7 Secrets of Successful Families: Understanding What Happy, Functional Families Have in Common: A Marriage On The Rock Book
By Jimmy Evans
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About this ebook
Suppose there were seven secrets that could revolutionize your family. Suppose those secrets would cause your family to succeed in every area of life. How important would it be for you to possess that kind of treasure? Would you become a whip-cracking, fearless Indiana Jones willing to risk life and limb to obtain that secret treasure? Well there's no need to go to such lengths. In this dynamic book those secrets are uncovered! In easy-to-understand language, with step-by-step precision, Jimmy Evans spells out how your family can become healthy and successful. Among other things 7 Secrets of Successful Families reveals: how to communicate sensitive family issues and resolve conflicts; how a healthy balance of affection and accountability creates stability and harmony; how to establish and maintain correct priorities that keep your family on course for success; and how your home life can become pleasant and secure. Chapters in this book include: A Balance of Grace and Truth Healthy Dependency Proper Parental Authority and more!
About Our Author:
Jimmy is the Founder and CEO of MarriageToday, a ministry that is devoted to helping couples thrive in strong and fulfilling marriages and families. Jimmy and his wife Karen co-host MarriageToday, a nationally syndicated television program. Jimmy is Senior Pastor of Gateway Church, a multi-campus church in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. Since it began in 2000, the church has grown to more than 36,000 active members. Jimmy holds an Honorary Doctorate of Literature from The Kings University and has authored more than seventeen books. Jimmy and Karen have been married for 45 years and have two married children and five grandchildren.
Jimmy Evans
Jimmy Evans is the founder of and CEO of MarriageToday. The ministry’s national television program, MarriageToday with Jimmy and Karen, broadcasts daily to more than 110 million households in North America and more than two hundred countries worldwide. Jimmy and his wife, Karen, live in Dallas, Texas.
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7 Secrets of Successful Families - Jimmy Evans
Introduction
The family is God’s creation. He designed it to be a reflection of His nature, an extension of His authority, and a custodian of the culture of His Kingdom.
The family is the most essential and most noble of all human institutions. It is the cell that produces life for the social soul. When families are healthy and successful, society prospers at every level. When families are weak or torn apart, the foundations of every other human institution shake and eventually crumble. History and our culture today prove this point. Also proved is the fact that nothing can replace the family designed by God—not government, not schools, not redefined families—nothing!
From the first days of creation, Satan has attacked families with an unholy vengeance. He persists today, knowing that if he wages a successful campaign against the family, he can sabotage God’s purposes and keep them from being accomplished in our lives. Satan views hurting, dysfunctional families as trophies in his war against God. The more he collects, the more he celebrates certain victory. Surely, as he scans the social horizon of America today, he is congratulating himself and his evil underlings for the severe damage they have inflicted upon the family.
Satan isn’t the only one who understands the strategic importance of family. God has instituted a plan that depends upon the wholeness and proper functioning of marriages and families. Therefore, with all the authority of heaven and earth, He fights for the family. In America today, God delivers a standard of truth to those who are ignorant, a message of forgiveness for those who have failed, and a heart of compassion for those who have been wounded in the fight. God, not Satan, will win this war; and in the end, the family will be redeemed to accomplish God’s original purpose.
I have written this book with the belief that God has led me to do so. I pray that it will be helpful to those who are seeking God’s will for their families. Regardless of whether you have a good family and are desiring greater satisfaction, or you are coming from a failed and dysfunctional environment, I believe the contents of this book will help you.
The following chapters explain seven essential traits of a happy, successful family. I truly believe these key areas represent Biblical, universal truths that properly reflect God’s design for every family, regardless of those factors that distinguish individuals. As you read, I hope you will observe and be encouraged by the fact that even though failure and dysfunction are common among families today, they are preventable and reversible. Family success has nothing to do with luck or fate and has everything to do with obedience and submission to God and His eternal truths. Therefore, any person who is willing to follow God’s pattern for family life will succeed. That’s good news!
Regardless of who we are, how badly we’ve failed, how deeply we’ve been hurt, or the condition of our lives today, God has the power to heal us, transform us, and guide us to paths of life. I pray that the contents of this book will be used by God to further these purposes in your life and family.
—Jimmy Evans
1
Secret One
A Correct Priority Structure
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)
Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?
Jesus said to him, "‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all
your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’" (Matthew 22:36–39)
The Bible is crystal clear regarding our priorities. We are commanded by God to put Him first and people second. In fact, Matthew 6:33 conveys a powerful promise for the person who puts God first: … all these things shall be added to you.
All these things
refers to the comforts, wealth, position in life, and security we are seeking. The context of the promise began as Jesus was chastising His disciples for their unbelief toward God and their anxiety concerning life’s provision. He finalized His discourse by promising faithful and complete blessings for the person who gives God priority above all else.
