The Laramie Briscoe 2018 Companion

Part One

Text Messages

Trick & Hadley Tennyson

FROM THE TEXT MESSAGES OF TRICK & HADLEY TENNYSON

H: Hey hottie! Can you do me a favor? 

T: Oh this should be good, you rarely ever start out flirting on text messages. However, you know I always got time for you, babe. Always got time. What do you need?

H: Riles didn't tell me she needed to bring something for her Christmas piano practice. The only thing I can pull together is some cupcake mix, but we don't have any frosting and I don't have anything to make homemade with. Little man is sleep, otherwise I'd go get it myself. But it's snowing and I don't want to pull him out in that unless I have to. 

T: Nah, the roads are awful. I don't want you two out in them. School is letting out early because of it.

H: Yeah but you and I both know they aren't going to cancel piano.

T: Already ahead of you babe, shut the shop down and I'm gonna get what you need. Anything else?

H: Bottle of wine. Trying to get these orders out by Christmas is going to kill me. 

T: Fuck it, Hadley. I told you, if it's causing you that much trouble, shut the shit down. Hire someone to help you, i don't give a goddamn. You aren't running yourself ragged like you did last year. I told you I'd go in there and refund orders if you did. Don't test me, because I will. I think we both know, I mean what I say.

H: I know, I always bite off more than I can chew.

T: It's going to stop. I'm serious.

H: I know you are. I just hate disappointing people.

(No texts for thirty minutes)

H: Are you mad at me? Look I'm sorry, I know I don't need to work as hard as I used to, because the shop is doing well, and I could really be handing some of this stuff off to other people, but you know I'm a control freak.

T: I know you are. Which is why tonight, babe.You're gonna give control to me.

(Incoming picture)

T: In case the pic doesn't come through, because this place is bananas, it's a bottle of your favorite wine, a bottle of my favorite scotch, and three types of frosting.

H: Thank you for the wine! But, I only need one container of frosting.

T: I know love, the other two containers are for me.

H: But you don't really even have a sweet tooth.

T: Oh yes I do. When it comes to you. I'm gonna get you a little tipsy, get myself a little tipsy, and we're gonna say fuck it to the outside world for a few hours. Which one do you think tastes better on your skin? Funfetti or strawberry? 

H: Oh Trick... 

T: Answer me Hadley, it's not that hard. Well, it is, but only for you. 

H: LMAO! I love you! Funfetti all the way. Hurry home!

T: Love you too. Maybe we can get the kids in bed early tonight?

H: We will do our best, because I can't wait to be in bed with you.

T: Me neither, see you when I get there.

H: Be safe! You're carrying my heart in that truck.

T: <3

Caleb & Ruby Harrison

FROM THE TEXT MESSAGES OF CALEB & RUBY HARRISON

C: Hey, Red?

R: Yeah?

C: Miss me?

R: Of course I do, this training shit you’ve been doing is for the birds. It’s been five days, hot stuff. Five days since I’ve seen you. Your daughter, is driving me to drink. It’s weird at two, she knows you should be here, and she’s questioning why you’re not.

C: Not that cutie…she’s perfect. Like you.

R: Don’t try to butter me up, it’s been a long five days. We’ve made and taken more pictures of cupcakes than I know what to do with. Hope you got a sweet tooth when you get here.

C: Always got a sweet tooth for you…

R: Stop… I’m trying to be irritated.

C: I bet you’re smilin’ though aren’t you?

R: ::rolls eyes:: Maybe

C: What are you wearing right now?

R: Oh. My. God. Caleb. Harrison.

C: It’s been FIVE DAYS since I’ve seen you, Red. FIVE DAYS.

R: Five long days, hot stuff. I’m wearing a PROPERTY OF THE MTF t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

C: Those jeans I like? With the rip in the thigh?

R: Maybe…

C: So I need you to do something for me.

R: What? You know I’d do anything for you.

C: Go pack an overnight bag. Kels is coming to watch Molly.

R: Caleb!? And where am I going?

