Open My Heart, Heal My Soul: Living the Grace-Saturated Life

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This Isn’t Kansas Anymore

Do you ever get the sense that somehow something is missing in your life? Do you have the feeling that there should be more to your life than what you have experienced thus far . . . even as a Christian? Do you ever dwell on the poor choices that you’ve made (and possibly continue making) and beat yourself up over them thinking that you should be past these things by now in your walk with Christ? How about this one—do you feel like you’ve somehow left a part of you behind on the journey of life . . . and you miss you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then read on.

When I was growing up, one of the movies that seemed to be an annual event on television was The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy and her little dog Toto were caught up in a twister that placed them in a strange new land called Oz. Here they wandered while seeking to find their way back home but it seemed at every turn that new and strange happenings occurred. Dorothy and Toto came upon three unusual individuals (the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, and Scarecrow) along the way who all seemed to share something in common—they were focused on their personal deficits (heart, courage, and brain respectively) and desperately desired to be whole. They also shared with Dorothy a need to keep walking in search of finding what it was that they were missing.

Along the journey this cadre of travelers encountered obstacles and adversaries that sought to keep them from discovering what they so desperately desired. But they kept moving, together, for they believed that what they needed was just ahead . . . somewhere. They eventually came upon a little man whose ominous presence and reputation as the Wizard was but a series of illusions and trickery. Once the Wizard was shown to be who he really was (with the help of a pesky little terrier who didn’t know any better than to tug on the curtain that kept the Wizard hidden from view and therefore larger than life), he wasn’t nearly as intimidating. Eventually Dorothy, Toto, the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, and the Scarecrow all received what they were pursuing—the return home to Kansas for Dorothy and Toto and the discovery of heart, courage, and brain for their friends. The movie ends with a bit of a twist in that it was all a dream—or was it?

The remarkable thing about some movies is how they can mirror life for us. I would say that this movie has a number of parallels with what I’d like to share in the pages that follow. To start with, it seems that many of us have some rather abrupt awakenings in life that match or surpass the twister that snatched up Dorothy’s house and placed it, with a crash, in another land altogether. Not a land that was familiar or even desirable. In this strange land in which we find ourselves, we often seek desperately to find our way back home and encounter obstacles and adversaries along the way. Dissimilar to the movie, some of us find that we are not in a dream but rather a nightmare and that no matter how many times we repeat, There’s no place like home, we aren’t afforded the opportunity to awaken in a safe and caring environment. We find out firsthand how painful it can be to live in a world that is far from what it should be yet having the hope that somehow it can be turned into something better.

We also meet fellow travelers along the way whom we walk with in a mutual pursuit of what we have lost or may never have felt that we possessed. The stories and needs may vary but the desire to be whole resonates with each one. We find comfort in the company of others on this journey and often try to pool our resources so as to help others find what it is that they are looking for. We suggest self-help books, counselors, seminars, retreats, healing ministries, and anything else that we have found helpful along the way. If we’re fortunate enough, we find the supportive people, resources, and coping strategies to overcome what has stood in our way and even discover some wonderful new ways of viewing ourselves, God, our relationships, and our approach to life’s challenges.

Another parallel between the movie and life has to do with the power of deception. The Wizard of Oz masterfully used pyrotechnics and other audiovisual means to intimidate others and to retain power in the land. Deception, as well as misperception, imprisons people in dungeons of distorted thinking and ways of behaving that when focused on to the exclusion of all else, keeps them from attaining all that God has created them to be. In other words, we may indeed be missing out on the rich blessing of living out our divine potential, or Grace-Saturated Narrative spoken of later on, to its fullest extent. Deception can be a thief of God’s greatest plans for a person’s life as we can become duped into thinking we must live far from the glory God intended for our lives because we’re not good enough, spiritual enough, or some other enough that whispers in our ear. If only you were more _______ (together, godly, etc.), then God might ________ (love, forgive, embrace, etc.) you. But you’re not! Or even seemingly the opposite, If only you were less ________ (sinful, carnal, a mess, etc.), then God might ________ (love, forgive, embrace, etc.) you. But you’re not! Deceptions totally negate the power of God and the rich grace that he offers us for our health and healing. Along with deception, we have an adversary who actively seeks to destroy us but will, if unable to do that, at least try to claim a partial victory by tricking us into living far below God’s vast plans for our lives.

The View from Where I Stand

It’s been said that where a person stands determines what they see. I’ve had opportunity to stand in different places on the journey of life that have allowed me to develop the perspectives that will be shared throughout this book. I’ve served in the roles of pastor, hospice chaplain, clinical counselor, and professor in a counselor education program. As a pastor I’ve met persons brand-new to the faith whose eyes were full of potential and pain. These folks had found faith in Christ and been wonderfully saved yet, like all of us, entered the family of God with baggage from life that needed to be unpacked. Some of the baggage was painful and needing deep healing so as to experience all that God desired for their lives. I also found people who have served God for many years yet struggled to understand why, after so many years, they still had difficulty putting off the old self and putting on the new self. After all, weren’t all the old self practices supposed to drop off right away? Some of these people battled regularly with guilt when they looked at where they were and where they felt they should have been by now in their walk with God. The church also housed many people who were confident of their eternal destination yet were wondering what abundant life was all about. In other words, they were going to heaven but weren’t really enjoying the trip.

