, with your hate,

To injure other people’s humble lives."

15/11/1995

Incomplete

"You really annoy me, you really do.

You make me feel uncomfortable, stupid,

You embarrass me.

I know you hate me,

But please try and love me.

You attract me somehow, in some way."

15/11/1995

At the surgery

"I hated you from the start.

When our eyes first met, we both looked away.

You were after a good time. Sex, money and death.

You were after a lonely 45 year old."

You’re right, I guess.

I have to give in to the hatred we both feel for each other now.

15/11/1995

Ignorance

"I miss my parents.

I wish I could talk to them.

It would be so good.

They are dead now, you see.

They do not live with us anymore, do they? They are gone forever."

15/11/1996

"Far from the planet,

In a distant universe,

She lives all alone.

She wonders what to eat at night,

She wonders what clothes to wear.

She lives alone,

She is trapped,

Yet she still cares for everyone, for the things that matter, for life and much more."

25/05/1996

"I thought I knew him well, so well.

But then he acted out of character

And became a monster.

It was like a living hell.

I am coming to the end of my life now.

But I will rejoice,

when I see you face-to-face, because I will no longer have to see him."

13/11/1995

Shame on you for being so evil,

For your short skirt,

And low cut blouse.

You’re after anyone

You try and hide the real feelings and thoughts in your heart.

Your intellect and mind are stronger than your heart.

You play with people’s feelings.

You tease and control.

You are like so many.

14/11/1996

"You know how to lie,

You’ve got it down to a fine art—you know every trick in the book.

You can charm a thousand snakes,

And you can pretend with all your heart.

You are a great deceiver.

I should be careful with you because you could damage me.

24/05/1995

Don’t let it worry you.

You’ve either got to trust in God,

Or you’ve just got to not care at all, about life, or about anything.

But remember that eternity is a long time to be at peace or to be in agony.

24/05/1995

Escape from reality, into wine and drugs, away from the wife, from teachers, politicians, and thugs. I can’t control myself, I need a little help, I need a little attention, and I think you can give all that to me. Maybe, too, let’s see, I need a holiday by the sea. I need another drink and I’ve run out of cigarettes. That is all that matters to me at the moment.

25/05/1995

One real woman

She’s a real woman through and through.

She could show you a really good time.

She loves people like you.

And she would do anything to keep you happy and interested in her.

You won’t have to force anything out of her,

She’ll be so committed to you.

She’ll help you to keep your head,

When others try out their charm on her.

She embraces fidelity

as long as you please her and satisfy her, as long as you keep her happy.

25/05/1995

Why settle for 2nd best?

In a tube carriage,

I look her up and down,

And watch her to see how she is, how she behaves, what kind of a woman she is.

She’s not bad looking,

But something’s not quite right.

Something holds me back—

Suddenly she does nothing for me. I see her tired, worn face and an excess of make-up.

There’ll be other better looking women next time I get on a train.

"Don’t worry about life and death.

Turn away from your sins and see the life inside you that I give you.

Feel the love I give you.

Feel the warmth, feel the intensity, feel the strength of My love for you."

27/06/1995

L’etranger.

The seering sun,

Wet bodies,

Drenched in sweat.

Red, raw flesh

Sand, sea and sky

too much for your head.

You can’t stop moving,

Irritated by hurt,

And wrong doings.

Then murder comes.

I see a cool, calm sky,

I feel a deep blue comfort.

I sit in a haven in the breeze.

The cool place of prison keeps you at peace.

21/07/1995

We don’t like you if your hair’s too long,

We don’t like you if you don’t shave every day.

We don’t like you if your feet are too small.

We don’t like you if your skin is black.

We don’t like you if you don’t sing along with us.

We don’t like it if you don’t play our tune.

You have to be like us.

You have to do what we do.

We will like you if you have lots of money and a good job, power and success.

We will listen to you. But first of all what do you have to offer us?

22/06/1995

You’ve got to have a cold heart

In the game of love,

where you can love and lose,

Love and lose.

You’ve got to be hard-hearted,

Because love is a tough game.

It requires time, attention and commitment.

It requires sacrifice and self-giving.

It is a difficult thing to do constantly.

We are ignoring the wisdom of centuries gone by,

and so we are spiralling out of control,

down to the valley so deep.

We have nothing to control us, to hold us, to keep us in check,

to prevent us from hurting ourselves and each other.

Where can I hide from all this?

Life has become boring and empty,

We are all restless and lonely.

We are all in need of peace,

to reassure us and to comfort us.

We are all looking for safe hiding places

to shelter us from the storms of the culture of death.

16/10/1995

What’s wrong with these people here? I ask this to myself.

Some laugh, some weep.

But there is no humanity. There is insensitivity.

Is it because we do so many hours each day at work?

Is it because we do the same things every day?

Have we become desensitized and unfeeling?

Are we sick of this place? Are we bored of life?

The open plan, the headaches and heartaches,

The to-ing and fro-ing between home and work,

Home and work, home and work. Bus, train, walk, front door, eat, bed.

The VDU’s, printers, radios, food vending machines, TV’s, stereos, kettles, mugs and cups, returning from holiday and sickness, cheques, payday, holidays, leave.

People don’t help us here much—they are too selfish and self-centred to care about others.

And the Management is puffed up, strutting as they do their checks, enjoying their power.

04/09/1996

I could be embarrassed in their presence—

I could be made to look stupid.

I could be made fun of, beaten, and sent to my death.

I could be ignorant of everything they know.

I could be angry with them,

I could be fuming, ranting and raving.

I could be nasty and say all sorts of cruel things.

But I hold back. I keep myself in peace.

I die into the silence of eternity.

It’s better that way.

16/10/1995

Islam will come to pass

"Take to the hills, like an Afghan guerrilla,

Or some Chechen fighter.

Fight for your freedom,

With an AK47,

And take over this sick world

For your Muslim brothers and sisters."

Thus they thought the prophet meant

In the Koran.

Hand to hand,

Street by street,

Fighting.

Is this what the prophet meant?

Echoes of gunshots in deserted streets of Karachi

And burnt out buildings in Sarayevo.

Who are these people trying to be?

Is this religion? Does God really want this to happen?

And what does God think of all this?

While you think this over some bushy-bearded, suicidal idiot in the West Bank blows up a bus,

After Friday prayers.

And you call that religion?

18/06/1995

Leena,

You make me feel so good.

You give me peace—you bring me happiness. You make me whole.

I just have to see you again.

You are pretty, you dress well, you love me, I know.

You give me joy.

You give me love.

I stare at your beautiful face.

I look you in the eyes.

I watch you as you talk.

You watch me.

As I talk.

I don’t know your thoughts.

How can I? If you