Letters to Bangkok

Copyright © 2011 by John Smith.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2011903787

ISBN: Hardcover    978-1-4568-8474-1

ISBN: Softcover      978-1-4568-8473-4

ISBN: Ebook          978-1-4568-8475-8

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Contents

Introduction

The Skype Connection

Strangers Reaching Out—An Improbable Liaison

Strangers Sharing Thoughts—A Bridging Conversation

A Relationship on the Cusp, Without Certainty

A Third-Party Intrusion—The Unintended Motivator

The Turning Point—The End of Skype, A New Beginning

A Love Story of Our Time—Letters to Bangkok

Visit to Bangkok

Acknowledgements

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,

Enwrought with golden and silver light,

The blue and the dim and the dark cloths

Of night and light and the half light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:

But I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

W. B. Yeats (1865-1939)

To my Pen, without you, my life would never live the dream.

Introduction

This is a story, a simple story, one that is being repeated every day, perhaps thousands of times each day. You may ask me, ‘Why should you tell it, then?’ Well, for me, it is a unique story admitting a personal resonance, a life-changing story, providing impetus to share my experience with the hope and belief that others may follow my path to personal fulfillment and happiness. My story is, in essence, a story of our time, running concurrent with the zeitgeist, spawned by the age of mass communications. It is one acted out for the most part with protagonists living thousands of miles apart, so it crosses geographical and cultural boundaries, providing an interesting comment on how people from different worlds view their worlds differently, with different starting points, social organisations, and cultural expectations. Given this divergence, it is also, paradoxically, a story of co-joination—of two merging cultures, of the commonality that underlies all human interaction and endeavour, especially in its higher manifestations and especially in one manifestation that is considered by some as the most powerful force on this earth, the power of love. As in many stories of the heart, it is a story of immense personal discovery. Given my tale is perhaps no different or special compared with many other stories of personal discovery, it has, as merit, a testimony to a belief, a positive and unerring belief in human destiny.

This belief is not born out of mysticism or rooted in any of the world’s great organised religions in an overt sense, although both of these will inevitably play an integral part in the way the story unfolds. Human destiny sometimes is not initially brought about by any one individual action or group of actions; rather there are stronger and deeper connections with forces that have origins well beyond the immediacy of the current, and in this, we might see influences spanning one’s lifetime or, indeed, forces playing a part reaching even further back, touching one’s ancestral blueprints that each individual has rooted in their core being. But destiny, in my mind, in my humble view, is even more than this and has its origins at the very start of time as a written ‘tablet’ in the ‘Book of Life’. This tablet is a portrayal, a description of what might, and indeed, will happen if the circumstances are favourable, the auguries auspicious, in Roman terminology, and the stars aligned. For I truly believe that in this world, each and every one of us has a soulmate, a person we were born to love, and it may be that we never see, meet, or realise this destiny of soulmate in a single lifetime. Some religions foretell of many and recurring lifetimes. Only when it is written and the place and time is right will we see the co-joination of two soulmates and their ultimate destiny bearing fruit, triggered by what is sometimes called the coup de foudre, ‘the lightening strike’, eloquently coined by the French in their excessive cultural focus on la amour. And this coup de foudre sparks a fulfillment of the written destiny, a destiny that was foretold at the beginning of time.

Letters to Bangkok bears witness to my written destiny with a soulmate that came to me in improbable circumstances, making our destiny also improbable. Improbability in our story is a thread that connects our relationship from the very start, with the existence of many possible negatives, which the author will highlight and consider their potential weight, the impact, and damage that might be caused to what I will call the destiny fulfilment and how these negatives might have at any time effectively unspun the delicate gossamers, the silk web of emotional filigrees being subtly overlaid on two people’s hearts as they grow increasingly emotional and spiritual bonds of love for one another. And it is surely a testimony to destiny that despite the negatives operating, they were powerless in the end to prevent the destiny fulfilment. So my story will trace and be an appreciation and understanding of the issues that arise in relationships that are developed across individual cultures, where extraordinary societal expectation and social pressures operate.

We might in this story constantly imagine an attack on the destiny fulfilment, not in a traditional physical sense but rather an attack on a more subtle basis, a resistance of the ideas, plans, and dreams of two people that were destined to fall in love. This attack might come from within or from without. The former can be mildly seen in the resistance from the soulmates’ own perceptions, derived from their own personal histories and current stage of personal development. (Although it must be said that in my story, powerful counter forces positively helped destiny, rooted in our similar personal histories, desires, and dreams, which I will elaborate upon in due course.) A stronger attack receives spurs from friends and acquaintances in the soulmates’ social circles, from those who have vested interests, mainly personal, under the guise of quasi-altruism and friendship.

These ‘friends’ evoke strong cultural and societal arguments to visit on the main participants, with a determination and subtlety, that if it were not so blatant in its objectives would not be believed. And strangely, those that were friends endanger being estranged. Indeed, some in the end are cast aside, their personal attacks and criticisms, both explicit and implicit, bore witness that for some people change in the status of friends will not only threaten and undermine status quos, but can in extremity make friends blind to the hopes and dreams of people close to them. And it is all the more strange that the friendship you might have of another may invite you to act arbitrarily towards your friend’s own hopes, wishes, and dreams in a selfish way rather than seek, in a purist view, their future happiness.

Resistance to change, in its simple form, is something that can prove painful and uncomfortable for all participants. In the end, whatever cultural barriers and plausible viewpoints ‘friends’ and acquaintances might offer as a response to change, they can be torn down or ignored by a simple power—the most powerful force this world will ever know, the power of love.

Letters to Bangkok is a record of the journey of two people in their quest for finding love. This love eventually roots so deep it endures the ravages of those who wish them ill and also the many obstacles that two people face in coming together in a relationship born on the Internet as they confront institutional and national issues that are placed in their paths. So these letters reveal how love between two people thrived and blossomed, despite the many cultural and personal obstacles that faced them. It is a witness that love can conquer all things. But as is well known, the course of true love is not an easy path, and only in special circumstances, if it is ‘written’, no matter what forces, social, spiritual, or individual set against the soulmates’ joint destiny, the main players will in time become one beating heart. Allied with these ‘special circumstances’, there is one other factor that is an essential ingredient to the success of the dream fulfilment, without which all endeavours will be set at naught. The ingredient may be called the key, and to understand this more, I include a story by a wise old shaman (see note below).

