Every Scar Tells a Story is a collection of personal narratives from eight different women written over the course

of a three-day workshop put on by the Womens Hope Education and Training Trust. They are rsthand accounts of courage, strength, and hope born out of the scars of suffering and violence. This book is a celebration of these women, who have reclaimed their stories by sharing them with the world, and the grassroots organizations that support them. I remember each one of the women; their depth of sorrow and their triumphant shining eyes. I remember how they reached out to each other in acknowledgement, respect and love. I thought thats what it takesa gentle ear, a gentle heart, and a willingness to risk being open in our vulnerabilities. I hope each person took away a sense of warmth in their pockets which will inspire them to write more, reach out more, and most importantly, to listen to their own inner yearnings. Jan Webster, workshop facilitator Scar remind us where we came from, but they should never determine where we are going. If we allow ourselves to be healed, scars will remind us of our liberation Cheryl Farao, Chairperson Western Cape Network on Violence Against Women and Children Writing our stories are like therapy. In the private space between the writer and the page, much happens. Awkward and painful moments are relived causing distress but as the writer soldiers on and the pen jogs to the line to score that try, the heart becomes light. In these stories we read about women who had to deal with children living with HIV, violent husbands and absent fathers. But in all these cases, as they put down that pen, it was in victory. These are honestly written stories of women who survived the gravest of circumstances. These stories are not only written for themselves but also for millions more who are still in chains and who need to free themselves. Accolades to the Wheat Trust for initiating such a powerful project. Diana Ferrus, poet

Every Scar Tells a Story

Grassroots women breaking the silence around violence against women

Every Scar Tells a Story

Grassroots women breaking the silence around violence against women

First published in Cape Town, South Africa in 2013 as Every Scar Tells a Story by: The Womens Hope Education and Training Trust 26 Devonshire Road, Devonshire Court Unit 3 Tel: +27 217626214 Info@wheattrust.co.za www.wheattrust.co.za

The book is a collection of personal narratives and poems, organizational stories, photographs, and artwork. The personal pieces were all written during the WHEAT Trust writing workshop, facilitated by Jan Webster. Each woman who attended the workshop is associated with a different beneciary organization of the WHEAT funds. The testimonies of these grantee organizations, beautifully captured and retold by Bernedette Muthien, mirror those of the individual women; each tells a story of struggle turned to triumph. In the book, the work of every woman is preceded by the story of organization of which she is a part. The poetry and artwork that appears throughout was produced as part of a collaboration between poet Tigist S. Hussen and illustrator Zulfa Abrahams. Tigists work, which appears here in her native language, Amharic, engages many of the same themesexpression, identity, and transcendenceas the stories

WHEAT Trust gives permission for this work to be distributed and transmitted for non-prot purposes only in the promotion of human rights, provided such use duly acknowledges the individual authors and/or artists as the originators of their work. For queries on other use and appropriate attribution, contact the WHEAT Trust.

isBN 978-0-620-57642-0 2013 edition The copyright for this publication is held by WHEAT Trust

Layout and Design by 02 Design Printed by FA Print

Cover page is taken from Tigist S. Hussens poetry artwork titled Koyeto Mote translated to Waiting to Die, the visual illustration of the poem is done by artist Zulfa Abrahams.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Acknowledgments There was a time when I wasnt by Wabi Asumani Introducution by Soraya Matthews, director of WHEAT Trust A Privilege to Listen, by Jan Webster, workshop facilitator Bios of poet Tigist Hussen and illustrator Zulfa Abrahams The story of Siyakhathala Orphan Support As a Child I was Treated Like a Parcel by Nontsasa Nyovane The story of Vide You are an absent father but you will always be my father by Wabi Asumani The story of Tru-Image I wont cry no moreby Chantal Julies The story of Masiphumelele Womens Support Network Worry for my Son by Tendai Bhiza The story of She-Chem When He Stabbed Me by Cathy Matthews The story of Phakama As a matriarch, I can by Mabato Philna Tileing The story of Sakhikhamva Today I went to the beach and I am a woman by Bulelwa Matiwane The story of Free Gender Every Scar Tells a Story by Thozama Brenda Matabata

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We would like to express our gratitude to the many people who helped with the book; to all those who provided support, offered comments, and assisted in the editing, proofreading, and design. I would like to thank the women who opened themselves up and shared their stories. A special thanks to Jan Webster who facilitated the workshop and created an enabling environment for the women to speak out on issues that impact their lives. I would like to thank Jill Sloan who assisted with proofreading and editing and Bernedette Muthien for writing up the grantee stories. Thanks to Tigist S. Hussen who has allowed us to user her poems and visual artwork in collaboration with Zulfa Abrahams to help illustrate these stories. Last and not least, thank you to the WHEAT staff and volunteers for their contributions in making this endeavor a success. Celeste Fortuin, Simamkele Ruba, Edward Davids for their unwavering commitment to WHEAT; Eugene Hermanus and Chelsea Owens for their participation and help in the workshop; Caroline Parker for her photography and editing; and Janine Fortuin for her hard work. Soraya Matthews Executive Director WHEAT Trust

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Wabi Asumani
There was a time when I wasnt. A time when I didnt think I was worth much. A very condent and happy child turned into a rebellious, angry teenager who couldnt see how amazing and wonderful she was and who would never have believed it even if you told her. It took years of being a grown-up to get that condence and self-worth back but there are still days that I get caught up in challenging situations and forget. So I decided to create a reminder for myself and all women, bringing together quotes that inspire, empower us and remind us how powerful we really are. Mere quotes wont change your life but they can change your perspective and your day. I am willing to put myself through anything. Temporary pain or discomfort means nothing to me as long as I can see that the experience will take me to a new level. I am interested in the unknown; and the only path to the unknown is through breaking barriers, often a painful process. A strong woman Became strong Because of the pain She has Faced and won over!

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Introduction

The Womens Hope Education and Training Trust is a womens fund that was established 15 years ago to support grassroots women-led grassroots organizations that seek local solutions to local problems faced by women. WHEAT Trust is a feminist organisation committed to sustainable investment in education, training, and capacity building that foster womens leadership and empowerment. The WHEAT funds enable women to uplift themselves and their communities through providing nancial and other resources to grantee organisations that would not otherwise be able to access these on their own. Our core business is added-value developmental grant-making. Our vision is a South Africa where all women enjoy their human rights and have access to education, training, and sustainable incomes. Over the past 15 years, WHEAT has awarded over 1200 grants to women-led organisations across the country in pursuit of this vision. Though they provide vital services to their respective communities, most of these organisations operate on a shoestring budget, with limited or no access to formal funding. WHEAT grants support the women who give so generously of their time and energy to these organisations as volunteers.

We follow a strategic gender needs approach that assists our grantees to address specic developmental needs within their organisations. We seek to avoid the cycle of donor dependency with our grantees by allocating funding to projects that promote self-sustainability. This grant-making approach empowers grassroots women-led organisations. Just as a one-time allocation of food parcels does not address the underlying causes of hunger or ensure food security in the future, focusing on the practical gender needs of women alone will not change their collective position in society. Truly empowering women requires a strategic approach aimed at closing the underlying structural and organisational gaps. This strategic gender needs approach both enables them to inuence governance and decision-making that impacts their day-to-day experiences as women and ultimately positions women within reach of the big funding and resources critical to their long-term development. South Africa still has large numbers of functionally-illiterate adults. This hinders the development of not only those adults, but also their children and their community-based organisations. Class inequality and patriarchy reect the experiences of many black working class women in South Africa. Residing mainly in rural areas, they are gravely affected by poverty and unemployment. The legacy of apartheid and discrimination has ravaged the literacy rates of this demographic most of all. Unable to read or write, women in poor communities are sorely under-represented in the dialogue surrounding the issues that most affect their lives. Even though they are so frequently the ones who start grassroots initiatives in their communities to bring about

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change, they are often labeled as uneducated, ignorant , poor, and powerless. They work tirelessly on a voluntary basis without being recognized. It is stories of these women, who are robbed all too often of their literary voices, that need to be told. Instead of speaking on their behalf, we at WHEAT strongly believe that they deserve the opportunity to tell their own stories. As such, we introduced the writing skills capacity building workshop to some of our Western Cape grantees that work in the eld of gender-based violence within their communities. We did this for the grantees to: Reect on their current activities and interventions within the gender and development sector Share experiences, learn from one another, and develop possible partnerships Develop skills to inuence the strategic planning capacity within their organisations Build their capacity to write and speak out on issues that impact their lives and organisational activities Break the silence around gender-based violence The writing skills workshop created an enabling environment for these women to share their stories. For most it was the rst time that they felt safe to open up. These stories are the real, rsthand accounts of their struggles and challenges. They are stories of hope, of courage, of strength. We need to start breaking the culture of silence that persists in our communities around violence against women. If we dont speak out we will remain unheard. Soraya Matthews Executive Director WHEAT Trust

A Privilege to Listen

The Wheat Trust approached me to run a writing workshop for women to help their voices be heard, especially stories of neglect and abuse they might not even recognise in the enormity of the journey of survival they had travelled. We met in a beautiful setting in Kleinmond. Under the gum trees The Graille retreat space offered warm wooden oor boards, roaring res and light space. Our rst exercise was one were each woman declared I have arrived! and we studied how our senses told us that we had indeed done so. From that exercise we looked at our arrival as a girl child in the world. This immediately brought deep reection of how girl and boy children are treated differently and how so often girls are seen as commodities and care givers. The next day we walked to the sea and it was wonderful to see group members dance in the sand. Our writing exercise that day reected the life we lead in our home environments and the contrast with being free on the beach. Throughout the days that followed many themes emerged in the womens lives and we drew on these themes in role play, walking meditations and drawing. This multi channelled experience helped us to dig deep. We discussed the roles of victim, perpetrator and rescuer and the position of caring witness. The most difcult session was when we discussed letting go of the harms that we harbour and which limit us. I remember each one of the women; their depth of sorrow and their triumphant shining eyes. I remember how they reached out to each other in acknowledgement, respect and love. I thought thats what it takes a listening ear, gentle heart and willingness to risk being open in our vulnerabilities. I hope each person took away a sense of warmth in their pockets which will inspire them to write more, reach out more and most importantly to listen to their own inner yearnings.

