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    The World May Think I Am Inadequate But God Says I’m Good Enough!
    The World May Think I Am Inadequate But God Says I’m Good Enough!
    The World May Think I Am Inadequate But God Says I’m Good Enough!
    Ebook124 pages1 hour

    The World May Think I Am Inadequate But God Says I’m Good Enough!

    By Gift Malebo Mthembu

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    About this ebook

    This book exposes how being disciplined in God’s principles and seeking Him first yields many blessings. One of them for the author in particular, is marriage, and she praises God for having fulfilled that promise in her life. He did not only give her a partner but the most wonderful man of God, encourager, best friend and father to her daughter. Her husband has also been through pressing times in his soccer career and life, and shares the same sentiments in God. The author will forever be grateful to Christ for raising a giant in herself and her husband before they met, and maybe her husband too will write about it someday.

    More than anything this book was written with love. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from and what you have done, GOD LOVES YOU. He needs you to help Him fulfil His Promise in your life and be a father or mother of nations. By living in His Word and with God, you can do it.

    “If God can deliver me from drug addiction and feelings of inadequacy, He can surely deliver anyone from any strongholds in their lives. I wrote this book to encourage people and let them know that even in your “imperfections” God can still use you. My wish is to give someone hope and also to share my revelations and series of testimonies. There is nothing that is impossible with Christ.”

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherGift Malebo Mthembu
    Release dateSep 3, 2018
    ISBN9780463720561
    The World May Think I Am Inadequate But God Says I’m Good Enough!

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      Book preview

      The World May Think I Am Inadequate But God Says I’m Good Enough! - Gift Malebo Mthembu

      THE WORLD MAY THINK I AM INADEQUATE

      BUT GOD SAYS I’M GOOD ENOUGH!

      THE WORLD MAY THINK I AM INADEQUATE

      BUT GOD SAYS I’M GOOD ENOUGH!

      Gift Malebo Mthembu

      Copyright © 2018 Gift Malebo Mthembu

      Published by Gift Malebo Mthembu Publishing at Smashwords

      First edition 2018

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

      The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

      Published by the Author using Reach Publishers’ services,

      P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

      Edited by Gil Harper for Reach Publishers

      Cover designed by Reach Publishers

      Website: www.reachpublishers.co.za

      E-mail: reach@webstorm.co.za

      "Greater is he in me than the one who is in this world."

      (John 1 4:4)

      CONTENTS

      1. Childhood Wounds

      2. Dating to Fill a Void

      3. Single and Pregnant

      4. Single Parenthood

      5. Addiction to Substance

      6. Challenged to Face My Childhood Pains Through My Daughter

      7. Reclaiming Sense of Self

      8. Reclaiming God’s Promises in My Life

      9. The Importance of the Right

      Relationships in One’s Life

      Chapter 1

      Childhood Wounds

      I grew up in a small South African township in Pretoria called Mabopane. As the last born and youngest sister to three siblings, I grew up with two wonderful parents. I was raised in church since my mom is a strong woman of God, and I think her strength in God enabled her to overcome many challenges in life.

      My daddy and I were very close growing up. He was the first man that I was taught to love and I was the apple of his eye. My father gave me almost everything I wanted in life as I had him wrapped around my pinkie from a very young age. In turn, I thought my daddy was the most perfect man in the world – a man who deserved everything of the best as he was my hero. He worked for a well known Broadcasting Company so his work times were not those of an average nine-to-five job. Some days he worked from late in the afternoon until late in the evening. This meant he came home either very early the next morning or the following day.

      What puzzled me was the amount of times my dad came home drunk. Between the ages of 14 and 17, I didn’t know that this was a strong sign that my father was struggling to deal with problems. Now I understand that this was his first cry for help. I also understand what it is meant when people say that broken people break other people. At that age, I didn’t really know how to help him. As the youngest and only one still living at home, I spoke to my siblings but they ignored me. This made me think that they did not care about me.

      Was I not good enough to be cared about? Did I do something wrong to them? Did my mom drive them away with her uptight and strict ways? Or were they just tired? As time continued, I learnt how to live with all that was happening. I never made peace with it, because I couldn’t discuss it with my mom, but I learnt to keep quiet.

