The Other Side of Again

The Other Side of Again

© 2019 by Kristina Circelli

Cover by Najla Qamber Designs

Editing by Juli’s Elite Editing

Formatting by JT Formatting

Smashwords Edition

ISBN: 978-0463252666

All rights reserved.

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products, bands, and/or restaurants referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Other Books by Kristina Circelli

Standalone Novels

The Never

The Silent Sounds of Chaos

A Single Swim

Fade into the Woodwork

The House of Gabriel

The Sour Orange Derby

Damsel Not

Dungeon

The Helping Hands Series

The Helping Hands

Shadows in the Night

The Iron Fist

Abandon

Fragile Creatures Books

Fragile Creatures

Unbroken Beings

The Whisper Legacy

Beyond the Western Sun

Walk the Red Road

Into the Shadow Realm

The Five Flames Series

Follow Me Home

In Sickness

Lie the Liar

The City Will Crumble

Avenge the Forgotten

For Everyone Who Made It through the Hard Times

& Came Out Stronger

***

Table of Contents

Title Page

Prologue

Part I: I Know How This Story Ends

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Part II: The Deepest Depths of Lonely Solitude

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

About the Author

Once, sitting in a dirty bathroom, staring at a graffitied wall while contemplating all of life’s terrible choices, I saw a quote scribbled in an almost elegant cursive. Self-discovery is found only in the deepest depths of lonely solitude.

For one pitiful, self-loathing moment, I found myself wishing I’d come up with something so poetic, so beautiful. But how could I? I was just a broken woman hiding in a bathroom stall, too blinded by the shutters of woe to create even the smallest spark of beauty.

Unable to bear the truth of those words, I fled the stall, choosing instead the clouded, spotty mirror above a cracked sink. There I stood, staring at the corpse I’d become, trying so hard to see the woman I once was.

Sometimes you can’t see past your own reflection.

It wasn’t the poetry written in scrawled black marker, but it was close. And, worse, it was true. Sometimes you were trapped in your reflection; just a face in the mirror, something gruesomely static staring back at you. Unyielding. Unrelenting. Unforgiving. Until, finally, you find a crack in the glass and crawl your way out, through the blood and tears, to salvation.

But this isn’t a story about salvation. This is a story about tragedy and the darkest depths of one’s soul. It’s about the face staring into the mirror, lost among the reflections. A story of heartbreak and confusion and unrelenting finality.

This is the worst story ever told.

***

***

All hail the new queen of the world! The young brunette entered her home with a flourishing wave, bowing deep at the waist in the entryway. As she rose, she added, I will also accept, WebStar Analytics’ youngest Director of Digital Strategies.

A lean, shaggy-haired man rounded the corner, wiping his hands on a dish towel that he quickly tossed onto a counter that looked into the kitchen. His grin was wide as he picked his wife up by the waist and spun her in a circle. They’d have been idiots not to promote you, he said just before he kissed her soundly, then set her back on her feet. Congrats, Ell.

Ellie smiled up at her husband, her new husband of only a few months, the man she’d loved for six years and watched grow from an awkward vet tech to a successful and well-respected animal rehabilitator.

My biggest cheerleader, she teased. Mom and Adam and me are going out to lunch tomorrow to celebrate. I thought tonight we could… her words trailed off when she looked over her husband’s shoulder and saw the scene in the living room. Sam … what did you do?

Releasing his wife, Sam half turned and led her into the dining room, where he’d set out an array of colorful scented candles—their mix of aromas surprisingly pleasant—along with a picnic spread atop the carpeted floor. Well, I knew you would get the job, like I said, idiots not to promote you, so I thought we’d have a celebratory dinner at home. I wish I could take you out for a big night on the town, but—

Stop. It’s perfect. Ellie shushed him with a kiss, feeling ridiculously happy for not the first time that day. We just bought this house and paid for a wedding and honeymoon. I think big nights out are off the table for a while.

Sam bumped her with his shoulder. Hey now, you’ll be making the big bucks soon. You can pay for all the dinners now, he said as they sat on the blanket and he began plating spoonfuls of pasta mixed with chicken and asparagus, one of their household staples.

That’s right, baby, the lady is the bread-maker of the household now.

At that, Sam laughed and threw a grape from the salad bowl at his wife. It’s breadwinner, you uncultured baboon.

Uncultured baboon, Ellie repeated after popping the grape in her mouth. That’s a new one … I like it, she decided after a moment. That’s gonna be my new go-to insult.

The mood set for their at-home picnic, the pair began to feast, celebrating Ellie’s promotion in lightness and laughter. Only when the plates were empty and set aside did they sit with their backs against the couch, legs outstretched, and let the conversation turn toward plans for the future.

We should repaint the room, Ellie suggested, staring at the beige wall, the same color that covered every other wall in their home. Something bold, like an ocean blue.

Only if you let me build my man cave out back.

Ellie rolled her eyes. You and your man cave. Fine, build your man cave and I’ll paint my walls any color I want, even if it’s obnoxious.

One day you’ll be able to hire painters so you can just sit back and order them around.

