Wipe Your Ass With That Prenup & Get Into a Healthy Relationship: (BOOK 2)

Wipe Your Ass with That Prenup & Get Into A Healthy Relationship

Book 2: Emotional Development, Self-Love and Choosing Healthy Relationships

Lee Nelson Eáder

Copyright

2019 Lee Eader

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior written permission from the author or publisher.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to you, a person who just wants to get married and is caught in a web of confusion by a prenup request. I hope this book helps you love yourself and to help you develop the skill to only have people in your life who make you love yourself even more.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter I: Trusting Your Intuition

Chapter II: Equality in Marriage

Chapter III: Evolution of Rights

Chapter IV: Emotional Development

Chapter V: Self-Love

Chapter VI: Building Healthy Relationships

Chapter VII: Standing Your Ground

Chapter VIII: Creating Family

Epilogue: A Healthy Future

Conclusion

Introduction

This book is the second in my series Wipe Your Ass With That Prenup & Get Into a Healthy Relationship. If you’ve read Book 1, you know that I write about prenuptial agreements and the personality disordered partner. My goal, in writing these books, is as follows:

1) to help you understand what is happening during the presentation of a prenuptial agreement and why

2) to explain the emotional underdevelopment of the person asking you to do such a thing and why a prenup request is a blatant indicator that this person lacks the exact emotional skills to succeed in as a partner in a marriage

3) to make you aware of the consequences of staying with a disordered person

4) to empower you with the informational, self-love and self-care tools so that you take the steps to get out of any abusive relationship or friendship…pronto

5) to inspire you to continue the journey towards finding a healthy partner for a lifelong partnership and to choose to only relate to healthy people moving forward

6) AND, the most important goal of all, to help you to love yourself for exactly who you are, at this exact moment and to realize that healthy people and partners make you love yourself even more.

A prenup request is the diametric opposite to the statement above and makes you hate yourself by making you feel unworthy of an equal marriage. Please trust me on this. If you learn to love yourself and only have relations in your life with validating people who love you just as you are, who are emotionally healthy and who encourage you, your entire life will change in a way so drastically that it is hard to describe in words. Once you go no-contact with people at the first toxic event, realizing they relate to others through abuse, and only choose emotionally healthy people into your life, each day is paradise. I sincerely hope this book helps you recognize your innate power to turn off your empathy with abusers and to choose emotionally healthy people with whom to relate.

Chapter I:

Trusting Your Intuition

The first thing you must understand is that your intuition is always right. Your ex tried to bully you into signing away your rights and he or she did it with completely self-centered and nefarious intentions. This person did NOT have your best interest in mind! Remember that! It has been said that, "Character is who you are when no one but God is watching. You have to be true to yourself and realize, as Shakespeare says, Heaven is my judge."

Make the decision you know to be right. Listen to your heart and honor your integrity. DO NOT allow yourself to be forced to hire lawyers to create a divorce contract before you’ve even chosen the church. You do not need to settle for a fake, prenupped marriage. Dissolving the relationship may hurt for a while but you must move forward. Remember, you are trading this short-term pain for a potentially wonderful life with an emotionally developed person. The new love of your life will possess the skills and emotions necessary to have a loving, reciprocal, adult relationship.

I am very fond of a song by Ziggy Marley song called True to Myself. There is a great line in this song: 'Cause I can't make you happy unless, I am I say I say I, Got to be true to myself’. If signing a prenuptial agreement is not being true to yourself, you cannot possibly hope to be your best in your relationship. You can’t survive decompression in an airplane without your oxygen mask safely placed around your face. I encourage you to study P.A.S.S. again from my first book and listen to this song during your recovery.

I know it doesn’t feel good right now but it will get better. This is your marriage - your most intimate relationship - and all that matters is being true to yourself and what you believe! Research everything to help you get over this, read what you have to, turn to friends, professionals, forums and articles on the web. This is what I did and what help to create the book you are reading.

When I thought of my ex and got upset, I tried to live the Law of Attraction, thinking very hard about what I wanted. I thought of my vision. When it was unusually difficult and I started thinking negative thoughts about her, the family and the experience, I would pray for her instead and get back to the task at hand. Be grateful you are out of the torture. Also, if you harbor negative thoughts, it is natural, but you don’t have to allow them to take over your conscious mind. Don’t call these people names in your mind. Instead, pray for them. Consciously saying and thinking negative things will only put you in a low vibration that will delay your recovery. I was having a hard day after my breakup and said some negative things to my brother. I knew better but said it anyway. Later that day, I sprained my ankle. I realized instantly that, consciously, I was in a low vibration. After that experience, I chose prayer every single time. The cost of being in a low vibration is too much for me to pay.

You cannot help your subconscious grief if you are generally depressed from the whole ordeal. However, you can help your conscious thoughts, words and actions. I encourage you to do all in your power to have faith in God and his plan for you and know that the best is ahead. Don’t allow your conscious thoughts and words to become negative. Do all that you can to be grateful for where you are AND for the opportunity to have the experience. You will be so much better off when you learn to understand the concept of emotional development and choose to allow only emotionally healthy people in your life.

