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    Sometimes, Life Sux
    Sometimes, Life Sux
    Sometimes, Life Sux
    Ebook91 pages37 minutes

    Sometimes, Life Sux

    By Jan Joyce

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    About this ebook

    If life seems jolly rotten there's something you've forgotten And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing When you're feeling in the dumps don't be silly chumps Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing And always look on the bright side of life Come on, always look on the bright side of life (from the Life of Brian)

    This is Jans first foray into self-publishing though many of these poems have been read, performed or produced privately over the years to small audiences, often in classrooms, where she was successful in making poetry writing cool!

    An astute observer of human nature and people lover, she was often motivated to respond to everyday, mundane situations which have presented themselves during her life. Having been on the receiving end of lifes many curve-balls, she has managed to remain resolute and resilient by responding with humour, often self-deprecating, in the poetic form.

    For Jan, writing poetry was both a cathartic and therapeutic way to expressing certain events by transforming into them little pieces of history that could be remembered and laughed about years later.

    Hence many of the events are derived from personal experiences and real events, though the names have been changed to avoid offence. Subjects concerning getting older, menopause, losing weight, having naughty children, naughty school students and teenagers are a direct result of having them or dealing with them.

    Other titles have been inspired by people, particularly Pam Ayres and Roald Dahl where she has attempted to restyle their work with an Australian twist.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherXlibris AU
    Release dateNov 22, 2012
    ISBN9781479749683
    Sometimes, Life Sux

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      Book preview

      Sometimes, Life Sux - Jan Joyce

      Copyright © 2012 by Jan Joyce.

      ISBN:          Softcover                         978-1-4797-4967-6

                         Ebook                              978-1-4797-4968-3

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

      To order additional copies of this book, contact:

      Xlibris Corporation

      1-800-618-969

      www.xlibris.com.au

      Orders@xlibris.com.au

      502671

      Contents

      FOR CHILDREN

      THE MOZZIE AND THE BLOW-FLY

      NOSE

      THE PARTY ANIMAL

      IT WASN’T ME, MUM

      THE BODY BLUES

      POEMS WITH A TWIST

      THE ROOM

      HANDS OFF, HE’S MINE

      FOR TEENAGERS

      SCHOOL SUX

      ADOLESCENCE

      FOR TEACHERS

      FAREWELL TO THE STAFF

      MORNING ASSEMBLY

      FOR MOTHERS

      AM I LOSING IT?

      THE TERRORIST

      SHE’S LEAVING HOME

      THE MARY KAY LADY

      FOR FATHERS

      THE GOLFER

      FOR WOMEN

      ON LOSING—WAIT!

      THE GYM INSTRUCTOR

      A FLASH IN THE PAN

      MENOPAUSE—THE POEM

      FOR THOSE BEREAVED

      THE LAST LAUGH

      FOR THOSE IN THE LEGAL PROFESSION

      THE NURSERY FILES

      FOR PERSIAN CAT OWNERS

      DO NOT DISTURB!

      FOR WINE DRINKERS

      10 WINE BOTTLES SITTING ON THE WALL

      FOR CRIME BUFFS

      WHODUNNIT?

      FOR BUDDING POETS

      40 LINES

      FOR SHORT PEOPLE

      DEAR TALL PEOPLE

      FOR NON-MUSIC LOVERS

      TANTRUM OF THE OPERA

      I’ll Drink The Wine

      FOR CHILDREN

      CHILDREN.jpg

      THE MOZZIE AND THE BLOW-FLY

      A mozzie and a blow-fly had a serious debate,

      Over who was the best and how they would rate.

      The mozzie hovered slowly ready to spring,

      While the blowie preened dirt off his wing.

      "I’m so big and round, juicy and fat,

      Biggest is always best," the fly spat.

      "You’re a weed, with no meat on your frame

      You’re pointy and boney, in fact, you’re lame!"

      Not so, said the mozzie, with a piercing cry,

      "Your heart rate’s too fast and cholesterol’s high.

      I’m sleek and fast, stream-lined like a jet—

      The classiest insect you’ve ever met!"

      Well, said the fat one, "I can hover while I flick

      Germs over humans onto places they lick.

      The pantry, the kitchen wherever they feed,

      Their rubbish is where I live and breed."

      "But you can’t sting and you can’t bite,

      Keep humans awake throughout the night,

      Waiting for me to suck their blood,

      Let’s face it blowie, you’re a dud."

      "You’re wrong my friend I’m still the best

      The most unwanted human house guest.

      Buzzing, droning, leaving black stains

      Hanging around their sinks and drains.

      "I’ll bet you can’t leave big red marks,

      Or ambush people at night in parks,

      You’re lazy and useless, you’re always late,

      I’m fit and healthy and you need to lose weight!"

      Just then was heard a swat and a splat,

      A flash of colour, the blow-fly now flat.

      Too slow, you big fat ugly bruiser

      Now look who’s the biggest loser!

      Author’s note:

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