Jan Webster
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Tigist Shewarega Hussen is a poet feminist scholar from Ethiopia, with an interest in sociocultural, political and economic dynamics that mediate womens rights. She has MA in Womens and Gender studies, and examined the impact of customary laws in the lives of married women during times of marital dispute in Ethiopia. She is currently undertaking her doctoral study. Recently, Tigist is engaged in initiatives that seek to understand popular culture and visual representation through feminist lens. As a poet, Tigist loves writing in her language - Amharic/Amarigna. She is a strong believer that thoughts and feelings are cultured and groomed by where we come from, where we best belong, by our mother-tongue.

Zulfa Abrahams is a poet, artist and feminist scholar from Cape Town, with an interest in identity politics, gender and embodiment and mixed media visual art. She has MA in Womens and Gender studies where she examined Muslim women and the politics of power and gender. She is currently undertaking her doctoral study which focuses on emerging technologies, women, power and education. Recently Zulfa has taken a keen interest in expanding her artistic work as a sketch artist and painter to include a number of mediums. She is particularly interested in the ways in which visual art empowers and provides a feminist space for intellectual creativity.

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Siyakhathala Orphan Support

I Have a Dream
The story of Nontsasa Nyovane as told by Bernedette Muthien

Siyakhathala Orphan Support was co-founded by Nontsasa Nuyovane and four other women during 2008. It cares for the development of orphans and vulnerable children (OVCs), child-headed families and teenage mothers, assisting the community in breaking down barriers and discrimination against these children. Led by women, Siyakhathala is staffed and managed by thirteen volunteers. Siyakhathalas ofce is in a primary school in Khayelitsha, an impoverished Cape Flats township, where volunteers work in ve primary and three high schools. Nontsasa says that Khayelitsha has eight primary and ve high schools, but that ... we have a problem with travel allowances. We dont have enough funds to work with all the schools yet. In primary schools volunteers educate learners on issues such as HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis (TB), avoiding or managing teenage pregnancy and identifying signs of childhood abuse. Working in close collaboration with school management, the organisation offers workshops to individual classes. In high schools, it provides offer workshops for pregnant teens and teenage mothers, as well as training workshops and psycho-social support to families affected by teenage pregnancy. Siyakhathala supports child-headed families with school uniforms, stationery, other school needs, food parcels and clothing. Volunteers also assist children with their school work. All their child clients live in shacks which the organisation assists in maintaining and renovating for the children. Siyakhathala does home visits and assists the children to apply for social grants. Children visit the organisations ofce after school, where they complete homework and play. Their food garden in the local school yard is maintained by male volunteers from the community. We give the children veggies from our gardens and we cook for them in our small kitchen. The children take home the leftovers and parcels of fresh veggies from the gardens. They also get small food parcels that are donated
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each month. At the end of the year, a friend buys groceries for them, describes Nontsasa. They have just begun planting medicinal herbs in the garden. On Saturdays the children work with On Saturdays the children attend extra school classes volunteer students from the University of Cape Town and are helped with their homework. Each month, Siyakhathala identies ... one family in need, an orphanage or a home for the elderly, and we spend time with them. They learn to give back to the community. We give them support and veggies, says Nontsasa. The organisations parenting skills project empowers mothers to care for children, to identify symptoms of child abuse and how to support children affected by HIV/AIDS. Nontsasa says the organisation encourages families to take charge of their own food security and not to depend on government grants. We plan to take children on holiday camps but we lack funds now. WHEAT Trust funded Siyakhathalas staff development, with members completing computer courses. WHEAT currently supports its food gardening project. WHEAT also trained Siyakhathalas co-founder and secretary, Bekeka Vanga, who now runs the ofce. Despite Bekekas devotion and success, many unpaid volunteers leave the organisation after completing training for more lucrative employment opportunities. While not having had previous experience, Bekeka is now a trained counsellor, thanks to Siyakhathalas collaboration with WHEAT. Born in the Eastern Cape in 1968, abandoned by her young mother and raised by her widowed grandmother, Nontsasa has two children aged 25 and six, and
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lives without a husband. The children have different fathers. Nontsasa shares that the rst father abandoned her, while the second father, with whom she has had a relationship since 2006, still supports his child. As Nontsasa puts it, Hes a divorcee. We choose not to marry. In our culture, it seems marriage doesnt work. The men cant commit. They say they love the women, but after a while they start coming home late, and so on. We dont stay together, which helps the relationship to work better. Mostly he visits me once a week on the weekend. Its safer like that for me. He is very supportive of his son and loves him, and Im happy for that. He works elsewhere the rest of the time. Sometimes he visits early evening in the week but has to leave very early in the morning because he starts work very early. I wake at half past ve for transport. For me, its the way I want my relationship to be. Most of the time Im at work; sometimes (on) weekends I have workshops. I come home very tired. We live in a proper house but before we lived in a shack for many years. I only got a brick house last year. Nontsasas story echoes the experiences of many South African women, abandoned or abused by men. She also communicates her disappointment in a previous eight-year relationship with an unmarried man who had a nice car and stayed alone in a nice house. We spent most of our time together. After work, we had supper in his house. In between those times, he was cheating (on me). So thats why I dont want someone to be so close to me. I was so disappointed, I stayed without a boyfriend for three years; I didnt want to see a man in front of me. He slept with my best friend (and) had affairs with married women behind my back. On weekends, when I went to church, in my absence he did this. Thats why I choose to be independent. Describing the scale of the work that is required Nontsasa says there is ... a huge need in the community. Orphans and children are abused and raped; families dont care. This is why she has chosen to work with these vulnerable and abandoned children: I was also an orphan when my mother abandoned us and my grandmother was there for me. I ... stand up for the rights of orphans because I was also an orphan myself. This is where I belong. Quite apart from her passion and deep commitment to working with children, Nontsasa is also well qualied. She has completed courses in child abuse, counselling, psycho-social support and many other subjects over many years. Nontsasas dream is to study social work part-time. May her dream become a reality and enable her to serve her community for many decades still to come.

As A Child I Was Treated Like A Parcel

Nontsasa Nyovane
This brave little girl was born in the Eastern Cape. Her biological mother left her with her grandmother, saying she was going to look for a job to support her child. The father of the child had run away: he didnt want to support his child. From the time that the mother of the child left, she never even wrote a letter saying she had arrived safely or that she had a job. The grandmother was a widower who was unemployed and dependent on a government grant which she used to feed ve people. Remember that at that time in the 1970s the government grant was very little. The grandmother used to make some extra money through selling mealies. The grandmother took care of the little girl. There was no money for baby food but she grew up healthy, drinking cows milk and eating mealie-meal. Her grandmother gave her love, care and spiritual support and taught her manners, like how to show respect for elderly people. She also taught her that the key to life is education. She said to her granddaughter, Forget about your mother and not knowing who your father is out there. You are only a child without a father. When your mother is ready, she will come home and our house will still be here. The grandmother had four of her own children. The little girls two aunts and two uncles never liked her. They were always telling her, This is not your home. They treated her very badly, as if she was not a human being. The little girl was so tiny. There was only one aunt who was a little better than the others. The girl could not go and play with the other children. Every day she would have to go to fetch water from the river. The aunts and uncles never bought her even one pair of shoes. At Christmas, she would get clothes that her grandmother had sewn for her.
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When she was a teenager, the girl was involved with school activities, like music and sports. She loved to go to church. But whenever she was away from the home, she would worry about the household duties. She was like a housemaid. The grandmother had to attend funerals and community meetings and when she was not at home, things got worse. On the weekends there was not time for the girl to play with her cousins or other children. She had to do the washing, clean the house, sweep the yard and cook for Sunday. When her grandmother arrived back at the house, the girl would cry and tell her of the abuse. Her grandmother always said, Dont worry, my child. God will wipe your tears one day and that broken heart of yours will be healed. God is going to put you where you belong and full all your dreams. You must take from this for when you have a family and your own children. As a mother, you must always support them, no matter what. When the girl reached high school, her grandmother decided she must go and stay at the boarding school so that she could be away from the abuse. The fees were not very expensive. Her aunts and uncles were angry with her grandmother for taking their slave from the house. Remember that the grandmother was also scared of her own children because they were the ones who paid for the groceries. They asked who was now going to do the washing, cleaning and cooking. But the grandmother answered by saying, Everyone in this house has two hands and two feet. I never gave birth to disabled children. I will only do washing and cooking for my great-grandchild. While she was in high school, the girl fell pregnant. Her grandmother was so disappointed. But even while the aunts and uncles were laughing at her, the grandmother said, Because I want my grandchild to be something in the future, I will look after this child. My granddaughter must go back to school. That caused a lot of ghting in the family because the vulnerable girl had brought another child into the family. After some years, the girls biological mother died. She did not feel any pain because she didnt know her mother very well. The granddaughter nished high school but the grandmother did not have money for her to go to university. She decided to go and look for a job in order to say thank you to her grandmother. All this time her cousins were failing at school, repeating their grades two or three times. The grandchild gave the rst wages that she earned R2000 to her grandmother. The grandmother said it was too much and that none of her children had ever given her so much money. Her grandmother wrote to her, saying, My
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Nontsasa Nyovane
loving daughter, I have always prayed for you, for God to protect you and your child and for Him to full all your dreams. She renovated her grandmothers house and bought new furniture for her. Bad things happened. Two of the grandmothers children died and there was no money to bury them. Her grandmother asked her grandchild for help. So she sent money for the preparations and went down for the funeral. Everyone was so happy, forgetting how they had treated her like a package and as if she was not a member of the family. Her grandmother got very sick. She said to her granddaughter, You are the only child that I always watched over and worried about. You have a good
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heart: you dont hold a grudge against my children. When they asked you for money, you gave it to them without saying a word. The grandchild answered by saying, Grandmother, all that I am doing is because of the journey you have walked to raise me and my child, supporting me all the way. Before the grandmother died, she bought her granddaughter a big plot in the Eastern Cape. She said it was for her granddaughter to build her own home because you dont belong here in this home. One day when I die, my children will chase you away. Everything went as planned. Her grandmother died and left a will behind, instructing her granddaughter, When you come, if you want to bury me the next day, you can. No-one should stop you. You mustnt wait for my own children because I know them: they wont have a cent to bury me. You were the only child that God blessed me with. Keep on doing your good work. Dont forget to look after my house. After the funeral, the granddaughter decided to start working with abused children. She wanted to support them, give love to those who had never had love and stand up for their rights, like her grandmother had done for her. After some years, she moved to work with orphans, child-headed households and other vulnerable children. The reason she made this move was that she could see a gap in the community for children who didnt have a mother like her grandmother, who had given up her own children to care for her grandchild, an abandoned and neglected orphan. The granddaughter learnt a lot from her grandmother. She learnt that even if children are treated badly, it is still possible to make them very strong, so strong that they can be the rocks of tomorrow: the leaders of tomorrow. Today the granddaughter is a rock, a developer and a carer to everyones children.