      The situation escalated, to a point where my father spent days and sometimes weeks away from home. This bothered me but because I couldn’t discuss it with anyone, I made excuses as to why my father didn’t come home:

      He’s working late;

      He travels far to work so he’s tired;

      He is working to provide us with the best possible care;

      My mom shouted at him last night so he is angry and that’s why he’s away;

      He is angry because I didn’t make him tea yesterday; and

      He has a lot of work so he must have opted to stay closer to work.

      I don’t think he realised his absence from home created a void in me. For many years, I wished my husband would be like my dad, as in my eyes there could be no man for me as perfect as my father, who is hardworking and very intelligent. As hurt and confusion grew in my heart and my mind, I developed a hatred and disrespect for my mom. I had blamed her for a very long time for my father not being there, so I completely shut her out of my life and began to judge her. I said horrible things to her like I hated her, and my poor soft mother used to go to her room and cry, without ever confronting me. Because I was hurting and didn’t know how to deal with the pain, I took it out on her and, in turn, my family never understood why I was so rebellious. Whenever my father was home, I would try to do everything perfectly to try to prevent him from leaving again. I would even take his side when my mother fought with him just so I could have the apple of my eye around more often. I worked harder to please him, and thought that just maybe if I did things differently, my daddy would come home. Little did I know that no matter what I did, it made no difference?

      I will never forget one Friday afternoon as I was going to church in a taxi; I saw my daddy’s car parked outside his friend’s house. At that particular time, he had not been home in about a month and I was actually worried that maybe he was dead. I was also angry with my mom as it seemed like she just never cared, and went about her life as if nothing was happening and everything was perfect. Anyway, that particular Friday when I saw my dad’s car at his friend’s house in Lebanon, I asked the taxi driver to drop me off there, trusting that my daddy would drive me to church afterwards.

      I then had the surprise of my life. There was a woman and a boy child in his car. As I approached his car, my father kissed her then the woman and child got out of the car and went into my dad’s friend’s house. I think the actual intention was that they would park the car and go in together but as soon as my father saw me actually looking at what had just happened, he then decided to drive away. I stood there as my dad drove past me like he didn’t even know who I was. This shattered me. After crying bitterly for some time, I stormed into my dad’s friend’s house and almost attacked the woman as I had now realised that she was the reason my dad treated my mom badly. However, my father’s Friend stopped me. From that day on, things were never the same.

      I then began to look at things a little differently and now I sympathised with my mom. I went home to tell her what I had seen but to my surprise, she wasn’t shocked and seemed like she had known about this for a while. Had she opted to live with it for the sake of her kids? Then other questions arose as to why my dad was still with my mom:

      Was it because he felt sorry for my mom since he was the one who told her not to work, and he had to stay with her because of that?

      Was it because it would be easier to stay with her after all the kids they’d had together and he didn’t want to be judged?

      Or could it be that he really loved my mom and this woman used muthi on him like people often said?

      I began to feel inadequate and that I was not good enough for anyone. So the moment a person from the outside, outside my family, strangers or friends I made along the journey of life, started to care about me and show interest in me, I would feel like I was not worthy and I didn’t deserve to be loved. I would question why that particular person loved me, what they wanted from me and what they stood to gain by being with me.

      I started looking for a man besides my father who would make me feel good about myself. I fell into the societal perception trap that if you do not have a man, you are not good enough. So I dabbled in dating, trying to fill a void and correct a mistake left by my father in my heart. I set about finding a man who was nothing like my father. My belief systems changed so instead of looking for a man who would provide for me and my children like my daddy had done, I went out and worked to earn my own income. I did not want to allow a man to walk all over me like my ‘weak’ mother. Oh no, I was determined to have my own income security. However, I still got into relationships which didn’t work, purely because I was broken and didn’t understand who I was in Christ…

      My mom tried everything, even taking me to psychologists because I had tried taking my life twice as I just felt that my father blamed me and he regretted having me as a girl child instead of a boy that they were initially hoping for. One of the observations that stood out was the fact that I was told that I would never be able to trust another man because of the scar that my father had left in my heart and how he had torn

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