Helen On the Run: The Lost Years

Helen On the Run—The Lost Years

by Kay Hemlock Brown

Copyright © Kay Hemlock Brown, 2018

Published at Smashwords, Smashwords.com

ISBN 0-9780463047750

Table of Contents

Author’s Note,

Prologue

Troubles with the Law

Counseling

Claire

The Meetings

Poison

Gena!

On the Run

Penny

Cadillac

Steve Johnson

Worries about Income

What to do next?

Visitors at the Campsite

Driver's License

The Cabin

Music

Michelle

Waiting Tables

Alyssa

Carol and Barbara

Paula

Thanksgiving

The Galaxy Show

Messiah.

Minnesota

Ferguson School

The Music Teacher

Christmas!

First Day of School

Choir and Band

Jeffrey

Saturday

Sunday

The Doctor

Jeffrey talks to Barbara

The Doctor

A call for Barbara

Sunday with Marion

Answering Machine

James.

Penny’s Secret

Acting Principal

Vicky Rhodes

Graduation

Trial.

Summer

Jeffrey and Barbara

Kansas

Janet and Family

The Gibsons in Maryland

Nadia, and Westfield

Olive

Sophie

Author’s Note

This particular episode from the story of Helen is being pieced together from a mixture of computer files, paper notes, and my memory. It’s a long story, but for various reasons I did not take the time to carefully type in every scrap of the story when I began using a computer, so some of these episodes are missing from the Big Helen file, hence the subtitle: The Lost Years. The amount of detail I have been able to put in varies from paragraph to paragraph, and I apologize!

Prologue

Helen Nordstrom, a graduate student studying for her doctorate in music at a university in Philadelphia, was an accomplished lyric soprano, as well as a violinist, and well on her way to becoming a sought-after conductor of small-scale Baroque works. After major surgery to remove a brain tumor, she had been a total amnesiac for a little more than a year, during which time she had come to know a small family with two young children, Gena, 11, and Alison, a few months old. The children tragically lose their parents, and Helen obtains custody of the children, which was the wish of their dying mother. Helen regains most of her memories, and resumes her concert schedules, while collaborating with her mentor, Dr. Nadia van der Wert, to scan or photograph all available manuscript sources of the music of Johann Sebastian Bach, before they were locked up with copyright restrictions.

Helen had amassed a small fortune while still in college, dancing under an assumed name at certain nightclubs, and now she lived modestly in a small home in the outskirts of Philadelphia with her lover, beautiful model Michelle Smith, and the two little girls. In her youth Helen’s image had been widely seen on national television, but she had dropped out of sight for more than ten years, and was now anxious to keep a lower profile than she had at one time. But inevitably, Helen’s concert appearances received a certain amount of publicity, and gradually the fact that she was the foster mother of two little girls, and a lesbian to boot, was becoming better known. (At this time, the political climate was still not friendly towards lesbian couples who wanted to adopt children, and public opinion was strongly polarized over the issue.)

Troubles with the Law

Gena attended a Quaker School in their neighborhood, which let out when Helen was still at school. Gena stayed with friends who lived near the school, and was dropped off home an hour or so later. One day, when Helen returned home earlier than usual, she found a man and a woman on her doorstep, ringing the bell, and Michelle’s dog Lucy furiously barking at them from inside the house. Michelle was away on a job, and Gena was with friends, who would drop her off a little later. Helen had taken baby Alison to work with her, and Allie was in the baby carrier strapped to Helen’s back, and watching over her shoulder.

Hello, can I help you? asked Helen.

We’re looking for Helen Nordstrom; is that you, ma’am?

Yes, it is!

The woman held out a piece of paper, and spoke to Helen with a serious expression. I’m from the Department of Family Services, and I have been asked to inspect your home, and interview you. Do you have a minute?

Helen was stunned. She could not think why the Department of Family Services would want to interview her. The woman, who appeared to be in charge, introduced herself as Eve Watkins.