The Long Journey Home to Where The Heart Is

The story of Mulasi Jacqueline Charles & Ebalo Heri as told by Bernedette Muthien

Founded during 2008, Vide is a French acronym for Vision for the Development of Women from the region of Fizi in the Eastern Democratic Republic of Congo. The organisations main activities are to empower women and girls by providing them with the necessary skills that will help them to forge their future. Sustainability is a key component of this work. A woman-led non-prot organisation staffed entirely by volunteers, it has six female and three male members. With its main ofce in Bellville and two smaller branches in Kraaifontein and Strand, Vide offers the most vulnerable women and girls entrepreneurial skills, especially in sewing and hairstyling. It also raises awareness on gender-based violence and understanding different forms of violence that affect women and girls daily, as well as human rights and intersectional issues such as HIV/AIDS and reproductive health and rights. This work is carried out through seminars and workshops aimed to cultivate debate in the minds of their community members, being both migrants from different African countries and local South Africans. They work to break down womens yoke of dependency to become economically independent of men, capacitating women to access information through networking and training in computer skills while also providing women with nancial support to attend short professional courses.
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The inspiration behind the organisation is the Francophone Mulasi Jacqueline Charles, born in 1984, who is married to a compatriot with whom she has two sons and fosters a daughter. An introvert who struggles with English, Jacqueline is the vision behind the organisations entrepreneurial initiatives. She is closely supported by the multilingual trained hairstylist, Ebalo Heri, born in 1974, who failed to complete the nal year of his degree in Women and Gender Studies at the University of the Western Cape due to a lack of funding. Heri came to South Africa in 2003 after a long and arduous journey, inspired by his seless and hardworking mother and determined to break the yokes of cultural discrimination and violence against women. Heri is a walking example of a new masculinity that respects women and understands cultures as dynamic and subject to change. The inspiring Vide co-founders, all immigrants from Francophone and Lusophone countries outside South Africa, each attesting to gruelling and dangerous journeys to Cape Town, are not shy to proclaim womens rights to economic and emotional independence, especially in context of traditional, cultural, patriarchal male control over women. In 2012, WHEAT Trust purchased Vides rst sewing machine, banner and projector for seminars. Vide then consulted with school principals, following which Vide trainees made 87 school shirts and blouses for underprivileged school children. As Vide puts it, Unskilled and unemployed women are more at risk to be violated by gender-based violence, so let us skill unskilled women to empower them and make them nancially independent of men. With newfound skills graduates can become entrepreneurs or be employed permanently. Already they have 45 women sewing graduates, with 20 machinists working in different shops, 17 self-employed with their own sewing machines in their homes, and only eight still unemployed. While training in hair styling was Vides rst project, many trainees drop out since they are unable to fund the expensive equipment and hair products needed to establish hair salons. The hair styling and sewing projects were identied by Vide members. Vide would like to capacitate women in leadership, computer literacy skills and English literacy. Ever the entrepreneurs, they offer that once the English classes open, we can offer French and Portuguese lessons to others for fees and to foster intercultural dialogue.
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One of Vides shining success stories is of a mathematically talented young volunteer, whose nancial accounting course fees Vide pays, with the aim of her managing Vides accounting after spending vacations on internships in other more established organisations like WHEAT. Since this volunteer has attended WHEATs writing skills workshop, Vide is also cultivating her to become its spokesperson, especially since Jacqueline prefers hands-on work to public speaking. Most of Vides members come from a small rural village in Eastern DRC, where they say the way women are treated is systematic torture, often without the women knowing it. It made us challenge our culture, about how were raised. If culture doesnt accommodate womens rights, what is the use of the culture? If culture harms my own mother, my own sister, why do I practice that culture? The family is an institution that oppresses women. This must change, and it must change now. Through their spirited, trailblazing approach, Vide is even conceptualising a support project for immigrant LGBTI people, since they believe the struggles of women, LGBTI people and other marginalised sectors are inextricably interlinked. As Nelson Mandela said on his release from prison in 1990, I cannot be free while others are oppressed. Vide members epic journeys to nd a safer home in Cape Town show their courage. They inspire us all to realise that home is, after all, where the heart is.
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You Are An Absent Father But You Will Always Be My Father

Wabi Asumani
Early in January 2011, her father again visited the Eastern Cape, leaving her behind with her stepmother and promising to be back before registrations for her course started. On 16 January, she went to register at Northlink College. Three months later, they received a phone call from her father saying he was now located in Mpumalanga province and working there. Her fathers girlfriend got upset and told her that she must look for another place to stay since she did not have money to take care of her. On that day, she moved in with her friend in Khayelitsha. She has shelter now but she is not working to take care of her needs. She has received bursaries and travelling allowance for her school but can she go to bed hungry every day? She has her fathers cell number and whenever she phones him he either doesnt reply or says, Im very busy now. Can I call you later? but never calls her back. She never speaks about her son because she doesnt want people to judge her. She is a full-time student and she wants to make sure her son does not go hungry the way she went. But where can she get the income to support her son together with her grandmother? She is now going out with men, asking them for money in exchange for sex so she can have something to eat and to support her son. She thinks there is no-one out there to help her and that is the only way to overcome her situation. She is young, beautiful and intelligent. But she is taking risks with her life sleeping with any men so she can have money for her needs. She has a great future ahead of her but she doesnt have someone to guide her through. He is an absent father. That is why she goes through all these things at the age of 18 years.

She lost her mother when she was three years old. She grew up under her grandmothers care. Her grandmother had no job and depended on government grants to try to satisfy their basic needs even though it was not enough. She had to ght hunger throughout her childhood. She went through all of this because her father was never there to support her and her grandmother. In 2010 she lost her self-esteem and sense of value for who she really was. She was raped in February of that year and became a mother at the age of 15. She told her granny about it but because she was so old she didnt know what to do. She didnt speak to anyone else because she feared for her life being taken by the guy who raped her.

Wabi Asumani

During the December holiday in 2010, her father visited the Eastern Cape and took her along with him. She left her baby boy with her grandmother so she could further her education. Before they left the Eastern Cape, her father promised to be there for her from now on. When they arrived in Cape Town, they moved in with her fathers girlfriend.