Hey. Ellie sat up and turned to face her husband. We’ve been through this. So we don’t have anything in savings and can’t afford fancy nights out. So what? I have a loving husband who saves animals, an adorable new house, the world’s best, laziest dog, this she said with a sidelong glance at Duke, the fifty-pound mutt currently snoring on his bed, so really, what more could I ask for?

Sam pretended to think. A million dollars would be nice.

Oh yeah, a million dollars would be awesome. You should get on that, Ellie joked, dumping the rest of the wine into her glass and taking a generous sip.

Easy on the wine, Ell. You still have to work tomorrow. You know, big fancy director job, remember?

Ellie scoffed. You can’t tell me easy on the wine on the night of my big promotion celebration, especially since I’m finally feeling better after that honeymoon bug. She pulled her glass out of reach when he moved to take it. After another large sip, she set it down and shifted until she was straddling her husband. What, you don’t like Tipsy Ellie? she asked, crawling up his lap, nipping at his bottom lip. When his hands slid around her waist, she grinned against his mouth.

That’s what I thought, she whispered, then gave herself over to him, the perfect end to a perfect day.

***

They met at a local café, their favorite soup-and-sandwich place with its rustic charm and overflow of colorful flora. The menu was simple, a small array of sandwiches and salads with two soups of the day, but it was all customers needed to keep them happy and coming back for more.

Ellie ate her half a tuna sandwich and beer cheese soup slowly, enjoying every bite, while her brother, Adam, was already mostly finished with his Rueben on rye. They were matches in many ways, with their identical sea-green eyes and wild, dark-russet hair, but appearance was where their similarities ended. Ellie tended to be quiet and reserved; Adam, the loud-mouthed goofball.

And in between them sat the woman who encompassed all facets of their personalities. Fiona Carson was a force to be reckoned with, with her halo of untamed chocolate curls so dark they were nearly black, lively eyes with the slightest of crinkles at the corner, and infectious laughter that invited everyone around to laugh with her. She had more friends than she could count, but only her two best friends truly mattered most, and today they sat at her table for a lunch celebrating a most worthy achievement.

I know I already said it, but I’ll say it again, Fiona proclaimed as she held up her glass of sweet tea. I have the smartest, most talented, best kids ever. Congratulations again, Ellie. You really deserve this promotion.

Damn straight, Adam agreed, clinking his glass to first his mother’s, then his sister’s. Maybe this time next year you’ll be making as much as your big brother. After all, I have to pave the way for my dear little sis.

Ellie rolled her eyes. Please. You’re barely older than me.

Old enough. It still counts.

Yeah, yeah. Fiona waved a hand. Adam, enough. Today is all about Ellie, so just shut it. She pretended not to see her daughter stick her tongue out at her son, and him return the gesture with an expression of mock insult—a back-and-forth the two had done since childhood.

That’s right, it’s all about me, so you can sit there and be jealous. Ellie grinned a mischievous grin, one all too familiar whenever her brother got in trouble.

Adam matched her smile with a lifted brow. All about you, you say? Well then, let’s truly make it all about you. Excuse me! This he all but shouted to everyone around them, even those on the sidewalk passing by stopping to listen. He then pointed to his sister, who was desperately trying to shush him. My baby sister just got promoted! She’s kicking ass and taking names, and let’s all give her a round of applause!

Ellie’s face reddened, the shade deepening when her mother was the loudest clapper and cheerer of them all, lifting her arms and shaking her fingers in what could only be described as jazz hands. Those around them celebrated as well, laughing along with the poor girl who sat embarrassed by her family.

And with that, I’m out. Adam wiped his mouth with the cloth napkin and tossed it on top of his empty plate. I have a conference call to get ready for. Congrats again, Ellie, he added, kissing his sister on the cheek, then his mother, before laying down a few bills and escaping before Fiona could protest him paying for the entire meal.

What are we going to do with your brother, Fiona chuckled.

It’s not too late to give him up for adoption.

With a laugh, Fiona sat back and observed her daughter, her eyes filled with love and pride. She’d sacrificed a lot for her family, given her children everything a mother possibly could and hoped it would be enough, and now she had two kids who never stopped making her proud.

Come out with me Friday night, Fiona suggested. Some of the girls from the office are going out after work for drinks. Adam has that big business meeting he’s prepping for so I already know he’s busy. It’ll be fun, just us girls. First two drinks on me.

Another night to celebrate me, complete with free drinks? Ellie joked, ducking when her mother threw a napkin at her, then nodded. You know I’m there.

Nerves danced in her belly as she walked into work the next day. But they were good nerves, excitement and eagerness and all sorts of positive things that came with her promotion. A few people congratulated her as she entered and hopped on the elevator, and Ellie couldn’t help the grin that seemed perma-plastered to her face as she rode the three floors up.

You’re early, her boss, David, a tall and mostly serious man of fifty-fix, said teasingly when he passed her exiting the elevator. Excited to get started?

