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    Let's Pretend This Never Happened
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    Let's Pretend This Never Happened
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    Let's Pretend This Never Happened
    Ebook412 pages4 hours

    Let's Pretend This Never Happened

    By Jenny Lawson

    4/5

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    About this ebook

    'Even when I was funny, I wasn't this funny.' Augusten Burroughs. For fans of Tina Fey, David Sedaris and anyone who's ever felt like a misfit, an outrageously funny and disturbing memoir from Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess.
    'When I tell people that my father is kind of a total lunatic, they laugh and nod knowingly. they assure me that theirs is too, and that he's just a "typical father". And they're probably right, if the typical father runs a full-time taxidermy business out of the house, and shows up at the local bar with a miniature donkey and a teddy Roosevelt impersonator, and thinks other people are weird for making such a big deal out of it. If the typical father says things like "Happy birthday! Here's a bathtub of raccoons!" or "We'll have to take your car. Mine has too much blood in it," then yeah, he's totally normal.' When Jenny Lawson was little, all she ever wanted was to fit in. that dream was cut short by her fantastically unbalanced father and a childhood of wearing winter shoes made out of used bread sacks. It did, however, open up an opportunity for Lawson to find the humour in the strange shame-spiral that is her life, and we are all the better for it. Lawson's long-suffering husband and sweet daughter help her uncover the surprising discovery that the most terribly human moments - the ones we want to pretend never happened - are the very same moments that make us the people we are today. Like laughing at a funeral, LEt'S PREtEND tHIS NEVER HAPPENED is both irreverent and impossible to hold back once you get started. 'the Bloggess writes stuff that actually is laugh-out-loud, but you know that really you shouldn't be laughing and probably you'll go to hell for laughing, so maybe you shouldn't read it.' Neil Gaiman 'Even when I was funny, I wasn't this funny.' Augusten Burroughs, author of RUNNING WItH SCISSORS
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins Publishers Australia
    Release dateMay 1, 2012
    ISBN9781743096444
    Unavailable
    Let's Pretend This Never Happened
    Author

    Jenny Lawson

    Jenny Lawson is an award-winning humorist known for her great candor in sharing her struggle with mental illness. She lives in Texas with her husband and daughter and was constantly “buying too many books” (“Not a real thing,” she insists), so she decided to skip the middleman and just started her own bookshop, which also serves booze because books and booze are what magic is made of. She has previously written Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and Furiously Happy, both of which were #1 New York Times bestsellers. She also wrote You Are Here, which inexplicably made it onto the New York Times bestseller list in spite of the fact that it was basically a very fun coloring book. She would like to be your friend unless you’re a real asshole. And yes, she realizes that this whole paragraph is precisely the reason she shouldn’t be allowed to write her own bio.

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    Reviews for Let's Pretend This Never Happened