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An Inspiring Vision: We Are All Created Perfect

The story of Veronique Ellers-Zoutman & Bernadine Botha as told by Bernedette Muthien

Tru-Images co-founder and youth volunteer, Veronique Ellers-Zoutman and Bernadine Botha, inspire with their vision, their selessness and their bounteous energy. Founded in 2008, Tru-Image registered as an NGO during 2010. It creates a space for young women to develop socially, personally and spiritually, so that they can render service to their immediate environment and community. The organisation does this through structured training and continuous evaluation, as well as strategic and compassionate community interventions. Tru-Image teaches young women that they are created perfect, that they should love themselves as perfect and embrace their true image of perfection. This is the underlying message of all their work, from combating gender-based violence to providing empowerment and general support. It starts with self-love, without which others cannot love you, asserts Veronique. They work in the economically marginalised and deprived communities of the northern suburbs of Cape Town, including Klein Jacobsdal, Firgrove, Macassar, Belhar, Delft, Kalkfontein, the informal settlement of Green Park and farms around Eerste River. Born in 1981,Veronique is a trained accountant whose church sent her to do volunteer work for several months in a refugee camp in Belgium, after which she felt a calling to do community work. She promptly resigned her day job as a bookkeeper in a private company. While doing volunteer community work, she met WHEAT, who supported her with registering Tru-Image and sponsored her to complete a professional course in NPO Management at Stellenbosch Universitys Business School. Veronique is married to a nancial manager who takes care of their domestic expenses. This frees hers to engage with her community work without the
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usual stresses of generating personal income. They have two young boys and are foster parents to a baby girl. As Veronique says, Theyre all community children. I have a very supportive husband. I couldnt do what I do without him. Its important to have support systems in place to successfully do this sort of seless community work. Its not a paying job: its not about bringing money into the household, but its the most rewarding job one could have. Bernadine Botha, born in 1987, started volunteering at Tru-Image when she was still in high school. The rst words Veronique said to her were, You are warming my place, which showed that Veronique was deeply committed to building capacity and aware that all leadership positions are only temporary and will be lled by the next generation as they grow and mature. Bernadine honours Veroniques mentoring: She inspired me to have dreams, to look forward to things. I fell in love with Tru-Image, the heart of the volunteer. Hearing Tru-Images story gives me gooseesh each time even if Ive heard the story a hundred times. Tru-Image offers empowerment workshops with young girls aged 14 to 18 years. It focuses on combating gender-based violence, offering support groups for young girls struggling with teenage pregnancy and facilitating quarterly life skills camps. WHEAT funds its work in general, especially their empowerment work and training workshops on gender-based violence. As the only registered organisation working in Green Park, Tru-Image is tasked with fullling most of the communitys needs. For Veronique, Green Park is a
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child-headed households. In the Green Park informal settlement, there is no electricity, which is very challenging for the community regarding high crime. This also presents challenges for Tru-Image since it has to prepare everything like printing in advance of workshops. Members are fundraising for a generator to improve their interventions. Tru-Image is also starting community gardens since most of the residents are unemployed and can live off garden produce. The organisation deals with extremely high levels of gender-based violence, especially rape and domestic violence, exacerbated by poverty, unemployment and substance abuse. Veronique and Bernadine speak of the communities they work with as gebroke, broken, broken by poverty. There is a great need for intervention in our communities, not just from government and politicians, but interventions from within. Theres a need for communities to care for each other, not just nancially. But a real care ... who is my neighbour, what is happening. If a husband lifts his hand to his wife, I would phone the police. Communities should heal themselves through these types of interventions. Tru-Image realised that girls return to abusive relationships and continue to place themselves in danger by having unsafe sex, including with sugar daddies, and falling pregnant at a young age. So it started two trial camps last year with about thirty boys from different communities. Veronique says the organisation cant just work with women only, but need to transform boys as well. They also work with mothers to educate their sons on how to treat women, how to speak with women. As they put it, our mothers are our greatest educators. If we can improve the mother-son relationship, it would have a bigger impact, to start from a young age. Although they are increasingly including boys in their strategic work, they are rm about the fact that their primary focus remains girl and women empowerment. To enhance their work with young girls and boys, Tru-Image would like to establish a dedicated youth centre. As the team puts it, We want to create a home for young girls where they can be educated on different levels and be of service in their communities ... give back (and) pay forward. We want them to know they can come to Tru-Image for that home, that haven. While we cant see to all their needs, we can refer them to other service providers for help. We want them to know theyre not alone in this ght. Tru-Image won the Wheat Success Award at Artscapes Annual Womens Festival during 2011.
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very multicultural community, a little village. They even have a Khoi chief with uncles and aunties serving on committees for the benet of the community. Over the past two years, Tru-Image took over the defunct Educare Centre. Now community women, aunties, care for the children of teenage girls. This enables the young girls to return to school. Since Tru-Image also embodies the tough love concept, girls are expected to attain a minimum 60% pass rate in order to maintain their childcare fees at R50 per month. Teens even do their homework in the centre. Five aunties the principal and four teachers completed certied Early Childhood Development training at a local college and now manage the crche. Its a community-run educare centre, asserts Veronique. Tru-Image also manages a feeding scheme or soup kitchen on Tuesdays, catering for between 60 and 100 children. In its skills development container, community women do sewing, beading and crochet, and teach young girls who are not at school. The organisation creates a space for conversation and support where gogos or aunties can talk with community girls. In other areas, Tru-Image facilitates regular short workshops with a range of topics, including gender-based violence, teenage pregnancy, as well as counselling on HIV&AIDS. With its quarterly camps, it brings all the neighbourhoods together so the girls can see that there is more that binds them than separates them. As Veronique puts it, Its not about where you come from, but what connects. They go into communities that are very disadvantaged and have high crime rates: We do a needs assessment with the community, going door to door. We link with life skills teachers at schools in the neighbourhoods. We custom make interventions for specic areas. Delft and Belhar suffer high crime rates, compounded by tik and other drug-related crimes. On the other hand, on the farms they see more teenage pregnancy and school dropouts, as well as numerous
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I wont cry no more

Chantal Julies

As a man you treated me like I was your one and only love and that it was only me in your life. At rst it was all sunshine and roses and I believed all the soppy stories and empty promises that you made that never came true. As a fool I believed every word because I was so hopelessly in love with you. Now that I think about it, it was actually in my head and not in my heart. As a man youve given me hope but I was hopeless. As time has passed you changed and all the happy days were over and you came less and less and never. Thats when I thought to myself where you at? because you promised me you would be here for me and protect me from heartache and pain. I thought you were my hero, but it turned out you were no good. So as a man you treated me like I was worthy of nothing. I doubted myself and it was because of all the heartache and pain and its all because of you. Youve also opened my eyes for the next man thats gonna walk into my life and give me so much more than you ever could. Live goes on and I dont carry this hurt in my heart as I did when you left me like that, but Im stronger than that. I cannot turn back the clock but can only turn into what I want to be in the future. So all Im saying is to my heartache: I wont cry no more.
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Chantal Julies
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Masiphumelele Womens Support Network

Visionary Volunteers
The story of Nonkosazana Simakada as told by Bernedette Muthien

Masiphumelele Womens Support Network was founded in Fish Hoek and Crossroads over 2011- 2012. Its purpose is to combat xenophobia and to foster better trust and relationships between locals and immigrants. It works entirely with women on the critical issue of combating gender-based violence. Originally only a modest group of 11 women, it now boasts 31 dedicated members in both communities. Members of Masiphumelele share stories of their lives at home to build trust and create a sense of safety among deeply traumatised and culturally diverse women from different African countries. Gradually they progress to womens human rights training. Co-founder Nonkosazana (Nonki) Simakada explains that some women dont know how to write their own names, dont know their own rights as women or about violence. Most of their members are from Zimbabwe, the Congo and Malawi. Masiphumelele members choose their areas of interest, from sewing to container gardening, or from computer skills tobeadwork. Members are starting a new jam-making project. Nonki asserts that everyone can have an interest in something. Born in an Eastern Cape village in 1978, Nonki has three children and is married to her high school sweetheart. She came to Cape Town in 2000 to seek employment. As she attests, In the villages we grew up in, we used to work with the soil .... we used to get food from our hands. My dad taught me to garden when I was still a kid. After school, Dad asked us to take care of our plots, one child per plot. He asked which type of veg we want to plant: tomatoes, potatoes, peas, onions or cabbage. Still now my garden is growing in the village. A gifted gardener, Nonki studied agriculture at school. She dreams of starting a womens gardening project in the Eastern Cape, where her father, mother and aunt each offer vacant land in their separate ancestral homes. Back in Cape Town, Masiphumelele has completed training in sewing, garden34