Please come in, Helen said, automatically polite to the two officials, who looked like harried lower-level employees who did not seem particularly anxious to carry out the inspection. Can I offer you anything?

They politely declined and stepped inside, looking around, and studying their clipboards with worried frowns.

To Helen’s questions they answered politely, and when Helen quieted the dog, and took them around the house, they seemed more than satisfied with the place from the point of view of cleanliness and hygiene. They were particularly interested in the rooms of the children, and Helen was anxious that they should not go into her own bedroom, which had posters of Michelle on the walls, both nude and partially clothed.

They sat down, and asked Helen questions about how the girls were taken care of while Helen was at school, and Helen answered them evidently to their satisfaction.

What is this all about? asked Helen, finally.

Well, there seems to be someone who wants the children put in foster care.

Foster care? Helen was upset and angry. She had begun to suspect that this was where it was all heading very soon after the two people had begun to inspect the house. I have legal custody of the girls already! I can show you the court order …

While she was looking for the paperwork, Gena was dropped off, and found Helen looking very upset indeed. She took Helen aside and asked her, What’s going on, Mama? Who are those people?

Helen was so upset, she could not think of what to say. She said she’d explain later. It’s about the custody, she said briefly.

The two officers inspected the paper, and asked whether they could take it with them. Helen politely refused and said that she would send a photocopy of it, if they would tell her where to send it.

Gena quickly realized that something was wrong, and Lucy picked up on it from inside the kitchen, and began to bark. Alison was in Helen’s arms, and was asking Helen what was happening in her baby babbling, and Helen was trying to calm her down. Helen excused herself, and made a panic call to Becky, Helen’s business manager, and within minutes, Becky, and Lorna, Becky’s girlfriend, were at Helen’s door, to provide moral support.

We’re just here to make a report, Miss Nordstrom; nothing is going to happen until the entire situation is studied by the office. We aren’t here to take the children away or anything like that, at the moment.

That sounded utterly frightening to both the girls and to Helen. Gena began to panic, and Alison invariably panicked when Gena did. Amidst much confusion the officials left, leaving Helen, the girls, Becky and Lorna thoroughly upset.

It took a long while for Helen to calm down. She could not even eat; she felt physically ill, as she always did when she was faced with most kinds of serious emotional problems. Worst of all, she found it hard to talk to Gena, who wanted to know every detail.

Can they do that, Mama?

I don’t think so, darling, but…I don’t know anymore…

Of course, at this point Gena burst into tears again. Oh Mama!!! Tell me they can’t do it! Will they take Allie and me to jail?

Helen explained that it was more a matter of Helen herself being taken to prison. As soon as the words left her lips, she realized that it was no comfort to the little twelve-year-old.

Oh God Mama!! No!! They can’t do that! That’s awful! Oh I’d rather die! Poor Allie! Why do they want to do this to us?

If Helen never loved the child before, she would have loved her then. Gena clung tight to Helen, destroyed by the mere thought that Helen might go to jail. She began to recount all the stories she had ever heard of what it was like in prison. You don’t ever want to go there! Becky, fix it somehow, please, so Mama doesn’t go to jail!

Lorna and Becky had to talk calmly to the children, both of whom were tearful now, Allie having picked up on Gena’s distress as being relevant to her somehow.

A few minutes later, Becky had retained a lawyer, Susie Jacobs, and later that afternoon, Susie and Becky and Lorna all came over, and they were seated around the dining table, talking.

Susie was on the phone talking to a family law specialist she knew, and after almost half an hour she came back looking grim. She had spent some time studying the paperwork Helen had been given, going over it with a fine-toothed comb.

I don’t know, she said. My friend is stumped. Until we know more about the investigation, she can’t tell what we should do. It’s too late now to go downtown and root around.

The papers said only that serious charges about Helen’s character had been made, and that the Court was seeking to place the children in temporary foster homes until Helen’s fitness to be in charge of them was established.

