Love Is

Foreword

The Bible may seem like an odd place to look for advice on love. Most will tend to seek the advice of people such as Dr. Joyce Brothers or maybe even columnist Ann Landers. They will buy a wide variety of books, videos and listen to radio programs to find answers relating to love. Many will also turn to the advice of friends. We use the advice of friends for a wide range of topics because we trust them. Even though the advice may not always be the best, we understand that a trusted friend has our best interests in mind.

Reading the Bible is not considered by many as a first choice for this kind of advice. I am not certain if trust has anything to do with it. I just think people forget that it contains quite a bit of advice on many different topics.

There is advice on sex in Exodus 22:16;

If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife,

There is advise regarding marriage in Hebrews 13:4;

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

It talks about friends in Job 17:5;

If anyone denounces their friends for reward, the eyes of their children will fail.

and a big one called money in Ecclesiastes 5:10

Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.

People may consider the advice too harsh or old fashioned. Others may simply consider it common sense or possibility not relevant. But many times it is the simple answer that is needed and we certainly could use more common sense in our lives. The topics are sometimes easy to understand and at other times quite difficult. But the advice is there as a source for you that has survived well over two thousand years.

One of the topics that get addressed in the Bible is love. The word love is mentioned six hundred and eighty-six times in the Bible in various forms and manners. While the word love may not be the most used word, the Bible is all about love in my view. If you read about Adam and Eve, you find the first love story and many others that follow which are also true love stories.

There are people that would argue the Bible is rather harsh but I still believe it is more about love then not. For those that believe as Christians, the most powerful form of love comes to us in the famous verse John 3:16;

For God so Loved the World that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believe in him should not perish but have everlasting life.

There are also many verses that talk of love for one another. It spells out relationships, the good and bad uses of love. The Bible also contains many poetic verses on the subject of love.

Examples of love in poetic form range from Psalm 57 to Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, which was turned into a song titled Turn, Turn, Turn by Pete Seeger in 1959. It became quite popular when a rock group called the Byrds recorded it in 1965. I tend to believe there were millions of people that never realized that song was actually a Bible verse. Even the modern culture of our time can learn from these verses.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8;

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

One particular chapter in the Bible that tends to inspire me every time I read it is also a very famous one. It is considered by many to be the most beautiful love story ever written. In 1 Corinthians 13, verses 1-13, we get a simple and easy understanding of what love is supposed to be.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13;

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The great thing about this chapter and verse is that it comes in the poetic nature of those verses. If you read them over and over again, you begin to feel each word. It is rather like a good song that captures your heart and makes you realize how important love is in our lives.

As you read the following chapters, they are meant to take you through this story of love in four parts. The stories and anecdotes will hopefully give you a renewed perspective on love. Maybe you will see the potential in love as a means to grow your life. So sit back and read how love can transform you and your life.

Preface

When I read the verses of the love chapter, I always think of it in four parts. There is the who aspect, meaning how do we become the person we are with love in our life? There are many different influences that shape our lives and many different types of love that do the same thing. When we are born, bonding between mother and child is the earliest form of love that begins to shape us. This bonding is due in part to a newborn’s dependence on the mother for survival. How well the mother reacts to and responds to this need determine the quality and strength of the love that builds between the two. Additionally, the attentiveness and actions of the father also influences the earliest love characteristics a newborn develops. Throughout life, beginning with parents, siblings and the many people that come in and out of our lives shape our understanding of what love is.

Second, we need to look at the what part of the equation as in, what is love? There are many different types of love. In 1977, John Lee, former professor of sociology, categorized six major types of love: eros (erotic desire), ludus (playful or game like love), storge (familial love, the Greek word for natural affection; such as the love of a parent toward a child), mania (obsessive and jealous love), agape (altruistic love), and pragma (practical love). And then in 1986, an American psychologist, Robert Sternberg proposed the triangular theory of love. He wrote that all love is composed of three elements: passion (emotional and physiological arousal), commitment (decision to commit to loving another and maintaining that love over time) and intimacy (closeness, caring, and emotional support). He indicated that there were eight different types of love composed of one or more of the three elements. These types of love are; non-love (low on all 3 elements), liking (high on intimacy only), infatuated love (passion only), empty love (commitment only), romantic love (intimacy and passion), companionate love (intimacy and commitment), fatuous love (passion and commitment), and consummate love (all three together). Whatever it is, we need to understand the type of love we are expressing.

Third, we need to ask why does love matter? We may feel that love just ‘happens’ to us and is a natural part of everything we do in life. But love matters in how we treat each other and how we conduct our lives. Love expressed in a back alley rendezvous has far different consequences than love expressed between a mother and newborn child. Each can be considered a form of love but with vastly disparate outcomes. How our lives progress, the relationships and the quality of our lives are affected by the type of love we express.

And finally, when all is said and done, what remains of our lives when all else is gone. If we take away possessions, notoriety and all of the other distractions that consume our life, what is always left in our life? It took me many years to find out what that was and what the meaning in these verses had in my life. Once found, I began to understand how truly powerful love is in my life. I would never be bold enough to say I have conquered all knowledge of love, but it is my belief that love is a lifelong process. Love teaches us new lessons through the many stages of our life. So when we come to an understanding of how powerful love can be in our lives, then we can start allowing love to work positively on our lives.

Introduction

How often is it that you have picked up a book and tried to get answers to life’s big issues? I used to think that knowledge and wisdom could only come from the academic world of learning. We have medical journals, psychology books and learned people that could answer anything we wanted. But many times the answers still lack something, something of the supernatural, the spiritual.

I sometimes think we are afraid to look to the Bible for guidance, afraid that people will think that to be a weak way to answer our questions. If that is the case, why do so many people say God bless you when you sneeze? Why do the greatest thinkers also say we should pray during their speeches during solemn moments? It is because down deep we do not have all of the answers we need. The Bible is a book that has existed well beyond the generations and still serves as a guide today. It is as relevant today as it was thousands of years ago. It should be a part of all your sources for wisdom and knowledge in life.

To use the Bible as a guide, I want you the reader to get a glimpse into what serves as the most basic principle of human life. The principle is that of love and what it is supposed to be. My hope is that you will begin to examine what you believe is real love. When you do, it will change quite a bit of your life. When you begin to express this new principle of love, which is actually not new at all, your life will grow exponentially greater with each day.

What I will not do is give you a hard core theological writing on the Bible. For one thing, I am just an ordinary guy that wants to see you have the best life possible. So using stories from my life and stories you have read about in history classes, we begin to examine what love is really supposed to be. I do take one chapter to examine those verses we are talking about from 1 Corinthians 13; the verses that have been and that I call the greatest love story ever written. Most of all, I want you to see just how powerful real and true love can be in your life.

1

If I Speak

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all