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    The Penny Farthing Stories
    The Penny Farthing Stories
    The Penny Farthing Stories
    Ebook109 pages44 minutes

    The Penny Farthing Stories

    By Brian J. H. Slack

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    About this ebook

    The Penny Farthing Stories is a collection of fantasy stories in poetic form, containing tales of colourful animal characters with human attributes. The stories are all set in the nineteenth century.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthorHouse UK
    Release dateApr 30, 2014
    ISBN9781491897683
    The Penny Farthing Stories

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      Book preview

      The Penny Farthing Stories - Brian J. H. Slack

      © 2014 Brian J. H. Slack. All rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or

      transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

      Published by AuthorHouse 04/25/2014

      ISBN: 978-1-4918-9767-6 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4918-9768-3 (e)

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

      and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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      Contents

      Almost A Novel

      The Hon. R. M. Da Higham

      Impeded

      The Ballad Of Hamish Machoots

      The Campaigns Of Generalissimo Crocodello In Love And War

      Gold, Snow, And The High Trestle

      About The Author

      About The Book

      1.tif2.tif

      ALMOST A NOVEL

      You don’t have to be that handsome

      To be a lady’s man.

      You can do without the tall, dark bit

      And striving for a tan.

      Mister Hippo Potts, the bon viveur

      Of independent means,

      Had no difficulty whatsoever,

      Surprising though it seems.

      At first glance, you’d think him fat;

      On that, you would be wrong.

      ‘Twas muscle, no flab at all,

      Short, stout, and very strong.

      True, he had a massive head

      With tiny, piercing eyes.

      An enormous mouth, convenient

      For telling whopping lies.

      All those who knew about him

      Heard that he was rich.

      Ah! And what a difference that would make

      To any scheming bitch.

      Dapper in a well-cut suit,

      A jaunty bowler hat,

      A gold watch chain, and walking cane;

      Haute couture with spats.

      When all dolled up resplendent,

      He’d sally forth up west.

      3.tif

      Of all the evening’s pleasures,

      He liked the theatre best.

      Loved it! Would go twice a week;

      The stage was life itself.

      Often he would take a box

      And fill it with himself.

      Oh! The music, lights, and glamour;

      The line of chorus girls;

      The dancing and the show of legs;

      The frivolity and twirls.

      He swore it blew his cobwebs off,

      Put twinkles in his eye,

      A certain cure when peckers drooped;

      And one can quite see why.

      A final swishing of the curtain,

      The dying of applause;

      The jostling backstage Johnnies

      Blocking up the doors.

      But Hippo Potts just sauntered through.

      He never had to ask,

      For everyone excused him,

      Stood aside and let him pass.

      His appearance in the dressing rooms

      Caused bustling of delight,

      For he always chose six pretty ones

      To take out for the night.

      "Oh! What larks! Our luck has changed!

      "No fear of nuffin shady,

      "‘Cos only them what’s proper toffs

      Knows ‘ow to treat a liedy!

      Hair and attire quickly fixed,

      Their face’s paint repaired,

      And snatching up handbags and hats

      Skipped blithely down the stairs.

      They clambered into hackney cabs,

      Excited by the treat,

      The clattering horse’s lively pace.

      Gee up! Tonight we eat!

      4.tif

      At Calorelli’s Supper Rooms,

      The smartest place in town,

      A good blow-out of haute cuisine

      And champs to wash it down.

      5.tif

      Then liqueurs with slaps and giggles,

      A tippling of gin;

      They were ever so appreciative

      And nearly smothered him.

      His large, full-blooded, sensual lips

      Wrapped halfway round his head;

      Where others kiss just one

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