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Great Australian Bush Funeral Stories
Great Australian Bush Funeral Stories
Great Australian Bush Funeral Stories
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Great Australian Bush Funeral Stories

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'Marsh knows how to spin a yarn' - Gold Coast Bulletin

We're nearing the end of the service and so I step closer in to do the last 'ashes to ashes and dust to dust' bit. Just as I get to the edge of the grave, the soil gives away and in I go. Well, they reckon I was like a kangaroo. I hardly missed a beat. I went down into the grave like that, hit the coffin and I bounded back out in one big leap. And I'm now standing back up beside the grave, trying not to shake, while I continue with the service: 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust'.

Death doesn't mean the end of memorable stories from the bush. In fact, often it's just the beginning.

These tales from police officers, nurses, funeral directors, priests, gravediggers and those left behind, show that bush ingenuity comes to the fore when coping with corpses that won't cooperate or can't be found, bodies that don't stay buried, and weather and wildlife trying to sabotage the best-planned funerals. This memorable and eye-opening collection of real-life accounts of passing away and saying goodbye in the Australian bush is by turns, poignant, bizarre, heartbreaking and hilarious.

LanguageEnglish
Release dateSep 1, 2018
ISBN9781460708859
Great Australian Bush Funeral Stories
Author

Bill Marsh

Bill ‘Swampy' Marsh is an award-winning writer/performer of stories, songs and plays. Based in Adelaide, he is best known for his successful Great Australian series of books published with ABC Books: More Great Australian Flying Doctor Stories (2007), Great Australian Railway Stories (2005), Great Australian Droving Stories (2003), Great Australian Shearing Stories (2001), and Great Australian Flying Doctor Stories (1999).

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    Great Australian Bush Funeral Stories - Bill Marsh

    Introduction

    I grew up in the south-west of New South Wales, in a small place called Beckom. There was just sixty-four of us living in the township itself and there were fifteen of us kids who attended Beckom Public School. If the school had a library, I can’t recall it and, of course, the town wasn’t large enough to support one. In our house we only had three books: a collection of Henry Lawson’s called While the Billy Boils, with a few of his other stories added in; then we had Banjo Paterson’s The Man from Snowy River and Other Verses, and an aging family Bible.

    Although the Bible didn’t get much of a bashing, other than my mother’s habit of bashing it against her bunions in the odd belief that the Lord’s weight behind the Lord’s word could move anything from mountains to bunions, Lawson’s stories and Paterson’s poetry certainly did. While Paterson’s poetry evoked a more romantic side of the bush, it was the earthiness of Lawson’s short stories that I most identified with. He could make me laugh or cry, simply by the way he crafted his stories. I still recall rolling around with laughter while reading ‘The Loaded Dog’:

    ‘Run, Andy! run!’ they shouted back at him. ‘Run!!! Look behind you, you fool!’ Andy turned slowly and looked, and there, close behind him, was the retriever with the cartridge in his mouth — wedged into his broadest and silliest grin. And that wasn’t all. The dog had come round the fire to Andy, and the loose end of the fuse had trailed and waggled over the burning sticks into the blaze . . . and now it was hissing and spitting properly.

    Andy’s legs started with a jolt; his legs started before his brain did, and he made after Dave and Jim. And the dog followed . . . They could never explain, any more than the dog, why they followed each other, but so they ran, Dave keeping in Jim’s track in all its turnings, Andy after Dave, and the dog circling round Andy — the live fuse swishing in all directions and hissing and spluttering and stinking . . .

    Another time I remember returning home from a school mate’s father’s funeral and locking myself away and shedding a tear or two while I read ‘The Bush Undertaker’:

    On reaching the hut the old man dumped the corpse against the wall, wrong end up, and stood scratching his head while he endeavoured to collect his muddled thoughts . . . And the sun sank again on the grand Australian bush — the nurse and tutor of eccentric minds, the home of the weird, and of much that is different from things in other lands.