Michael Myerscough provides a great Neuro Linguistic Programming method in his book, How to Get Over a Breakup. He says to get the top memory - the one that reminds you of your ex – you must think of it as a picture on a movie screen. Then, take your top five memories of your ex being abusive and hurtful and create a movie in your mind with all the emotion you can muster. Now, when looking at the good memory on the movie screen, see the good memory fade to black and white. In the middle of the picture, see fire burning through the photo and see the movie of the bad memories through the hole left from the fire. When you think of the good memories, force yourself to replace these thoughts with the bad memories from your movie. This really works when you start missing what you perceived to be good experiences in the relationship.

This was your engagement and I know this prenup made your life 100% chaos. If you break it off, your life will feel like it is upside down. Remember, Mackenzie (2015) stated, "Good people make you feel good, bad people make you feel bad."i Good situations make you feel good, bad situations make you feel bad. Yes, there are bad people out there who don’t have your best interest in mind. Your feeling bad about this situation is actually your intuition serving you well and your emotional guidance system putting you on high alert. Your relationships in life validate you and should make you feel great. However, this only happens when you choose emotionally healthy people.

Rumi: "The wound is the place where the light enters you."ii As hard as it seems now, you are growing from this experience.

MacKenzie 2015: "For now, your only job is continuing no contact and to treat yourself kindly."iii You will grieve. Get your cry out now and take action on your life and goals.

Ringlet 2016: "Try to focus on the fact that you will grow from this experience. Just because it’s over for your relationship doesn’t mean it was a waste of time. Grief does shape us in big ways."iv I encourage you to allow this experience to give you a second psychological birth - one where you only allow emotionally healthy people into your life. The purpose of a spouse in your life is not to abuse you but to provide support. To be stripped of your marital life will only make you feel like garbage.

A spouse should have your best interest at heart, making your life better, not causing you mental distress. The prenupped relationship saved you from future abuse in all facets of your life by providing you an education in personality disorders. This experience will serve you for your entire life AND help the people around you. You are reading this book now because of the same experience that I had in my life. I learned to understand abusive personalities and I also learned how to let abusers go. Now, I choose to keep only a small, select group of healthy friends around me and this helped me to find a healthy relationship partner. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose by staying with an abuser past the first toxic or abusive event.  

Mackenzie 2015: You are now strong enough to only allow what is healthy into your life.v

The key to recovery from abuse is learning to keep your eyes wide open and to watch out for the red flags. If your partner is healthy, then keep moving forward. Be careful of love-bombing red flags and take your time getting to know someone. Listen very carefully for hurtful or discouraging words and actions during the dating/courting phase. Feeling an ‘ouch’ moment on a first date means it’s time to walk away. If you are speaking about something that is important to you and your date acts dismissive or uninterested, just get the check and leave. You have to extrapolate the comment to your relationship. If the person you are with is behaving inappropriately on the first date – a time when they should be on their best behavior – it is guaranteed to get worse the more comfortable they get.

The way you feel after a great first date with a person who meets your standards will make you completely forget about your ex. Start going out when you are ready and only accept emotionally healthy behavior in all relationships in your life and especially those that have the potential to be romantic. You will know when it is time to get back out there when you truly love yourself for exactly who you are. A healthy person will be thrilled to love you for exactly who you are and will serve to make you love yourself even more. Please know that when you learn about emotional health and only accept emotionally healthy people into your life, relationship happiness is going to happen in your future. As Doc Love says, "You are around the corner from unbelievable romantic feelings."vi For the time being, work hard at your goals and contribute all you can to the world in creative service. This essay is the result of my toxic, narcissistic, prenup experience. If you have something inside of you that is trying to surface, just do it. Work on whatever you are called to do and it will help immensely with your recovery.

Think about what it is that makes you stay in a bad relationship or, if you are out of the relationship, what it is that made you decide to leave. Are the majority of the memories about sex? Were there times that the narcissistic ex used sex to manipulate you by withholding it or throttling the frequency of it? This lack of proper, adult behavior in reciprocating sexual advances appropriately is a clear window to your partner’s emotional under-development. Healthy people make you feel GREAT about sex and SECURE in the fact that you are the only one that they want. Unfortunately, cluster-b people will triangulate, making you feel competitive and insecure. Are these really good memories? No!

A known narcissistic triangulation technique is to mention to a partner that another person is interested in them sexually. This might be occurring at work, on social media, or it may not be happening at all. This makes you feel insecure and jealous and makes the narcissist seem in high demand. This is very sick behavior. Emotionally developed people will be happy to provide you all that you need to be happy. Emotionally under-developed people do the exact opposite. The goal of this person is to destroy you emotionally and to feel superior to you. Be grateful that you didn’t choose to be this person’s caregiver and lifetime target of destruction for your entire life. This book series was written in as a method for showing you the personality disordered asteroid that you dodged. Learn to visualize this monstrosity!

If and when you end the relationship, you will have to go no-contact. Even after going no-contact, your ex will likely attempt