My story of love begins, as many stories of this genre do, when two people meet by chance, but as you read the letters and also my narration, I want you to set aside any doubts you might have and focus on the word ‘chance’ and maybe ask yourself one simple question: Was it chance with a small ‘c’ or Chance with a big ‘C’ that I met Pen? I guarantee that only as the letters unfold the story will the reader make his or her conclusion to this question, but make no mistake, with your conclusion lies the hopes and dreams of each and every one of us. Even maybe your own destiny, individual and uncertain as it may seem, may already be written with the key to your personal happiness there for you to accept. So I ask you to think not lightly on this small ‘c’ or large ‘C’ conundrum. All names have been changed to protect the people that are actually still playing a part in the destiny fulfilment, including the author and his soulmate. I now ask you to suspend your disbelief and take at face value all you read now and share with me in the following letters a sweet story of love, a veritable true love story, ‘true’ in the sense of love in its pure expression between two people, but true also in the fact that it actually happened, and as the story twists and turns to its inevitable conclusion, I promise I will be your companion and narrator along this journey.

Note: ‘The Shaman’s Key’

There is a story of a wise old man, a blind soothsayer, who lived in ancient times beside a port on a busy seafaring lane in the land of Persia. Many came to this port from far and wide, young and old, strong and weak, rich and poor, to hear this old man speak. His fame was legendary, for he told tales of many things—things that were known long ago by our ancestors, knowledge, and wisdom now long lost in the mists of time. And there was one particular story all would relish. The shaman talked of three stages of time: the past, the current, and the future to be, and also of dreams and of destiny foretold. ‘And each of you have many destinies, a thousandfold, that will pass your life like the ships that pass in the night beyond the water’s edge below. Dreams of fame and success, happiness and wealth beyond your imagination, and of love—all will pass by you, within your grasp and yet without. Many of these dreams you will know and long for in your hearts but never realise. All you can do is watch them pass, a sense of failure abiding in your soul, and many you will not see, for often we are blind to destiny’s call. Unfulfilled destiny will haunt you all your lives. Why can this be so, for we all have destiny written, a tablet inscribed as time began, a tablet of our lives? One thing is missing, one thing will keep your dream without, prevent you reaching your destiny, and many know this as the key. All destiny is unreachable without this key. But if you find the key, then your true destiny will dock as surely as the ships that dock each day in this small town. And like the ships bring with them riches by far, your docked destiny will bring you untold wealth and happiness in your lives, happiness that was always meant for you, happiness foretold in a time and a place long ago. But heed my words, my friends. Finding your key is not easy. Without the key, your key, you will never realise your destiny.’

Many in the crowd cried out, ‘What is the key?’, ‘Tell me my key, Shaman!’, ‘Where can I find it?’

And the old man raised his hand and waited for the crowd to fall silent. ‘Your lives are all important to the all-seeing God. Each life in its past, its current, and its future is foretold. And God made each of you special, granting you many gifts, different, varied, and unique. Within these gifts lies the key, a key to your destiny written—written for you at the start of time. You ask me about your key? Where is your key? . . . Do not search far and wide. Simply look inside yourself. The key is part of each and every one of you, something deep inside you, something close to your soul, and this key is, and always has been, waiting to change your tomorrow.’ The old man paused, and with a sigh and a gentle shake of the head, he continued, ‘But I cannot help you. You must find your own key. Without a key, your destiny awaits you till the end of time.’ The old man fell silent, closing his unseeing eyes as if in sleep, a sign that for that day his work was done. And with this, the crowd dispersed, each talking animatedly, each wondering where their key was and how to find the key to their destiny.

Note: for more information on shamanism see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shamanism

The Skype Connection

September–November 2008

‘Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world,’ the famous throwaway saying in Casablanca brings me immediately to thinking with amazement how I first met sweet Pen. Reflecting on this momentous meeting, well momentous in terms of its life-changing impact on my small world, I often pose myself one question: How is it possible that two people, effectively total strangers, with widely different backgrounds and experiences can begin a conversation through a chance meeting at a moment in a time and place on a social chat forum called Skype and through that conversation set off additional exchanges leading eventually to two hearts beating as one? (See explanation of the term Skype below.) It must be said at the outset that both Pen and I came to the site with reservations and varying degrees of scepticism born from previous failed and disappointing encounters on Skype, where people come and go with regular monotony, like ships in the night or ghosts briefly haunting the ether space but soon to disappear without a trace.

It is the nature of the beast called social Internet chatting that you may find someone interesting and then they disappear, never to be seen or heard of again, with no by your leave, refusing to reply to further communications, leaving you saying, ‘Um, it was definitely something I said!!!!’ I had an early impression from what Pen said that she was more experienced on Skype in comparison to me, a relative newcomer. But why did Pen and I come to seek out one another in the first place? I was searching initially for company and solace, as I was suffering in a loveless, rather cruel relationship. Despite my experiences, I have always been an optimist, eternally inquisitive and open minded, a people’s person. Setting aside early negative encounters on social sites, I have been blessed with a strong belief in the goodness of human nature and a belief in destiny.

Whether I believed that destiny could be found in such a chance and brief encounter is a moot point. I had just come through a long and difficult marriage which had ended de facto, and although I had not made the break physically from my ex-partner, I had signalled my intention to leave, and in mind and spirit, I had disassociated myself from intimacy or any future plans with this failed relationship. So yes, in one sense, although not consciously acknowledged by myself, I was searching for a human being to fill the emotional chasm left by years of mild mental abuse born of being married to an aggressive and sometimes violent alcoholic. I was seeking someone who might be sensitive, caring, supportive, loving, someone who could be my friend and confidant, someone I could trust with my heart, a lover that would be my love for always, not just temporarily, someone that would be my encourager and someone that would share my dreams and let me share hers, and most importantly, someone that would not betray my emotional trust—a big shopping order, you might say!

And in that respect, I had already decided to cast my net wider, beyond the shores of England, and sought an international partner to be my friend. I was already familiar with some of the attractive qualities that an Asian woman might bring to a relationship: loyalty, selflessness, spirituality, a caring, loving, and generous nature, and rarely abusive of alcohol. I was also physically attracted to the Asian look with their dark eyes, sultry looks, and long dark hair. For Pen, Skype perhaps offered, amongst other things, an opportunity to develop her English and friendship, but maybe also, she was seeking to find ‘someone’, having remained unmarried for the best part of thirty-four years. But it was clear, well, in an overtly stated sense, that she held a more sceptical stance than me about the virtues of finding someone she might trust on a social chat site, as some of her first comments bear witness. Whatever the reasons, we both met for the first time on 19 September 2008. It was an exchange at once bizarre and comical but also filled with pathos and shared, deep inquisitiveness about each other.

Even in those first early exchanges, I began to feel warm about Pen. I felt a strong attraction to her in my soul. I was being touched strangely by a force that was greater than both Pen and me, and there was definitely on my part what the French call a ‘je ne sais quoi’ about Pen. (I had to look up the exact meaning of this to explain to non-French readers, and in perfect clarity I offer, ‘Cette femme a je ne sais quoi’, meaning ‘That woman has a certain thing I cannot explain’, a charm, an indefinable enchantment.) So already forces were at work upon me, and later on in our story, you will see me teasing Pen with comments like, ‘Do you know Thai black magic love potions?’. But on a serious note, black magic or just old-fashioned chemistry between boy and girl, something happened, and as time unfolded, I was powerless to stop it. So was it chance we met? I will let you decide.