    In my teenage years, I attended Yanco Agricultural High School, an all-boys boarding school in the Murrumbidgee Irrigation Area of New South Wales, where I was lucky to have had two English teachers who were Lawson fanatics. So much so that, whenever we’d be bussed in to Leeton for sports days or whatever, they’d always ask the bus driver to take a detour past the old fibro place where Henry had lived for a short while, back in the mid-1910s.

    So I guess it’s no wonder that my own writing has been so strongly influenced by Henry Lawson. What’s more, after my writing life began, it was Henry’s trail that I often seemed to find myself following. When I was writing Great Australian Shearing Stories, I thoroughly enjoyed re-reading ‘The Shearing of the Cook’s Dog’. With Great Australian Droving Stories, I was reminded of the terribly haunting ‘The Drovers Wife’. For Great Australian Outback Towns and Pubs there was ‘A Bush Publican’s Lament’. For both Great Australian Outback School Stories and Great Australian Outback Teaching Stories, I couldn’t go past ‘An Echo from the Old Bark School’.

    In 2014, I was invited to be writer-in-residence in Bourke, in north-western New South Wales, for their Festival of a Thousand Stories. This was the town where Henry had spent some time back in the early 1890s. As Henry wrote of his experience, ‘If you know Bourke, you know Australia.’ And it’s true.

    Two particular events happened in Bourke that drew me even closer to Henry. The first was when a small group of us spent a couple of days travelling across the north-west in the footsteps of Henry Lawson and poets such as Will Ogilvie and Harry ‘Breaker’ Morant. For the first leg of that trip, we drove the near-on two hundred kilometres from Bourke up to the Queensland border town of Hungerford, along the ‘track’ that Henry and a mate had taken three weeks to walk during the severely drought-affected early 1890s. Though it’d been well over a hundred years since Henry had been here, I could still relate to his story ‘Hungerford’:

    One of the hungriest cleared roads in New South Wales runs to within a couple of miles of Hungerford, and stops there; then you strike through the scrub to the town. There is no distant prospect of Hungerford — you don’t see the town till you are quite close to it, and then two or three white-washed galvanised-iron roofs start out of the mulga.

    The second important event was when local historian Paul Roe conducted a tour of the Bourke Cemetery. As part of that tour, Paul mentioned that the cemetery had been the scene of two of Australia’s most famous funerals. The most recent was that of Professor Fred Hollows, the acclaimed eye surgeon, who’s acknowledged worldwide for his work in restoring sight to people who were unnecessarily going blind. Like myself, over his time, Fred formed a strong connection with those living throughout the remote north-western areas of New South Wales.

    Paul told us that the second famous funeral to be recorded in Bourke took place back in 1892 when Henry Lawson wrote the story ‘The Union Buries Its Dead’. In the story, Henry tags along behind a funeral procession of an unnamed stockman who’d drowned in a local billabong:

    The hearse was drawn up and the tail-boards were opened . . . four men lifted the coffin out and laid it over the grave. The priest, a pale, quiet young fellow, stood under the shade of a sapling which grew at the head of the grave. He took off his hat, dropped it carelessly on the ground, and proceeded to business . . . The grave looked very narrow under the coffin, and I drew a breath of relief when the box slid easily down. I saw a coffin get stuck once, at Rookwood, and it had to be yanked out with difficulty, and laid on the sods at the feet of the heart-broken relations, who howled dismally while the grave-diggers widened the hole. But they don’t cut contracts so fine in the West . . . Our grave-digger . . . scraped up some light and dusty soil and threw it down to deaden the fall of the clay lumps on the coffin. He also tried to steer the first few shovelfuls gently down against the end of the grave with the back of the shovel turned outwards, but the hard dry Darling River clods rebounded and knocked all the same.

    You can’t get much more Australian than that.

