Session 5

The Birth Empowerment Course

of

Welcome to

www.BirthinginConsciousChoice.com

with Krystal Trammell of

Session Five
One of the myths about natural childbirth is that if you just plan well enough, everything will go great. Yet, you cant plan for everything. On the one hand, failing to plan is planning to fail, and that adage does have some truth to it, even in the realm of birth. Trying to be prepared for any contingency might be one way to try to gain control over or master your fears-but its also healthy to realize that its an unattainable ideal. okay. No one can ever truly The be prepared for *everything*, and thats Perfection is not necessary! thing that you want to put the most effort into preparing is your mind your ability to handle anything has much to do with how flexible you are. You can have an entire forest of strong, mighty oak trees, but in a storm with changing, violent winds, the tree that's likely to fare best is the flexible willow.

Recognizing the element of choice, even in difficult situations: Its unlikely, even with an amazingly blissful birth, that everything will have gone precisely as you expected it to. Life is unpredictable by nature, and one of the only things you can truly count on is change. However, no matter the circumstances, and no matter now remember that everything contains an element of choice or free will. backed into a corner you might feel--

Even if the choices you're faced with seem rotten, or make you feel pinned between a rock and a hard place, you still have a choice: both a choice as to the People course of action you will take, and a choice of how to feel about it. often make these choices unconsciously, and either find the proverbial silver lining and embrace it, or suffer instead. Realizing the freedom we have to make choices is where we'll find selfempowerment.

When discussing childbirth, as in most other areas of life, we talk a lot about have tos:

My doctor said I have to labor on my back My midwife says I have to get nonstress tests starting at week 38 I have to avoid [caffeine, wine, cigarettes, etc] because Im pregnant

I have to start exercising more a midwife

I have to figure out a way to afford

Notice that the have-tos Ive listed are both directives from others, and from ourselves. Might I suggest a radical notion from here forward? You dont HAVE TO do anything. Nothing, really. Nothing at all. that will empower every choice you make

(Whaaat--?)

. . .

I'm serious but let me explain: Now, you may have already conjured up a stereotypical image of some lazy layabout who's decided that since everything is optional, then nothing is worth doing. assure you, this is not the conclusion you're supposed to draw! Also, in my opinion thats taking a very dim view of human nature--even if some sad examples of this mindset do exist out there. Truthfully, though--think about it: If you have to get up early in the morning and go to a job you hate, what you really mean is that you prefer having a steady income (or recognition, health care benefits, etc) over the unknowns of quitting and looking for another way to be productive. If you have to do the dishes, what you really mean is that you prefer to have clean dishes over a filthy kitchen--or over the cost and waste of disposable dishes. I

If you have to follow a certain diet, what you really mean is that you are choosing to eat this way, because you feel that by doing so you will enjoy the benefits of a healthier body and mind as a result. If you have to birth in a hospital, what you really mean is that youve carefully weighed the options and you prefer seeing a doctor over having an unassisted homebirth, paying out of pocket for a birth center birth, or risking the health of you or your baby when its medically indicated that youll be safest in the hospital. Have to and should are words that indicate control, oppression, being forced against ones will. They assume that whatever youre having to do isn't worth doing and would never get done, were it not for pure coercion and threats from other people, or from some separate, more responsible part of your own mind--!

The truth is, YOU are the one whos making the choice to start exercising more, or wanting to avoid caffeine. You are also the one whos choosing to comply with your doctors wishes, even if you'd prefer otherwise. There is no other you inside your head, battling with the you who presumably doesnt want to exercise or follow a special diet--! Recognize that you are always making choices about everything in your life, even if they are common sense, or the only alternatives are dire and unacceptable. Simply put, there is no such thing as have to. Whatever we do or don't do, we are making a choice. Pretending that our hands are tied doesn't do us any favors. Be honest with yourself about the choices you make own that power of choice instead of hiding behind I have to..