Note: Skype is an Internet social chat site where you can search a person randomly, by country, gender, language, and age, or a combination of these. Some use Skype and the many other Internet-based social forums for entertainment or a language exchange. Some use it as a means to fulfil fantasies, including sordid fantasies, and others, perhaps a significant number, use it as a means to find friendship and love.

Strangers Reaching Out—An Improbable Liaison

First Meeting, 19 September 2008

It was Friday morning. I worked at a London university as a marketing manager. I was always an early riser to review overnight emails from international senders with an intention of clearing some before leaving for work. That day, as usual after my shower, I settled at the dining table and sipped my green tea. I switched on my laptop and noted the time was almost 7 a.m. In an extraordinary departure from my usual habit, I decided to pass the time before leaving for work in dalliance, so instead of clicking on the work Web link to access my emails, I selected the Skype icon on my desktop. Inquisitively and with anticipation, I called up the search screen and was faced with a number of rectangular selection boxes: ‘Country/Region’. ‘Um . . . what to select?’ As I scrolled down momentarily glancing at some of the Far East countries, I quite liked the colour of the Thai flag, so in for a penny, I selected it. Next was the ‘State’ and ‘City’ boxes. ‘Um, leave blank,’ I thought. ‘Gender’—female. I was a true-blue heterosexual! ‘Age Range’—‘Um, 33–39.’ Finally, I clicked in the small square box search for people who are in ‘Skype me mode’, so at least I knew those selected would be online. Oops, almost forgot the ‘Language’ box! That got me thinking, ‘Will Thai girls speak English?’ So I selected ‘English’ on the drop-down menu. I was ready to spin the wheel of fortune and invite lady luck to decide my fate, ha ha! As I waited for the search results, I mentally noted it was many hours advanced in time in Bangkok with a time difference of maybe 6 to 8 hours. Such useless pieces of fact often intrigued me and were stored in my grey matter for future data regurgitations at an apropos moment like this.

Then the computer spewed out a list of those in Skype me mode online users in the parameters I had selected. Oh bother, there were far too many! How was a chap able to choose a mate for life when there were about forty? So as I skimmed down the list twice, like a shark facing a fish shoal with too many targets, I stood the risk of catching none. Several more lines appeared as more users were selected, compounding the difficulty of my task, interrupting my focus. ‘Oh well, here goes. Penporn sounds a nice name. Thailand, Bangkok, ummm.’ I highlighted her line which turned blue and double clicked on it, and the user profile box immediately emerged showing details of my captured female—age thirty-three (her true age I learnt was thirty-four); gender, female; provenance, Bangkok, and at the top it invitingly displayed the words ‘Say hello to Penporn’. At the bottom was a little phrase which was so sweet, ‘I miss u’, Penporn’s opening gambit to the world. Then in the middle was a text box inviting me to say something, but what?

‘Hi, Penporn. I’m John from London. Want to chat?’ I clicked OK. Having done the deed, I became immediately sceptical and self-critical. I should have been more adventurous, more interesting, more . . . challenging, rather than the banal line ‘Want to chat?’. ‘Oh well’, I mused, ‘I will learn.’

‘I am a good learner,’ I thought to myself, and in my defence, I was new to this really. So I thought, ‘Don’t be too hard on yourself if she does not respond.’ While I was thinking and musing about my relative failure to be innovative in first liners, I failed to notice that Pen had accepted my offer of a contact indicated by her icon to the left of my PC screen, which was no longer a grey cross but a green tick! Eventually, I spotted this and said to myself, ‘Yikes, she accepted! Um, what should I say? What will she be like?’ I was so new to this type of social meet that I really had no clue and was increasingly becoming disenchanted as a number of earlier contacts had petered out to nothing. ‘Will she chat for a few seconds and then disappear like some others?’ History certainly knows the answer to this question, but fortunately, I also can invite you to know because my initial contact with Pen is faithfully recorded on Skype ‘View Chat History’.

So Pen’s and my story began that fateful morning of 19 September with a sweet exploratory, info-seeking, inquisitive exchange of conversation between two complete strangers, comical and improbable, and at the end of this first meeting, as I left her company, something had changed in my life, which I sensed deep down rather than knew consciously, and to borrow and paraphrase the wisdom of an English proverb, I had no idea that from these small acorns big oaks would grow. Have a read and see what I mean.

[19/9/2008 13:44:12] John says: Hi Penporn—I’m John :)

[19/9/2008 13:44:33] Penporn says: hi

[19/9/2008 13:44:35] Penporn says: im Pen

[19/9/2008 13:45:55] John says: Pen—is an unusual name, is it boy or girl he he but you look very like a girl, quite beautiful :)

(I had a view of Pen’s Skype photo).

[19/9/2008 13:46:05] Penporn says: heheh

[19/9/2008 13:46:06] Penporn says: thanks

[19/9/2008 13:46:15] Penporn says: every foreigner told as u

[19/9/2008 13:46:46] Penporn says: (chuckle)

(Pen sent an image of a face with hands on the mouth laughing)

[19/9/2008 13:46:47] John says: oh I am so predictable that is sad—where do you live in Thailand?

(It was the first time anyone had ever called me a foreigner! And it set me thinking. In England, we do not use this word readily to describe non-English people. It was so strange to be called a foreigner, to be specifically labelled as such, and I would own this label all my life if I entered Pen’s world in Thailand, so I already had my first bit of culture differentiation in about a minute! The nearest we might come to this viewpoint in England is the way an ‘outsider’ is viewed in isolated village communities, where someone might come to live or even marry a villager, and even after twenty years, he/she would still be viewed by the village folk as an ‘outsider’.)

[19/9/2008 13:46:56] Penporn says: bangkok

[19/9/2008 13:47:02] Penporn says: where are u from?

[19/9/2008 13:47:32] John says: I would luv to visit there—shall I fly over today and meet you he he

[19/9/2008 13:47:35] John says: London

[19/9/2008 13:47:51] Penporn says: ummmmmmm

[19/9/2008 13:47:56] Penporn says: u want what?

[19/9/2008 13:48:02] Penporn says: what is ur work?

[19/9/2008 13:48:15] John says: that is a leading question Pen :)

[19/9/2008 13:48:24] Penporn says: heheh

[19/9/2008 13:48:25] Penporn says: yes

[19/9/2008 13:48:30] John says: I work as a marketing manager for a University

[19/9/2008 13:48:36] John says: and you?

[19/9/2008 13:49:14] Penporn says: why university have position of marketing manager?