They argued over the status of Helen’s custody of the children, and made calls to California to consult with the lawyers there who had done the initial work on the adoption. As time went on, Helen became less and less confident about the final outcome of the struggle.

Lorna arrived early in the morning, as she always did, to help Helen get the kids ready. Soon afterwards the social worker was back, with some burly looking men in a van. Helen was caught by surprise, and had to struggle to keep her anger hidden.

Ms. Nordstrom? We have instructions to remove your children to foster homes pending a hearing.

Helen hadn’t slept much, and had no energy to argue. But she persisted. Is this necessary? The older girl is on her way to school, sir; this is going to be very disruptive! I’m not going to run away or anything; I’m not a criminal, sir. If the court wants them to be safe … Tears began to leak out, … it can be assured that they will be safe with me. I give you my solemn word that they will be safe here.

You are on your way to work, right?

Yes, but I have arranged …

Miss, he said, and Helen had to admit he sounded very understanding, this is all about whether you’re able to take care of the kids. You can’t ferry them to work, leave them in the care of various people, that sort of thing.

Helen could have screamed. Is that what this is about? That I’m not putting them in day care? She was polite, but no more.

I honestly don’t know, miss. I have to admit that they look well taken care of. But my opinion doesn’t matter; the court has to decide what to do with the kids.

Gena began to bawl and cling to Helen, and Allie did the same, and Helen couldn’t cry now. It would look ridiculous if they were all crying, and the man was forced to take the kids just because Helen was too emotional to handle them.

This is your fault, she said. These are not children who cry all the time! Gena is a student who does well in school, and Allie is a very well-behaved baby!

I can see that, miss …

How can it be to their benefit to put them in the home of some stranger …

No, not at all, miss; the lady is waiting in the van right now; she is an experienced foster parent, and the baby will be in excellent hands, I assure you.

Michelle looked expressionless. Helen looked at her and felt even more miserable than before; Michelle wasn’t taking it at all well. Helen wondered whether perhaps Michelle blamed her for this mess.

Helen turned to Eve and begged. What about a compromise; can’t you let them stay with family friends? There are a few families I know … wait … she picked up her phone and called Becky and told her what was happening. She found some hidden reserve of strength to keep trying. She was now going to be late for classes. There seemed to be something almost sinister about the timing of these apparent ‘attacks’ on their home. She glared at Ms. Watkins and the man. They were talking to their head office and now they seemed to be trying to cooperate with Helen to keep the children with friends rather than foster homes. Helen finished talking to Martha, Dr. Martha Singer, who was Helen’s professor and advisor (and in fact, Becky’s mother,) who undertook to take care of Helen’s recitation sections, and said she herself would be along as soon as she could.

Martha and Rebekah arrived shortly after 8:30, and Lorna left for school, looking and feeling miserable, a sad figure scurrying off, glancing back often at Helen standing at the door, her face full of sympathy for Helen and shared misery. Shortly afterwards, Helen got a call from the Welfare office supervisor.

It was a man who spoke very loudly, with an overbearing manner. He began with a sigh, as if dealing with some kind of idiot teen mother. Helen immediately calmed down, and a little steel crept into her voice.

Yes, this is she.

Well, my staff is advising me to compromise. I have decided to let you suggest a suitable temporary home for the children. Who do you have in mind?

Helen’s voice was very cool. I’m sorry, sir; I’m not in a position to give you names without checking with the people first. And most of them are working families, and as you can imagine, they are all at work. My friends are missing work to be here to support me! I have to tell you, your timing couldn’t have been chosen to be more difficult for me. I’m late for work …

We have to get you when we can, Miss. You’re hardly ever home; we’ve tried to be there when you arrive home from work, but your hours are hardly those of reasonable people. These are some of our complaints.

I’m a graduate student, sir. Have you heard of a graduate student whose hours have been regular? Helen was seething.

A patronizing note crept into his voice when he explained that he had a master’s degree, and with proper planning there should be no need for irregular hours.

