Amma & I

Prologue

Sometimes, it takes a stranger to wake you up from your slumber and discover the person you truly are. I am 68 years old and when I look back at my life I realize that I truly started living after the age of 22, after I met Ashok.

PHASE I – KERALA

I wake to see reality,

In all its uncertainty,

Hurt and distraught,

With dodgy steps I walk,

Towards the path ahead.

But there is someone with me,

A person I did not see,

Now ‘I’ replaced with ‘we’,

Together we shall journey,

Into unfamiliar territory.

CHAPTER. 1

The Pillai’s

‘Maya! Where are you?’ yelled Kripa, ‘you need to have been ready by now, the Pillai’s will arrive soon.’

Maya looked at herself in the mirror and wondered which man on earth would ever be attracted to her. Her hair was plaited in a long, never ending plait with a middle parting. Her sari was a dark blue kanjeevaram¹ It looked beautiful on her. However, Maya would have preferred wearing something more ‘young’ looking. She had a large red dot in the middle of her forehead. Her light brown eyes searched the mirror for a glimpse of beauty the man might see. Her eyes traced the lines of her sharp nose; she felt it was too pointy. The kohl that lined her eyes was the only ounce of makeup she was allowed to put on her face. She tried to part her lips, smiling slightly but then closed her mouth immediately. Completely rejecting the vision, she was just about to turn away from the mirror when her mother barged in; holding what seemed like a never-ending lot of mullapoo². ‘Maya you look gorgeous’, exclaimed her mother. Maya had been hearing this ever since she was born. But she had always wondered whether her mother and relatives were actually referring to her or just her color. Maya was of fair complexion, which was considered to be a rare and sought-after quality if you were born into a South Indian family.

Kripa took some bow pins in her hand and began attaching the flowers onto Maya’s hair. ‘Amma³ do I have to wear so many’, inquired Maya feeling agitated.

Kripa let out a laugh, ‘Mole⁴ you just wait until your wedding, this bunch of flowers will feel like a drop in the ocean.’

‘Amma how can I get married, I do not know how to interact with a man. I have never been allowed to do so for so many years, I do not even know what to say’

Kripa turned her daughter around to face her and in a calm tone responded, ‘I know all this will feel new and uncertain Maya but this is how it has been done for generations now. Do not worry. Trust me.’ Kripa studied the constant frown on Maya’s forehead. She knew how unnerved her daughter would be feeling at this moment. But she had done a lot of research on Ashok, and after what she had heard, Kripa was sure he would make a good life partner for Maya.

For 22 years Maya had witnessed the same routine at home. Her father went out to work, while her mother was at home cooking or cleaning or visiting relatives. This might be the lifestyle they enjoyed but Maya always dreamt for more and wanted more from her life. It was not that her family was against education or working, in fact Maya was an MA in English Literature. It is just that it had to be done from the boundaries of their hometown. Maya had wanted to go to Delhi to do her master’s from SDW (South Delhi Women’s College), which was one of the most reputed colleges in Delhi. But at the mere suggestion, there was an outbreak of world war 3 at home. Where her mother burst into tears and her father lectured her about how girls get corrupted if they live away from their family before marriage. So Maya never brought up the topic and studied at the place chosen by her parents.

‘Mom you need to relax, really. I have got this all figured out. It is my whole life after all, why would I make the wrong decision?’ Ashok said to his mother for the millionth time trying to reassure her that his decision for this marriage was not a hasty one. He looked out of the jeep at the luscious greenery and took a deep breath allowing the air to fill his lungs. ‘Ashok! Wear the scarf. You don’t know what kind of pollutants are there!’ exclaimed Smita. She and her husband Anand Pillai had been living in America for the past 30 years. He was an engineer and he worked with one of the most reputed IT companies in America. Smita was a socialite. She enjoyed the loud kitty parties and sometimes, according to Ashok, liked to pretend extremely snobbish. She felt this added on to the image of being ‘rich’. Anand on the other hand was jovial and down to earth. He didn’t care much about making a show of things. But the one thing he was most proud of was his son, Ashok. Ashok was born in America and after spending most of his childhood and education there, he began travelling the world. He was a hotelier and the world of wines and food was his weakness. He travelled to various locations tasting their produce and making notes and writing about the same. Although his chosen profession was frowned upon by his relatives, Ashok was grateful that he had the unwavering support of his parents throughout. He worked for a few years in the Rose Garden hotel, which was considered a five star property. After which he left it all and settled down in Paris, where along with one of his friends, Samuel, he started up a restaurant called ‘Kerala specials’. It offered the most authentic and unique forms of food preparations found in Kerala and only after a short year it created a mark on everyone’s palate.