    But while Henry Lawson has often been touted as being ‘Australia’s greatest short-story writer’, his personal life was far from great. He failed his matriculation exams, possible due to, among other things, a mix of his shyness and deafness. He had a failed relationship with the noted writer of prose and poetry Mary Gilmore, who later became Dame Mary Jean Gilmore. He had a failed marriage with Bertha Bredt, whom he left with their two children: a son, Jim, and a daughter, Bertha. Throughout his life, he suffered from ongoing mental-health issues and was possibly bipolar and, due to alcoholism and poor publishing agreements, he battled economically throughout his life. He was also jailed on occasions for drunkenness and non-payment of child support.

    In his mid-thirties, Henry began a long friendship with Mrs Isabel Byers. During this time, Mrs Byers tried to get Henry back on his feet by negotiating better deals with publishers. She reunited him with his children. She rallied his friends and supporters to help him financially. She also nursed him through his severe mental and alcoholic states. But to little avail. In his later years, Henry became withdrawn, depressed and broke. At his lowest point, he’d wander the streets, begging for money.

    Henry died in Mrs Byers’ home in 1922, at the age of fifty-five. For someone who was virtually destitute at the time of his death, he became the first person in New South Wales to be granted a state funeral on the grounds of him having been a ‘distinguished citizen’ — an honour usually reserved for governors, chief justices and the like. Thousands turned out on the day of his funeral, including the then Prime Minister, Billy Hughes, and the Premier of New South Wales, Jack Lang.

    As a scribe of bush and outback stories, I couldn’t have wished for a better writing mentor. So don’t be alarmed if, as you read through Great Australian Outback Funeral Stories, you feel the ghostly presence of Henry Lawson.

    Tall Man — an ode to Henry Lawson

    He was a tall man, about six feet tall

    With a lanky limp and a nasal drawl

    The shadow on his shoulder’d make a blind man crawl

    But that’s the way it was.

    He grew up poor, grew up lean

    His mum was known as a union queen

    He loved to write. He dared to dream

    That’s the way it was.

    Chorus

    And the dogs ran round chasing one another

    And the men ran round shouting out for cover

    When the shed blew up you should’ve seen them scuttle

    That’s the way it was

    Yes, that’s the way it was. Oh that’s the way it was.

    With Henry, that’s the way it was.

    You’d find him in a bar somewhere

    Drinking beer with a midnight stare

    Looking out to Lord knows where

    But that’s the way it was.

    Henry, get out of here.

    You’ve got to go out west to clear your head

    The way you’re going you’ll soon be dead

    That’s the way it was.

    Chorus

    And the dogs ran round chasing one another

    And the men ran round shouting out for cover

    When the shed blew up you should’ve seen them scuttle

    That’s the way it was

    Yes, that’s the way it was. Oh that’s the way it was.

    With Henry, that’s the way it was.

    So he took a train away outback

    To the town of Bourke, at the end of the track

    If you don’t go now you won’t come back

    But that’s the way it was

    But the sun beat down. Dust storms blew.

    Bricks baked hard under old galv rooves

    Not a blade of grass in ninety-one; less in ninety-two

    That’s the way it was

    Chorus

    And the dogs ran round chasing one another

    And the men ran round shouting out for cover

    When the shed blew up you should’ve seen them scuttle

    That’s the way it was

    Yes, that’s the way it was. Oh that’s the way it was.

    With Henry, that’s the way it was.

    It was the big smoke that drew him back

    The hustle of the people, the shuffle of the pack

    A city pub in a bushman’s hat

    But that’s the way it was

    Then on an August night he walked outside

    To take the breeze of a bright night sky

    He could pen the words that’d make a grown man cry

    That’s the way it was

    Chorus

    And the dogs ran round chasing one another

    And the men ran round shouting out for cover

    When the shed blew up you should’ve seen them scuttle

    That’s the way it was

    Yes, that’s the way it was. Oh that’s the way it was.

    With Henry, that’s the way it was.

    He was a tall man.

    A Very Merry Christmas

    One year just before Christmas, a small hospital in outback New South Wales got in contact with us at the Royal Flying Doctor Service Base — RFDS. They said that they had an extremely ill patient and could we fly down and transport the person back for treatment.

