The Last Selfie

Some words from the author to the reader:

Soon after my first book, Tomorrow, was nicely refused by more than 300 literary agents, I decided to publish it online, where you can find it if you want to, and continue to feed my mediocre writer’s madness. In a world where everybody tries to be extraordinary, I choose to stay ordinary. Thus, I arrived to write my second novel, The last selfie, which was refused by about 100 literary agents...but while I was begging for approval, it came a moment when I stopped asking the literary agents’ help. I know that without them, my chances to sell my books are near zero, but...............I tried to promote myself on Instagram, but I couldn’t take it more than 3 weeks. Practically, my books are like a needle in a haystack; only coincidence would make or not somebody to sit exactly on that needle. I can’t be hypocrite to say that it wouldn’t be pleasant to be read...maybe in the future, I will focus more on advertising my work.

I write in Romanian then I translate into english and after that I make the cover of the book...therefore, what you’re reading is a one person’s work and it’s very probable that you could find some mistakes, but if you focus only on that and not on the message of the book.....I don’t know what to say...

For any information, you can write to me at the email address written on the first page of the book. I don’t have any profiles on any social media channels.

That’s enough for now...you’ll hear from me when I’ll publish my next book.

Take care.

Sergiu Grajdean

"We’re creating a world together! I wrote it and pressed Enter...again. I kept working on a new text. In a few seconds, the message Text Accepted appeared on the screen of my computer. It was my first text of the day that was accepted by the Office of The Art of Writing. After so many rejections, I desperately needed such an answer. On the bottom right portion of the desktop, my new productivity index was still written in red. At the end of the working day, no one wants to see their productivity index written in red, especially if one is still on a probationary period. Red means that one has been a cost the whole day. My intelligent watch, worn on my left wrist as the Constitution recommended, was showing me that I still had insurance for half an hour. If I had decided to stay one minute late and something had happened, I would have been on my own; all the additional costs would have been my responsibility. That afternoon, I was thinking to take a risk. I needed at least other nine texts to be accepted for my productivity index to change its colour from red to yellow. A yellow productivity index would have allowed me to stay there another day. If at the end of the day, the index is written in yellow, it means that we’ve been neither a profit nor a cost for our employer; he hasn’t lost anything, but he might earn something the following day. The law was clearly stating that if I wanted to stay there, out of one hundred days of my probationary period I should not have had more than fifty days finished with a red productivity index. We are all family here! Text Accepted. I had spent forty nine days since I began my probationary period there and I couldn’t afford to finish my fiftieth day as the first forty nine; fifty consecutive days with a red index would have shipped me directly to the Office of Re-Evaluation. I didn’t even dare think how I would go again through the Re-Evaluation process of the profile of a defective piece: other numbers, other levels of qualifications, other time units etc. The recalculation of the price, the acquisition price versus the new selling price, the new payback period, the accumulated amortisation, the updated charts, the updated graphs, the questions, the same answers, the choice among multiple choices and other procedures were motivating me to concentrate and find other texts. The system still needed texts, slogans, phrases, advice, intelligent statuses and verbal assistance. If that day I had succeeded in getting more than ten texts accepted, instead of yellow, my productivity index would have been written in green. I wanted green. Green would have meant that I had been profitable; green would have meant a new day there; green would have meant existence. We believe in green! Text Rejected. I still had no idea why certain texts were accepted and others rejected. If I had been successful enough to stay there, I could have found out why. I never did.  An existence toward success! Text Accepted.

Since my release from the Incubator, I have never passed any probationary period. In my twenty years, I have never seen my productivity index written either in yellow or in green. Since my release from the Incubator, every fifty days I’ve been in the Office of Re-Evaluation. With an understanding attitude, the experts have been patiently trying to figure out solutions to recoup the costs that the Saviour had invested in me for the first sixteen years of my existence while I was formed in the Incubator of the Harmonious Development. I’m twenty years old now; this means that for the last four years, the experts in Re-Evaluation have been constantly changing the place and the value of my statistical indicators. For the last four years, every fifty days, the experts have been adjusting the return on investment and the economic efficiency index of the investment; they have been recalculating the total cost, the specific costs, the unforeseen expenses, the prospective costs, the profitability index and others. For the last four years, every fifty days, I have been walking in their office to get a new evaluation; every time they see me, they smile and get immediately to work. The Saviour must never suffer and sunk costs are a bad symptom; when this happens, the experts from the Office of Urgent Mobilisations are immediately called to minimize the loss of the Saviour. All the products, after the graduation from Incubators, must be bought by employers and the employers must repay the instalment debt to the Saviour. The employers can come and go, but the debt remains to be paid by the next one. If the Saviour loses, everyone loses; if the Saviour wins, everyone is satisfied. Let’s think positively! Text Accepted.