For a time I served as a Hospice chaplain. Hospice is a wonderful organization that ministers to people who are in the final phase of dealing with terminal illness. Hospice seeks to help the patients and their families during this difficult time of life. In visiting with patients and their family members I gained a perspective of what is really important. It is amazing how dealing with one’s own impending death or the death of a family member changes our outlook on life. It seems that whenever we are dealing with serious illness or death we give pause to what we’ve spent our life’s energy in doing. For some, there is so much of life that has not been lived due to succumbing to the pressure from what someone once called the tyranny of the urgent. All of us can be tempted to try to work through our in boxes of life tasks as if when we accomplished this feat, if attainable at all, then we’ll spend more time with family and friends. But the in box is never empty when we die. Others look back and say that they wouldn’t change a thing as they have lived their lives in such a way that they have little or no regrets. Near the end of our lives we also reflect on questions of meaning such as, What was this all about? and What does it all mean? We take stock of our lives and reflect on untapped potential and what could have been.

As a clinical counselor I have sat with countless people who have been wounded by others or by life in general. These people, dearly loved by God, had found that life truly is difficult and none of us receive a get out of life free card no matter how good or godly one is. Some of the people I’ve counseled with have awakened to find that their lives have somehow come into conflict with what they believed at one point, that they somehow have gotten off-track but never noticed it until they were way off-course. Like someone who was only two degrees off on their compass when they started out on the journey, but after walking this way for some time have found that they are a long way from where they believed they were heading. My clientele included pastors and missionaries, leaders and laity, individuals, couples, and entire families whose wounds needed care and counsel. Some became so focused on their problems, or the problems of those around them, that they had long lost sight of their position as sons and daughters of God and at times struggled to see themselves and others through the lens of God’s grace. Others strove to become someone God never intended them to be so as to gain the acceptance of those around them only to find themselves endlessly pursuing "the me that should be" while hiding the me I really am.

As a professor of counseling I’ve had opportunity to help train some of the most gifted individuals who have answered the call of God to enter the ministry of professional counseling. As an integral part of this training paradigm we have focused on the heart of the counselor since that is where our own woundedness needs to be addressed before we’re ever able to fully help those God brings our way in the counseling office. I like Henri Nouwen’s term Wounded Healer as that is who we really are as we, along with our clients, pursue what God had in mind for us from the time he spoke us into existence. Not a problem-free life, but rather a grace-saturated approach to life wherein we live out fully all that God had in mind for us in this life.

Probably the best vantage point that I have is as a fellow journeyer in this life. Much of what I have discovered and will share in the pages that follow have been my own discoveries along the way. I, too, have found how difficult it is live out all that God had intended for my life while concurrently trying to get life right so as to be right with God, self and others. I can relate to whoever said, It’s awfully hard to concentrate on draining the swamp when you’re up to your neck in alligators! And so I tried harder to get it right in this life as if it was possible to reach a state of being where I was okay in the eyes of God and others with my efforts. Perfectionism robbed the joy from my life and also amplified the intensity of guilt that I felt for not having my act together while believing that I should have by now. Encountering God’s rich grace frees me from the grasp of pursuing the idolatry of a perfect life and allows me to discover anew his great plans for my life—his grace-saturated life, or narrative, that he intended from the beginning that I live out. As a result, I am someone who sincerely believes that God is infinitely more grace-filled than we could ever imagine and has plans for our lives that are mind-boggling when we start to see them.

The Walking Wounded

The longer I live and the more I interact with others whose lives have been wounded, the more I realize that living can be hazardous to one’s health. I’m just past the half century mark and as I reflect upon the collective events of my life and those of others I see a mixed bag that we carry. Some of the contents of this bag are things that have been priceless in their positive effect upon us, numerous happenings have been run of the mill stuff of life, and on the other end of the continuum are those challenging and often wounding experiences. All of the events combine to shape who we are today and yet many of us find it difficult to wrestle with our woundedness and therefore end up the walking wounded that we never would have imagined being.

What do the walking wounded look like? Exactly like you and me because we are they. In fact, I tell my counseling students that we are all clients—it’s just some days we’re in the counselor’s seat in the counseling office. Some of us cover our wounds better than others and thereby avoid attention being drawn to our limping but we’re all in this together. Does this mean that, as some would say, we’re either in denial or recovery? Not at all. It does mean, however, that we live in a world that has been marred by sin’s impact and is not functioning as it was created to. We, as part of that creation, are also impacted by sin in that we are not as safe with one another and our world as we were designed to be. We have been wounded by sin, and we have the choice every day where we will place our life choices on the continuum of unhealthy to healthy principles and practices (i.e., to be agents of healing or further wounding). It is not by mistake that part of the Lord’s Prayer is that we ask for his kingdom to come and his will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Why? Because when God’s kingdom principles and practices are truly being lived out, we heal from our wounds and the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that result from them, and have the opportunity to develop healing communities that invite others to enter in.

What’s Ahead

As with any journey it is best to take a look at the map before departing. In the pages ahead I’ll spend some time laying the foundation by taking a look at where we find ourselves in this world that we live in (Chapter 2). We’ll gain a worldview that helps us make sense of the events taking place all around us and their impact upon us. I’ll then talk about our hearts as the center of who we are and how being wounded in life affects us at the deepest level of our being (Chapter 3). When wounded we tend to cover up and protect ourselves which keeps us from really living the life that God intended for us to live. I’ll then present a new way of looking at the problems that develop in