C: That new hotel near the interstate.

R: The expensive one!!

C: Yeah, Red, the expensive one. Room 453. I’ll be waiting

on you.

R: If I get there and you’re asleep, hot stuff. I’m gonna be really pissed.

(Picture Received)

C: Does that look like I’m asleep to you?

R: Damn, I’ve missed that.

C: It’s missed you too, get here soon?

R: Kels just pulled up. I’ll be there ASAP.

C: Hurry, babe. Hurry.

R: Hey…

C: Yeah?

R: I love you. Please never stop surprising me like this.

C: Love you too, and fuck I know I married up. I’ll always make you know how appreciated you are.

R: XOXO See you soon!

Heaven Hill Guys

Jagger: We're shuttin' down early for the club Christmas party right?

Liam: I don't know why I'm still included in this damn group text. Tyler and I are retired.

Drew: We respect our elders. 

Tyler: This elder taught you your game little man. You think the only thing I have is a skull mug? There's other shit where that came from.

Jagger: Please....no....

Remy: I was gonna take Tatum out in celebration of our first Christmas together as an engaged couple.

Wild: This is my first Christmas here so...somebody just let me know what I need to do.

Drew: Wilder, I'm gonna need you to take care of the Christmas gifts for the girls.

Layne: Dude, that's just mean. He doesn't know them well enough yet. He gets Jess something she hates? He's on her shit list forever. Not to mention, when she sees what I got her - I want to be the person who reaps the benefits of her being happy. Be damned if that's the kid.

Steele: If anyone would like me to hack into their ladies phone so you know what she wants, I'd be happy to do that for you. For a price.

Dalton: Mandy would have my nuts in a vice, but thanks for the offer.

Jagger: Can we get back on track here? I just need to know if we're closing early. Jesus guys...

Tyler: Seems like Drew's the one in charge and he should be the one to answer that question. If he's man enough to ya know, make a decision.

Drew: Seriously y'all? How about this shit? We're closin' the whole goddamn day. If you don't make it to the party, your ass is mine. Lookin' at you Remy. You may have put a ring on my sister's finger, but you're going to be at this damn party.

Remy: Dude, I got reservations...

Drew: Cry to somebody who cares. Are we all good?

Tyler: I don't know Drew, are we?

Liam: LOL! Now you know why I retired... 

(Tyler Blackfoot has added Rooster Hancock to the text)

Rooster: WTF! Y'all forgot about me?

Tyler: So Drew to answer your question, no we weren't all good.

Drew: Jagger made the group text, not me.

Jagger: Give me a break. It's hard to be not only pretty and talented, but also smart.

Dalton: Gag me.

Remy: Oh. My. God.

(Dalton, Remy, Layne, Wilder - have left the text)

Jagger: Was it something I said?

Drew: ::sigh::

Tyler: Do you need some help?

Drew: No. Refer to the previous messages and if anyone has any questions, just ask Tyler. He loves answering them.

(Text is closed)

Heaven Hill Ladies

FROM THE TEXT MESSAGES OF THE HEAVEN HILL LADIES...

Meredith: Y'all...Tyler has the flu. I'm gonna need a prayer circle to make it through this dark time.

Charity: Fuck me! He was with Drew last night, working out. Which means he's probably gonna get it and then he's gonna give it to the twins.

Jessica: The twins will be easier than Drew.

Charity: Truth girl, truth!

Tatum: ::looks around:: I've finally been invited to the big girl texts?!?!

Meredith: Welcome! I thought everybody should know, in case Tyler has infected the whole lot.

Addie: Hiiiii!!!! Dad is laying on the couch right now with three blankets moaning about life in general. He's pitiful and I've made Caelin take him Gatorade. My job here is done.

Meredith: Shit Addie, we don't want Caelin to get it too! One is bad enough.

Addie: Sorry...

Mandy: Add Dalton to the sick list. He's got it too.

B: Who votes for quarantining them in the same place, and we all got eat Mexican and drink Margarita's?

Christine: YES! We can get a DD!

