This is Part 3 of Why we became romantic. I was a generous wife in intimacy and I felt loved in some areas, but I didn't feel loved outside of the bedroom. The romance on dates, the random gifts, the consistent compliments, the surprises were missing.  (Part 1 is more of the theory behind it and Part 2 is the beginning of my discussion with my husband that exemplifies this process.)   Being happy and pleasable makes my husband motivated to plan and give me big surprises  My husband takes note of "I would like" but rejects specific commands. "Its not what you say, its the way you say it." Deciding where to focus, the negatives are easy to remember. When you say it, it stays in the records. Encouragement "erases" the bad Before I surrendered I was in charge of the finances, and now that he is, we're much happier (less stress for me and more confidence for him) I am closest to my husband so I can affect him the most: in your self-conception, who you are in the world Ultimately, Belah's husbands feel her changes caused the marriage to change. Caused him to change. Resources: Emotionally Healthy Relationships Course; Financial Peace University, Surrendered Wife   1:1 Coaching with Belah is 30% off until Nov 24. Click here for details!