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Sarah Garrett Rebecca Agosta ENG-1102 November 4, 2013

The Brave Women Behind Our Soldiers

I have a very special person in my life who is a military wife. My best friend, Angel, is married to an amazing man, Pablo, who is in the U.S. Navy. When she and I met 8 years ago, we instantly got along because we had a lot in common. All through high school, we stuck together even though many of our other friends ended up going separate ways. About a year after we had graduated high school, Pablo decided he wanted to join the navy. At first she had wanted to end things with him. She wasnt sure she could be with someone who would be away for long periods of time. I ended up realizing I still want to be with him even though it made me feel like he was leaving me for the Navy (Angel). Angel and Pablo got married about 6 months after he completed boot camp. Once they were married that meant she would move to wherever he was stationed. Angel had to pack up her life, the entirety of which she had spent in Charlotte; and move to a small town in Mississippi, that none of us had ever heard of. During Angel and Pablos first year of marriage, they were only able to spend 4 months on the same continent. Angel and I have been friends through a lot of difficult times, and a lot of good times. In the past 3 years that Angel and Pablo have been married, I have seen her grow into such a strong, independent, and amazing person. Since Ive been able to witness firsthand many of the changes she has gone through, this made me want to take a deeper look into how other military wives are shaped by this experience. As I have watched Angel through the years, Ive seen how the

military has become a huge part of her identity, even though she herself is not an actual member of the military. Many of the questions I had were about if other military wives absorb the identity of the military. I also examined how exactly the military impacts both their marriage as well as themselves as an individuals. Another interesting aspect is the overall effects of being a military wife both the good and the bad. Methods

For this research project, I narrowed my group down to just military wives, not military spouses simply because there is more research specifically about military wives than husbands. I used several different research methods. One of the biggest resources for me was my own experience with Angel. In the years Ive known her, Ive usually been the one she vents her problems and frustrations to. Ive been able to see firsthand how her experiences have shaped her; because Ive been there with her through it all. I have been able to witness firsthand how she has dealt with the different hurdles that military wives have to overcome. I do not claim to have the sociological skills needed to make professional observations, but I do include a lot of my personal experiences as a starting point for my research.

I conducted an interview with Angel to get her raw thoughts on all of my questions. I interviewed Angel on the phone for about 1 hour, getting her opinions and responses to my research questions. Angel has been married to Pablo for almost 3 years. He has been a member of the U.S. Navy for about the same length of time. There was a lot of secondary research I completed using other sources. Interestingly, almost everything I read was right in line with my own personal experiences through Angel. I carried out my search for scholarly articles in the Universitys library. There are many scholarly articles, and studies written about military wives.

I realized there was a lot of research that backed up my personal experiences with Angel. The articles I gathered my research from included articles from journals of marital therapy, and psychology.

Social media also helped me round out my research. I saw a post on Facebook about military wives which lead me to Ashleighs blog. Ashleigh is a mother of 3 boys, and a wife to a U.S. Marine (Ashleigh, On Happily Ever Afters). There were also a lot of images I found on Pinterest dealing with military wives. For all of my research, I used a lot of Gees insights about identity. Gee writes about different aspects of identity, the pertinent ones to my topic being discourse identity, affinity identity, and institutional identity. Institutional identity is a position that is given to you by an institution of power (Gee, 102). The institution gives a way to define a person by the role they fill. Discourse identity is given to a person by other rational people (Gee, 103). For any reason people can assign certain roles and characteristics to a person that then becomes a part of their identity (Gee, 104). Affinity identity is given by a distinct set of practices and common interests.