    4/5

    1,370 ratings196 reviews

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    • 4/5
      This book is kind of like reading a woman's hilarious blog. In fact, that's exactly what it is . Jenny Lawson is the Bloggess, and this is her memoir. She claims it is "mostly true" so her family can deny what they want and no one's reputation will be damaged. The stories are hilarious, and at least one sentence in each will you have you laughing out loud, whether it's how her dinner party conversations focus on getting stabbed in the face by serial killers or how she came to love costumed dead animals, despite her father scarring her by being a taxidermist. My favorite sections have to be: the exchange with her husband about GPS while she was driving around lost in her own town, and sharing bits of her crazy experiences working in an office's HR department. Lawson's sense of humor centers around being incredibly ridiculous and potentially offensive - right up my alley!
    • 4/5
      This book is hilarious. Laugh out loud funny. I was reading this at work, and several times I had to stop so I could regain my composure. I had previously read her second book, Furiously Happy, and I think this one was even funnier. I loved the stories of her childhood and her father. I could definitely read more of those stories.
    • 4/5
      Pretty funny!
    • 5/5
      The premise: ganked from BN.com: When Jenny Lawson was little, all she ever wanted was to fit in. That dream was cut short by her fantastically unbalanced father and a morbidly eccentric childhood. It did, however, open up an opportunity for Lawson to find the humor in the strange shame-spiral that is her life, and we are all the better for it.In the irreverent Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson’s long-suffering husband and sweet daughter help her uncover the surprising discovery that the most terribly human moments—the ones we want to pretend never happened—are the very same moments that make us the people we are today. For every intellectual misfit who thought they were the only ones to think the things that Lawson dares to say out loud, this is a poignant and hysterical look at the dark, disturbing, yet wonderful moments of our lives.My Rating: My PreciousI made a conscious decision to STOP being so stingy with my #1 rating. I couldn't put this down. I laughed. I nearly cried. I kept recommending that my friends read this book before I was even done with it. I want to get a physical copy so that when I re-read the book, I can see the pictures and the captions better (and while I'd like the hardcover, word has it the upcoming trade paperback release will have an extra chapter. EXTRA CHAPTER!). And yes, I want to re-read this. Because the theme of this book, amongst all the craziness, the astounding stories and the heartbreaking ones, lies an important message that I wish I'd learned early and I'm still not sure I've taken to heart: life isn't defined by your perfect moments, but rather your imperfect ones, and how you react to those moments defines everything. Lawson writes about her unique upbringing in such a way that no matter how insane, it's relatable, and her humor had me constantly tickled. It's my kind of humor (see the wheelchair comment behind the cut). When she publishes her next book, I'll be there with bells on. Hell, I should be reading her blog religiously by this point, but I'm afraid of spoiling the next book!I know this book isn't for everyone. Hell, I can barely coherently write about it myself (another hallmark of a 10 rating). But I do think there's something in here for everyone to enjoy, even if it's not every page. So read it however you're able, and come back and share your thoughts.Spoilers, yay or nay?: Nay. It's a memoir, what am I going to spoil? Read on, unless you're in a super-hurry and don't want to read about how my reading this book disturbed my husband. :) The full review may be found at my blog, and you can get to full review by clicking on the link below. As always, comments and discussion are most welcome.REVIEW: Jenny Lawson's LET'S PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENEDHappy Reading!
    • 5/5
      If you've read Jenny Lawson's blog--The Bloggess--then you know what this book will do. It'll make you laugh out loud and sometimes it will make you cry. Jenny Lawson is brutal in her honesty and that makes her book all the more enjoyable and painful to read.
    • 4/5
      This is an incredible book. Its "laugh out loud while rolling on the floor" funny. The author is vulgar, opinionated and offensive, but she is never condescending to the reader. Her writing reminds me of Lewis Grizzard, who was a brilliant storyteller.

      If you are offended by profanity or overt references to reproductive organs in contexts you would never dream of, stay away from the book.

      If you want to read writing that is heartfelt and can make you laugh at things the would normally have you crying, this book is well worth the cost and time.
    • 4/5
      Jenny Lawson has an frenetic, anxiety-prone perspective of the world, one I can eerily relate to. While I related to her other book Furiously Happy a bit more (it delves deeper into subjects like depression), this is still a fun read, full of crazy family anecdotes, wacky household incidents, and animals both living and dead. It made me smile and laugh throughout, though I do wish it'd been lighter on the profanity.
    • 5/5
      Whenever I read anything Jenny writes, it makes me want to write. She is hysterically, uniquely, intelligently awesome.
    • 5/5
      There needs to be more stars to rate this properly because 5 isn't enough. Funny and ridiculous and sweet and full of heart...did I say ridiculous?
    • 4/5
      It had its annoying parts (fights with husband) but it was more interesting and funnier than other memoirs by older and more more accomplished people I've read. Someone asked me what the Bloggess wrote about the other day and I said, um - Taxidermy and depression (though it's more anxiety coupled with an active imagination). She's got a potty mouth and gets into some gruesome details, which don't bother me none.
    • 5/5
      Oh lord this book was hysterical and awful and amazing and I will need to read it again.
    • 5/5
      This book is friggin hilarious. Well written, paced perfectly, great interaction between the writer and other characters, esp her usually exasperated husband.

