Over 700 Witty & Humorous definitions: Ways to live happily
By R. K. Murthi
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R. K. Murthi
R.K.Murthi is one of India's leading freelance writers; a humorist whose middles and satires appeared regularly in major newspapers and publications. Effectively serving the cause of children's literature, he won several national awards and prizes for his work in the field. He was the Secretary-General of Indian Society of Authors and the Editor-in-Chief of Meghdutam, India's literary magazine on the Net. He has authored over 50 books.
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Over 700 Witty & Humorous definitions - R. K. Murthi
Zero
A
ABSENCE
Makes the heart grow fonder.
Diminishes little passions and whips up great ones.
ABSENT-M IN DEDNESS
Searching for the horse one is riding.
ACCIDENT
An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.
—Ambrose Bierce
What is caused by the nut behind the wheel.
ACTOR
One who tries to be everything but himself.
The star of the tinsel world.
His emotions are rarely ever his own.
ACUPUNCTURE
A jab well done.
Pin pricks.
Turns one into a pin cushion.
ADAM
In all history, he still stands out as the only indispensable man.
One still wishing he never had lent the rib to shape Eve.
ADULT
One who has stopped growing except in the middle.
An obsolete child.
ADULTERY
What man call gallantry and Gods adultery/Is much more common where the climate is sultry.
—Lord Byron
Something exclusive to adults.
ADVENTURE
The champagne of life.
—G.K. Chesterton
Makes one’s hair stand on ends.
Thrills that provide the frills for life.
ADVERTISEMENT
Cheapest way of selling goods particularly if the goods are worthless.
—Sinclair Lewis
Art of persuading others of what one does not believe oneself.
—Abba Eban
Field where meretricious mesmerists of mellifluous mendacity operate and thrive.
Rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
ADVICE
Free tip that nobody takes.
Everyone gives it; but there are no takers.
Money spinner for lawyers, doctors and professionals.
One readily accepts it when it comes with a bill.
Universally ignored.
What we give by the bushel and take by the grain.
Pass it on. It is of no use to oneself.
—Oscar Wilde
What is sought to confirm a position already taken.
AGE
Supposed to make one wise. Supposed to!
Time when the novelty has worn off.
Time to realise that setting the world on fire is a figure of speech.
—Franklin P. Jones
AGENT
One who takes his commission on all your gains, not your losses.
A middleman who bamboozles one party and plunders the other.
AID
Process by which you collect money from the poor people in the rich countries to give to the rich people in the poor countries.
AIR POLLUTION
A mist demeanour.
Killer blanket.
ALIMONY
Penalty for not staying single or staying married.
A tax paid for the pleasure of getting rid of a no-longer wanted source of pleasure.
A new impost that makes one go broke almost by the 10th of the month instead of the 20th when the ties were normal.
Duty for freedom from marital bonds.
A debt that a former husband would like to see cancelled.
A go-no-pay-later plan that benefits the fair sex.
ALTERNATIVE
A new option that mostly takes one from the frying pan into the fire.
Deft tinkering that often makes things worse.
AMERICA
Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
—Arnold Joynbee
A nation that thinks it’s the world’s heart throb.
AMOUR
Ability to make love frivolously, something man alone displays.
Passion’s barb.
ANATOMY
It is something that everyone has, but it looks better on a girl.
ANGER
Anger is not an argument.
—Daniel Webster
Temperature at which one loses one’s cool.
Two per cent moral, 48 per cent indignation and 50 percent envy.
—Votrio De Sica
A kind of temporary madness.
APARTMENTS
House divided.
Whose thin walls encourage eavesdropping.
APOLOGY
What the strong extract from the weak.
Unsaying something in such a way as to leave it unsaid.
Politeness too late.
APPEASER
One who feeds a crocodile… hoping it would eat him last.
—Winston Churchill, Argument
An ape trying to work out a peace that isn’t there.
APPLE
One that the general practitioner hates.
One mistakenly identified as the forbidden fruit.
The cause of many discords.
APRIL 1
Day on which we are reminded of what we are on the other 364.
ARCHAEOLOGIST
His future is in ruins.
The older his wife grows, the more precious she becomes.
ARCHBISHOP
A non-ecclesiastic rank, a rank superior to that attained by the Christ.
—HI. Mencken
Prime arch that bridges God with the flock.
ARGUMENT
More sound, little logic.
When two people try to get the last word first.
ARMY
A body of men assembled to rectify the mistakes of the diplomats.
Where one can still be a child, beat a drum and march to the tune, dressed up in clothes that have stars and