Necessities for Life Satisfaction An article I found in The Journal of Psychology did a study that involved 60 wives of military personnel. The life satisfaction of military wives has been found to be tied to the militarys retention of their servicemen (Klein 465). The study defines a necessary relationship between overall life satisfaction and social support, control, and temperament. Military wives must lean on their friends and families a lot in the times when their husbands are away or it is much more likely that they will be unhappy. Klein stated in her article Increased perceived social support is associated with increased adaptability to life changes. Angels responses in my

interview concur with this finding. She said that her church helps her to get through the time without him because of the support she receives from the church members. It is also very important for them to have a feeling of control over their situation because of so many changes that are not within their realm of control. In my interview with Angel, she stated that she tries to stay busy so that she doesnt end up depressed. I believe that since Angel has been married she has definitely become more in need of control; she loves to plan events, organize outings and trips. Military wives become better at dealing with situations and taking control of their environment, and obstacles they encounter. It is interesting that Klein points out that high life satisfaction is associated with internal locus of control and was also related to lower levels of distress and fear. Locus of control is a psychological term that describes a specific personality trait that is the extent to which people believe they have power over events in their lives (Fournier, 1). This is an interesting aspect to the military wifes identity because this involves both affinity identity and discourse identity. Klein explains that women, who either naturally have this trait or those who develop it through their experiences, can achieve better life satisfaction. There is a strong influence of civilians and media on military wives. There is research that shows the mainstream media, as well as a negative public sentiment, can cause a decrease in marital stability (Davis, 2). At times when the general public has negative views on the war, the military wife is less able to cope while their husband is away. The publics opinion plays a huge part because the public is where she has friends, coworkers, and the most interactions with. If these people have negative views on the war, they will

easily translate to her emotions and cause an internal battle or external battle with her husband. As citizens we need to be sensitive to the military wives we know because we do have a unique influence on their situations. In Davis paper from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, she explains that the global view of the current war can affect the way military wives cope with their husbands being away. There is research that shows the mainstream media, as well as a negative public sentiment can cause a decrease in marital stability (Davis, 2). In Angels experience, this has been proven true. Through the course of their marriage, Pablo has been deployed to several countries in the Middle East. During deployments Angel has taken to a media blackout to avoid the negative stories and opinions that are a huge part of the news. The Common Identity When Angel tells people her husband is in the military, usually the first thing they say is, Oh you must be so strong. In my experience, getting to know the military wife side of Angel as well as other military wives on the base she lives on, they are very strong people. Military wives overall have a discursive identity of being strong and independent homemakers. There are long periods of time where the wife is the lead of the household while the husband is deployed. As an affinity group, they support each other in any way possible be it emotionally or financially. Military wives do not take the small moments for granted because they are in a situation where those moments may only come so often. I conducted a simple search on Pinterest to see what types of pictures convey messages about the identity of military wives. Many images came up that depicted their strength, courage, and pride. These images are not used to show off their characteristics, but to support the fellow members of that affinity group. Because all military wives go through the same tough times, they all support each other which include showing each

other the depths of their dedication. The images show a creative portrayal of different discursive aspects of their identity. One image I found on Pinterest is a quote that simply puts how military wives change to adapt to their situation. This demonstrates that the military wife must be able to change in reaction to the different ways the military affects their life and marriage. I think it is important to point out how this symbolizes the many changes women go through when they become military wives. The military wife often has to hold many jobs over the course of their life. The military holds a lot of power over where military couples live. Couples have little choice over where they live, and sometimes even when they move. The military wife must find a job within the area that they are stationed. This can lead to the women holding several odd jobs in different fields. A big position most military wives fill is that of the homemaker. Military wives must take care of their home by themselves when their husbands are gone. This can include cleaning, cooking, lawn and home maintenance, childcare, and taking care of the bills. There is also a more uncommon, negative identity of some military wives. Some people place a negative discursive identity on military wives because there are some women who marry servicemen for their income. There are some women who marry a man in the military and shortly thereafter, or during their first deployment, are unfaithful to their husbands. Angel has told me stories of women who cheat, steal, and take advantage of the serviceman. On one of my trips to visit Angel, I noticed several male strip clubs which seemed quite out of the ordinary for a small town like where she lives. To me, this suggests that some women may have tendencies that do not match up with the more positive identity of military wives.