(She completely ignored my question, but for a very good reason, revealed later. By then, I was warming to Pen and was finding her chat so cute and her rendition of my language exquisitely adorable, and I observed she was an inquisitive and direct person. I so liked this! But I failed to notice that she did not answer any personal questions I posed and was later to discover it was almost an art form with her, eliciting from her co-speaker almost anything she wanted and giving little of herself in return. Well, that was my initial impression, but as I said, there were very good reasons for her not revealing too much of herself, which the reader will have to divine until this story unfolds.)

[19/9/2008 13:49:32] John says: I recruited quite a few girls from Thailand this year, about 20.

[19/9/2008 13:50:08] John says: cos I have a budget to advertise my courses overseas and visit to tell about my courses :)

[19/9/2008 13:50:46] John says: overseas recruitment brings in a lot of money he he

[19/9/2008 13:50:57] Penporn says: really

(Pen’s use of the word ‘really’ made me smile involuntarily as it had too many possible interpretations with the flow of context. It might be an expression of natural wonder or perhaps admiration or even disbelief! I smiled so much whilst typing my next line. In fact, I realised quite early that I was smiling quite a lot with Pen’s replies.)

[19/9/2008 13:51:16] John says: over £10,000 per student each year and I have recruited to start next week 350 overseas students

[19/9/2008 13:51:32] Penporn says: ohhhhhhhhhhh

[19/9/2008 13:51:35] Penporn says: really

[19/9/2008 13:51:41] Penporn says: so u are so richhhhhhh

[19/9/2008 13:51:49] Penporn says: smiley.tif

[19/9/2008 13:51:55] John says: of course he he

(By this stage, I found the conversation so sweet that I declined to elucidate that the money for recruiting students was not mine but the university’s, but I figured Pen must know this anyway.)

[19/9/2008 13:52:08] Penporn says: married?

[19/9/2008 13:52:21] John says: what do you do Pen—tease English boys I should think :)

[19/9/2008 13:52:57] John says: I am separated—another leading question—you shall know all about me soon hehe and me nothing about you :)

[19/9/2008 13:53:20] Penporn says: heheh

[19/9/2008 13:53:24] Penporn says: im single

[19/9/2008 13:53:34] Penporn says: (rofl) (another Skype image of a person rolling over)

[19/9/2008 13:53:36] Penporn says: is ok?

[19/9/2008 13:53:47] John says: ohhh kissses for a beautiful girl he he

[19/9/2008 13:54:04] Penporn says: why have not new woman?

[19/9/2008 13:54:16] Penporn says: (chuckle)

(I started to so like this girl—so direct, so open, so inquisitive, and intelligent, and her English was so good. I found her translation method, thinking Thai first and trying to translate directly Thai to English, so sweet, quite sexy, actually!)

[19/9/2008 13:55:00] John says: ermmm cos the last one hurt me too much and I am being cautious but also trying to be optimistic about love and relations that is why I am here.

[19/9/2008 13:55:12] Penporn says: ummmmm

[19/9/2008 13:55:14] John says: you are a good listener Pen :)

[19/9/2008 13:55:23] Penporn says: but many in here are cheat

[19/9/2008 13:55:30] Penporn says: yes i am

[19/9/2008 13:56:04] John says: yes I know—Pen I am not a cheat and don’t want sex cam just friendship and get to know someone to see if they can be someone I trust

[19/9/2008 13:56:16] Penporn says: yes

[19/9/2008 13:56:19] Penporn says: i see

(And this was the first of many times Pen used the phrase ‘I see’, which was so inscrutably lovely, and it could be both a stalling interjection or a filler, a bridge between strands of conversations or perhaps, in her case, a genuine phrase to employ whilst she digested my latest comments. I could almost hear the cogs in her mind whirring and clicking.)

[19/9/2008 13:57:34] John says: anyway—if I stay here I shall tell you my life story he he

[19/9/2008 13:57:48] Penporn says: yes

[19/9/2008 13:57:53] Penporn says: i will listen

[19/9/2008 13:57:54] John says: who do you miss—statement on yr picture?

(Again, she ignored this question masterfully!)

[19/9/2008 13:57:58] Penporn says: if u want

[19/9/2008 13:58:00] Penporn says: to tell

(So I found myself smiling by now all the time, thinking she has such a way with her innocuous direct questioning and honest and open replies. I was in danger of becoming entrapped in telling her absolutely everything about me and knowing nothing about her. It was so strange!)

[19/9/2008 13:58:05] Penporn says: :)

[19/9/2008 13:58:16] John says: do you know I feel a bit strange with you

[19/9/2008 13:58:26] John says: I have a degree in psychology he he

[19/9/2008 13:58:38] Penporn says: mean?

[19/9/2008 13:58:45] Penporn says: why strange?

[19/9/2008 13:58:52] Penporn says: :)

[19/9/2008 13:59:00] John says: and I have not managed to get a pip squeak about yr life

[19/9/2008 13:59:12] John says: well I should be listening to you with my degree discipline he he

[19/9/2008 13:59:15] John says: ha ha

[19/9/2008 13:59:26] John says: the role is reversed—very strange!!!

[19/9/2008 13:59:44] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[19/9/2008 13:59:48] Penporn says: u like?

(That last phrase ‘u like’ was so my Pen, so emphasising Pen’s sweet, succinct intelligence and refreshing directness, all mixed in with a measure of comic humour and mild challenge. I was so beginning to like this girl, but could not appear too eager, he, he.)

[19/9/2008 13:59:53] John says: anyway Pen I must go to work

[19/9/2008 14:00:02] Penporn says: ok

[19/9/2008 14:00:03] John says: I like what—you?? yes I do :)

[19/9/2008 14:00:07] Penporn says: heheh

[19/9/2008 14:00:14] Penporn says: can i see ur cam?

[19/9/2008 14:00:15] Penporn says: now

[19/9/2008 14:00:20] Penporn says: (rofl)

(Pen’s directness was now becoming so enchanting for me. It was so adorable, and I sensed there was a truth and honesty and openness about this girl that was quite unique and something I so liked!).

[19/9/2008 14:00:33] John says: I don’t have one :)

[19/9/2008 14:00:43] John says: do you—he he can I see you :)

[19/9/2008 14:00:51] Penporn says: u must have also

[19/9/2008 14:00:54] Penporn says: yes i have

[19/9/2008 14:01:57] Penporn says: heheh

[19/9/2008 14:02:07] Penporn says: u have ur pict?

[19/9/2008 14:02:12] Penporn says: can i see

[19/9/2008 14:02:29] John says: yes do you want to see my picture?

[19/9/2008 14:02:35] Penporn says: yes

[19/9/2008 14:02:38] Penporn says: can i?

[19/9/2008 14:02:58] John says: if you e-mail me at tumbleweed6@hotmail.com I will send it to you at work :)

[19/9/2008 14:03:14] Penporn says: send now

(Oh my God! By this time, I had already started to fall in love with this girl from this moment forth. Her words were so sweet, ‘send now’, so direct, so innocent, and with a refreshing honesty. I so liked her, and she never knew. She had no idea!)