Denise: Wild can do it, he's the low man on the totem pole.

Meredith: Or Addie since she's not twenty-one yet.

Addie: Why am I being sacrificed?

Meredith: Because you sent Caelin to check on his Dad. If he gets sick, you're dealing with it.

Roni: I was just coming to bitch about Rooster being sick. I see it's going around. Jesus take the wheel.

Steele: So this is really how you talk about us when we aren't around?

B: The fuck, Travis?

Christine: If you value sleeping with me, you will keep whatever you've read to yourself.

Steele: My lips are sealed. Just letting you all know, the group of us that aren't sick are already at El Maz. Come join us?

Meredith: OMW! Somebody order me the biggest margarita there is.

Addie: I'm riding with her, see y'all in a few!

Tatum: Mom and I are heading that way too!

B: Stopping to pick up Roni and Charity!

Mandy: Y'all!

B: Sorry girl, you live out in BFE, but you are more than welcome to sleep at the Stone household tonight.

Denise: And bring Carter with you. He can go home with Liam while us ladies have a good time.

Mandy: I love you all! See you there!

(Tyler Blackfoot enters chat)

Tyler: Just so you all know, while you're making plans to go have fun. I'm dying. The end is near.

(Meredith Blackfoot, Addie Blackfoot, Tatum Walker, Denise Walker, Bianca Stone, Christine Steele, Mandy Walker, Jessica O'Conner, Roni Hancock have left the chat.)

Tyler: Thank you for not leaving me Charity.

Charity: Oh Tyler Blackfoot I'm about to give you a piece of my mind...you don't know how much of a baby Drew Walker is when he's sick...

(Tyler Blackfoot has left the chat)

Charity: That's what I thought...

Trevor & Blaze Trumboldt

FROM THE TEXT MESSAGES OF TREVOR & BLAZE TRUMBOLDT...

B: Hey...

T: Hey, how's work today, babe?

B: Not awful, just got done with a call. Logan got groped by an old lady at the nursing home. It's the most action he's seen in six months.

T: LOL! Not that I don't love talking to you in the middle of the day, but Ryan and I just got done fishing, so I'm gonna go take a shower. I've been up for almost 48 hours since I worked into the overnight.

B: Really? You took Ryan fishing on your day off? Must have been a special day for the two of you.

T: Why do I get the feeling you said that with an eyebrow raised and a smirk on your face. I can feel the smartass tone through the phone.

B: Good. 

T: Did I do something to piss you off?

B: If you don't know what you did, I'm not telling you, Tank.

T: Tank? Seriously?

B: ::clown emoji::

T: You know I hate clowns...

B: ::four clown emojis::

(New Text Opened - Whitney & Trevor)

T: Am I missing something?

W: Is this a trick question? You're missing the good sense God gave you.

T: No, I'm serious, Blaze is pissed at me, and I'm not sure why. Ryan and I just got done fishing and she's acting like I fucking ruined her favorite lipstick.

W: Oh Trev, marriage. Does that ring a bell?

T: Oh fuck...what is today's date? I'm all off because I worked doubles the last few days.

W: This date you should know, little bro.

T: Do people get divorced on their third wedding anniversary because they forget it? Son of a bitch!

W: You're in deep shit.

T: Tell me something I don't know. Pray for me.

W: You deserve what you get.

(Switches back to Blaze)

T: Happy Anniversary!!!! Can you believe we've made it three years??

B: Did Whit get to you? We may not make it four. How could you forget?

T: Don't get pissed, but the ring means shit to me, Blaze. It's never really meant anything, because all that matters is we're together. I don't need a day to celebrate that. I celebrate it EVERY DAY. I love you every day, regardless of what day that is. I appreciate you every day, regardless of what day that is.

B: I'm trying very hard to be mad at you.

T: I <3 you, Blaze. Even if you do text me clowns.

B: LOL! I <3 you too! To be fair, I didn't remember until this morning.

T: OMG WOMAN!