Let's take the example of a doctor asking you to follow his orders. doctor again--! You dont have to listen to the doctor, or even see the You can argue with

If youre feeling like you have to comply with a doctor's wishes that you don't agree with--be honest about whats really going on inside your mind:

Its too difficult to switch care

providers at this stage of pregnancy

My partner isn't okay with homebirth I'm still a little afraid to birth outside of a hospital I havent yet found a doula whom I really like

Be honest with yourself instead of making the pressure from outside sources into the bad guy, forcing you into a rotten situation. Often, there won't be an ideal Sometimes what you're range of choices.

presented with is downright crappy. Everything is full of tradeoffs, and it's common to subconsciously justify your

choice by pretending you didn't really have any alternatives. If you feel the above feelings, but still decide that you must continue going to this doctor, that's OKAY. You are choosing to stay with that doctor even though he doesnt really mesh with your ideal birth situation, because the alternatives (whatever they are, whether or not they fit some other person's definition of rational) are even more undesirable. By being honest with yourSelf, you lessen the possibility that you will feel bitter, angry, or otherwise negatively about the situation in retrospect. Owning your choices - even the ones you're not thrilled about - helps you to feel more positive and accepting of them. Any good strategist knows that making less-than-ideal choices is unavoidable. There's no need to feel guilty about this doing the best we can is all we can do!

Mentally and emotionally taking ownership of our choices gives us back the power that is inherent in making them. It might seem like just semantics, but the including whether you regard them as way you think about your choices -

choices - can drastically influence the way you think and feel about your life. Further, its worth understanding that we also have the power to choose our emotions, to some extent. Thats not to say we dont get overwhelmed by them sometimes, however. Its very easy to feel as if we are being controlled by our emotions, instead of the other way around! Its actually very healthy to be emotional in the stereotypical sense, because it means that you are passionate, that youre not suffering from apathy or disconnected from the world around you.

You want to fully allow yourself to FEEL whatever comes up as it happens, to honor your feelings and allow them to roll through you, in all their acute, messy, passionate glory. FEEL your feelings--deeply, completely, honestly and unapologetically. In doing this, you can more easily let them go... (Dont try to stuff them in a box or a dark closet somewhere, where theyll multiply - and later, spill out at the most inopportune times!) The trick is not to get hung up on or tangled within your feelings. Don't let your darker or more unpleasant emotions create a constant theme in your life that prevents you from moving forward or making good choices for yourself. Envy is one such emotion; guilt is another. The person who suffers from chronic guilt, for example, will not use that emotion as a positive springboard to guide his future actions and strive to do better.

Instead, hell chastise himself, forever stuck in the past, feeling sorry for things he did wrong that cant be reconciled. Hell base his worth as a person on those unhelpful feelings, and wont be able to move forward or accept himSelf. The key is to move forward. If you are

unsure about whether your current emotional state is helpful to you are not, just think about whether its spurring you to take positive, meaningful action in your life. If the answer isnt a clear YES, then that might be a signal telling you to consciously work on shifting away from that emotional state. Taking charge of your emotions with energy work: Many energy work techniques are focused on shifting or transforming ones emotions, because shifting the emotions is a more effective and peaceful way of influencing the realities of the world around us.

The only person you can ever change is yourself. Your default settings or perspective (courage versus timidity, passion versus apathy, trust versus suspicion, etc) has a huge impact on how you experience the world--so if you dont like what youre experiencing, you have the power to shift your experience. There are many tools and techniques that you can utilize to help you take charge. One system of energetic/vibrational medicine that's very helpful for emotional distress is the Bach Flower Essences (or Bach Flower Remedies, depending on whether youre in the United States or Europe). There are 38 remedies, distilled from flowers and trees, using the precise methods that Dr. Edward Bach created himself in the 1930s. Dr. Bach felt strongly that physical disease (literally, dis-ease) started in the mind, and the remedies he created were to help balance the emotions, and thus, promote overall health.

The remedies are harmless, so theres no danger in choosing the wrong one. They are usually taken in a glass of water for acute problems (such as Star of Bethlehem directly after a difficult birth); or a specialized remedy combination is made up in a dropper-bottle, to be taken over the course of several weeks, for more persistent or deeper issues. An interesting thing about the Bach Essences is that in taking them, you may begin to feel shifts within days--but by the end of a course (usually 2-3 weeks) with any particular group of remedies, you may find, upon re-evaluating your situation, that other problems have surfaced, and a new combination of remedies is indicated. This does not mean that theyre not working; on the contrary, it means that they are working very well! Emotional problems, unlike physical ones, are often multi-layered and must be slowly unraveled or unwound, instead of excised like a surgical procedure.