Communication and Activities There are a lot of things in the military that are represented by acronyms that non-military people wouldnt understand in casual conversation. There is a unique form of language that carries a lot of meaning among the group. When military wives have conversations, even if they dont know each other well, they exchange information via these acronyms. Their language is made up of a lot of acronyms with a strong meaning placed on how long their husband is away. For instance, at a FRG meeting Angel could establish connection with another military wife by saying Pablo is in battalion NMCB 11, deployed for 7 months in Iraq. A lot of meaning goes along with how many months the wife has left on a deployment. It is interesting that many times when Ive heard military wives talking about their husbands deployment they speak about it as a shared burden, even though it is technically solely the husbands responsibility. The battalion her husband is in communicates to the other wife if her husband is in the same battalion, or if they specialize in something completely different. FRG meetings are family readiness group, which bring together all of the spouses on the base she lives on to talk and discuss different activities, including homecoming, over the hump parties, and exchange useful information in general. In my interview with Angel she admitted that there are many acronyms she doesnt actually know the exact meanings of, but she does know how theyre used and the general meaning. Angel also said she felt like when she can have easy conversations with other military wives, but when she talks to her family about different military details she has to break down everything into basic terms. There are many activities that are unique to military wives. Homecoming is what they designate the day when a group of battalions actually arrive back from deployment. Over the hump parties are held by the spouses on base that are halfway through their husbands

deployment. Military balls are one of the activities unique to military personnel and spouses where they get to dress up and attend a formal dinner party. Military wives have free access to traveling on and off base, whereas civilians, such as myself, do not. There is a commissary on base where all military members are able to purchase groceries and merchandise at a discounted price. Military wives get to experience life differently because they are essentially forced to travel the world at their husbands side. How Military Wives are Shaped One of my questions to Angel was if she felt like the military has become a part of her identity even though she is not an actual member. Her reply was, I dont consider myself a part of the military, but I think it has become a part of my identity; even though Im not the one in dangerous places, but I am taking care of everything while he is away. The military indirectly plays a huge role in the life of military wives because they have to plan their careers, education, vacations, and celebrations around deployments and the locations where the couple is stationed. Being a military wife forces them to be more independent, strong, and appreciative. When she knows that there are only so many months left before her husband leaves again, she is much more grateful for the time they have together and appreciative of what he does for their family. Being married to a military member generally allows them to gain more respect for the military compared to the average civilian. It seems to me, from the accumulation of my research, that having a spouse in the military brings the couple closer together because they can realize the limits of their time together, whereas nonmilitary couples may take their time together for granted. Overall the military couple has less time together, but the time spent is more meaningful. There are some life events the husband misses out on participating in because of his service, but the wife understands

this because the husbands service is what defines their life. Both halves of the marriage have agreed to a commitment to both each other, and the military. The husband is committed to the military, and their wife. The wife is committed to their husband, and thus indirectly the military. The military couple does experience a lot of sadness, perhaps even depression; however, the emotions they experience once reunited often negate the sadness they experience on deployments (Davis, 2). Closing The military is both an indirect and direct driving force in military wives life. The military shapes their husbands lives and then their husbands lives shape the military wife. These changes can include making them stronger, more independent and more capable to cope with lifes stresses, and can lend them a varied background. Learning from their experience, military wives become more grateful for the little moments in life. There is a learned language of acronyms and numbers among the military wives affinity group. Overall, a womans identity is unmistakably changed when they commit themselves to their military husband. We, as citizens, have a huge impact on their lives, so we should all do our best to make that a positive one.

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Works Cited Angel, Personal Interview, 28 Oct. 2013 Baker, Ashleigh. "This Is to You, the Military Wife." Ashleigh Baker. Ashleigh Baker, 12 Nov. 2012. Web. 10 Oct. 2013. Davis, Jennifer, David B. Ward, and Cheryl Storm. "The Unsilencing of Military Wives: Wartime Deployment Experiences and Citizen Responsibility." Journal of Marital and Family Therapy 37.1 (2011): 51-63. Fournier, Gillian. "Locus of Control | Encyclopedia of Psychology." Psych Central.com. Psych Central., 28 July 2010. Web. 11 Nov. 2013. Gee, James Paul. "Identity as an Analytic Lens for Research in Education." Review of Research in Education 25 (2000): 99-125. Print. Klein, HA, CL Tatone, and NB Lindsay. "Correlates of Life Satisfaction Among Military Wives." The Journal of Psychology. 123.5 (1989): 465-75. Print.