      I loved it!
    • 1/5
      Imagine if you will a guy who works at a library. He enjoys reading. He loves the scent and feel of books. He mostly reads literature, but he's not a snob. Okay, he's a snob, but he'll try something slightly out of his comfort zone. One day, one of his coworkers says to him, “Would you be interested in leading one of our book groups? I'm thinking of passing it on.” “Sure,” he says. Here's a chance to get paid just talking about a book every other month. He's all ready. He's going to be a great leader. The books are all planned out through January of the following year. His first meeting will be in August. He looks at the schedule to see what inspirational and brilliant work of literature they're going to read in August. Oh boy, he thinks. How am I ever going to explain this to my friends on social media?The preceding story is true. I'm sure, because it happened to me. Let's Pretend This Never Happened purports to be a true story, but I really doubt most of it. The other difference between Lawson and Blocker: Jenny Lawson is apparently hysterical. I am not. Except, I don't think Lawson is funny. Not. One. Bit. Like, you may not believe me, but I didn't laugh once. Not once. I didn't even smile. As I neared the end of the book, I actually forced a smile, thinking that maybe the physical action would help me find the humor. It didn't work. There were a few times when I thought, oh, that was wee bit witty. But only a wee bit. And not even then, I was just trying really hard to find the positive.I'm truly, honestly really glad that people love this book. Because they do love it. I'm glad people can laugh until they can no longer breathe (assuming it's temporary). I want people to be happy and apparently Let's Pretend This Never Happened makes them really happy. I don't get it. It's not that I'm completely incapable of humor. It's difficult to get a laugh out of me, but I do find some things funny, things that no one else finds funny. I'm entitled to my own brand of humor, but I do wonder if part of my distaste is that Lawson, her mania, her mood swings, and her ridiculous stories remind me of a girl I once dated. I lived the “mostly true,” but not true stories for several years and let me tell you, it's exhausting and, over time, it's no longer the least bit funny. I'm glad that Lawson found a way to turn her mania into something she can be successful with and that so many people can enjoy. I'm glad she didn't choose a more destructive path. But reading this makes me manic. And that's not a good thing for any of us.So I hated Let's Pretend This Never Happened. There's one reason to read this book, and that's because of the humor. If you don't find it funny, there really isn't a point to it, is there? I didn't find it the least bit funny. I went to book club knowing that someone else would agree. Since it was my first time leading the group, I didn't want to sway anyone. I'd wait for someone to mention how the book really wasn't funny, then I'd pounce. Surely, someone would say it. No one did. They all thought it was hysterical—a nice change of pace. So I smiled, nodded my head, and mostly remained quiet. I asked a few questions that I hoped would elicit some underlying disdain, but no, they genuinely loved it.So again, I'm glad everyone else in the world is wildly entertained with this “memoir.” It just wasn't for me. And if ever I'm asked to read a book like this again, I'll know I can just fake it by saying, “oh yeah, that was hilarious.”Let's just pretend that this never happened.
    • 4/5
      My sister got me this book and I LOVED it! I laughed so much while reading this.
    • 5/5
      From by Cannonball Read 5 Review ...

      This book is great, y’all.

      Sorry. I’ve been known to say ‘y’all’ on occasion (who knows why – I grew up on the west coast), and after listening to Ms. Lawson read her hilarious, sweet and bizarre memoir, I’ve incorporated it into my vocabulary once again. I can’t help it.

      You might be familiar with Jenny Lawson but not know it. She is better known as The Bloggess, and she is a brilliant writer. She’s open, a fantastic storyteller, and able to make me laugh out loud, tear up, cringe, and feel nostalgic for my own (pretty different from her) childhood. Often in the same chapter.

      Lawson grew up poor in West Texas. Like, bread sack shoes poor. Her father was a taxidermist and would do things like stick his hand up a dead squirrel and treat it like a puppet, or bring baby bobcats into the home to hang out. While the subtitle of the book says the memoir is “mostly” true, the reality is that most any chapter struck me as both completely ridiculous and totally plausible. Do I believe that she once had her arm up a cow’s vagina during animal husbandry class? Yes. Do I believe that they had raccoons as pets for a while? Yes.

      The stories follow Lawson from childhood through adulthood, into married life. She is a mother, although only a couple of her stories deal directly with her in that role, and one of them is a doozy. In that chapter she talks in great detail about her miscarriages and attempts at having a child. I cannot imagine how devastating that was, but Lawson has such a tremendous way with words that I felt like I was hearing a friend describe it. It had me tearing up and wanting to give her and her husband a big hug.

      One thing I really appreciated about this book is that there is a sensitivity that runs throughout it. The stories are mostly hilarious and guffaw-inducing, but there’s a rawness and reality behind them. It is vulnerability and self-reflection and strength all wrapped up together.