ing and beadwork, with their computer skills and jam-making coming up over the next months. The rst three sewing graduates now train others in sewing. Virginia Tseka, born in the Eastern Cape during 1960, and Tata Kwalo, an elderly man, help with the beading. The gardening is managed by Nonki, Tata Kwalo and Virginia. They garden in containers that they salvage from dump sites: old bathtubs, car tyres, old buckets. They pay R30 per month to the Provincial Department of Agriculture for 30 trays of seedlings and two 10 kilogram bags of manure, while gardeners bring their own tools and wheelbarrows. They hope that the Department of Social Development will allocate them a grant to buy gardening tools. They distribute the garden produce to their members and the wider community. To sell the produce, they need more space, since they presently only garden in members cramped back yards. They are working on getting access to two school grounds to expand their gardening project. Their sewing and beading is sold to the community and they hope to have a stall at the Waterfront soon. They work closely with the immigrant and anti-xenophobia organisation, PASSOP, founded by youth activist Braam Hanekom. An unpaid volunteer at Masiphumelele, Nonki works as ofce manager at PASSOP, where she supports the gender-based violence project, run by a young woman, Percy, who was burnt in an acid attack two years ago. Nonki is unapologetic about her work: I concentrate on women only. Nonki has been undergoing training since 1993 as a sangoma or traditional healer, and Tata Kwalo, born in 1949, is also a sangoma. They belong to a group of sangomas involved in the Ibuyambo Cultural project which is engaged
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in development work, including a soup kitchen, counselling for HIV&AIDS, diabetes and training courses. As Nonki says, My gift from the ancestors is to help women and children. WHEAT Trust allocated R10, 000 to Masiphumelele, with which they purchased their rst sewing machines and material. As Nonki describes, The funds went a long way in assisting us to achieve our goal of bringing women together and enabling them to develop the capacity to challenge the daily issues that confront them in a patriarchal and xenophobic country. The funds injected both enthusiasm and a renewed zeal among the women and our intervention; it brought our initiative to life. We were also able to fund the transport of women to the sewing classes and meetings which had presented great difculty before we received funding. It helped establish trust and condence between our staff and participants and fostered group solidarity, creating womens economic empowerment as they gained the necessary skills to create garments for their families and for prot. Overall, the funds helped to make our initiative a reality. We gained the tools, the means and the support necessary to implement our intervention and encourage local and immigrant women to come together to discuss and learn about sewing, gender rights and community spirit. Some of their members bring varied skills to the organisation. One of these is Virginia, a trained nurse. Groote Schuur Hospital also offers certicated rst aid training in basic healthcare, greatly aiding them in their work. Rudo, born in Zimbabwe, is a skilled writer. All members are unpaid volunteers, which sometimes creates immense challenges for the organisation. At the Fish Hoek branch, the women have been selling sewing products like aprons and shared the income among them,
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instead of re-investing at least part of the funds in the organisation. As Nonki says, People were sick of working for no money. They have a problem with volunteering. Now they dont have money. We needed to re-invest the products to make more products. If sales are good we can, for example, distribute food parcels to benet everyone rather than only a small group of sewers. We try to get them to understand they must be patient. Were still looking for money. Nonki shares that they have few active members who organise everything for the project. Others sit back because they dont want to work all the time without pay. Nonkis experiences are universal. From Crossroads to the Kalahari, impoverished and under-skilled people need cash for transport, health care, food and other basic household necessities. In some communities, groups are so desperate that they even sell the very gardening tools or livestock they have been granted to enable their own development. People also struggle to maintain a longer-term view while they are stuck in desperate circumstances. These are the very real challenges of working in impoverished communities, where satisfying an immediate urgent need supersedes the apparent luxury of planning for the future. The vast majority of community-based organisations, staffed by volunteers, are confronted with these critical dilemmas. At present, Masiphumelele members work from their respective cramped and overcrowded homes. Finding a venue for group meetings is difcult and working together in the same space impossible. They would like to have an ofce, says Nonki, where people can come to work and visit every day, where they can keep attendance registers, where they can get group support daily. With her feet rmly rooted in our African soil, Nonki does not want to promise to people what we arent sure we can deliver, like creches. First we see what the community has and then we try to ll the gaps.

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Worry For My Son

Tendai Bhiza

As I have said, history repeats itself. I think I was an unplanned baby. My mother gave birth to me one year after my elder sister. Son, you were my rst pregnancy. This is what happened to you. What I never wanted was to terminate the pregnancy. I never wanted to terminate you because you were my rst pregnancy and I had learnt from other peoples mistakes. Some girls tried to abort using the back-door method and they ended up losing their lives. Some of them could not conceive after terminating their pregnancies this way. Maybe it was a punishment from the almighty God. How did I meet your dad? I met him when I was working for Regency Restaurant. It was opposite Fifth Avenue Shopping Centre near Greenwood Park. I was a waitron. Sometimes I would cover reception, which was called the front ofce at that time. I had gone for secretarial course and had learnt to use a manual typewriter. Later on the owner decided to position me as a receptionist, since I had the skills to answer phone calls, make reservations and welcome guests. At the restaurant I met many famous people. Your dad would come to the restaurant for a few beers after work. The owner used to call him Muzezuru. One day the owner called a meeting with the workers. It was not a good meeting. Things were changing so she had decided to rent out the business and those who wanted to continue to work for her were to go to Vumba near Mutare in the Eastern Highlands. At the same time as the crumbling of the restaurant, I heard a receptionist was needed at another restaurant, Tipperarys Red Fox in Greendale. It was owned by an Irishman and used to cater to white farmers and businessmen from companies. I was interviewed and asked to start a computer. Since I had done a few lessons using Windows 94, it was not difcult for me to operate it. I was given the job as a full-time receptionist. I enjoyed working there. Everyone liked me there but I was the only female working there.
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Tendai Bhiza
As time went by, your father became jealous and I dont know what went wrong. I was feeling tired and my shoulders were heavy as if something was on my shoulders. I went to the doctor who examined me and said there was nothing wrong with me. He did a pregnancy test which did not show anything. Then he told me to come back after one month. I went back after one month and I was tested again. This time, the doctor said, Congratulations, you are going to be a mum. At that moment, my eyes were blank: I did not know what to say or do. I went back to work. After work, your father came to pick me up and we went home to his house. When we got home, I told him I was pregnant. He had mixed feeling about it. Your father tried to give me some contraceptive tablets to drink so that I would abort you but I refused. As time went on he started saying, I think you are carrying a baby girl. He wanted a baby girl to replace your half-sister, who came to South Africa with her mother when they divorced your father. Your father never expected a boy since he already had a son, your brother, who was very close to him. At that time I was staying with my parents at National Railways of Zimbabwe since my father was working there. I was very secretive about you and who the father was. I did not tell my mother or my sister until I was six months pregnant. People from the camp were starting to gossip about me being pregnant.
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At that time my mother thought that it was my father who had made me pregnant. My sister came and she asked me and, at rst, I denied I was pregnant, but later I admitted it. I never told her who was responsible for the pregnancy. My mother told me to pack my things and move out, unless I was pregnant from my father: then I could stay. I packed my things and off I went to Hateld. That was how I started staying with your father. When I came to know your father, he was working as a quality controller at Mike Harris Motors at Greencroft. Your fathers name at work was Papa. He had many friends. Your father was saying he does not believe in paying lobola and my parents were ne with whatever he believed in. He never told me that when he divorced his rst wife, he married another woman who was a policewoman. He had no children with this woman. I worry about you, son. Whatever culture you are going to take must be coming from the bottom of your heart. My family, we are Christians but your father was not, although he would pray for the food before eating it. No one should decide for you, but I only want the best for you and for you to be educated. I was not educated enough and I still want to pursue my studies. But at the present moment, it is difcult because of the nancial crisis. I am earning Rands and have to pay your school fees in US $ dollars which becomes very expensive for me. Your father was Dutch. They immigrated from South Africa. He said there were four in his family, three boys and a girl. He used to say they were brought up by a stepfather. The girl was your aunty who has since passed away. I met her twice: once on your rst Christmas and the second time was when she was admitted at Avenues Clinic where she later passed away because she had a brain tumour. The young uncle went to live in South Africa. I also met him twice, the rst time when I was seven months pregnant and the second time at your aunts funeral. The elder brother stays in Greendale and I dont know if he is still in Zimbabwe or if he has left the country, but I heard he lost his wife when she had an accident. This uncle of yours had two children. One of them used to play rugby like you. Your father used to say his family could play any sport and he used to say that you, his son, are his son through and through, but I dont know what he meant by that. Why I am worried about you, son, is because of my health. I am HIV positive and I dont know if your father was also because when he passed away we were separated. Your father also used to abuse me physically. I just pray to God
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to give you wisdom so that you will be successful in whatever you do. I want you to pursue with your studies; that is, if the South African government can still accommodate us foreigners. If the xenophobia which happened in 2008 reoccurs, I dont know what will happen to you and your studies. Every time when Tata Mandela is hospitalised, I feel I am a foreigner here in South Africa. I dont have any problems with my health. I get my medication and the researchers say that soon they are going to make one tablet so that is good news for me. Maybe they are close to getting the cure for this disease. The staff at Lady Michelis are very welcoming. They do not treat us like people who have a life-threatening disease: they treat us just like any other patients. I wish my doctor and counsellor knew why I am in South Africa and I wish they knew how much I wish to survive so that I can see you grow and be able to take you to school. To me, son, you are manna from heaven and I will always love you no matter what people may say. You are my pride and joy. This little candle of mine, Im gonna let it shine This little candle of mine, Im gonna let it shine Let it shine, let it, let it shine.

