Lost but Found

LOST

BUT

FOUND

IRENE TEARE

Copyright © 2016 by Irene Teare.

ISBN:      Softcover      978-1-5144-6573-8

                eBook          978-1-5144-6574-5

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Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

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Rev. date: 08/17/2016

Xlibris

800-056-3182

www.Xlibrispublishing.co.uk

519497

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1 Lost But Found By Irene Teare

Chapter 2 Confidence And Faith In Our Lord Jehovah Through Our Lord Jesus Christ

Chapter 3 Childhood

Chapter 4 Mental Hospital Admissions

Chapter 5 Forgiveness

Chapter 6 Trials And Temptations

Chapter 7 God’s Blessings

Chapter 8 God, The Healer

Chapter 9 Experience Of Visions

Chapter 10 Persecution

Chapter 11 Setting The Captives Free

References

I dedicate this book to our God through our Lord Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit who have been able to teach me his word and has taught me how to love. The dedication is also for his great love for us that he found me even when at first I did not seek him as I just had not much knowledge in him at all.

I also dedicate this book to my three lovely children who are a delight and for their inquisitive minds and their love for God. God has used them over and over again to teach me to be on the right path, and they are a delight for their love of God.

In absence, I need also to dedicate this book to my mum and dad for the seed of faith they sowed to me since I was a child, otherwise, when the going got tough, I would not have known to turn to God for assistance. As God puts it, to train a child in the way that they should go, my mum and dad tried the best they could do, and I only hope that that I would meet them up in heaven and rejoice with them of what I have become and how my children have become as well as a result of God’s love and the seed they sowed in me.

Even though difficult to say, but I also dedicate this book to the man I got into a relationship with and left him even though it was an adulterous marriage according to the Word of God, and he persecuted me so much for my faith not knowingly, but because we had different beliefs.

Without these trials, I would not have loved my God the way I am able to. Being under trial/persecution pushed me to believe and rely on God rather than on anything; and even though I have faced so much opposition, I truly trust and have trusted that things could be better, and praise be to God for all the changes I started to see in this man—that he is able to love and care for his children even when I was in hospital. By the time I realised that I was in adulterous relationship (because he had married before and was divorced and then got into a relationship with me), and I found my house, at least we parted with each other on civil terms even though some things appear to be hard. I know that nothing is too hard with the Lord!

I dedicate this book to all those sisters and brothers who have shared the Word of God with me, pastors, all the other people who have encouraged me at different parts of this journey, and all those persecuted because of their faith across the globe. For all those persecuted for their faith, keep on inquiring from God, keep doing his will, keep loving him with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind, and stop sinning and come back to him fully. Also, bless and pray for those who persecute you.

PREFACE

I never knew in my life that I could write a book. I have written two dissertations in my life about sixteen years ago when I was studying for English and philosophy bachelor’s degree.

However, there was a time when I started to have kids from around 2004 that I thought I could write kids’ story not knowing on what subject, but did not take those thoughts further. Reading children’s stories to my daughter and to my two sons, which followed later, inspired me to want to write a book though I had no idea on what topic.

In 2009, though when I got taken into a mental health hospital when I was having a review meeting with a doctor and a nurse, I told them that in fact I was planning to write a book at the end of the problems I was experiencing in order to share with people my experiences and how God would help me in my situation. At that point in time—even more so now—I believe that God is our helper. He can use people to assist us, but help comes from him according to Psalms 23. When I mentioned it to the doctor and nurse, they thought that I could not write a book and they thought that I was being delusional. In fact, they did say so many things I thought and did were delusional. Believing on my God, they said it was delusional but thanks to God, I believe He has shown Himself over and over again that He is the truth.

In fact, the publishing of this book will prove to those people who doubted, like Thomas Didimu in the Bible, that our God makes things possible for those who believe. When the doctor who cared for me between 2009 and 2013 did write in his notes that in fact I was mentioning that I would write a book, he took it that I was being delusional, but glory be to God that this is becoming a reality. Even though I have not been able to write each and every story that has happened in this journey, I hope that this book will assist those people who are going through difficult times and trying to make sense of what is going on, and that they will seek God who will answer them. As God says in Psalms 50:15, ‘And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.’