    ‘It’s an emergency,’ they said so we headed down there straight away.

    Unfortunately, by the time we arrived, landed, and drove to the hospital, the patient had died. We were just about to turn around and go back out to the airport to return to base when we were confronted by some members of the hospital staff.

    ‘Could you take the body with you, please?’ they asked.

    This seemed to be a strange request, and we said so. Usually, if someone dies in one of these small towns, which has a hospital, and that person’s going to be buried there, in the local cemetery, they go straight into the morgue awaiting the funeral.

    ‘Is the morgue full or something?’ we asked.

    ‘Yes, in a sort of a fashion,’ came their reply.

    Again we thought that this was a little odd so we asked what they meant by their morgue being full ‘in a sort of a fashion’. Either it was too full to store the body or it wasn’t. Fashion had nothing to do with it. And if it was full, what kind of disaster had occurred in the town? What’s more, why hadn’t the RFDS been notified about it?

    ‘What’s happened then?’ we asked, thinking the worst. ‘A plague? A bus accident, perhaps? Shootings?’

    ‘Something like that,’ they said.

    ‘Well?’ we asked.

    ‘Well, what?’ they replied.

    ‘Well, what sort of disaster’s happened that’s caused the morgue to be too full to put the body in it and why haven’t we been informed?’

    ‘Look fellers, where’s your good will,’ they pleaded. ‘It’s almost Christmas and it’d help relieve the town of a potentially disastrous situation if you just took the body back with you and we could arrange to pick it up, say, in the New Year.’

    This intrigued us even more so we decided to investigate. And it was only then that the extent of the potentially disastrous situation was revealed.

    The staff were right. There was no possible way that the body could have fitted into the hospital morgue. Not on your life.

    It was chock-a-block full of the town’s supply of Christmas beer.

    Andy

    I had a friend, Andy. I’d sometimes run into him and his wife, Barbara, at the motorbike rallies I went to, such as the Off-Centre Rallies. The Off-Centre Rallies are more for the hardened bike traveller. The aim is to keep the wimps away and so they’re held every couple of years way out in the more remote areas of Australia.

    The Off-Centres started in Alice Springs, around 1970. They’re not run by any organisation as such. On the Saturday night of the rally, people put forward suggestions as to where they’d like the next one to be held, then a vote’s taken. It’s been held at places like Mount Augustus, over in Western Australia. Then up in the Northern Territory a few times. Innamincka, in South Australia. The last one I went to was off the Gibb River Road, in the Kimberley region of Western Australia. Just on a hundred riders turned up for that one, mostly on solos. Last year’s was at Mungerannie, on the Birdsville Track. That was a bit too easy to get to and so over two hundred turned up. The next one’s going to be at Forrest, which is way out on the transcontinental railway line, in WA. With the Off-Centres they usually prefer that there’s a pub and a service station near the spot. Though, with Forrest’s population being less than twenty, I doubt there’ll even be a servo there, so people will have to be well prepared.

    Anyhow, I really got to know Andy back in the early ’90s. He was pretty much your ultimate bush mechanic. He was a mechanic by trade and he was handy to have along because he’d have a go at just about anything, and anywhere. You’d think, You’re not going to fix this one, Andy. But more often than not he would. I was on a run with them when he and Barbara were coming back from Mount Dare, which is on the western edge of the Simpson Desert, just south of the Northern Territory border. He had a buggered rear tyre which we repaired a few times along the way. Then, when we got back to Adelaide, they stayed with us until they got it sorted out. And so yeah that’s when we became really good friends.

    Another time we followed the dog fence through to Tarcoola then we rode along the transcontinental railway line to Ooldea, where the ruins are, and on to Cook, before heading down to the main drag — the Eyre Highway — to Nullarbor. From Nullarbor we went over to this event called the Border Run, which is on the WA–SA border. The Border Run’s been going for forty years now. It’s thirteen hundred clicks from Adelaide. It’s more of a social event really. Basically you go out there for a few beers on the Saturday night and ride home again a day or two later. People come from everywhere. They come from all over WA. They come from all down the east coast, up as far as Brisbane. They even come down from Darwin. Andy and I were there when they had their twenty-fifth anniversary at the roadhouse. Word was that we all had to get dressed up, so I took my penguin suit and the girls had tiaras on and dresses which was all a bit of good fun.