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She-Chem

A Circle of Care: Healthy Spirits, Bodes, Families, and Communities

The story of Carol van Wyk as told by Bernedette Muthien
Hanover Park is an economically deprived suburb on the dusty and windy Cape Flats. It was initially created under apartheid during the late 1960s for people of colour, classied as coloured during those dark apartheid years. Originally people were forcibly moved from other areas classied as white throughout the greater Cape Town area. Hanover Park started out as an area in which neighbours knew each others families and cared for each others welfare. However, over the years the apartheid government crowded more and more people into cramped, poorly constructed living quarters. Gangs then colonised the Cape Flats, with Hanover Park becoming one of the centres of gangland culture. This resulted in high rates of violence, crime, drug addiction, alcoholism, rape and domestic violence. With underdevelopment since apartheid continuing to the current day, Hanover Park remains an area of Cape Town with high rates of unemployment, extreme poverty and associated social ills. Born in 1963, Carol van Wyk is a deeply passionate woman who was forcibly moved to Hanover Park with her family when she was a small child. She vividly recalls carefree days during which the children played relatively safely in the street, in the absence of formal playgrounds, the community resounding with the innocence of youthful laughter. These were times during which families cared for each other. They freely shared what little they had with each other. She remembers the increasing encroachment of criminal gangs engaged in drug trafcking and prostitution, which fuelled murders and robbery, substance abuse and other forms of violence in the community. Carol and her friends in the neighbourhood felt compelled to do what they could to
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more afuent areas, their hearts are still with their roots and they wish to make a difference to their childhood neighbourhood. To even reach one child to empower her would make a world of difference where we come from, attests Carol. To complement their work with girls, they mentor 100 boys in a project called Boys to Real Men. This project uses adult male volunteer mentors who organise, among other activities, holiday camps for the boys. Through this project, the girls in the community will be less undermined and more supported by educated and empowered boys who become healthy adults engaging in nurturing relationships free of violence. Their adult graduates of life skills courses offered by other organisations are now teaching life skills in local schools: in this way, the circle of care continues innitely. ameliorate conditions for residents, especially women, children and the most marginalised. Carol and others even volunteered for Rape Crisis Cape Town which enabled them to gain skills in counselling and community organising. During 2002, Carol and a group of community volunteers co-founded SheChem, a registered community-based organisation focused on improving living standards and fostering of growth opportunities, especially for underprivileged children, youth, women, disabled and elderly people. Leaders of the organisation are democratically elected by members. The organisation works towards improving the Hanover Park community through caring for the welfare of children, women and families, improving education and fostering loyalty to the community and its residents in the spirit of Ubuntu. She-Chem has been empowered by nancial and other support from WHEAT Trust for the past ve years. WHEAT funds She-Chems work on combating violence against women and children. If WHEAT didnt give us funds, we would not be able to do our work because it is hard to get funds, says Carol. In addition to combating gender-based violence and providing for the communitys welfare, She-Chem empowers young girls. Each girl is individually mentored for a year by a graduate of She-Chems youth leadership project. Mentors are often professionals like teachers or psychologists who volunteer their time and skills. While many have moved away from Hanover Park to
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Carol is married with three children and crochets attractive, warm winter hats in different colours which she sells cheaply to supplement her meagre income. She also organises events like parties and weddings, taking care of dcor, catering and logistics. To improve womens health through combating obesity and easily preventable lifestyle-related illnesses like high blood pressure and diabetes, Carol would like women to be able to exercise at the community centre while their children are at school. She-Chem needs funds to buy equipment to enable women to make jewellery and do sewing, which will empower them economically and enable them to make better choices in life. To nourish their creativity and enhance their homes and community, they would like to teach ower arranging. The organisation needs a container or a Wendy house to use as an ofce, which they can even construct from pallets if these are donated. She-Chems inspiring work has won a number of prestigious awards: the Woman of Worth Award in 2007 and the White Ribbon Award in both 2006 and 2007. Their simple needs reect their humility, which shines through in their empowering work. Their work reverberates with a cheerful chant: healthy spirits, healthy bodies, healthy families, healthy communities.
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When He Stabbed Me
Cathy Matthews

mind. I would take only enough money to buy something to eat for the night and leave the rest of my wages at work. That way, I wouldnt lose my whole weeks pay and I would be able to cook a decent Sunday lunch for a change. That is exactly what I did. I arrived home that evening with sausage, half a dozen of eggs, a loaf of bread and a packet of chips for each child. After we had nished our supper, he arrived home, late as usual and denitely not sober. Without greeting him, I gave him his supper and turned back to the kitchen. All he said was, This ******* food again, and he then started to eat. I was in the bedroom by the time he nished his supper. He came to the bedroom and asked me for money, because he wanted to go to his friends. I then replied that I forgot my wages at work and that I had borrowed some money from my friend on my way home to buy something to eat. Right there the argument started. He ripped my bag apart trying to get hold of my wages, but to no avail because I left my wages at work. That ght turned ugly, because he said I was lying, which resulted in him stabbing me in my left side with a pocket-knife he kept in his cupboard. Whilst I was in the bathroom trying to establish the seriousness of the stab wound, he kept on shouting at me to open the door. I then took a towel and wrapped it around my waist in order to stop the bleeding because, although the stab wound was not very deep, I was bleeding. Thereafter he threw me out of the back door. All my clothes and my ripped bag followed through the back window, while my boys stood looking at me through the window, crying. I then picked up all my clothes from the ground and hung them on the washing line, because they came through the window on their hangers. Thereafter, I took my coat to cover me and crept into my dogs kennel to spend the night there. My dog was so loyal and allowed me to spend the night all curled up in his kennel with him. Without having slept, I crawled out of the kennel at about half past ve the next morning, washed my face under water from the cold tap in the yard, picked some clothing off the washing line to wear for the day and left for work. On arrival at work that Friday morning, I took a shower, cleaned my wound, got dressed, made a cup of coffee and went to my ofce to wait for my colleagues to arrive. One of my colleagues who I had previously conded in arrived rst, and was quite surprised to see me at work because she had not seen me on the bus and
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Oooh, its Thursday again and its pay day! I should have been feeling excited by the fact that I could buy something special for my nine- and ve-year-old sons to eat, but instead I felt fearful and scared of going home with my pay, because it would all be taken away from me after a ery argument, which would end in a ght. Then there would be no money left to full my hungry sons needs over the weekend and the coming week, leaving us to survive on hand-outs for the rest of the week, the way it had been for the previous four years. Many times I had been wondering and battling with the idea of how to put an end to this battle. I didnt want my boys to get used to this aggressive lifestyle. I wanted to change it for the better, to make them feel comfortable, free and at home, not scared that we might have to look for shelter next door or with a family member for the night, and maybe even for the weekend. Then a solution came to

Cathy Matthews
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was wondering what had happened to me. I then asked her to accompany me to the ladies room. We took the ofce camera with us because I had asked her to take photos of my beatings every time I had a mark on my body. After telling her what had happened the previous night, I got undressed so that she could inspect my body for any other marks. Then she told me that my whole bum was purple-blue. This was from all the kicking he had done when he threw me out the back door. He was so clever that he never left marks where people could see them. They were always on my body parts which are covered by my clothes. After I had dressed again and was ready to return to the ofce, I collapsed in the toilet as a result of all the blood I had lost through the night and the lack of sleep. I was then rushed off to Groote Schuur Hospital. That Friday evening when he arrived home from work, late as usual, the neighbour told him that I had never arrived home from work and that my boys were with her. He never told her or my family what had happened the previous night and made them believe that he was concerned about me. He contacted my family and friends to nd out about my whereabouts, but left my colleague for last because he knew that I conded in her. She then told him what had happened at work and that I was in hospital. I stayed in hospital for three days and was discharged on the Monday. The next day I went to my lawyer and told him that I was ready to proceed with divorce procedures after ten years of married life and ongoing beating for four years. Today Im not sorry for taking that step. I reared my children on my own and they turned out to be decent boys. My eldest son is a deacon in our church. The second oldest one has embraced Islam and is a staunch Muslim. He abides to his prayer times, irrespective where he is, and does not even drink alcohol. My third son lives with me. Today I can say with joy in my heart that I am friends with my ex-husband and still in contact with his whole family and his second wife. This is because I reared my children to respect and obey adults. I never spoke badly about their father in their presence because I did not want them to feel hatred towards him. I believed that he would remain their father irrespective of his behaviour, and that his parents would remain their grandparents. These were things that I could not change. My ex-husbands mother still visits me and the kids, and we spend time at her place as well. Ive asked God to forgive me for whatever I did wrong, therefore I cannot expect to be forgiven and not forgive somebody else for doing and saying wrong to me.
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Passionate About Children and the Community

The story of Mabato Tileing as told by Bernedette Muthien

During 2000, Mabato Tileing and four other concerned women noticed the negative impact of HIV/AIDS in their community and together founded the community-based organisation, Phakama, based in KTC, a township for black people in Cape Town. During the 1980s, KTC, then entirely a squatter camp created during apartheid, was the centre of intense violence against progressive anti-apartheid forces, who were brutally attacked and even murdered by apartheid government sponsored gangs, dubbed the Witdoeke because of their donning of white bandanas. This sprawling, impoverished community is still recovering from decades of inhumane apartheid violence and underdevelopment. Despite some excellent HIV/AIDS interventions, the ve co-founders of Phakama felt that HIV infections continued unabated, fuelled by widespread unemployment and poverty. Its the duty of every responsible citizen to ght HIV/ AIDS, Mabato asserts. As a result, in 2001, Phakama launched its home-based care programme by training twelve young people through the Provincial Department of Health (DoH). The graduates then interned as volunteers at local clinics, after which they were tasked with caring for home-based patients, supervised by a professional nurse employed by Phakama. Their programme with orphans and vulnerable children (OVC) started in 2005 when they observed the routine abandonment of children when their parents died or became incapacitated by HIV/AIDS. We started working with eight orphans and three vulnerable children, but now its expanded to 33 orphans and 32 vulnerable children. We provide life skills through drama, music, dance, workshops and educational camps during school holidays, says Mabato.
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Due to a severe lack of funding, Phakama relies on the Food Bank which, for R250, provides them with a large quantity of food which they have to collect at the Epping depot. Transport to collect this food costs R450. Phakama distributes monthly food parcels to ten young volunteers and cooks the rest of the food for OVC attending their centre. Mabato asserts that Phakama is gifted with passion, dedication, experience and ... a large venue for its ofces. She continues, Our weak points are lack of funding and a lack of accredited skills because the organisations immense experience is often not formally recognised. The Phakama Centre is a brick building with nine rooms, including toilets, which they have rented from a local church since 2001. Its not in a good condition, comments Mabato. The roof leaks when it rains; the roof even blows off during heavy rains. And once we even lost important archives. At one time, the Provincial DSD provided Mabato with a stipend, which she used to repair the centre and cover the costs of rent and other running costs. When the DSD cut our funding, I could no longer afford the increased rent and expenses. The Phakama Centre also houses an independent HIV/AIDS adherence club and the library of the Mzantsi youth project. WHEAT granted Phakama R5, 000 to conduct activities during the 16 Days of Activism Against Violence Against Women Campaign. Phakama offered workshops on crime prevention for the youth and hosted a community dialogue, attended by stakeholders such as the DSD. Mabato notes that Phakama discovered that the police lose the dockets of domestic violence and rape complaints. (Now) we hold the local police accountable. When we refer clients to the DSD, these clients complain of not being helped and then we hold the DSD accountable to the community. Clients also complain of breaches in condentiality at HIV/AIDS clinics. As a result, Phakama also educates clinic staff to change their practices to protect clients condentiality. As Mabato puts it, We work hand in hand with these clinics to enhance clients experiences. Born in 1960 in Nyanga East, Mabato had three biological children and is mother to ve foster children. She describes her former husband, who abandoned her due to her calling: He said my work is too much for him, because at that time I didnt have any money and he used to help me with his wages.