[19/9/2008 14:03:16] Penporn says: can u?

[19/9/2008 14:03:24] Penporn says: so i will send to u my pict

[19/9/2008 14:03:57] John sent file ‘n602512152_6878.jpg’ to members of this chat

(This is the phrase used by Skype when a picture is being transferred between two people.)

[19/9/2008 14:04:47] John says: Pen I need to go now—it was so nice talking—well me talking he he

[19/9/2008 14:04:57] John says: I sent it don’t laugh too much he he

[19/9/2008 14:05:01] Penporn says: my pict?

[19/9/2008 14:05:05] Penporn says: u want?

[19/9/2008 14:05:08] John says: please send me one of you

[19/9/2008 14:05:10] Penporn says: smiley.tif

[19/9/2008 14:05:12] Penporn says: ok

[19/9/2008 14:05:14] Penporn says: wait

[19/9/2008 14:05:36] Penporn sent file ‘Picture 009.jpg’ to members of this chat

[19/9/2008 14:06:36] Penporn says: accept it

(Pen had to direct me in a number of procedural things on Skype, and this was one example as the photo was sitting waiting to be accepted on my PC and I had no idea till she said to me ‘accept it’.)

[19/9/2008 14:06:39] Penporn says: i sent

[19/9/2008 14:07:14] John says: I am getting it now—I am late for work he he—I shall explain to my staff it is this beautiful girl I met :)

[19/9/2008 14:07:33] Penporn says: can u see?

[19/9/2008 14:07:36] Penporn says: me?

[19/9/2008 14:08:21] John says: you are rather gorgeous :) Must go now—speak later—I do hope so. take care xxx

[19/9/2008 14:08:28] Penporn says: ok

[19/9/2008 14:08:31] Penporn says: bye

[19/9/2008 14:08:36] Penporn says: (wave)

(Pen sent an image of a person waving.)

[19/9/2008 14:08:43] John says: bye Pen be good he he :)

[19/9/2008 14:08:51] Penporn says: (wave)

And as I slept that night, I thought about Pen as I drifted off, and wisps of our conversation came to me . . . ‘u like’ and ‘send now’. In my semi-conscious state on the edge of sleep in my bedroom, alone despite the house I lived in being occupied by my current partner and daughter in separate bedrooms, I was smiling—smiling because I had met a girl that was quite sweet and cute. But strangely, I had not a clue who she was or what she did in life, and really, I had no idea what would happen beyond this first conversation. How could I know? But as we say in English, the writing was on the wall. Pen had already squeezed under my armour and was skirting around my heart and talking to my soul, and that was just after a brief conversation! So chance was touching me on my shoulder.

I have already commented with amazement how two people might meet on the Net and develop beyond an initial superficial relationship, and I want to mull over some of the reasons why I made such a statement now. As in all relationships on the Net, there is a period of information gathering by the two parties, which sometimes can be frenetic as the communication medium often does not lend itself, as in a normal physical meeting, especially in more traditional courtship relations, to a more balanced, sensitive, and slower pace. For on the Net, if there is a lull in the conversation, in contrast to a physical meeting, where other mediums of expression can compensate for the silence (e.g. a smile), a lull in the stream of written communication on the Internet can be perceived in a myriad of negative ways: boredom with the other party, parallel activity with another Skype user (it is possible to open myriad conversations with a number of Skype users simultaneously), or a desire to close the conversation as the direction has gone in a way not of one party’s liking. Internet communications, especially in the early stages of meeting one another, are thus more restricted, principally and substantially as they rely overwhelmingly on written communications. Even if participants progress to a cam relationship (a cam is where two users have computer cameras and each user can simultaneously see one another in real stream cam), this is still restricted in comparison to a face to face meeting as the quality of viewing on the Net and the restriction of typing replies and viewing your fellow interlocutor in real stream simultaneously can have a disjointed effect on smooth interchanges.

I never really progressed to a further development offered to Skype communicators—using a microphone to talk whilst on cam. Given the written, visual, and sometimes speaking mediums available on Skype, a physical meeting provides much more than this. Physical meetings can involve unwitting revelations of thoughts, feelings, and inclinations through visual (body language cues), auditory, olfactory, and tactile senses. So in contrast to an Internet conversation, a conventional meeting between two people is more often a rich interchange of information, e.g. the body language of the participants, smiles, the space between two people, or a nervous twitch or coquettish twirling of hair. It is this absence of a broad and rich social exchange that makes the Internet as a communication medium unstable and unreliable as a means of maintaining or developing a relationship. This aspect contributes to what I might coin the ‘phenomena of ephemerality’—frustratingly, the Internet medium is so favourable to a quick termination of a relationship by one or the other party by just refusing to respond to any further messages. So for all these reasons, Internet social communications are fraught with the opportunity of instant stalling, and on balance, successes are far outweighed by failures of relationships to progress in a meaningful way.

My second meeting with Pen was what you might call laid-back, not anything of real note. Perhaps you might call it a session of consolidation after our initial exchange. It was as though after the first meeting both parties were willing to relax and chat freely and almost aimlessly. This is perhaps quite a useful communication strategy to psychologically embed a relationship on different levels along a continuum of total relaxation and feeling comfortable to frenetic exchanges. The latter is normal at initial first meetings. For me, this second type of exchange is quite suited to my disposition and personality as I am, if anything else, a deeply romantic guy. This relaxed atmosphere encouraged me to begin saying a few sweet compliments to Pen, which to my pleasure she did not appear to consider too forward for a stranger that she had only met once before. It was this initial, and in the end, continuing freedom to compliment Pen without censorship which began to cement our relationship, and slowly I began to feel that we might develop something.

The lines of a song, perhaps retrieved from a memory of the immortal film The King and I (a film quite apropos to my story as it was set in Thailand, then called Siam, many years ago), came unbidden to my mind as I returned and read this second exchange, an exchange we had several days after the first meeting on Skype. And the words of the song wafted into my mind, ‘getting to know you, getting to know all about you, getting to like you, getting to hope you like me’.

Note: The King and I, a 1956 musical set in Thailand of the 1860s.

You may listen to the beautiful song ‘Getting to Know You’ and get a flavour of Siam past at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

3aVbJhg23Ao

Strangers Sharing Thoughts—A Bridging Conversation

Second Meeting, 22 September 2008

[22/9/2008 12:20:01] John says: I miss you too :)

(On noticing Pen was online, I immediately opened the conversation by parroting Pen’s Skype user introductory comment to the world.)

[22/9/2008 12:20:21] Penporn says: smiley.tif

[22/9/2008 12:20:29] Penporn says: good morning

[22/9/2008 12:20:36] Penporn says: (hug)

(Even at such an early stage in our relationship, Pen had a broad ability to say and do things that immediately touched me, and that was no mean feat! With what I had described as the limitations of an Internet exchange, her direct and honest conversation and skilful and rapid use of Skype images, in this case a hug, immediately made me warm to her.)