Ashok always had a soft spot for Kerala, though he visited the place only during his vacations. But something about Kerala just made him attached to it. He could never begin to explain, whether it was his grandparents love, or the peace he felt the moment he arrived here. Kerala was home for Ashok. In fact, his love and appreciation of this cuisine was developed because of his grandmother’s cooking and after having travelled a few places he used to say the same thing-‘there is nothing like mallu⁵ cuisine’.

Smita was very apprehensive about this match. She wanted someone who was more well-travelled and modern for her son. Although, the Menon’s were one of the most reputed families in their community since they were estate owners. Wealth was not the issue; she felt they would not be ‘classy’ enough for them. This proposal had come through one of their relatives and Smita was not even inclined to show Maya’s photo to Ashok. It just so happened that when Ashok was visiting his parents, he came across her photo and began inquiring about her. There was something about Maya that appealed to him and he put his foot down that he had to meet her. And so with packed bags and uncertainty, the Pillai’s were down in Kuttiadi to meet the Menon’s. Kuttiadi was a town in the northern part of Kerala. It was a beautiful, luscious green town, with a river flowing through. Every time Ashok visited Kerala he would get lost in its beauty. It was his first visit to Kuttiadi and he was glad he made his way here.

¹A type of silk sari made in Tamil Nadu

²Jasmine flower

³A term meaning mother in Malayalam

⁴A term meaning daughter in Malayalam

⁵Short/Slang term for people belonging to Kerala

CHAPTER. 2

The First Meet

The Menon’s home was a long drive by jeep. Even though the journey was bumpy, Ashok and Anand could not take their eyes off the scenic beauty. There were long stretches of coconut trees and few glimpses of a river flowing through. They kept stopping at various intervals to capture the breathtaking sights. Smita on the other hand, kept moaning and growling the entire journey. When they arrived at the Menon’s house, Ashok was stunned. On the right there was a huge hill that was divided into different levels. Each level had trees aligning it. Ashok knew that the Menon’s owned a rubber estate. But he had never seen one before, and this was a spectacular sight. On one level he could see something like a plateau with a small shack, he thought to himself to walk till there and explore it with Maya someday soon. His thoughts however were interrupted as Smita yelled, ‘Ashok can you stop sightseeing and can we go and finish off what we have come here to do!’ Ashok and Anand exchanged a sly smile and followed Smita into the Menon’s home.

The moment Ashok walked into the Menon’s house he could not stop admiring the architecture. As they walked in, there was a square shaped open area, known as chuttu verandah⁶, from where one could see the sky. The Menon’s home had two such areas. There were small lanterns hanging down around this courtyard and Ashok smiled to himself imagining how beautiful it must look at night when they were all lit up. The Menon’s had transformed that into a garden and planted lovely roses and a wide variety of other flowers. These created a border around and in the center, there was a comfortable wooden bench placed for seating. There was also an ornate statue of baby Krishna in the center of the courtyard. The house around the courtyard had rich Tanjore paintings covering the walls, and large wooden pillars, carved with intricate designs on the four corners. The roof on the rest of the house was sloping, laid with tiles. He had lived in his grandparents’ home quite often but theirs was of the ‘modern’ kind. The normal bungalows that you get to see everywhere. But this was historical; it gave a very ancient and ethnic feel. Even Smita was impressed but she didn’t want to show it. Kripa and Sudhakaran greeted the Pillai’s with a warm welcome and took them to the seating area, which was across the chuttu verandah on the other end. ‘You have a lovely home aunty’, Kripa blushed and thanked Ashok for the compliment. Maya’s cousins and a few other relatives were all huddled together in a group examining the prospective groom.