Arguments would get Helen nowhere, she realized. She saw that letting her negotiate with whom the children would be allowed to stay was a huge concession in their eyes. Martha was signaling her. She excused herself for a minute (the man sighed again) and went to talk to Martha.

She couldn’t talk until she first got herself under control.

I could take the kids, Martha said.

Helen sagged. I don’t know if they’ll buy it, she said; after all, you’re at work most of the day!

Becky is home; she can do it, Martha said.

Yes, Helen; I’ll take care of Allie, Rebekah said, with some anticipation, Helen thought. Rebekah had never shown an interest in children at all until now.

It’s settled, then, Martha said. Let me talk to the man.

Martha introduced herself, and discussed the arrangements with the supervisor and the two agents; and sometime later, the children, their bags, and Martha and Rebekah and the social workers departed for the Singer home. Helen waited until they were out of sight, and turned around, feeling weak. Only Michelle was there, dressed as conservatively as she could, in clothes borrowed from Helen.

It was a long-drawn-out process, but here are the main facts.

Sue was able to find out that the Philadelphia court was being influenced by some private party whose identity they could not find out. When Helen had her day in court, despite Gena’s clear evidence in favor of Helen—which everyone except the judge found persuasive—the children were taken from Helen and put in the charge of a certain elderly couple, the Benedicts. (Much later they discovered that it was the Benedicts themselves who had started off the entire case, arranged for aspersions to be cast on Helen’s qualifications for being given custody of a pair of orphan girls, especially since she was a lesbian, and since she had separated from the woman who had been her partner when custody was initially granted, and raise doubts concerning how permanent Helen’s partnership with anyone was likely to be.) In addition, the prosecution had discovered that Helen had been a nude dancer at a nightclub in her college years. That was evidence that the prosecution parlayed with great effectiveness. So the children’s clothes and toys were packed up, and they were taken away. Only Gena’s journal, a sort of diary she kept, was left behind.

Helen went into something close to depression. Only the fact that she was able to get permission to reduce her academic load was going to enable her to finish the semester. Michelle helped Helen as much as she could. She was not an assertive personality, and Helen’s mood affected Michelle far more than Michelle was able to influence Helen’s mood, and keep her cheerful. Lorna showered Helen with love, and Helen had to make a tremendous effort to moderate how affectionate Lorna was, despite the fact that Helen now lived alone with Michelle and the dog Lucy. (Lorna’s attentions had played a part in Helen’s breakup with her former partner, Lalitha. But there was little Helen could do about Lorna; the young woman simply adored Helen.)

Counseling

Helen needed to find the services of a psychologist, just to be able to function for the next several weeks. Her friends recommended one Dr. Claire Watson, who was checked out by Becky, and Marika and Lisa. Claire was well known as a person who had helped numerous professional women who happened to be lesbians, with problems dealing with their careers and broken relationships. She herself was a lesbian, and she understood Helen’s problem well.

Claire was convinced that Helen could get the children back. But as long as Helen had difficulty staying with one woman, she said, anyone who wanted to get the kids away from Helen would have an easy time, especially with the law being the way it was.

Meanwhile, the psychologist, a lovely, soft-spoken woman, was falling under Helen’s spell. She empathized so much with Helen, that often, after Helen left her office, she had to take some time to calm herself down. One day, when Helen began to sob in her office, she began to sob too, and Helen offered to find another counselor.

It’s part and parcel of the job, said Claire. Don’t worry about me; I have ways of coping.

Helen took a deep breath. I think I’m going to be all right, doctor, she said softly. I’m getting accustomed to … not having the girls with me.

What has changed, Helen?

"Nothing … just time, I suppose. The girls must be happy, or I’d have heard something from somebody," Helen replied.

But an alarm went off in Claire’s head, and she finished the session quickly, and once Helen had left, called Dr. Martha Singer, Helen’s academic advisor.