[22/9/2008 12:21:54] John says: Hi Pen, how is yr Monday going—can Monday be anything but urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(Later I realised that this was probably an incomprehensible comment as in Thailand, for many, there is no natural break between a weekday and the weekend. Unlike in the West, Sunday for many can be a working day in non-Christian countries.)

[22/9/2008 12:22:07] John says: oooh I like the teddy hug he he

(Pen had used a teddy bear in an animated hugging communication.)

[22/9/2008 12:22:17] Penporn says: heheh

[22/9/2008 12:22:23] Penporn says: (coffee)

(I smiled at this expression of her reaching out to me in the morning as I had got up early, just after 5 a.m. with the hope of talking to her. Within a few seconds, she had firstly given me a hug and then coffee, illustrating what I was to later discover to my deep pleasure—her generous and thoughtful nature.)

[22/9/2008 12:22:28] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[22/9/2008 12:22:45] John says: thanks I am just drinking a green tea

[22/9/2008 12:22:54] John says: but yr coffee looks nicer

[22/9/2008 12:22:58] Penporn says: he he

[22/9/2008 12:23:07] Penporn says: u dont like coffee?

[22/9/2008 12:23:21] John says: I have it sometimes

[22/9/2008 12:23:30] John says: but green tea is so good for you

[22/9/2008 12:23:34] John says: sounds borng I know

[22/9/2008 12:23:36] John says: oh bother I cannot type!

[22/9/2008 12:23:39] Penporn says: why I cannot type?

[22/9/2008 12:23:39] John says: me that is he he

[22/9/2008 12:23:54] John says: I type to fast for my brain

[22/9/2008 12:23:59] John says: to

[22/9/2008 12:24:02] John says: too!!!!

[22/9/2008 12:24:05] John says: he he

(Then Pen resumed her apparent innocuous questions seeking more information on my status and also my preferences for a woman.)

[22/9/2008 12:24:12] Penporn says: u stay alone?

[22/9/2008 12:24:32] John says: quite alone rather sad

[22/9/2008 12:24:37] Penporn says: he he

[22/9/2008 12:24:46] John says: I loved yr picture Pen

[22/9/2008 12:24:47] Penporn says: why not find woman at there?

[22/9/2008 12:25:02] Penporn says: for ur lover

[22/9/2008 12:25:16] John says: I prefer the Asian look

[22/9/2008 12:25:25] Penporn says: why?

[22/9/2008 12:25:26] John says: and I have been bitten by love

[22/9/2008 12:25:32] Penporn says: u like Asian girl?

[22/9/2008 12:25:49] John says: why the Asian look—well just look at you for instance

[22/9/2008 12:26:08] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[22/9/2008 12:26:14] Penporn says: u have kids?

[22/9/2008 12:26:33] John says: you have long beautiful dark hair, a beautiful face and u are lovely, yes

[22/9/2008 12:26:41] Penporn says: heheh

[22/9/2008 12:26:43] Penporn says: really

[22/9/2008 12:26:54] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[22/9/2008 12:27:21] John says: I have a daughter from my marriage she is going to uni in a few years

[22/9/2008 12:27:35] Penporn says: ummmmmm

[22/9/2008 12:27:39] Penporn says: how old is she?

[22/9/2008 12:27:59] John says: 15

[22/9/2008 12:28:03] Penporn says: ummmmm

[22/9/2008 12:28:10] Penporn says: why u seperate?

[22/9/2008 12:28:11] John says: what is ummmmmmmmmmm he he

(‘Ummmmmm’ is another sweet written response, part of Pen’s repertoire of communications indicating a thoughtful contemplation on things I have said, which I will eventually adopt, because couples tend in time to harmonise habits and especially adopt catchphrases or expressions in common.)

[22/9/2008 12:28:18] Penporn says: from ur ex wife?

[22/9/2008 12:28:20] John says: have you run away now!!!

(Meaning too much information about my complicated life might put Pen off)

[22/9/2008 12:28:33] John says: yes we are separated it’s a long long story

[22/9/2008 12:28:53] Penporn says: ummmmmm= im thinking

[22/9/2008 12:29:00] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[22/9/2008 12:29:19] John says: can almost hear u think he he

[22/9/2008 12:29:24] Penporn says: heheh

[22/9/2008 12:29:32] Penporn says: yes i always thinking

[22/9/2008 12:29:41] John says: who is the guy in yr picture Pen

[22/9/2008 12:29:48] Penporn says: heheh

[22/9/2008 12:29:52] Penporn says: he is gay

[22/9/2008 12:30:02] Penporn says: he is my colleague

[22/9/2008 12:30:08] Penporn says: :D

(The image D was really a smile image written, but sometimes it came out as a D if typed wrong rather than smiley.tif ).

[22/9/2008 12:30:15] Penporn says: u like him?

[22/9/2008 12:30:19] John says: oh that makes me so happy :)

[22/9/2008 12:30:26] Penporn says: heheh

[22/9/2008 12:30:31] Penporn says: u like him?

[22/9/2008 12:30:38] Penporn says: (clap)

(Observing the clap image, I was not sure my last comments had been interpreted correctly, leaving Pen quizzing whether I liked men, so I scotched this possible interpretation immediately.)

[22/9/2008 12:30:49] John says: no just you—you are beautiful, sorry Pen :)

[22/9/2008 12:30:59] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[22/9/2008 12:31:29] John says: how was yr week-end Pen?

[22/9/2008 12:31:51] Penporn says: ummmmmm

[22/9/2008 12:31:56] Penporn says: always working

[22/9/2008 12:32:04] Penporn says: (chuckle)

(Still no real indication of what Pen did, retail perhaps or maybe she worked for an unscrupulous company that exploits their workers seven days a week. Oh, how wrong could I be!)

[22/9/2008 12:32:25] John says: you need a knight in shining armour to take you out!!

[22/9/2008 12:32:39] Penporn says: heheh

[22/9/2008 12:32:43] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[22/9/2008 12:32:54] Penporn says: u always flirt to any girls

(I had been complimentary to this beautiful woman in a number of ways already, so she directly asked me if I was like this with all girls on the Net, a fair comment to a relative stranger—her directness I found so very refreshing.)

[22/9/2008 12:32:57] Penporn says: i know that

[22/9/2008 12:33:03] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[22/9/2008 12:33:44] John says: if I found someone I felt was genuine I would be so happy Pen

[22/9/2008 12:33:55] Penporn says: ummmmmm

[22/9/2008 12:34:04] Penporn says: how u will find in chatting?