When I knew that God was calling me, not only to preach His gospel but to also write a book, I did feel that I had no need to write a book as the Bible is sufficient, and I did not want to distract people with my book from the Bible. As myself, I spent (and still do spend) so much time studying the Bible I felt like I did not have time to read books. However, a friend of mine encouraged me to read Christian books. As such, I also thought that it would be nice to share my story of what God has done in our lives. Revelation 12:10–11 God says that ‘¹⁰ And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.

¹¹ And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.’

I thought that yes, indeed, we overcome the devil by the blood of Jesus and by the word of our testimony of what God has done for us, and we loved not our lives unto death. Glory be to God.

So I then embarked on writing the book in 2011, I started while I was in hospital. After I wrote some things, I believed that God wanted me to tear those things I had written, and at that time, I thought maybe God did not want me to write. In 2012, while I was out of hospital, I started to sit down by the computer and write, and the man I was in a relationship with then was very critical of me that I was writing about God. I told him that it was me who was writing the story, and I was writing of what God has done for me so he better leave me alone since he does not believe. After I had written a few pages, I left the book and came back to it in the later part of the year. I then started to look for publishers, and all I was getting was disappointments—God forbid that we get disappointed. I was hoping that I would get a publisher who would give me lots of money to publish my book, but I did not. I then got an offer, but things did not fall through properly and I did not pursue that. This meant that my manuscript was unfinished, and I thought this book would not get published.

One day though, in the early part of 2013, I received a call from one of the representative from Xlibris who was so convincing and lovely on the phone. It was also a time when I was expecting from God that He would increase me like one apostle friend, who I had just started to know, had told me. The Xlibris representative assured me after I explained my story that they would publish my story. This time around, I was confident that my book would get published, and I believed that it was the right time—just a confirmation as well that this lady had said the same thing. More so, I knew that God was speaking through this lady that this was the right time to publish my book to the glory of God. The only problem I had at that time was that the laptop, which had the story, had broken down. Taking it to be fixed left me with about three weeks of waiting in order to see what I had written and to finish it up. Xlibris were very understanding and gave me time without pushing me to finish the story quickly. Of course, I was aware that I had to finish it within the time limit. Today, I am writing this preface in twenty-third of June 2013 after I decided that I was not going to add anymore to the story, as more stories seem to keep coming to add, but I am not sure where to add them, so I would leave the manuscript the way it is at the moment and by the grace of God send it off. Today is the fourth of February 2016, and after I thought that I was not going to publish this book due to some demands and thinking that I had lost the manuscript due to a computer breakdown, I made a phone call to Xlibris. Thank God through Christ for Internet and mobile phones I was able to search for Xlibris’ telephone number, and praise God, they have been patient with me.

I have realised also that the situations that I have gone through and God’s deliverance has made it possible for me to have a testimony of what to write about. Praise be to God. It is almost similar to how God used the story of Joseph, the son of Jacob, in the Bible. The whole story prepared him to a greater glory where he would be a ruler in Egypt, but it took suffering and challenges. The same could be aid of your own circumstances at the moment for those of you going through difficulties. Just know that if you are believing and trusting on God, he will see you through and He will give you a testimony in the end. Our God is a God of possibilities! Just continue to trust and believe and love him even when it is tough. Just rely on his word and love to carry you through and see what He can do for you in the end.

The title of the book ‘Lost but Found’ came along after I discovered that I was lost in the first place and God found me and brought me from darkness into his marvellous light. Remember what God says in Isaiah 65:1 that ‘I am sought of them that asked not for me; I am found of them that sought me not: I said, Behold me, behold me, unto a nation that was not called by my name.’

I understand what God is saying here. I feel that God found me when I was going about a lost way, and He called me while I was going through a lot of difficulty and confusion. I later realised that God was calling me to his marvellous kingdom. Hence, the title ‘Lost but Found.’

I was like a lost coin who does not know that she is lost, but carries on like everything is normal until God comes in her situation and turn situations around and then recovers and realises that ‘wow, I was lost after all, but thank God He found me.’ After He found me, He commissioned me to go about and find lost coins and direct them to Him, and that is what I do to the glory of God.