During 2008, Phakama began to offer skills training to young women who are unemployed or victims of domestic violence. Phakama encourages the young women to become independent through providing training in sewing, gardening and beadwork. They also visit local community cooperatives to learn more about cooperative industries. The Provincial Department of Social Development (DSD) requested a partnership with Phakama during 2011, deploying Phakamas experienced facilitators in schools. Phakama now manages psycho-social support groups for primary school children, meeting weekly in each of three schools. In 2012, the organisation launched an educare programme focused on primary education for 15 children aged one to ve years. Creche fees are R150 per month. If parents cannot afford the fees, Phakama supports them for three months, during which time the parents are assisted to apply for state child support grants.
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This was (at the time) when we started the OVC programme. I used my husbands money to cook for the children, and so he left me in 2005. Ive been on my own, with my children and my work, ever since. Mabatos second-born daughter, Babalwa, was diagnosed with HIV in 2005 while studying Human Resource Management at the Cape Technicon, and died in 2011 aged 26. She left me with a beautiful gift, a very cute boy who is now three years old. Babalwa managed Phakamas OVC programme and worked very, very hard, says Mabato. She was a huge source of support. She set up the administrative systems in our centre, and became a very outspoken HIV activist, even travelling to neighbouring countries for HIV/AIDS meetings. Mabato declares that she was passionate about working with children and the community. Clearly, daughter Babalwas apple did not fall far from mother Mabatos tree.

As A Matriarch, I Can
Mabato Tileing

There is a brave strong woman who is a matriarch by nature who can face challenges; who can defeat the enemy without physically ghting; who uses wisdom and silent weapons; who breaks the silence and frees domestic slaves. I am talking about the woman who can stand in the gap for others no matter how bad is the situation. She is the mother of the community. Many people call her Mums, not because she is a woman but because she mothered the nation. This woman, Mabato, was once betrayed by her husband, family, adopted children and a group of community members. But she still had a passion to continue with doing caring and supportive work. This single, intelligent, strong woman had three children: a daughter, who is 33 years old and has grade 12 but is unemployed; the late Babalwa, a daughter who had a diploma as a travelling consultant and died at 28, and a 20-year-old son, who is a rst-year student in mining at the Cape Peninsula University of Technology. Mabato has also fostered ve other children, four of whom are now aged 18 23 and who are working or studying. It is not easy to be the guardian to children that are not biologically your own but through Gods favour, Mabato managed. The late Babalwa was Mabatos pillar. She was like her mother in character. She liked to work with children. She even volunteered herself as a youth event manager. After she completed organisational development training, she established the Zitsho Youth Development Programme which focused on children and youth that are victims of HIV/AIDS. She taught them life skills through drama, traditional dance, music and educational camps during school holidays. In 2005, this beloved daughter became sick. She went to hospital where she was diagnosed as HIV infected. She also had to have lumber puncture, where it was discovered that she also had meningitis. At that time, her CD4 count was below two hundred. She referred to Groote Schuur Hospital, which she went in and out of for six months. But her dear, supportive mother was always with her, speeding up her recovery.

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In 2009, Babalwa got pregnant and married the father, who was HIV negative, thinking that he would understand and cope with her situation. Six months after she delivered a cute baby boy who was HIV negative, she got sick again because her CD4 count was so low. Her husband hassled her to have another baby. She even pretended to be pregnant again for the sake of making a peace with her husband. This lowered her viral load until she developed epilepsy. Her mother took her to look after her. No-one saw the pain Mabato was in: she was very strong for her daughter and her siblings. Babalwa was in Groote Schuur for two months and her mother visited her three times a day to wash her, feed her and pray for her with the help of her pastors wife who dedicated her time to transported them daily. On 2 August 2010, Babalwa was buried. Many people did not understand when they saw her mother felt free and was conducting her daughters funeral like a wedding ceremony. This was because Mabatos prayer was answered: she could not handle it anymore. But no-one saw that when her daughter was ill because she managed to hide the unseen wounds for the sake of the children that she collected in the street. Her siblings were all traumatized by her condition and people supported her spiritually and nancially, and so she could not give up. But truly speaking she could not cope but was just very strong and good at hiding her pain. Although Mabato was shaken by Babalwas death, she was also lucky because Babalwa left her with a precious gift: her grandson. His name means our gift. Babalwas precious gift makes Mabato laugh and feel happy again. And this child reminds her of Babalwas dream of having a safe home for children that are orphaned through HIV/AIDS, as well as her own dream of having a safe home for women and girls that are the victims of domestic violence. Until these combined dreams are achieved, Mabato will not give up.

Mabato Tileing
It was not easy for either Babalwa or her mother because they had to endure discrimination from family members, in-laws and even some church members. But they managed to pass that stage because they understood that a lack of knowledge was affecting peoples attitudes. Because of this, they decided to start an awareness programme to prevent damage to other people infected and affected by HIV/AIDS. In 2006, Babalwa decided to disclose her health status to the public. Her mother supported her by organizing a professional counsellor who took her through that process as it was not an easy journey. All the while, her mother sought more information regarding HIV/AIDS so that she could assist her daughter with accurate knowledge. The brave, beautiful Babalwa made a documentary in 2008 which supported many South Africans that are infected and affected with HIV/AIDS. That documentary was and still is a great tool for HIV/AIDS awareness-raising. Because of it, Mabato established a group of 24 women from different provinces who used the platform of their group to expose secrets which they had previously hidden from others. In late 2008, Babalwa worked for the Treatment Action Campaign for a short time before moving to HIV & AIDS Heroes Foundation where she travelled a lot as a motivational speaker to many places, such as Zimbabwe, Tanzania, Limpopo and Swaziland.
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Sakhikhamva

Ubuntu: I Am Because I Care

The story of Miriam Jiyose as told by Bernedette Muthien
In 2010, seven women came together in the informal settlement of KTC to cofound Sakhikhamva. They later co-founded another branch in a newer informal settlement, Samora, near Philippi. In more recent years, brick houses were built alongside the shacks in KTC, a township created during apartheid for black people in Cape Town. This sprawling, impoverished community is still recovering from decades of inhumane apartheid violence and underdevelopment. Sakhikhamvas ofce, staffed by six unpaid volunteers, is based in KTC. All their members are from the KTC community. Miriam Jiyose, the Director and a lifetime community activist, says the organisation ... work(s) with women, men and youth, but our work focuses on women because women need to be equipped. Even when theyre married, their husbands dont give (them) money. Some husbands have abandoned their families and the women struggle with the kids. The organisation has three key programmes focusing on HIV/AIDS awareness raising and counselling, skills development and youth development. The ofce is a small room in a relatives already cramped home. While they do have four computers, they are unable to offer computer training yet, due to this lack of space. Even if they receive sewing machines, they are unable to start training until
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they have adequate space. They also need to cook meals for their members who attend support groups and they need funds to provide for these basic needs. WHEAT Trust funded two of their founder members, Miriam Jiyose and Mandy Ngubo, to complete computer courses during 2012 so that they can facilitate their own training for the community. They would like to offer English classes. As Miriam summarises, People look for jobs and interviews are conducted in English, so people dont do well in the interview or they dont even go for the interview because theyre scared they cant speak English. Even for a cleaning job, theyre so scared because they lack English. With their Youth Development Programme, they offer educational talks to kids aged seven to 14 years. Miriam says they ... talk about child abuse because some kids dont know when theyre being abused, so they can report abuse early. They also offer psycho-social support to youth and their families, intervening in family disputes and offering support to traumatised youth, their families and even the schools where the young people may struggle with schoolwork. With youth aged 11 to 15, they discuss dealing with and combating teenage pregnancy, HIV/AIDS and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Local schools refer youth to Sikhakhamva, who in turn refers them to local clinics, social workers and other service providers. As Programme Coordinator, Mandy manages diverse activities such as drama, music and traditional African dance. One
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of the organisations members, Bulelwa Matiwane, facilitates the dance classes. WHEAT Trust generously funded the purchase of traditional dance uniforms for 15 children. Apart from on cold and rainy winter months when the children focus on their schoolwork, dance classes are held each Thursdays. Sakhikhamva has just launched a new programme dealing with violence and gangsterism in schools. Miriam relates that even children as young as nine years of age are ... high on drugs like tik (and) attack adult teachers. In the primary school yard, boys rape girls. Miriam laments the high rates of child abuse, rape and domestic violence in KTC, exacerbated by substance abuse. She says, Even small children are drinking. There is high crime and violence in our community. Crime is increasing. Doors are kicked in while youre sleeping in the house and they take your stuff and even rape the girls and women in the house. When they have their own independent ofce with adequate space, Sakhikhamva would like to embark on a fourth programme focusing on parenting skills. Miriam completed a course on this topic and would like to share her knowledge with other parents. She says, As parents we fail to praise our kids, and they get the praise outside, and this leads them to think outside is better than inside the house. If I never said to my child, shes beautiful and if a guy outside says this, she will think this guy loves her more than the mother at