[22/9/2008 12:34:13] Penporn says: most are cheating

[22/9/2008 12:35:26] Penporn says: (rain)

(she sent me an image of rain)

[22/9/2008 12:36:40] Penporn says: (d)

[22/9/2008 12:37:01] John says: sorry Pen please forgive me I lost my Internet

(Other possible killers of Net relations are PC Internet connection problems, which I had just experienced!)

[22/9/2008 12:37:13] Penporn says: dont worry

[22/9/2008 12:37:16] Penporn says: i see

[22/9/2008 12:37:25] Penporn says: (mm)

[22/9/2008 12:37:48] John says: I always feel when u say I see it is so deep he he

[22/9/2008 12:37:58] Penporn says: heheh

(So now it was my turn to try and elicit some information about a girl I knew nothing about.)

[22/9/2008 12:37:59] John says: do you have a boyfriend Pen?

[22/9/2008 12:38:04] Penporn says: now?

[22/9/2008 12:38:12] John says: yes

[22/9/2008 12:38:12] Penporn says: not yet

[22/9/2008 12:38:24] John says: ohh

[22/9/2008 12:38:25] Penporn says: have not

[22/9/2008 12:38:44] John says: we can write then and no one will be jealous :)

[22/9/2008 12:38:54] Penporn says: he he

[22/9/2008 12:38:59] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[22/9/2008 12:39:08] Penporn says: u come to Thailand so many times

[22/9/2008 12:39:28] John says: never been but will come in April

[22/9/2008 12:39:34] Penporn says: ummmmmmmmmm

[22/9/2008 12:39:36] John says: can we meet he he

[22/9/2008 12:39:47] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[22/9/2008 12:39:57] Penporn says: next year?

[22/9/2008 12:40:00] John says: I will come for a higher education fair

[22/9/2008 12:40:10] John says: yes, it is hot in Thailand then

[22/9/2008 12:40:10] Penporn says: April next year?

[22/9/2008 12:40:17] John says: yes

[22/9/2008 12:40:19] Penporn says: yes

[22/9/2008 12:40:22] Penporn says: so hot

(Now I felt emboldened as we had been chatting for twenty minutes and she had not disappeared!)

[22/9/2008 12:40:32] John says: it will be hotter if I meet you :)

[22/9/2008 12:40:42] Penporn says: heheh

[22/9/2008 12:40:47] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[22/9/2008 12:40:50] Penporn says: dont know

[22/9/2008 12:40:58] John says: you can take me to a nice restaurant

[22/9/2008 12:41:16] John says: and charm me with those beautiful eyes :)

[22/9/2008 12:41:23] Penporn says: heheh

[22/9/2008 12:41:28] Penporn says: u are so funny

(Pen is such a sweet woman. I found that she then and in later exchanges, rather than express embarrassment at my open and forward compliments, translated and defused any possible tension by saying, ‘You are funny’, but with this phrase there was a minute sliver of implied acceptance and enjoyment at the compliments I gave her. It was this acceptance that perhaps in the end saved our relationship after we had come across what the French might call an ‘impasse’. Read on as all will be revealed, says the gypsy!)

[22/9/2008 12:41:39] John says: Pen do you have a picture showing your whole body

[22/9/2008 12:41:45] Penporn says: ;)

[22/9/2008 12:41:51] Penporn says: u will see for what

(And then I realised my last question could have been misconstrued as a sexual overture.)

[22/9/2008 12:41:53] John says: with clothes on he he

[22/9/2008 12:41:54] Penporn says:?

[22/9/2008 12:42:19] Penporn says: sure i have

[22/9/2008 12:42:24] John says: It’s nice to not just see yr face but imagine you as a woman

[22/9/2008 12:42:45] Penporn says: u see me when i sit down already

[22/9/2008 12:42:48] Penporn says: in that pict

[22/9/2008 12:43:03] John says: yes, you are terrific :)

[22/9/2008 12:43:25] John says: I had a look at it this morning and wondered if I would speak to you

[22/9/2008 12:43:41] Penporn says: hehe

[22/9/2008 12:43:44] Penporn says: why wonder

[22/9/2008 12:43:46] Penporn says:?

[22/9/2008 12:44:17] John says: I was wondering and hoping you would be on-line

[22/9/2008 12:44:31] Penporn says: ummmmmmm

[22/9/2008 12:44:34] Penporn says: i see

[22/9/2008 12:44:41] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[22/9/2008 12:45:21] John says: I must go in a second as I have to get in to work very early today

[22/9/2008 12:45:29] Penporn says: ok

[22/9/2008 12:45:36] Penporn says: talk later

[22/9/2008 12:45:38] Penporn says: take care

[22/9/2008 12:45:44] Penporn says: my friend

(‘My friend’? This was the first time Pen had described our relationship in any form whatsoever, changing our status beyond anonymity of exchanges between two strangers and implying a closer relationship. It was a development that I immediately recognised but let pass by without comment.)

[22/9/2008 12:45:46] John says: it’s the start of the academic year

[22/9/2008 12:45:50] Penporn says: (wave)

[22/9/2008 12:45:53] John says: you can call me johnny

[22/9/2008 12:45:58] Penporn says: ok

[22/9/2008 12:46:00] Penporn says: johnny

[22/9/2008 12:46:05] John says: (inlove)

(I presented a heart image to Pen.)

[22/9/2008 12:46:06] Penporn says: (clap)

[22/9/2008 12:46:21] Penporn says: bye johnny

[22/9/2008 12:46:25] John says: i would like another picture sometime :)

[22/9/2008 12:46:34] Penporn says: yes

[22/9/2008 12:46:38] Penporn says: i will show later

[22/9/2008 12:46:39] John says: bye Pen have a nice super fab day

[22/9/2008 12:46:46] Penporn says: ok

[22/9/2008 12:46:51] Penporn says: (wave)

[22/9/2008 12:46:52] John says: OK :) xxxx that’s for you

[22/9/2008 12:47:01] John says: thanks for talking Pen, you are so nice

[22/9/2008 12:47:14] Penporn says: :D

[22/9/2008 12:47:20] Penporn says: (dance)

(Pen posted a small image of a figure dancing.)

[22/9/2008 12:47:32] John says: you are so funny tooo he he

[22/9/2008 12:47:37] Penporn says: yes

[22/9/2008 12:47:38] Penporn says: i am

[22/9/2008 12:47:53] John says: a sense of humour is so important

[22/9/2008 12:47:54] Penporn says: (rofl)

[22/9/2008 12:48:07] John says: you must watch it Pen or I will fall for you big time!!!!

[22/9/2008 12:48:14] John says: bye for now honey :)

[22/9/2008 12:50:12] John says: Just changed my picture message he he Take care

(My Skype message now said ‘I miss u too very much’.)