    Anyway, I wasn’t on the run when Andy died. He and his brother, Greg, were on their way back from an ADV — adventure riders — event on their chookerised BMW K100’s. By chookerised, I mean that Andy had made their bikes a bit more off-road friendly. The term comes from a ‘chook-chaser’ which describes an off-road bike. They’d already been out to Cameron Corner, on the South Australian–Queensland–New South Wales border, and they’d stayed over in Tibooburra for the ADV event. The morning after, they got up early and they were heading south toward Packsaddle, which is near on halfway between Tibooburra and Broken Hill.

    About seven kilometres north of Packsaddle there’s a creek. I’m pretty sure it’s called Packsaddle Creek. It’s not deep; just a little depression where the water flows through at certain times of year. I doubt there was even any water in it at the time. Anyhow, Andy was riding ahead of Greg and so nobody really knows what happened; whether an emu or a kangaroo jumped out in front of him or what. But the bike went down and Andy broke his neck and he died. When another mate, Chris McArdle, got there, he found Greg cradling Andy in his arms. And that was it. So then all the services came out from Broken Hill or wherever and Andy got taken back to Melbourne for his cremation.

    I went over for the funeral and gee there were a lot of people. Apart from all his motorcycle mates and his memberships in all the various motorcycle clubs, he had some, shall we say ‘strong bikie connections’ as well. So there were bikes everywhere — three hundred or more.

    Anyway, I read a poem at the funeral that my wife, Paulette, had especially written. Shall I read it? Okay, it goes — ‘A Tribute to Andy: the original diamond in the rough’.

    When you ride me bike to the burner, don’t forget to bring me smokes

    And while you rev the twins and fours, get the Bundy and hold the Coke

    If you think that I’m a goner, then you’re probably insane

    ’cause I’ll be looking down upon yer at the rallies once again

    If I’m not with you in body then remember all me mates

    Give your all to what you’re doing ’cause you never know your fate

    And while I sit astride the K and ponder on me life

    Well be buggered it was special; the bikes, the kids, the wife

    Have a drink and don’t be grieving. Life’s too short to shed a tear

    Get the leathers, load the bike ’n get yer arses into gear!

    Some time after the funeral, Greg made an aluminium cairn for Andy. It was circular and it stood about half a metre and he’d cut the top at an angle and had welded on a top plate which had Andy’s details engraved into it. After the cairn had been made, Greg and Chris McArdle, the feller who was with them at the time of the accident, went back to the spot where Andy had died, and they took the cairn up a small hill above Packsaddle Creek. The ground was virtually solid rock but they managed to dig a hole and, into the hole, they put bits of Andy’s crash helmet and some other personal stuff. They then cemented the cairn into the hole and, later on, Greg took Andy’s wife, Barbara, up there and they spread Andy’s ashes around the cairn.

    So the tradition now is, every time you ride between Broken Hill and Tibooburra, you take along a can of Bundy and Coke. And as Paulette said in her poem, Andy liked his Bundy and Coke and so, when you get to Packsaddle Creek, you go up on the hill and you sit down beside the cairn and have a drink of Bundy and Coke with Andy.

    Anyhow, a while back we had a bike run up to Tibooburra. I forget now just what that one was for but we spent the Friday night at Packsaddle. About eight of us who knew Andy well, snuck out to Packsaddle Creek after dark. One of the fellers had these large fireworks. And I mean, these weren’t just your normal backyard stuff. These were the sorts of fireworks they let off on Sydney Harbour Bridge on New Year’s Eve. The main one was about half a metre long and about five or so centimetres wide. Now, what you’re supposed to do with these larger fireworks is to put them into the ground within a cannon-like tube so that, after they’re lit, they’ll shoot up into the sky a few hundred feet before they explode. But of course this feller didn’t have the tube bit, did he? He must’ve forgotten it. As I said, the ground around there is rock hard. Still, we did have a go at scraping a hole into the ground. But when we gave up on that, we just packed a few rocks around this huge firework so that at least it stood upright, sort of.