home. This also leads them astray. Gangs and other predators target lonely and vulnerable children, leading them into drug addiction and prostitution, contributing to high rates of HIV/AIDS, teenage pregnancy, substance abuse and crime. Miriam was born in the Eastern Cape in 1975 and came to Cape Town during 1993. She married in 2002 and has three children, aged ten, nine and ve. Originally she trained as a counsellor at an HIV/AIDS organisation and did counselling in clinics for a long time. She also worked as a carer, caring for bedridden patients in their own homes. She worked with several NGOs and community-based organisations before cofounding Sikhakhamva. Miriam describes her home in Samora: It is not nice, really. In winter when it rains, the water comes down into the house. Im renting my shack because its not my yard. Miriams family has been on a housing waiting list for many years. Her husband, an unemployed taxi driver, sometimes gets hired for casual trips. Their meagre household income is supplemented with government grants for each of their three children. Sakhikhamva Programme Coordinator, Mandy, is married with two children. Miriam has certicates in HIV treatment literacy and basic nancial management. This enables her to manage the organisations nances well. Fortunately her husband is employed full-time, so they are able to help Miriam nancially from time to time. The World Bank asserts that many people in the world live on the equivalent of R20 per day. Logically, this does not seem possible. People survive precisely because of the support of organisations like Sikhakhamva, whose members care for one another, with the employed supporting the unemployed. People selflessly share what little they have with one another. This is the spirit of ubuntu, the ethic of caring for one another, where each community members wellbeing is inextricably connected to the wellbeing of others.

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I am a woman
Bulelwa Matiwane
I am a woman

Today I went to the beach

Bulelwa Matiwane

A friend, A sister, A daughter, A motivator And a listener But all in all I am me.

I live in Nyanga A place full of gangsters Where you get scared of going around Because you will be mugged Children are being raped People getting killed The rate of teenage pregnancy getting high every day People are jealous of others Youth sit around following the sun until it gets dark Others are using drugs And there is no respect for old people. But today I went to the beach I was excited Loved the view It felt so good to be away from my place The smell of sea breeze The joy of taking pictures Playing with the sand That all made me feel like Im living the new life.
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No one knows how I feel, Sometimes I cry I laugh, I make jokes because life can be hard at times Ive learnt from my mistakes I did wrong and hurt people That made me realise that life is not easy But because Im me I passed through that and managed to live a new life A life where I stood my ground as a woman. Im a woman who gives and does not expect something in return I care a lot about people Im a young woman who is wise, strong and talented I am a leader, a woman with visions Im always dedicated to what I do Because I know Im not alone God is always with me all the way. I am a woman and no-one will take that away from me.
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Free Gender

Respect and Freedom For All

The story of Funeka Soldaat & Brenda Matabata as told by Bernedette Muthien

Free Gender is a black lesbian organisation founded by community activists in 2008. Based in Khayelitsha, they also work in Nyanga. These areas are impoverished, overcrowded and underdeveloped townships created under apartheid for black people. The organisations blog, (http://freegender.wordpress.com/about) states that, as human rights defenders, we are also gender friendly towards transgender and intersex persons in our community. Free Gender organises protests, political meetings and talks at academic and community forums, working in solidarity with other activists. The objectives of Free Gender are: To develop programmes and activities that challenge stigma, exclusion and discrimination against community members on the grounds of sexual identity or gender expression; To facilitate acceptance, inclusion and representation for lesbians and bisexual women in public spaces; To raise awareness and educate communities on the rights of lesbians and bisexuals, and to offer tools and resources to seek redress when rights are violated; To build strong social networks for lesbians and bisexuals evicted from their homes; To provide support for parents of lesbians and bisexuals; To raise awareness on gender issues among butch and femme women; and To develop capacity and skills on organisational management and leadership through networking and partnerships with various service providers.
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It envisions a non-discriminatory, tolerant and accepting community that is open and unafraid and where homosexuality is understood and respected. Free Gender opposes all forms of violence and hate speech, and works towards developing safe spaces for lesbians and bisexual women. Co-ordinator, chairperson and co-founder of Free Gender, Funeka Soldaat, was born in the Eastern Cape in 1961. A lifelong activist, Funeka is very political: she loves to talk about stories and what is happening around women and lesbians. She loves doing her work. Funeka moved permanently to Cape Town in 1980. For many years, she used to offer shelter in her shack to LGBT people evicted by their homophobic families. Funeka has been in a relationship for the past seven years, and married her wife three years ago. Free Genders programmes focus on communications, activism and internal development. At present there are 34 Free Gender members. Each of the organisations three programmes are run by a committee of seven members that meets monthly. At the end of each month, the organisation has a joint Free Gender meeting with all members. Administrator and secretary of Free Gender, Brenda Mtabata was born in 1984 in Gugulethu, a Cape Town township. She is not married. She identies as lesbian and joined Free Gender during 2009, during the trial of the perpetrators of the brutal gang
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rape and murder of Zoliswa Nkonyana, a 19-year-old Khayelitsha lesbian. Most of the members of Free Gender knew Zoliswa personally and still grieve for her and the other countless black lesbians heartlessly slaughtered by gangs of delinquent men in South African townships. Brenda says that she and Funeka work together very closely. WHEAT Trust has supported Free Genders work through funding their public events, including a march in Khayelitsha during the 16 Days of Activism Against Violence Against Women Campaign. During February each year, in collaboration with other LGBTI organisations and allies, Free Gender hosts an event, Walk for Justice, which WHEAT sponsored in 2013. This ve-kilometre walk, which takes ve hours to complete, highlights homophobia and hate crimes in Free Genders communities. Members march to the local police station to hand over a memorandum, demanding that rapists be incarcerated. During the march they are confronted by homophobic members of the community, including taxi drivers, young men and Christian bigots, endangering marchers and showing the raw courage of protestors and their allies. They march through the streets of Khayelitsha because three of their members were brutally attacked there recently. During the march, Free Gender recalls, members of the community shouted that these lesbians, tomboys have to be killed in our area. It was important for us to leave a message that homophobia hurts and also that lesbians exist in our communities. Free Gender members feel that Cape Town Pride is more about having fun than about community wellness. So Free Gender started Khumbulani Pride, to take Pride back to the township and to raise more awareness in communities about gays and lesbians. Free Gender collaborates closely with other organisations to sensitise people about gender-based violence and that violence specically targeting lesbians is very much part of gender-based violence. Despite the hideous violence that Free Gender members are confronted with daily, in their homes and their communities, they are often seen smiling and laughing at social events, optimistic that some day they too will be able to be protected by South Africas inspiring constitution, legislation and policies. As Nelson Mandela has said, after 27 years of imprisonment, Never, never and never again shall it be that this beautiful land will again experience the oppression of one by another. and, To be free is not merely to cast off ones chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. Free Gender is working very hard to ensure that all South Africas residents may one day be free, safe and happy.
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Every Scar Tells A Story

Thozama Brenda Matabata

Life is a journey that brings expected and unexpected things in our lives. Today we live in an environment where people are carrying scars in their lives but silent about them. Imagine walking around with a heavy load of scars and they are untold stories of our lives. How does that feels? I have a scar, you have a scar, and we have stories, different stories to tell about our scars. From the day we were born, a scar was there. No-one knew, nobody was told that they would face injury in life. Sometimes we get scars from the decisions we make in our lives. I see life as road potholes: they get xed and appear again. Thats how it goes in life too: we fall down and get up again and move on with our lives. I have seen scars; I have heard stories from different people. Ive learnt that everything happens for a reason and there is a solution. The challenges we face in our lives are there to strengthen us, not to destroy us. Life is like a crawling baby that walks and falls down and gets up again until strong enough to walk properly. Even through learning to walk the baby can be left with scars. Some scars are there to stay, such as birthmarks; but some can be healed. There are scars that build anger, bitterness and a lack of forgiveness in our lives. I believe there is a healing for every scar, whether emotional or physical scars. Sharing and talking about our scars is the key to our healing. Tell your story: speak out. There is someone who will listen to you. Sometimes we dont talk about our scars because we think, I am the only one who has a scar. Not knowing many of us have scars, you can think that you are alone and stay quiet about your story.
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Imagine how the world would be if we lived a smooth life with no scars. Would we have known each other? Everyone might live their own lives not caring about anybodys feelings. Nobody would be interested on anybodys stories because everyone would be living their own happy lifestyle. Now it is time to unpack and empty our hearts by telling the stories of our scars. I am living testimony now. I have shared the story of my scars for the rst time in my life. My heart feels so light; my mind is so fresh. I am now feeling like a new person. I have peace in my soul. Now I can write a book about myself. I can tell my story every day. I can talk about my past and present scars. Life is a journey and each scar tells a story!

Thozama Brenda Matabata

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