You know it. What’s first? Ellie followed him into his office. While many at her company found David likeable but intimidating, she thought of him as a big brother. A different kind of brother than Adam though, one who actually taught her things rather than spending his time trying to get on her nerves. He was lanky, though he’d been heavier when she first met him years ago and recently lost weight for his trimmer form, yet smooth, a man who moved with confidence and commanded respect. His dark hair was just starting to gray at the temples, which only made him appear all the more authoritative.

David had hired her on a whim when she was fresh out of college. Ellie had applied for the only open position the company had at the time—IT—but he’d felt she would be a better fit within his own team and hired her on as a digital consultant.

And now look at me, Ellie thought with much-deserved smugness.

Picking up a narrow box and a key, David gestured with his head. What’s first is over here. Come on. He led her down the hall, past the east conference room, and stopped in front of a closed door, then held out a hand. All yours, Director.

Confused, Ellie looked at his hand, at the key waiting atop his open palm. What … Wait, are you saying I get my own office?

David lifted a brow. Surely you don’t think a director could stay in a cubicle with the other consultants.

His bemused tone made her grin before she took the key and slid it into the lock. The door swung open to reveal a charming space lit by a large window filling the back wall. The office was small but not cramped, with a solid wooden desk and matching credenza, two plush chairs for guests, and even some kind of plant in the corner.

Awesome, Ellie breathed as she stepped inside and took stock of what was now hers.

I thought you might like it. Adjusting his tie, David stepped back and added, Go ahead and get settled in. We’ll review your new duties after lunch and your new direct reports, then you’ll get started on the first project the Board has set aside for you.

Can’t wait, Ellie replied, and truly meant it.

She spent the next few hours moving her things over from her old cubicle, stares from her fellow coworkers only making her feel awkward when they became persistent, drilling into her back like daggers of accusation. She knew some people wouldn’t be happy about her promotion, given her age and the fact that many of them had seniority over her. But, damn it, she had earned this, working longer hours, shadowing other departments, doing her own research on digital statistics to further her knowledge. She was smart and she worked her ass off.

Now, her hard work was paying off. And she was going to love every second of what was soon to come.

***

As promised, your first of two free drinks. Fiona set the martini down in front of her daughter and grinned. Thanks for coming out tonight.

A night out with Mom? Every girl’s dream, Ellie teased, taking a healthy sip of her drink as they made their way around too-close tables packed with too-loud patrons to her mother’s small group of work friends. Fiona had worked with these women for more than fifteen years through the public school system, some of them teachers, others administration, where her mom worked. They met at least twice a month for lunch or drinks to catch up on each other’s lives and blow off steam.

Tonight, they enjoyed an evening of laughter as they told stories about their kids.

I’m telling you, this boy is going to be the death of me, the youngest of the group, Tessa, chuckled as she spoke of her toddler son. Not only is he completely allergic to bedtime, but now he’s started to repeat everything we say. Let’s just say there’s been some foul language tossed around in a very inappropriate voice lately.

I’d take a toddler cussing over my teenager’s attitude, another woman chimed in. Linda threw up her hands in a gesture of surrender. "Life is just so terrible, what with having good food on the table, two parents who actually care about her life, and a nice home. Not to mention a brand-new puppy that she’d begged us for."

When Fiona merely chuckled and shook her head, Linda lifted a brow. Oh, what’s that? You’re going to laugh at our pain without sharing your own? Come on, spill the goods. We want to hear all about this one, the golden child who can do no wrong. She pointed to Ellie, who took another sip of her drink in mock innocence.

My kids are great! Fiona replied around another chuckle.

Lifting her drink in a salute to herself and her mom, Ellie replied, "It’s true. I’m pretty awesome. Adam, on the other hand, well, he can be a pain in the ass. But me? I’m a delight, and a genius one at that."

How many of those have you had?

Fiona waved Tessa off with a scoff. That’s how she always is. I taught my kids to know their worth, and this one took me a little too seriously. Both mother and daughter laughed, remembering too many times growing up when Ellie and her mouth had been more than a challenge.

Oh come on now, there must be something, Tessa challenged, her co-teacher, Joy, nodding next to her. So what is it? Sassy mouth? Terrible with homework? Protested bedtime with every fiber of her being?

Fiona shrugged. Not at all. My kids were perfect. They were well-behaved, listened, went to bed right at bedtime like champs. Never even asked for some juice after lights out.

Yeah, well, we went to bed like champs so Mom would stop telling us her awful bedtime stories.

The women laughed at Ellie’s admission. Now the gloves are off, Linda cheered. Tell us more!

My bedtime stories were fantastic! Fiona protested, earning an eye roll from Ellie.

"Please. The stepsisters in Cinderella cutting parts of their feet off? Hansel and Gretel being eaten by the witch? That one horrible story about the teenage girls who were playing chicken with the train, and it turns out they were dead the entire time? We tried to go to bed before the end of the story so we didn’t have nightmares. They were traumatizing!"

Crossing her arms and frowning a pretend-angry frown, Fiona replied, Well excuse me for being honest with my children and not letting them grow up thinking life is all puppies and rainbows.

Nah, just raised them to need a shrink instead. Tessa dodged a push from Fiona. Seriously, Fiona, we need to find you a man so you can share some good stories with us. Naughty ones.

Fiona