No Words: January
By Larissa Mundim and Valentina Prado
()
About this ebook
"January" is the third chapter of "No Words", a Brazilian fiction novel written by Larissa Mundim and Valentina Prado, translated into English by Mariana Dominguez.
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No Words - Larissa Mundim
Larissa Mundim | Valentina Prado
Goiânia/GO - Brazil
Nega Lilu Editora
Chapter III (in progress) – Part 2
No Words
Chapter III
Iam yours.
I woke up empty. Still eyes, like a rag doll.
I kept quiet understanding a few things. I revisited our story from this side and from the other side. There was fog in my thoughts. Did I lose something or someone?
Morning came without me hearing a word from Gabriela. In the small hours, the last whisper had sounded to me in Aramaic.
Embedded bodies. Reliefs. We would be enclosed in each other for as long as that free, mysterious and open contact would last, but limited in its space and time. Like a crystallized second.
— Angelina...
A brief sigh responds.
In the night we spent together, Gabriela did not want to sleep, she opted for discoveries. At first, she had said that she preferred subtleties, but she surrendered to the naturalism. She bit me whole, explored my geography as announced. She left marks on the epidermis. I will not forget the movement, full of sensuality, of her capoeira.
The silhouette of her breasts was imprinted in my retina. I remained excited for days on end, especially in traffic. I spent hours organizing our soundtrack. I listed things that I wanted to do with you. All while you were away.
As the days passed and we didn’t see each other, I convinced myself that your skin contrasting with mine and our other polarities would continue to bring encounters and fantastic premieres, if we did not pay attention to what was presenting itself as ponderous.
That was when I wanted to advance. When I realized that her absence was already affecting me. Not seeing her was like skipping a day to wait for the next morning.
Aware of the trap, I turned to the rational plan. I went around in circles studying that equation without any intention to solve it. Positive and negative. Positive and positive. Negative and positive. Negative and negative.
To remain exactly where we were was to keep diving in dark ocean waters, possessed by the fluidity of the movement that originates and intensely develops from inside out from inside out, projecting itself to occupy a brand new place.
Oh my God, how I wanted Gabriela. How I wanted her for myself!
It would be necessary to attenuate the latent, moist and misplaced desire. However, I kept sublimating her presence, looking to nurture our passion during the furtive and youthful situations created so that we could be together. We were 17 again.
Her absence affected me in such a way that I desired her immensely and then I didn’t! I spent my days denying the truest, most reciprocate emotions I had ever felt and, at night, I closed my eyes wanting to have you, with my heart beating in between my legs. Living between the hot and the cold was cracking my glass dome in days overflowing with dedication or a subtle rebellion, also in alternate frequencies.
Gabriela knew it all and she’d ask: Is everything ok with you?
. And I would answer: Just normal...
(Exercising the knowledge obtained from the ancient literature on pain and delight, typical of those who share the loved one. A constant test of self-esteem that reveals itself in a misplaced mix of detachment, generosity, resignation, perseverance, jealousy, faith, transcendence).
Knowing of my escapades to the rational plan, she said she was surprised: I thought things were not so tense, more relaxed...
Our dialog became naturally tacit (it was great), and silence as an expression allowed me to keep a secret of my impressions about the misery of lovers. I only told her that I had no vocation to share love and that to me there was no lightness in playing a supporting role. So, in a seemingly contradictory way, I decided to forge Angelina’s invisibility: discretion as a natural gift. An enchanted cloak that would protect me, allowing me to protect Gabriela. The secret weapon that provided me with the power of matter self-disintegration with autonomy for a strategic reappearance.
I miss you
, said my dear over the phone, between an appointment and the other. I called to tell you how I adore you...
It was the day before our date and we were initiating the warming-up ritual. Long foreplays left us in a deplorable physiological state, ready to lose control over this endurance of longingness. "May God protect