      A couple of things to keep in mind before you run out to buy the paperback version (on the NY Times bestseller list now! First: There is a ton of cursing in this book. I don’t subscribe to the idea that cursing is offensive or lazy writing. I think the concept of someone saying ‘heck’ when their personality and feelings want them to say ‘fuck’ is ridiculous, unless you’re in church or possibly at work. If the author is thinking ‘fuck’, she should write it down. Clearly, Lawson is often thinking ‘fuck.’ And it works. It makes sense, it isn’t shocking, and it’s a hell of a lot less jarring than someone reacting to something utterly absurd with ‘dagnabbit’ instead of ‘holy shit.’

      Second: PLEASE buy the audio version of this book. Lawson has a fantastic voice and amazing comic timing. Her delivery of the stories makes them all the funnier. The audio book also has the bonus chapter that is found in the paperback version, plus a good 10 minutes at the very end which is just her in the sound booth, offering up some fantastic ideas. And saying ‘vagina’ a lot.

      This book is staying on my phone for multiple re-listenings, and it is going to get five stars, because it is awesome.
    • 4/5
      Let's Pretend This Never Happened is a memoir from blogger Jenny Lawson, a person whose blog I've never read before. (This title was a book club pick; I had never heard of the book or author prior to that.) Lawson starts off the book talking about her childhood in rural Texas with her parents and their unusual proclivities - particularly her father's penchant for taxidermy. She then skips ahead to meeting and marrying her husband and the birth of their daughter, discussing their life together.Although I went into this book somewhat doubtful, I found the first part of this book with the stories of her unorthodox upbringing to be absolutely hilarious. There were parts here that had me literally laughing out loud between the absurdity of the story and Lawson's humorous hyperbole in relaying it. For instance, this portion of a story about the family's odd pets absolutely killed me:When the raccoons were old enough, we returned them all to the woods, except for one raccoon that we kept as a pet. His name was Rambo, and he'd learned how to turn on the bathroom sink and would wash random things in it all the time, like it was his own private river. If I'd have been thinking I would have left some Woolite and my delicates by the sink for him to rinse out, but you never think to turn your pet raccoon into a tiny butler until it's too late. Once, we came home to find Rambo in the sink, washing a tiny sliver of soap that had been a new bath-size bar that morning. He looked exhausted, and like he wanted someone to stop him and put him to bed, but when we tried to take away the last bit of soap he growled at us, and so we let him finish, because at that point I guess it was like a vendetta, if raccoons had vendettas.This part of the book also read a little more like a traditional memoir in terms of narrative structure. As the book progressed to her adult years, I found it to be slightly less funny in terms of unlikely situations happening to Lawson so much as it was strange ideas that she concocted. For instance, here she begins relaying arguments with her husband about the zombie apocalypse (apparently a frequent topic of conversation for them). This sections also reads as more episodic than narrative and it's here that it is more obvious that she's a blogger. Several chapters seem as though they were blog posts (or ideas for blog posts) that perhaps just got fleshed out a little more to become book ready. Indeed, the format of the book lends itself to the possibility of a follow-up book, should Lawson be interested. Nevertheless, the second half of the book is still funny, but it's a different sort of humor. Her melodramatic use of hyperbole for various situations heightens the funniness of otherwise less than humorous situations (for instance the death of a pet and its subsequent burial in the backyard). There are nonetheless some very serious issues she touches upon, including her physical and mental illnesses, and the book ends on a touching note about her relationship with her daughter.I found myself pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed this book and how quickly it read. I'd recommend it for someone looking for a laugh who doesn't mind if the humor is a bit quirky; fans of David Sedaris and similar humorists will most likely find this title entertaining as well.
    • 5/5
      This book should come with a warning. Do NOT eat or drink anything while reading, you might choke to death. If this were a movie, you could make a drinking game out of it. Drink every time Jenny says the word "vagina." A helluva funny read.
    • 3/5
      I became an avid reader of Jenny Lawson's online blog right around the time of the big metal chicken incident. Sometimes she's really funny (as in that incident) and sometimes she's not. That pretty much sums up her memoir "Let's Pretend This Never Happened" as well. I laughed out loud at some of the earlier chapters... especially the ones about her unusual childhood growing up in Wall, Texas. However, the middle of the book sagged a bit as Jenny rambled on. I was losing hope and then it got laugh-out-loud good again in the end.Overall, I'd say the book was amusing... but not as good as I expected it to be. I think the book's biggest failing is the writing itself. I somehow think I would love the third or fourth book Jenny writes (and I'm sure she will) because the writing will be a bit tighter.
