From Break-up to Break Through | 4 Powerful Steps to Reclaim Yourself
By Stacey Lewis and Philippa Levitt
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About this ebook
From Break Up to Break Through is an uncomplicated and easily accessible book, dealing with the process of healing from a divorce or break-up in four stages:
To feel, to reveal, to heal and to take the wheel.
Philippa Levitt and Stacey Lewis combine their extensive experience in working with divorcees and present this "roadmap" to guide you along your divorce or break-up recovery process so that you can move from simply surviving…to thriving.
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From Break-up to Break Through | 4 Powerful Steps to Reclaim Yourself - Stacey Lewis
PROLOGUE
Stacey
I was 30 years old and everything had pretty much unfolded as planned. I transitioned easily from school to university, pursuing my career of choice – Physiotherapy. I cruised through my course and landed the very first physiotherapy job that I applied for.
Whilst studying at university, I had met my proverbial ‘other half’ and we dated for 5 years before marrying. I was absolutely captivated with him and felt like the luckiest woman in the world. Within 22 months, we had three beautiful daughters and although our lives consisted of a haze of sleep deprivation and nappy changing, I thought that we were happy.
In retrospect, however, the warning signs presented themselves during my third pregnancy. At 28 weeks pregnant with my third child, we booked a romantic babymoon for the two of us. My husband arrived in our hotel room and casually announced that he was not marriage material. Of course, I was absolutely shocked and devastated, but this was swiftly dealt with and he agreed to see a therapist. He returned from his therapy session and announced that he was merely going through an early mid-life crisis and that he did, in fact, want to remain married.
The next few months were (in my mind) some of the happiest times we had shared in our years together. Although we were physically and emotionally exhausted from caring for three young children, I nevertheless felt that we were a team and that our moments of connection were still meaningful. In fact, three weeks prior to my life changing forever, he arrived home from an overseas trip with a magnificent diamond pendant, declaring that he was reaffirming his love for me and that this pendant was a sign of his commitment to me and to our relationship.
And then….boom!
He arrived home from an overseas trip and seemed oddly aloof. I was standing outside smoking a cigarette when he approached me and nonchalantly declared: Your biceps look good…. I want a divorce… it’s non negotiable.
I literally fell to the ground in utter disbelief and profound anguish. He was adamant that this was what he wanted and that there would be no discussion or therapeutic intervention. I was absolutely shattered.
The months that followed were a blur. I felt unable to swallow my new reality, which manifested in an inability to literally swallow and eat. In just a few weeks, my weight plummeted from 55 kilograms to 38 kilograms and I became increasingly depressed. And when I woke one day to realise that I was unable to cope on my own, I voluntarily admitted myself to a psychiatric ward. Yet, in the midst of the darkness I was blessed with a sturdy support system that helped me to see glimmers of light. It was then that I decided that I was not going to let this be the end of my story but rather the beginning of a journey of healing and forgiveness.
Fast forward a few years and I had regained my power and rediscovered joy. I began to informally help people through their divorces and had found real passion and meaning in this work. I was fortunate in that I had attended many coaching and counseling courses and I began putting these skills to use as a divorce coach. And in November 2015, I launched www.thedivorcesource.co.za , a website initially intended to focus on assisting women through their divorces. I also authored a comprehensive guide to divorce: ‘Divorce 101: survive and thrive’, which was released in September, 2016.
My quest to assist divorcees also led me to qualify as a mediator. Somewhere along the way, destiny led me to Philippa Levitt and we found that we shared a similar vision. We worked together on a workshop to assist women through their divorces and this is how this book eventually unfolded.
At the time of my divorce, I felt punished and a victim of my circumstances. Today, I look back and see that my divorce very clearly happened for me. It was the gift that allowed me to develop myself in so many ways: it allowed me to find the vehicle which would assist me in giving back to the world and empowering so many women; it allowed me to travel through seemingly impenetrable darkness to reach beams of light I thought I’d never see; and ultimately, it allowed me to realise and reclaim my capacity for love.
I dedicate this book to my wonderful husband, my four beautiful children, my ex-husband (for leaving me and allowing me to find me again) and my amazing friends and family that carried me along the way.
Philippa
I was born into a secular Jewish family in Johannesburg, South Africa during the years of Apartheid. My father was an advocate for most of his life, and made a comfortable living from sheer hard work, dedication and great clarity of thought.
What made my father’s situation unique was that at the age of ten, one year before antibiotics became available for public consumption, he contracted rheumatic fever. This irreparably damaged his mitral valve, causing him to have to write his matriculation exams in bed and to have to tell my mother - when he met her in his late twenties - that he possibly only had about five years to live.
That was my dad. So honourable and so quick to bequeath full disclosure, even if it meant losing his future wife. And that was how he lived his life. It was as if he was attached to an invisible code of ethics that guided him, towering above others as he strove for personal excellence, despite having to endure three major open-heart surgeries during the course of his life. And so honourable, that when he was offered a position on the bench by the late Kobie Coetzee, the last Minister of Justice of the Apartheid Government, he refused because the death penalty still existed on the Statute books and because many of the laws were still institutionalized racism, and he did not want to be party to enforcing them.
Yet, despite his code of ethics and despite his living so much of his life on ‘borrowed time’, my father never turned to religion, never sought a deeper truth and never sought solace in the great esoteric philosophies so readily available in our time.
I worshipped at the altar of intellect, reason, logic and rationality for so many years, which is possibly why I followed my father into the practice of law. And yet, despite my relative success as a lawyer, (which culminated in my opening the first all female law practice in the country) I soon realised that something fundamental was missing from