The establishing of priorities in our lives and families is a highstakes issue. It means the difference between being blessed or battered, intimate or enemies, a success or a statistic. Successful families are always families with a correct priority structure purposefully entrenched in their lives. It doesn’t happen by accident. It happens because they make the choice to arrange their decisions, practices, and lifestyles to honor God first and then family.
Even though most Christians agree that God should be first and family should come next, much of our agreement is simply lip service that doesn’t translate into our everyday lives. We must understand that the intention to have correct priorities doesn’t benefit us or our families. An old adage even suggests that the road to ruin is paved with good intentions
(my paraphrase!). Until good intent unites with the willingness to make the difficult daily choices and to say no to competing demands, we won’t find the blessing and harmony for which we are looking.
Three important truths concerning priorities
There are three important truths, which can help you understand the importance of Biblical priorities and encourage you to pay whatever price is necessary to establish them in your life.
1. Priorities demonstrate our value system as well as the value system we will pass on to our children.
Our priorities are our values. The person who gives priority to God values God. The person who gives something priority above God values something more than God. It is that simple. The same is true of family; the person who gives priority to family highly values family.
The essence of hypocrisy is speaking something that we are unwilling to live. The truth is, many of us are simply hypocritical concerning our priorities. Much of the disappointment and disharmony in our personal lives and families is a fruit of our sin. For instance, a man may say he loves his wife, but chooses work or sports above her. Parents say they love their children, but allow them to be crowded out of their daily schedules by something that is less important. We say we love God first, but are unwilling to sacrifice in order to give, worship, or serve Him. This is hypocrisy.
When God examines our priorities, His scrutiny isn’t placed primarily on what we say we believe; it is on what we practice. When God sees us putting Him first, He knows we value Him; therefore, He blesses us. However, when He sees that something has replaced Him in our lives—not that we have renounced Him or changed our minds about Him, but that we have simply reprioritized Him to a position less than first—He knows He is being devalued. Also, He views as an idol whatever has taken His place, even if it is something good and necessary. Even though God always loves us, He simply will not bless a life that has devalued Him and is practicing idolatry.
Not only is there a breakdown of relationship between God and us when our priorities are wrong, but also the same thing is true of our relationships with our spouses. God’s first commandment related to marriage in Genesis 2:24 is that we must leave
our fathers and mothers. The word leave
doesn’t mean that we forsake or neglect our parents in favor of our spouses; it simply means that our marriage has priority above them.
In fact, not only must we give our marriage priority above our parents, we must do the same in every area in life, with the exception of God. When we do this, it creates an environment of energy and affection for our marriage. When we don’t, jealousy and hurt feelings occur. Our spouses intuitively know that they should have priority above everything other than God. The importance of this issue in marital satisfaction cannot be overstated or underestimated.
Our children will also reflect whether they feel they have a position of priority. Even though all children have their problems, children who feel unloved and rejected by their parents have much greater problems and cause much more heartache. Parenting is a full-time job that requires a great deal of time and energy.
Except for God and our spouses, nothing should be valued greater than our children. Regardless of what else we must sacrifice, we must not sacrifice the time, attention, energy, and love we devote to our kids. They need to know in real terms that they are precious and important to us.
In addition to gaining the blessing of God and our families, we also transmit correct values to our children when our priorities are right. We must realize that our children’s future happiness and success aren’t primarily dependent on education, relationships, or income.
They are based on whether or not God is blessing them. God’s approval brings peace and prosperity to us without grief, stress, or relational difficulties.
The blessing of the LORD makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it
(Proverbs 10:22)
. Therefore, as parents, we must train our children through godly example to honor Biblical priorities. As we do, both we and they are ensured of God’s blessings.
2. Right priorities promote the health and growth of the most important things in our lives. Wrong priorities prohibit growth and health.
When Karen and I married, I was obsessed with golf and work. Those two things consumed my primary energy, both physically and emotionally. At the end of my pursuits at work or at a game of golf, I had little time or energy left for Karen, for our children, or for God. The result was a family life that was miserable and filled with tension.
Even though I insisted that I loved God, Karen, and my children before all else, I was distant and grew more emotionally separated from each of them. When confronted by Karen about my failure as a man of God, husband, and father, I became angry. My greatest indignation was over her labeling me a hypocrite. She told me that I kept saying things I didn’t really mean. When she said that (and she said it often), I would retaliate with a self-congratulating sermon, reminding her how wonderful I was and how much I did for her and the kids. Even though my little speeches sometimes got her off my back, the tension remained.
Our marriage finally came to a breaking point. The central issue was whether or not I would give priority to God and my family above my work and the time I spent playing golf. Even though it was over thirty years ago, I remember