    • 5/5
      I don't think I could pick out my favorite part or story from this book as each and every chapter was hilarious in its own way! I think I have peed my pants and I know I have laughed out loud in public multiple times during the reading of this book! Despite taking on serious subjects, such as mental illness, this is definitely a humor book. As someone who suffers from mental illness I was not offended in any way and actually found the stories surrounding this subject to be totally hilarious and relatable. Jenny mentioned a second book a couple of times and I hope this is the case as I'm sure it will be worth the "forty-five dollars"! I also can't wait to get on her blog, The Bloggess.com and read more of her "sardonic wit and her hysterically skewed outlook on life".
    • 4/5
      Hilarious! I've been reading her blog for several months now and didn't think she could get any funnier. I was wrong! Jenny Lawson had some of the most unfortunate - and, in hindsight, fantastically hilarious - experiences in her life. Fortunately, she has a really good sense of humor, and is willing to share both her stories and her humor with the wide world. Thank you Ms. Lawson for cheering me to no end!
    • 4/5
      I needed something to read in an airport and picked this book up, opened it randomly, read a page and immediately bought it. The author writes in a way that makes you laugh (out loud and with minimal volume control), and that is the reason it is so good. However, this book didn't get five stars from me because I had to take it in doses - the author, while funny, can become grating and you have to be in the right mood to read more than two or three chapters at a time.
    • 5/5
      Best book ever. Just when you think she has to have used up all her good stories there's another one that has you peeing yourself with laughter. Beyonce the rooster is maybe the funniest but it is hard to pick a favorite.
    • 4/5
      The irreverent, funny, crazy and mostly true memoir of Jenny Lawson, who is known as one of the top 50 most powerful mom bloggers. She writes about her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, awkward high school years, marriage and family. Read by the author, which adds to the experience.
    • 4/5
      Listening to this audiobook was a good life decision. Super funny, if a little crass (surprise), so if you don't like swearing or jokes about things like genitals, dead animals and human waste, skip this one. If you can handle it, by all means go for it. I'll probably be checking out Jenny Lawson's blog now.
    • 4/5
      I liked this book. Another memoir that I highly enjoyed listening to rather than just reading it. There were clearly some pictures featured in the book that I missed out on but I think that it was more than made up for listening to the stories in Lawson's own distinct voice. Some of the humor didn't really tickle me, but enough of it kept me entertained. Nothing that was really a laugh out loud moment for me, but a great humorous look on life. I absolutely love Lawson's husband, Victor, and all his "what the fuuuuck?" He sounds like a great man; patient and loving. Lawson does his tone of voice perfectly! I love the crazy here. It makes you realize that there are people out there thinking the same thoughts you are, and saying the weirdest things to people like you do. I can't relate to Lawson completely but in some regards she reminds me of me. It's nice to be reminded that I'm not alone in my social awkwardness. :)
    • 3/5
      The poise is a 3, but her style is definitely higher. She's one of the funniest persons I've read and Imlaughed out loud so many times in the beginning 1/2 of the book. However, her style gets old after a while and the later chapters feel overly manufactured.
    • 4/5
      Perhaps the funniest book I've ever read!
    • 3/5
      Parts of this book were laugh-out-loud funny. The author's writing style was consistently quirky and entertaining, and overall I enjoyed the read. But there were definitely boring parts, too, and as I've experienced with other books that are created from blogs, sometimes the tone seemed too light and the pace too quick. I usually want something deeper and more insightful from books, especially from memoirs. It's not that she completely skips the tragic side of life, just that she didn't look deeply enough into those parts for my tastes, which is totally fitting for a blog and not as much for a memoir.
    • 4/5
      In at least one place I found this book difficult to read, because I was laughing so hard I couldn't hold it steady.
    • 5/5
      Jenny Lawson, aka the Bloggess, shares stories of her life, from her bizarre childhood growing up as the daughter of a taxidermist obsessed with animals both living and dead, to surreal conversations with her long-suffering husband, to accounts of various I Love Lucy-esque escapades. (Well, if Lucy swore a lot and worried about the zombie apocalypse more often.)If you've ever read her blog -- and if you haven't, you really should -- you know just how utterly hilarious she can be, and that is fully in evidence here. I was already smiling by the time I finished looking over the table of contents, and by the end of the two-page introduction, I was laughing out loud. And even though she also talks about some very un-funny parts of her life -- miscarriages, crippling anxiety, chronic pain, the death of her beloved dog -- she somehow finds a way to make you laugh around and through it all.