Maya was still in her room, nervous and scared. She did not know what to do. She tried putting her ear on her room door to try to hear what was going on outside, but all she could hear was muffled voices. She finally gave up and sat on her bed waiting.

She knew for certain it would be some dark, big eyed man with a paunch who would be waiting for her outside, who expected her to look after his mother while he travelled for work. She knew they were all settled abroad, which scared her even more, as she would have to relocate and would have no way of escape if he turned out to be an abusive husband. ‘Maya!’ came her mother’s voice lofting through the door. Maya jumped up and unlatched the door. Kripa stood with a tray of cups of coffee and some snacks. ‘Come Maya. It’s time’, Maya hesitated and then took the tray and in a soft voice whispered to Kripa, ‘At least give me one month Amma before you marry me off, to get to know a little about this man,’ Kripa sensed the tension in Maya’s voice and nodded in agreement.

Ashok had seen Maya’s photo and was very eager to meet her. He was quite nervous, and when he mentioned the same to his mother she let out a laugh, ‘Nervous and you! Please! She should be the one who should be biting her nails wondering how to converse with such an intelligent, well-traveled man’. Ashok was not surprised at his mother’s reaction but nonetheless he felt offended, ‘Please mom, how many times have I told you not to belittle anyone. The world is full of unexpected talent and knowledge, who knows, Maya could be more knowledgeable than all of us put together’. Smita simply scoffed at the comment and went about doing her work. While sitting amidst everyone waiting for Maya to come, Ashok ran the happenings of that event, and secretly hoped that if Maya agreed to this marriage she would be accepted with respect and love by his family.

Maya’s hands shook a little as she carried the tray filled with three cups of coffee and a plate of nendra pazham mukki porichatthu⁷. She kept telling herself to calm down and decided that the best option would to be to look down and concentrate really hard on the tray rather than look up and smile at the stranger who might be her husband. ‘At least smile dear, we are not taking you to the slaughter house.’ Maya wanted to tell her mother that it felt exactly like that, but before she could, they had already reached the seating area, and even though Maya was only looking at the tray with a plastic smile on her face, she could sense, all the eyes in the room were on her.

Smita scanned Maya as if she were a thief trying to steal the Kohinoor. She was taken aback slightly at Maya’s lean, slender appearance. The sari enhanced her curves and Smita felt the photo she had seen of Maya did not do her justice. But she maintained her stern expression, not wanting to give away any sign of appreciation.

Maya set the tray down on the table and went to sit beside her father, at which point Anand asked her to come and sit beside him. Maya found that option rather uncomfortable, but she had no choice but to abide by it. Ashok grinned, as with this slight gesture he realized that his father had approved of Maya at the first glance.

Maya realized that in all this commotion she had actually missed seeing Ashok. It was as if he had read her mind, because just at that moment she heard the most calming voice, ‘Hello Maya, I am Ashok’. As she lifted her eyes up, she saw a hand stretched out, she knew she was meant to shake it as it was a form of greeting, but she had never spoken to a man other than her father or relatives before in her life! So she chose to just nod and smile instead. But she couldn’t help notice his jet black eyes, perfect cheek bones, and she thought to herself, this man looks like he has walked out of a magazine!

Maya had seen a lot of Malayalee men, but she had never witnessed someone so beautiful! After one glance, Maya was certain that this man would completely reject her. There was no chance, in this lifetime, someone like that would want to marry someone like her. ‘Hi Ashok, I am Neelam, Maya’s best friend’, chirped a voice from the background, that startled everyone, but brought slight comfort to Maya. Neelam had been delayed at her