B: You're right though. No matter if we have a particular day, a piece of paper, or a ring around our fingers, it's not going to dictate how much we love each other. Although I wouldn't say no to a little celebration tonight.

T: I'm all the celebration you need, baby.

B: Oh I know, looking forward to it!

T: Hurry home, gorgeous.

B: To you? Every single day.

Moonshine Task Force

FROM THE TEXT MESSAGES OF THE MOONSHINE TASK FORCE

Menace: I love my wife, but sometimes...I just have to show her who I am.

Havoc: HA! I heard about this!!!

Cruise: Shit, is this why I have a five minute voicemail from Mom?

Tank: I have zero idea what's going on here, so please enlighten me.

Menace: My lovely wife told me I don't understand the pressure she's under to cook Thanksgiving dinner, while working a full-time job and taking care of our daughter.

Renegade: Ummm.....

Ace: Did she forget that you were a single father for like seventeen years?

Menace: I am SO glad you asked that question. She appears to have totally forgotten that fact.

Cruise: I'm bowing out. She's my Mom.

Menace: And I'm your Dad.

Cruise: Fuck...

Menace: So would any of you like to bring a side dish or dessert? I'm deep frying the turkey's.

Renegade: Whit was planning on bringing homemade Mac & Cheese.

Menace: No go my friend, we need to do this on our own. I'll be damned if I take shit from any of your wives. This is something we need to prove we can do.

Havoc: I'm feelin' like this is something you need to prove...not me.

Menace: You took a dance class for your wife. I'm not listening to you.

Renegade: Okay, I was single for a lot of years. I can make a green bean casserole. I got this.

Tank: You got this until you ask Whit to help you.

Renegade: Fuck you man, what are YOU bringing?

Tank: Doesn't Chickfila sell gallons of sweet and unsweet tea? Put me down for that.

Ace: Shit, okay. So I can do Velveeta Mac & Cheese. It's that liquid gold shit, right?

Havoc: LMAO! This is gonna be a disaster, but I'll pick up some gravy and biscuits from KFC.

Menace: This is the way we come together guys! Son?

Cruise: (typing a reply...)

Menace: You've been typing that damn reply for five minutes.

Cruise: Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to win either way? Don't we tell Domestic's not to put their kids in the middle?

Ace: LMAO! He's right. We do tell people not to put their children in the middle.

Menace: What are you bringing Caleb Matthew?

Cruise: Ugh! Fuck it. I'll bring cake and ice cream and that's all your getting.

Havoc: You do realize this is the most pitiful Thanksgiving dinner we will ever have?

Menace: We are proving a point, and sometimes that's all that matters.

Tank: Well when my wife gets pissed that there isn't sweet potato casserole because you've pissed off your wife. I'm gonna let her know that you've done this. That way I'm not the one sleeping on the couch.

Havoc: Also, you won't be allowed to bunk at my place if Rina kicks you out. Her and Leigh are tight.

Cruise: Same. I'm already gonna have to go to therapy for being put in the middle of my parents arguing. I mean they don't even care how this affects my self-esteem and my ability to function in my own marriage. Thanks a lot, dad.

Menace: Thanks for all your support! 

Renegade: You're welcome! Always happy to help!

Havoc: You do know he was being sarcastic, right?

Renegade: He was??

Tank: Fuck this is gonna be a shit show…..

Moonshine Task Force Ladies

FROM THE TEXTS OF THE MTF LADIES

Rina: Well now I know why Mason didn't wanna ride together. THIS is supposed to be Thanksgiving dinner?

Blaze: WTF is this shit?  I wondered why in the world Trevor stopped at Chicfila on his way home last night and got two gallons of tea.

Leigh: Better yet...what the hell are we eating on? I asked Mason where the plates were and he said they have heavy duty napkins. 

Ruby: Y'all I'm dying! That ice cream has been in our freezer for like five months. It's probably so damn freezer burnt we can't even scoop it out...

Whitney: Well I tried the turkey and it was really good, as was the green bean casserole.

Blaze: Seriously? C'mon Whit, you can tell us how you really feel. You don't