If you are reading this book, just know that all things are possible with God even though with men, it would be impossible according to Mathew 19:26, Genesis 18:14, Mark 10:27.

With men (meaning the mental health system and sometimes the man I was married to), they tarnished my character I felt (he probably think different and at times spoke of the truth of what was going on), but with God, he said it would be possible for me to write the book and share the very things that they are hiding that they do not want people to read about. They have persecuted me, and the devil hoping that I would give in (lose my faith), but with God, it has not been possible as here I am writing the very things the devil did not want me to share. Praise be to God!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

First of all, I would like to acknowledge God for loving us with His unconditional love. As my pastor preached today (date not recorded), that we are God’s beloved and we are the apple of His eye. I would not have been alive today if it was not for God’s love, for saving our lives, and for giving us life in abundance! Even in difficult times, he has been with us assuring us even though at times it could have been hard to understand what was going on. Our God has been right beside us. For that and more of what He does, I say I greatly acknowledge you Lord. I could not have done anything if not because of you Lord. Even when the enemy would try to lie to me, you have been there assuring me that you are there with us. I also thank you so much for how you have helped my children cope while I was going through really difficult times.

I want to also thank God for my children, for the joy that came and come through them, and for God using them to minister to me and to encourage me through different ways, but more importantly, by them responding to the Word of God that I taught them or through the Sunday school or through the videos about God they watch.

A big thanks to God for my extended family like brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, and granduncles for being there even if it was a phone call; it has been kind of them to understand my faith and to accept it. Praise God especially for brothers and sisters in Christ who make it possible for me to phone them, meet them, and talk about God and encourage each other. I also thank God for the parents and their children who have come to my house, and the lovely time we have had with those children sharing the good news. For about two years, I lived in an area where the children would come and we would share the gospel with them.

Thank God for my pastor and the pastors and brothers and sisters who came to visit me while in hospital at different points in time. Thank God for church members and friends whom we have spent a lot of time with praying together and chatting about God’s word, and all those who also came to visit me in hospital or at home. I thank God for the encouragement through these people with the Word of God. For all those I have forgotten to mention, please know that God knows and has not forgotten you. Be blessed greatly for your kindness toward me and my family. We thank God for our neighbours for their love, for our children and their dad, and the support for our family. God bless them for their assistance in every way through different points in time.

Thank God for all the lovely staff who showed me true kindness when I was in hospital, and even out in the community. To those who understood and understands me, and showed and show me sympathy, I say God bless you! To those who persecuted me, may God bless you, and I pray for them that God will do good to you.

CHAPTER 1

Lost but Found by Irene Teare

To all who desire to know and love God more, those who still doubt that there is God, and to all those people who have been diagnosed to be suffering from any mental illness ensure that you get understanding from the Bible and this book of how the word of God can help you to live a happy and fulfilled life. The Word of God (The Bible) has certainly helped me and keeps helping me in how to live life to the full and deal with everyday problems, even those nasty problems, which are so hard to deal with. But all we have to know is that there is no problem that is too hard to be solved by God. God says in the Bible in Luke 1:37, ‘For with God nothing shall be impossible.’

The most important and a key starting point is to really become a Born Again Christian and surrender your life to God through Jesus Christ, and to love God/Jesus Christ with all your heart, strength, soul and mind, and to love other people like yourself. To those lost coins, lost sheep, and lost sons (it includes daughters as well) who have already given their lives to God, but then have found themselves lost in this world and are not sure what the relationship with Jesus is like, please come back to the Father through Jesus Christ. He is expecting you! The Father wants you to experience His love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance as found in Galatians 5:22–23. ‘²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, ²³ Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.’

To all others, to walk in love with God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind is a choice and a commitment that should be cherished and cannot be done on our own strength, but with God’s strength. It is also a way of life of embracing the whole word of God, and not pick and choose as we please on what to believe.