I liked my new buyer, the Ministry of Art of Informing the Public, but to stay there, I had first to pass my probationary period. I had to do my best to convince the experts that I deserved to remain there. I was imagining how it could have been if I had finished that day with at least a yellow productivity index. I wanted to demonstrate to the experts in the Art of Writing that I could bring profit to the Ministry. I wanted to prove that my texts could be sold and that I was capable of attracting investments, funds, sponsors and important buyers...even international ones. Everything is possible! Text Accepted. Between me and the display of the computer, there was an intelligent one litre cup of still hot coffee. The odourless and confused steam was rising slowly out of the cup. All the products use something to improve their services; we aren’t still perfect, but we’re ambitious to get there. The most productive experts have been incessantly working on the definition of Perfection. Every product is trying a substance and is making an evaluation: if the substance makes it more productive, it will keep using the substance. During my existence, I’ve also tried a lot of items, but somehow I turned back to coffee; only the coffee could keep me sufficiently concentrated. My evaluation was positive only when I was using coffee. At the moment, the Constitution doesn’t prohibit any substance; everything is allowed as long as we stay profitable. In fact, this is the only constitutional rule regarding the use of substances: if it decreases your productivity index, you must stop immediately using it and try another one and another one...until you find the right one that will help you be productive. I kept thinking of another informative text. My intelligent label, worn on my right wrist since my graduation from Incubator, was showing me that three potential buyers were watching me online and were analyzing my profile. Don’t worry, smile! Text Accepted. At the graduation party, every product receives an intelligent label; it’s our ticket to the job market, but it’s not just a ticket, it’s much more. It helps us see and use our identification number; we also use it to keep track, in real time, of the cost invested in us by the Saviour and how much we still have to pay back; it also helps us supervise our Public Entertainment Channel profile and update it as often as possible with statuses and selfies; we can keep an eye on how many likes and dislikes we got during a day and during our whole existence...and many other essential information that we can’t ignore nowadays. Besides, the potential employers can access it for free and read everything they are interested in: in what kind of Incubator we were developed, what subjects we were good at, the investment’s cost, the return of investment, the history of previous buyers, if there were any, the remaining debt to be returned to the Saviour, our productivity index and its fluctuation throughout the history of our existence, the current price, the highest price ever registered, the lowest price, the history of our selfies and all its characteristics such as frequency, quality, quantity, appreciations, dislikes...and many other variables that are determining our existence. The Constitution recommends that we take as many selfies as possible and publish them on the public platform in order to be admired by the whole Mall. Every product knows that its existence has no value unless it’s public; my existence is everyone’s existence, but I can’t claim anything from others’ existences and it’s not just me; basically our existences are not ours and we can’t claim anything from anyone. An interesting, beautiful and unambiguous selfie, so that everyone can see everything, but absolutely everything, raises for sure one’s price on the market. Everyone knows this and that’s why everyone tries to be as visible and transparent as possible. The hidden variables, unable to be observed and analyzed by the public naked eyes, could be very damaging. No one has time to look for the hidden variables of the products and no one cares what could be hidden under the carcass. Most of the times, there’s nothing under the surface; this is one of the objectives of our moulding. The most productive and efficient experts do their best not to remain anything hidden under our surface. They have the most intelligent techniques to make our masks be as transparent as possible, almost invisible. Nothing must remain hidden; everything must be seen. Nevertheless, every once in a while, a defective product could be detected. The existence of these products arrives much faster to its pre-established destination. I am one of these defective products and I’m trying to tell you something important. I hope that I will manage to finish this letter and I hope that you will be able to read it and understand me. Dear reader, nowadays, the existence of the products is determined by tens of variables, but two of them are the most important: the selfies and the productivity index. I don’t think that I have the necessary time to explain you all the details, but you should know that today, everything starts with a selfie and the first step always matters. For example, if a buyer sees on the Public Entertainment Channel profile a selfie that it doesn’t like, be sure that it won’t go further to analyze other variables. One can be as productive as possible...but it won’t matter anymore. It’s almost impossible to change the first impression; the change requires time and effort and no one is available to spend their time and great effort. The danger of finishing even the fiftieth day with a red index was forcing me to resort to my defect; I had to scour my memories. I had to try to see if I could take advantage of the experts’ strenuous efforts in instructing me, during the Incubator years, to be the most profitable product that I could ever be. The Constitution doesn’t recommend that we go back to the Past and every product is constantly trying to do it as rarely as possible. More and more often, more and more products are able to exist without the yesterday. I have never been able to do this. I think that I have a flaw, a manufacturing defect, but I have been doing my best to hide it. If the experts had known about my flaw, they would have probably changed something essential in the equation of my existence and I wasn’t ready yet for such a change. On the other hand, due to my defect, I can write you this letter. The intelligent label was showing me that only two potential buyers were interested in my profile. Trying to come up with an acceptable text, flashes of memories were obstructing my Present; the material digested during The Art of New Communication lessons was still fresh in my mind, but I couldn’t use it anyway. About four years had passed since I finished the preparation phase in the Incubator for the new products. I was formed in an Incubator with a general profile; in other words, I could do everything and at the same time I couldn’t do anything. The products which were developed in that type of Incubator needed only to be docile, hard-working, punctual, efficient, profitable, without any content and without any need to use their thinking processes. If I had passed at least one test at the end of the fifth year of Incubator formation, I would have probably ended up in a specialized Incubator, but I hadn’t passed any test. My intelligent label was showing me that only one potential buyer was analyzing my profile. It’s all that you want from your existence! Text accepted. I needed at least other three texts to be accepted. I got up from my desk and rushed to the intelligent toilet. On the door, it was written that my experience there would be transmitted live on the Public Entertainment Channel. Now, thinking about it, I don’t know why they were still keeping that sign; everyone knew how the system was working. The intelligent toilets are considered to be a perfect ambiance to take a creative and a productive selfie; many of us get the most likes for the selfies taken in the intelligent toilets. The door opened automatically and I, with my hands in my pockets, got closer to the intelligent urinal. I was waiting. Something was wrong; as a rule, my intelligent pants should have gone down automatically and after doing my job I