    When it came to lighting the thing, I’m thinking, I’m not staying here, and so I decided to retire gracefully. I’m out of there and I scarper back down to where our bikes are on the track. Anyhow, the feller lit it. And gee whiz: because it was supposed to go a few hundred feet up into the sky before it went BOOF, without the cannon-like sleeve to hold it, it only went up about six feet, then KABOOM! Holy mackerel. To say the least it was spectacular. Like I said, it was one of those fireworks that they set off on the Sydney Harbour Bridge. So there was this absolutely amazing flash of light, followed by a huge explosion with all this glittery stuff flying out everywhere.

    By the next morning, the publican was telling us that cockies — farmers — from miles around had been ringing in to say how they thought they’d seen a massive meteorite land and explode out Packsaddle Creek way.

    ‘Oh yeah,’ we said. ‘We were wondering what that was,’ and we were out of there pretty quick after that.

    Bobby and his Mum

    I was stationed up in the New England High Country for about three or four years. That was with the police force and we were working out of a place just north of Armidale, called Guyra. Back then it was mostly dairy and potato country, with a bit of cropping and a few sheep. Anyhow, each month or so we’d do a run up through the mountain areas just to see how things were going. Really it was more of a community policing exercise. Along the way we’d visit all the little isolated farms just to say ‘G’day’ and to see how things were going. One month we might do a circuit out west of Guyra, through Wadsworth, up as far as Tingha, then back around to Bundarra, Abington, Yarrowyck, then on to Armidale and back home along the New England Highway. The next month we might do the easterly circuit out through Wongwibinda, past Cathedral Rock, down to Ebor, Wollomombi, on to Armidale, then back home again.

    It was a great day out and you got to meet some of the real ‘Mountain People’, as the locals called them. And, mind you, some of them were extremely interesting characters, I might add.

    One particular family was the Bates. Old feller Bates had died some years beforehand and that’d left old Mrs Bates and her two sons, Eddie and Bobby, to run the dairy farm and grow a few spuds. Eddie would’ve been in his late thirties and Bobby was more in his early thirties. I never got to see Eddie. Rumour had it, he’d met a young woman when he was in Armidale one time and that was it. They’d formed a relationship and when the woman refused, point blank, to go out and live on the farm with his mum and Bobby, Eddie moved into Armidale where I think he worked in a garage.

    So that left Mrs Bates and Bobby to run the farm. It was a tough life by any stretch of the imagination, so it was no small wonder that Eddie’s woman refused to live out there. To give you some idea, Bobby and his mum lived in a ramshackle weatherboard house; one of those that sat up on stumps. The roof was rusty. There was no electricity. No refrigeration. No hot running water. The toilet was one of those old drop-style ones, set down the backyard near the woodheap where the spiders and, I presume, the odd Joe Blake — snake — resided. And they lived pretty much hand-to-mouth. They grew a few veggies. They did their cooking on the open fire and they killed a lot of their own food, like kangaroos, lizards, birds and so forth. Oh, and then there were a few trout in the creek that ran through their property, and yabbies of course.

    The dairy was more or less a hand-made stone sort of structure, put together many years previous by Old Man Bates, when he first came to the area. Of course, with all the occupational health and safety laws we have these days, they wouldn’t be allowed to milk cows within cooee of the place now. But they did back when I was up there. You could still get away with it. By that stage, Bobby and his mum still ran the same number of Jerseys and Guernseys — ten to twenty — that old Mr Bates had run. And, as it was back then, all the cows had to be hand-milked morning and afternoon, seven days a week, fifty-two weeks of

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