[22/9/2008 12:50:23] Penporn says: ok

[22/9/2008 12:50:28] Penporn says: u are so funny

[22/9/2008 12:50:32] Penporn says: (rofl)

[22/9/2008 12:50:40] John says: he he

So at the end of this second meeting, there had been progress, almost imperceptible, but definite progress. Pen had revealed something of her generous nature in the early sentences, and I had started to speak freely how much I liked her. In her own words, we had become friends. Still, I had the feeling Pen was the one in control, if that is not too strong a word to use. She was the one that had kept her cards close to her chest, revealing nothing about herself beyond that she was single. I knew nothing of her personal life, her likes and dislikes, or what she did for a living. It was as though I had been captured by a benign spider, and I was the fly. She was interested in me, undoubtedly, and wanted to observe more, to see what I was made of before deciding whether to let me go on my way or keep me. I later read that many Far East girls, especially of good standing, take their time in choosing a friend or someone to share even deeper intimacies. There is a period of intense observation, often the observed being quite unaware of the process taking place. If the subject passes ‘internally’ held tests of truth and honesty, they could be offered a place in the world of the observer and later still, a place at the top table in their lives and in their hearts. I had a long way to go before the latter might be possible. But for now, we were ‘friends’, and all that day at work, I had cameo thoughts of Pen and actually could not wait to meet her again on Skype.

My third meeting probably started to open up our relationship as it was the first time Pen began to give me positive feedback about her thoughts and feelings about me. I was actually quite thrilled at this development, but it was still very little acorns that needed so much water and nourishment before they would start to grow in earnest.

A Relationship on the Cusp, Without Certainty

Third Meeting, 23 September 2008

[23/9/2008 12:50:04] John says: Good morning I miss you—how is yr Tuesday?

[23/9/2008 12:50:25] Penporn says: ummm

[23/9/2008 12:50:27] Penporn says: hi

[23/9/2008 12:50:29] Penporn says: the same

[23/9/2008 12:50:34] Penporn says: as every day

[23/9/2008 12:50:39] Penporn says: :D

[23/9/2008 12:50:57] John says: what, you are smiley every day :)

[23/9/2008 12:51:13] John says: have I found my soul mate who smiles all the time!!!

[23/9/2008 12:51:19] Penporn says: heheh

[23/9/2008 12:51:21] Penporn says: no

[23/9/2008 12:51:27] Penporn says: i think u cannot find

(For some strange reason, I felt so close and warm to this girl today and sensed with her first comments that she needed cheering up as there was a heaviness in her statement of reply ‘the same’, which I immediately picked up on. So I used the only weapons at my disposal, with an aim of breaching our existential isolation, to draw her to become closer to me with some compliments, which believe me, were not empty or throwaway lines. I truly found Pen attractive in physical appearance and in her personality.)

[23/9/2008 12:51:30] John says: I just looked at yr beautiful picture Pen

[23/9/2008 12:51:43] Penporn says: u like?

(I so adored Pen using this phrase.)

[23/9/2008 12:51:48] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[23/9/2008 12:52:06] John says: j’adore as the french say

[23/9/2008 12:52:18] Penporn says: mean?

[23/9/2008 12:52:32] John says: I adore

[23/9/2008 12:52:42] Penporn says: heeh

[23/9/2008 12:53:00] John says: means it looks cute and lovely

[23/9/2008 12:53:09] John says: and . . .

[23/9/2008 12:53:09] Penporn says: heheh

[23/9/2008 12:53:12] Penporn says: thanks

[23/9/2008 12:53:28] John says: you must get trillions of compliments like this

[23/9/2008 12:53:35] John says: all day I bet he he

[23/9/2008 12:53:40] Penporn says: heheh

[23/9/2008 12:53:45] Penporn says: i like it

(For the first time, Pen intimated to me that she was receptive to my compliments. Ohhhhhh, did I need any further encouragement from this beautiful girl? I so hoped that this faint green light from her would eventually burn bright and bring us closeness and intimacy. Later on, our rich exchanges and my style of issuing compliments would be deeply embedded in Pen’s mind and have the effect of saving our relationship when it threatened to flounder—more about this much later.)

[23/9/2008 12:53:50] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[23/9/2008 12:53:58] John says: trouble is I need to screen out yr friend in the picture

[23/9/2008 12:54:04] John says: you like compliments?

[23/9/2008 12:54:08] Penporn says: heheh

[23/9/2008 12:54:16] Penporn says: if is true is ok

[23/9/2008 12:54:20] Penporn says: i like

[23/9/2008 12:54:50] Penporn says: heheh

[23/9/2008 12:54:56] John says: it is so true Pen I really like your cute face

[23/9/2008 12:55:19] Penporn says: heheh

[23/9/2008 12:55:22] Penporn says: i know

[23/9/2008 12:55:26] Penporn says: many told that

[23/9/2008 12:55:31] Penporn says: (chuckle)

[23/9/2008 12:55:58] John says: so how come you have no boyfriend?

[23/9/2008 12:56:06] John says: I am at a loss to explain this?

[23/9/2008 12:56:25] Penporn says: ummmmmmm

[23/9/2008 12:56:28] Penporn says: dont know

[23/9/2008 12:56:39] Penporn says: maybe u dont know me better

[23/9/2008 12:56:43] Penporn says: i have some habbit

[23/9/2008 12:56:58] Penporn says: that is hard to stay with whoom

[23/9/2008 12:57:13] John says: oh that is very interessting!!! what?

[23/9/2008 12:57:29] Penporn says: ummmmmmmmmm

[23/9/2008 12:57:39] Penporn says: must tell so longggggg time

[23/9/2008 12:57:43] Penporn says: :D

(So I was a little thrilled and a little confused by our last exchange. She had openly twice now said she liked, and by implication, would like me to continue complimenting her. Pen appeared such a sweet, lovely woman I would continue wooing her gently. Being emboldened by her encouragements, I probably ‘extended’ the bounds of propriety a few sentences later. Pen, at this stage, did not really know me, how loving and romantic I could be and would be if I found a woman that I felt was right for me and someone I might let into my heart. I was confused because she was implying some dark secrets I should be aware of in her last sentences, but I respected her cautiousness and so, so loved her promise to tell me in time, expressed in her darling phrase, ‘must tell so longgggg time’. I cannot describe what sweet pleasure her use of my language and the way she framed her thoughts through it caused me. It touched me so much.)

[23/9/2008 12:58:13] John says: Pen you are speaking in riddles he he

[23/9/2008 12:58:29] John says: I quite think you are so beautiful want to give you a kiss, sorry

[23/9/2008 12:58:29] Penporn sent file ‘DSCN2590.JPG’ to members of this chat

[23/9/2008 12:58:35] Penporn says: heheh

[23/9/2008 12:58:44] Penporn says: this is another pict of mine

[23/9/2008 12:59:15] Penporn says: is really that dont want to send to u, cause u will love me too much

(I cannot believe how sweet and funny this sounded, and in this little sentence, she revealed what a lovely sense of humour she owned. This trait would enrich my life in times ahead.)

[23/9/2008