Helen went home, and waited for Michelle to return after a studio session in New York. Helen sat with Michelle’s dog Lucy, a beautiful Collie, and petted the dog, and the two gazed sadly at each other.

Helen heard Michelle get in from work, and she presently appeared, changed into her jeans.

How are you doing? Michelle asked softly.

I want to kill myself, said Helen, her eyes dry.

Michelle just sat on the back steps with Helen, and was silent a long time. There’s nothing left for me, then, Helen, she said.

"Michelle; you don’t have to pretend that what we have is some amazing, eternal … magical love. I know you don’t love me that much."

I do!

They argued for hours, but at the end of it, Helen and Michelle planned to get enough sleeping tablets to kill themselves, and to get some poison to put Lucy to sleep as well.

Helen had been prescribed some mood drugs, which she just had to take, to keep functional. She went about her business feeling strangely calm, but very sick. Killing herself was one thing, but taking Michelle and the dog Lucy into oblivion with her felt wrong. Helen knew that Michelle had been in a very bad way just before she had met Helen, and the meeting had saved Michelle’s life. This was apparently not the first time Michelle had planned to kill herself and the dog.

Martha Singer had taken Dr. Claire Watson’s phone call, and when the psychologist had said that she suspected Helen was suicidal, Martha had felt that she was probably right.

Keep her distracted for a week or two, Claire said, I think I have an angle that could make a big difference!

I don’t think she will do anything rash until the semester is over, said Martha. She knows that there are young people depending on her—her students, specifically—and she will make sure that everything is settled before, you know? Before …

Don’t take any chances. Think of something definite! Something specific, to keep her involved and distracted for a few days.

It just so happened that a meeting of the American Bach Society, the ABS, was scheduled for that Thursday, running through the weekend. Martha did not give any indication that she was aware of Helen’s mental state, but she managed to catch Michelle on the phone when Helen was away, and got her on board with the plan to take Helen to the meetings, which were to be held in Providence, Rhode Island that year. Just encourage her to go, Martha told Michelle. This has to do with her doctoral thesis, and it could be a really significant contribution to the legacy of the composer, meaning J. S. Bach, in whose music Helen had specialized.

Michelle had taken off from work on the pretext of being unwell, but the fact was that she was afraid of putting Helen’s plan into action. She wasn’t sure that Helen had nothing left to contribute to the world, except to be Gena’s and Allie’s foster mother, though she knew that those two children were uppermost in Helen’s heart. Having the kids taken away had been a terrible blow, and Helen had barely functioned for a week since the girls had been taken away. But Martha’s request at least offered Michelle some time to compose herself mentally.

Surprisingly, Helen agreed to attend the conference. Martha, Becky, Lorna and Helen were all going, and Helen, once she began to get her materials ready for the presentation she was to make at one of the big sessions, temporarily forgot the plan she had made with Michelle, or perhaps she had decided not to think about it until the semester was over.

Claire

The very next appointment Helen had with Claire Watson, Claire revealed something really unexpected. Apparently there were many lesbian women who found it difficult to remain faithful to their lady lovers, which often destroyed the homes they had made for their children. It is important for children to have the same adult look after them over time, Claire said. Professional women, especially, found it difficult to maintain cordial relations with the former partner; they preferred a clean break, which of course, was hard on the kids.

But there had been a great deal of success with a surprising idea: professional women could find housekeepers using an online matching service, with the understanding that the housekeepers were open to a possible romantic, and even physical relationship with the employer. The relationship was primarily a professional one, where the housekeeper was most definitely an employee. But both women would go into the arrangement with an open mind. The brokering of the deal was conducted as if it was an online dating service, but the relationship was for keeps, or mostly for keeps.

Helen could barely keep from laughing when she heard this idea. But something told her that to dismiss it outright might tip off Claire to the possibility that Helen was unwilling to entertain any plans that went beyond the next couple of months.

Sounds like a crazy idea, said Helen; she had difficulty hiding from Claire how incredulous