For example, the person who starts taking Wild Rose for apathy will start to make small changes to improve her circumstances, and as she does so, discovers that perhaps her apathy was a defense mechanism against her feelings of being thwarted by others when she tried to do things for herself in the past. So she starts taking Centaury to help her recognize when shes unnecessarily being a martyr and saying yes to things shed rather not do, and Willow for the burgeoning feelings of resentment and frustration that she didnt even realize she had at first. A sequence like this could play out for weeks or months, like a tightly wound ball of yarn, each layer of yarn unraveled revealing a different layer of emotions that were previously below the level of conscious thought, but affecting us all the same. There are many questionnaires and websites, articles and books on the Bach

Flower Essences, and you can also consult a licensed Bach Flower Essence practitioner to help you choose the ideal remedies for your situation. I am not yet officially licensed, but I do have a good deal of unofficial knowledge and experience with choosing remedies for myself and others, and I've done extensive reading on the subject. Bach flower remedies were absolutely crucial in treating my depression during my last pregnancy they kept me functional. A simple way of trying out the remedies is to buy Rescue Remedy, which is a commercially-available blend of six different Bach Essences indicated for grief, fear, or shock. It can be taken Its directly under the tongue, or dropped in a glass of water and sipped at intervals. charged situation. You can even get good for any stressful or emotionally Rescue Remedy in the form of a soothing cream, or mildly flavored pastilles that you can chew or suck on. Interestingly, Rescue Remedy isn't just

used for people - animals and even plants can benefit from Rescue Remedy; many veterinarians and gardeners swear by it!

Meridian Tapping, or Emotional Freedom Technique: Neuro-linguistic programming meets acupressure and hypnosis Tapping is another form of energetically -based self-therapy that seems almost too simple to actively generate lasting results, yet its used in clinical therapy settings all over the world to treat a wide array of physical and emotional issues. The origins of Tapping are ancient, having similar roots to acupuncture and Chinese medicine systems. Modern forms of EFT and Tapping began to be developed over 25 years ago, and can be credited largely to a clinical psychology professor named Dr. Patricia Carrington. To practice tapping, you use your fingers to tap on a series of specific points on the body that correspond to energy

meridians, as recognized in Chinese medicine and other disciplines. Energy meridians can be thought of as highways of energetic flow within our body, and they can be manipulated and programmed to accept our conscious thoughts, instead of our residual emotions and unconscious worries and fears. This is quite similar to holding an acupressure point for stopping a migraine or backache, or preventing nausea from becoming worse. However, tapping usually includes a script or repeated words spoken aloud, coupled with the conscious checking-in of how true the words feel to us both before and after cycling through the tapping points. This creates a powerful form of self-therapy that can be used with many issues, from chronic to incidental. Tapping is unique in that its a truly holistic therapy--equally and powerfully effective on both physical symptoms such as back pain and emotional symptoms such as stress or fear.

The technique is very simple to learn, and the benefits can be felt almost immediately. You can search the internet for tapping scripts to address a wide range of problems or issues, from nicotine addiction and fear of spiders, to chronic back pain and PTSD. and jump right in. You can search YouTube for follow-along videos Theres also books you can purchase, and a variety of good EFT/Tapping websites out there, offering free eBooks as a gift for subscribing to their newsletter. Often, these are well worth it! Learning to tap within a group or at home in front of your computer, in a followthe-leader fashion, is the most simple and effective way to start to integrate tapping into your life. You can easily include a round of tapping with your morning tea, or just before you drift off to sleep at night. The most striking benefits of tapping will be apparent with consistent use - although it's not uncommon for even one round of tapping to work on a particular issue.

Tapping is quick and easy to do almost anywhere, and can be done silently if necessary (although, as Ive said before, words have power and so speaking aloud will offer the most benefit). Another nice thing about tapping, perhaps moreso than other energy/vibrational therapies, is that its not affected by our belief in whether its working. With crystals, for example, your state of emotions can dampen the effect of their energy on your own, and they may not provide strong benefits to someone whos a diehard skeptic. Tapping, however, since its based on therapies that were designed to heal the physical body rather than the emotional body (acupressure), is able to generate tangible results even in someone whos resisting the therapy as nonsense! You also dont need to know HOW it works in order for it to work. Tapping is the ultimate just do it therapy!

Theres not really a wrong way to tap just try it and keep up with it, and decide for yourself whether its useful! There are follow-along videos for pregnancy and labor Tapping in this Session's materials, as well as general resources in the Links & Extras section. Tapping and the Bach flower essences are just two of many specific forms of self-therapy that can help us to become more aware of our emotions. In choosing to explore healing and growth, instead of clinging to apathy or frustration, we honor ourSelves and make room for more conscious, lifeaffirming experiences.
~*~

That's all for this eBook!

concepts in this session, make sure you try the rest of the session 5 resources before you move on to session 6. out the printable worksheets, and complete

To further explore the techniques and

Wishing you a peaceful, powerful birth!

~ Krystal