1.1 Lost

Sometimes, when a person is lost spiritually, it can be clear to the person that they are going to a different direction rather than what God wants them to go to. We find an example of this in the book of Jonah in the Bible when Jonah was asked by God to go to preach in Nineveh. However, due to different reasons, like not knowing what to expect from a situation or afraid of the process of going through the perceived situation, one person like Jonah found himself going to Tarshish instead of Nineveh. These kinds of direction missing can lead to difficult problems like Jonah experienced difficulties with the arising of the storm on the sea up to a point that he was thrown into the sea and got swallowed by the whale.

In all this, we see how Jonah realised that the storm that happened on the sea and being swallowed by the whale was because of his disobedience. Jonah 1:12, ¹² And he said unto them, ‘Pick me up and throw me into the sea; then the sea will become calm for you. For I know that this great tempest is because of me.’

Jonah knew the storm on the sea was happening due to his disobedience, and knew that if he was thrown on the sea, the storm would stop. This was a man who could clearly hear from God, but chose not to listen to Him, and he faced a consequence of being thrown into the sea. After he was thrown into the sea and got swallowed by the whale, Jonah knew that he had one way of being forgiven by God, and that was to pray to God. (Jonah 2:1–10) ‘Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the fish’s belly. ² And he said,

‘I cried out to the Lord because of my affliction,

And He answered me.

‘Out of the belly of Sheol I cried,

And You heard my voice.

³ For You cast me into the deep,

Into the heart of the seas,

And the floods surrounded me;

All Your billows and Your waves passed over me.

⁴ Then I said, ‘I have been cast out of Your sight;

Yet I will look again toward Your holy temple.’

⁵ The waters surrounded me, even to my soul;

The deep closed around me;

Weeds were wrapped around my head.

⁶ I went down to the moorings of the mountains;

The earth with its bars closed behind me forever;

Yet You have brought up my life from the pit,

O Lord, my God.

⁷ ’When my soul fainted within me,

I remembered the Lord;

And my prayer went up to You,

Into Your holy temple.

⁸ ’Those who regard worthless idols

Forsake their own Mercy.

⁹ But I will sacrifice to You

With the voice of thanksgiving;

I will pay what I have vowed.

Salvation is of the Lord.’

¹⁰ So the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.’

When we walk in the opposite direction to the one the Lord wants us to go and we realise of our disobedience, we have to pray for forgiveness just like Jonah did.

As Jonah prayed to the Lord, his God—also our God, so did I pray to him because of the affliction that I suffered. I was experiencing different kinds of afflictions, and at that point in time, I was confident that God was helping me and he was with me. Only to be hit with a big blow of being taken to a mental health hospital. It was like Jonah in the big fish’s belly. Before I was taken to hospital in 2009, August, and even after being taken to hospital, my main prayer requests was asking God to deliver me from the afflictions I was suffering. I was anxious among other things.

I did not want to go to hospital; there would be nothing they would do for me apart from them giving me medications, which I hate for they do not heal people, but can put people in bondage as it brings physical health problems and even mental health problems. It was at this point that I had to seriously follow and love God and start to do his commandments, and it was when I started to see that God answer prayers. God has delivered me out of sticky situations like when I have had meetings with psychiatrists. God would and still gives me wisdom in how to answer them, and also through the Holy Spirit, he reveals things that are hidden and brings them to the open to the dislike of the staff, especially the psychiatrists. I was also at the point when the consultant psychiatrists would ask so many questions, which would lead them to conclude that I was sick. Sick, according to them, because it was reported to them that I was praying in the garden and lies that I was not looking after my child. While there we were told children were not allowed in the kitchen, my children were pretty young; my eldest was five and youngest seven months. They were in a different environment, and these rules would take some time to sink in. It happened that one of my children wanted to see what I was cooking, and I allowed her to have a look. That was classified as that I was not looking after her well, as I let her come into the kitchen where children were not allowed. Thirdly, I felt that the centre I was in could do a lot better in looking after the children there, and in the process, assist women to be stabilised mentally. When I was communicating these feelings to the manager, I was bearing in mind that as a Christian, I could not ignore issues of injustices.

Also, in the past, I worked in a human rights organisation defending the rights of the poor, so trying to defend the rights of the